Someone Else's Sin
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: Two years after killing Red John, Jane comes back to find out that Lisbon has been in prison, convicted for helping him commit murder. What happened to Lisbon while in prison? Can Jane find a way to fix the rift between them after all of this? Jisbon
1. The Other Side

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I'm ALIVE! So sorry for the long long loooooong wait for anything from me. I had a MASSIVE exam to finish off my first year (I hope I passed!) and when I finished I was so drained that I couldn't find any muse to write anything. I honestly thought I wasn't going to be able to write again. But then suddenly this idea came to me and I just had to start it, I was so happy to be able to write again. I know I'm starting a new fic when I shouldn't but I just can't help myself, I'm so excited to be BACK!

I know this chapter is short but it's more of a preview to set things up, next chapter will be longer as the story continues with how Lisbon gets convicted of a crime. Wait until she goes to a real prison...

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Someone Else's Sin

Part 1: No One Else to Blame

Chapter 1: The Other Side

 _Jane was happy to see Cho again, even if he wasn't all that surprised that Cho would find himself working for the FBI. He had a feeling Abbott had recruited Cho himself strictly with the purpose of bringing Jane back into the fold, and of course he respected the man's work ethic and no-nonsense attitude._

 _But Jane was really eager to see Lisbon. It wasn't a lie for him to say that she was the one he looked forward to seeing and had missed the most. He was honest when he told her that it was the one regret he had about his new life was not being able to see her every day, well that was all about to change._

 _He opened the door to the conference room, delighted to see the back of her brunette head as she waited for him, no doubt not at all sure what was going on. "Hey," he said cheerfully, knowing she would be surprised to find him there… but glad._

 _She didn't turn her head; instead she stood up slowly, if awkwardly, from the table before finally turning around to see him._

 _And he finally saw what she'd been hiding._

 _Lisbon had handcuffs around her wrists that went along with her dark blue prison issue jumpsuit, there was a badge clipped at her breast that had her name, photo and the prison ID number, 190662._

 _Here green eyes were filed with a hard edge and coldness he'd never seen there before, and all he could do was gape at her._

" _Why do you look so surprised, Jane?" Lisbon asked, a mocking note in her voice, "You've seen prison clothes before."_

* * *

 _Two Years Earlier…_

Three days.

It had been three days since Jane had killed Red John, since the CBI had been disbanded, since Jane had disappeared leaving nothing more than a short voicemail and a mess behind.

 _Lisbon, it's over. It's done. Just want you to know I'm okay. I'm going to miss you._

She wished she'd been able to answer his call, wished that she could have had the chance to tell him goodbye, to beg him to stay, to beg him for so many answers…maybe even tell him a few secrets of her own. But wishes weren't being granted, not when so many other problems were happening.

For the past three days she had been lost, adrift, being tossed around like a piece of drift wood in a hurricane. She felt like she was standing down after a bomb had gone off, looking at the wreckage and wondering what to do next. Should she stay and pick up the pieces or just disappear all together to try and find a way to start over? Was that even possible now when so much happened?

The remaining members of her team had gathered at her home to talk and lick their wounds after all of the chaos. Lisbon had always thought that when they finally caught Red John there would be a moment of celebration, a sigh of relief, a time where all of them could sit back and smile and feel better that they had finally captured the monster that had tormented their lives. But that hadn't happened, instead everything had fallen apart.

Lisbon did what she could to keep them calm, to assure them that things would be all right even when she wasn't sure if she believed her own lies. She brought back mugs of coffee from the kitchen to set them down in her living room. Rigsby and Grace were sitting together on the couch, both of them looking like little lost lambs while Cho sat in a chair silent and still but calmer than she felt.

"Have you heard anything from the FBI about the future of the CBI?" Rigsby asked her.

Lisbon shook her head. "I'm the last person the FBI wants to talk to."

"But they are going to need a state police."

"Eventually," Lisbon agreed, "But for now I think the FBI are planning to let local police and leave some of their own men on the ground. Right now they are more concerned with hunting down everyone that was a part of the Blake Association."

"What about the long term?"

She shrugged. "Right now there isn't any future beyond fixing the mess Red John…and Jane, created."

Cho sighed and leaned back in his chair. "So what now?"

"I honestly don't know," she admitted, "I don't think we can hope for the CBI to come back…or for us to get rehired if it does. We need to look at our other options, we all have good records. We'll wind up on our feet." She smiled now, turning to Rigsby and Van Pelt. "Maybe you two should think about finally taking a real honeymoon. You have the time, take a vacation now that it's over, _really_ over."

They smiled a little bit at that idea but it was hard to have any kind of enthusiasm when a big question mark was hanging over their future. There were a lot of questions they all had, but it was Van Pelt who finally asked about another elephant that was in the room.

"What about Jane?"

She felt like crying at his name for a lot of reasons. But she wasn't about to share her secrets with them right now. "He's all right. The FBI hasn't found him, we'd know about that. By now he's probably out of the country and finding some safe place to be." Now another small smile played on her lips. "And it's over…he can finally be free."

But she wasn't free, not from the tangled web Patrick Jane had woven around her. It had only gotten worse after that one secret night and it was unbearably painful now that he was gone.

Lisbon cleared her throat. "It's going to be fine, we are all going to get through this because even if we aren't teammates anymore…we are still friends."

Van Pelt did smile then. "Right, we're family."

The word family was exactly what they needed to hear and Lisbon was certain that this was the turning point and things would get better. They had to.

There was a hard knock at the door and Lisbon hurried over to answer it, not even taking the time to wonder whom it would be. But she sure was startled to see SACPD officers on the other side. "Teresa Lisbon?" They asked, cold and calmly.

"Yes?" Lisbon replied, "what's going on?"

"You're under arrest for conspiracy to commit murder, please turn around and put your hands behind your back."

She stood there staring at the officers, not breathing, not blinking, she wasn't even sure if her heart was even beating.

"Ma'am, ma'am."

Lisbon shook her head, hearing his voice over the loud sound of blood rushing in her hears. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Turn around and put your hands behind your back," he told her sternly, "That is an order."

She numbly turned around, complying with his demands. He grabbed her hands roughly and cuffed her, the loud click of metal like a anvil dropping in the room. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening.

The other members of her team were gaping at the events taking place, eyes wide in complete shock. Her mothering instinct kicked in, she ignored the droning tone of the officer as he gave her the Miranda rights she'd long since memorized. "It's going to be okay." She told them, "Call my brothers, let them know what happened." The officer began to pull her out of the door but she said it once more. "It's going to be fine."

That was the worst lie she'd ever told."

It was humiliating being led to the squad car and placed in the back just like the criminals she used to catch. They drove her to the county jail, a place she'd been numerous times as an officer herself. As she watched them drive through the gates she still kept thinking, _How is this happening? How is this happening?_

She was a cop, not a criminal. So why was she being arrested?

* * *

Lisbon was led to booking where she stood in line with two obvious prostitutes and one tough looking black man who was probably high on some kind of narcotic. Finally she was brought to the booking officer where they asked her mundane questions such as her name, social security number, birth date and the all important, reason for arrest. She kept wanting to ask why, why was she being arrested but she held her tongue. She knew enough about officers to recognize that asking questions about her arrest wouldn't help her.

Then they took her aside and had her relinquish her shoes, socks, wallet and all jewelry. It was hard letting go of her mother's cross but she wasn't given a choice. After that she was patted down again before being given a pair of cheap flip-flops and lead to the line for mugshots.

She'd seen plenty of mugshots in her day but she never thought she'd have to take one herself. She honestly wasn't sure what pose to take but smiling just seemed wrong and she couldn't make her lips move that way if she tried. Instead she just sort of stood there with the same bewildered look she'd been wearing for the past couple of hours.

After the mugshots she was led to have herself fingerprinted. One by one each of her fingers was rolled on ink then applied to the paper to go along with her criminal record.

Criminal record. She was going to have a criminal record.

After fringerprinting she was led away from the rest of the group of arrestees and taken to another room entirely. She didn't have long to wonder about the change in procedure because FBI Agent Abbott was in the room waiting for her.

"Ah, Agent Lisbon, nice to see you again," Abbott said. She wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. "Have a seat."

She sat down heavily in the chair and put her handcuffed hands onto the table. "I should have known that you were behind this."

Abbott shook his head. "I had nothing to do with this."

"Bullshit," Lisbon replied, she never would have said that before but she was wearing handcuffs now, what did she have to lose?

But Abbott looked at her. "I assure you, I was not behind you arresst. Apparently the Governor is under a lot of heat from the Blake Association and is coming down hard on any sign of law breaking among the CBI and any other law enforcement officers in the state."

"And that includes me? I helped expose them!"

"Yes and you also handed your gun and car over to Patrick Jane in front of several FBI agents," Abbott reminded her, "which you knew he would use to kill Thomas McAllister."

"You mean Red John."

Abbott looked up at that name. "That is one of his aliases and whatever his crimes were that does not negate the fact that he was murdered by your friend Patrick Jane."

Lisbon nodded. "And I'm arrested because I supposedly helped him," she leaned back in her chair. "Do you think the jury is going to be concerned with me giving my friend a gun or the fact that the 'victim' was a serial killer?"

"From what I understand, this is not about what you did but rather why you did it."

"Why?" Lisbon repeated, "Why did I help Jane hunt down a serial killer? Do you really want that question asked in front of a jury?"

"Yes, why did you help him? Why did you disobey several laws of the state and put your job at risk multiple times?" Abbott asked her. "From what I have heard, it wasn't any benevolence on your part but something more intimate." She froze at the word _intimate_ but refused to react. "There has been much talk about your relationship with him, many seem to believe that there was something more going on then just coworkers. And considering that two of your teammates carried out a secret relationship—."

"That's not against the rules anymore," Lisbon interrupted.

"— it is not such a big leap to believe that perhaps your relationship with Patrick Jane was decidedly more intimate than what you would have everyone believe," Abbott continued, "And that calls into question every decision you made regarding him."

She gaped at him. "You're saying that I did everything…because I was in love with him?"

Abbott turned the file closed on the table. "That is the idea."

Lisbon thought about it for a long time. "That's going to be tough to prove."

"Very true," Abbott agreed, "But with all the bridges you've burned over the years working with Patrick Jane, don't expect much sympathy with the judges or the district attorneys."

"It's not them I need to be concerned about," Lisbon reminded him, "the jury makes the decision."

Abbott nodded. "And you can take your chances with them…or you could work with me and this can all end right now."

"I thought you said you weren't behind this."

"I'm not," Abbott said. "In fact, I told the district attorney that this was punishing you for someone else's crime…but it wasn't my call. What I do have is the ability to have the FBI push to have this case dismissed, provided you cooperate."

"With what?"

Abbott leaned forward. "Tell me where Patrick Jane is."

She stared at him for a minute. Then she let out a small laugh. "That's it? I tell you where Jane is and you'll let me go?"

"And it all goes away."

She shook her head. "Well then it really sucks for both of us."

"Excuse me?"

Lisbon leaned forward. "I don't know where Jane is."

Abbott narrowed his eyes. "He called you right after he killed someone, you expect me believe he wouldn't contact you to let you know where he is?"

"Jane isn't an idiot…most of the time. He knows that if he tried to contact me you would be able to track him and bring him back."

"Not even to see if you would come?"

"I don't know where he is," Lisbon repeated.

Abbott sighed and pushed his chair back to stand up. "Then I'm afraid I can't help you."

* * *

She remained seated while he left her alone and after he was out of the door the officers returned to escort her out. She was taken to the clinic where the humiliation really began.

"Strip it off." The female officer with the name Jones on her uniform ordered.

Lisbon couldn't believe it for a moment but quickly did as she was told. She took off her shirt and pants. She hesitated a little but a stern look told her to move faster, so she unhooked her bra and stepped out of her panties.

Now she had to stand there completely naked while the officer looked her over. She raised her arms when told and ran her fingers through her hair for the same reason. "Now turn around and squat, then spread your buttocks and cough."

Lisbon knew that this was necessary to check for any foreign objects in body cavities, but that didn't make it any less embarrassing. But once she complete the most humiliating task of her life she was allowed to stand up again and was given a set of prison clothes and shoes.

But she wasn't allowed to put them on. First she was taken to a very grungy shower and told to wash her hair with lice soap, even when she informed them that she didn't have lice. Only after the unnecessary shower with cold water was she allowed to get dressed.

The underwear and bra were dingy white and very unflattering but serviceable, the bright orange pants and scrub top were baggy but they fit, she hated putting them on though because it was another reminder of how she had been a cop this morning but wasn't anymore.

"No more lolly gagging," the officer said. "Come on."

Lisbon was taken out of the room and led down a row of cells, actual prison cells. Several inmates hurried to the bars to take a peek with one or two making some comments about her looks, with one being particularly vulgar. But she ignored it, she'd heard worse from other criminals she'd arrested.

"In here," he told her and unlocked one cell where she was pushed in.

Lisbon heard the cell door slam shut with a loud metallic clang, she jumped at the sound and it reverberated in her ears long afterwards. She found herself staring at two other prisoners. One was a woman who was probably in her thirties but looked older with her prematurely aged skin, drugs for sure. Her hair was bleached blonde with dark roots and she gave her a quick glance. "What you in for honey?"

Lisbon didn't say anything, just turned around to look at the bars on the cell. She wrapped her hands around the cold metal and rested her forehead against them while she stared at the floor that designated freedom. She'd been in so many jails so many times.

She just never thought she'd see them from the other side.

* * *

A/N: Well I hope you guys enjoy the set up! Part 1 will be about Lisbon's life in prison, Part 2 will be when Jane comes back. But don't fret, Jisbon will happen...that's what flashbacks were invent for ;)


	2. Innocent Until Proven Guilty

A/N: I own nothing

It's 2:30 in the morning, I'm slightly drunk and more than a little terrified about getting my test results from my first year graduate exam back, so of course I stay up all night to finish this chapter. Alcohol and mentalist fanfics work wonders to make me feel calmer LOL. I'm enjoying this fic but really I'm anxious to get to the next few chapters because I know you guys are really looking forward to seeing Lisbon in prison hehehe, but this chapter has to come because you need to see HOW she got there.

Thanks for loving this idea and sticking with me, I hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter 2: Innocent until Proven Guilty

Sleeping in jail wasn't easy. Lisbon had to learn that the hard way. There was always someone coughing, crying or singing and then there was the 2am count that interrupted any chance of falling asleep. It was hot in the cells too, the air conditioning was on but it was obviously too small for such a large space. But Lisbon doubted she would have been able to sleep even if the place was temperate and completely silent. She spent the night quietly letting tears seep into her pillow, smothering her more noisy sobs with the blanket.

The call for breakfast came extremely early but everyone scrambled out of their beds to line up for food. Lisbon followed more than a little bewildered at the chaos but she soon found herself shoved in a line and then a cardboard box was handed to her. She followed everyone else back to their cells and she opened the box to reveal her breakfast: a bag of dry cereal, a bag of milk, some powdered coffee, a packet of sugar and a small plastic mug.

The breakfast of champions.

She mixed the coffee and the milk together and tossed the sugar in before heating it in the rundown microwave, poor man's latte wasn't too bad. She tossed the dry cereal into her mouth and took it in stride; hopefully this would only be temporary.

Another couple of hours of silence followed before the prisoners were allowed the freedom of moving about in the yard but Lisbon chose to hang back and enjoy the solitude of her cell. She didn't have the energy to try and mingle and she preferred the solitude to try and figure out what was going on.

Yesterday she had been arrested for conspiracy to commit murder because she had given her car keys and gun to Jane so he could hunt down Red John. The gun had been used to kill Red John. By any standard of the law she had broken it, Lisbon knew that. But the victim was a serial killer that would have gotten away otherwise.

There had to be some leeway for that.

Her brothers had to know where she was, by now they were probably scrambling to come down and help her out. She also knew that the remaining members of her team were undoubtedly working to get her out of this as well. She had help from the outside, things would get better soon.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there thinking about this whole mess when a guard came up to her cell. "Lisbon, you have a visitor."

"I do?"

"You want to see them or not?"

She stood up quickly and followed him out of the cell down the hallway to the visiting area. There was a group of tables where several inmates were meeting with their own visitors, some hugging family members and a few actually arguing. It took her a moment to spot Cho and seated beside him was Andrew Milner, one of the best and therefore scummiest lawyers in California. She had met him many times in the courtroom and hated the bastard.

"You've got to be kidding me," Lisbon seethed.

"Nice to see you again, Agent Lisbon." Milner replied.

Cho met her eyes. "Your brothers are on their way here."

Lisbon nodded but she dreaded the idea of her brothers seeing her locked up. Milner wasn't quite as sentimental. "That was your first mistake, you should have called me instead of them."

"I didn't call anyone," Lisbon replied smugly.

"Then you still made a mistake, you should have called someone and that someone should have been me."

Lisbon rolled her eyes and turned to give her attention to Cho. "Why did you call _him_?"

"Because I'm the best," Milner replied for him, "and Agent Cho knew this. He obviously has your best interest at heart."

"And you do?"

"I recognize when there is a winnable case," Milner replied, "and you are the dream defendant. A cop that is being punished for saving lives, I might get you on Oprah for this."

"I don't want to go on Oprah," Lisbon told him, "I just want to go home."

"I can arrange that too," Milner said, he slapped down a notebook full of handwritten notes. "I've taken a look at your case and pleading guilty would just be bad form, you have nothing to lose pressing the state on this one. Their scared and they should be, the jury won't care that you handed Jane your gun in front of FBI agents, their just going to hear 'helped bring down Red John' and they'll hand the keys over to your freedom."

Lisbon nodded, she figured as much. "Then why should I use you and not a much cheaper lawyer?"

"Because no one is going to be better than me," Milner said, "and I'm doing a discount for you. Putting me in the Red John hoopla will do nothing but help launch me into the national spotlight and I want in. So you need me, I need you and we can both enjoy this moment."

"You can enjoy it," Lisbon clarified."

Milner grinned. "Now, let's talk strategy."

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Cho had to leave after an hour to go help Rigsby and Van Pelt with getting everything set up for her brothers who were coming in that afternoon. Lisbon and Milner stayed busy discussing their strategy for the foreseeable future. Milner was a micromanager as he told her everything down to the type of clothing he wanted her to wear. Apparently wearing her normal pantsuit made her seem less feminine and would not appeal to a jury. Pants and jackets were out and dresses were in.

"Now we are going to push for a quick trial," Milner explained, "none of this waiting around for months nonsense. We want to capitalize on the current media coverage, which is very favorable for your case. The public only cares that a serial killer is dead, we keep pressing your role and they'll want to give you a medal."

"So exercising my right to quick and fair trial will do that."

"Yes, and keep the prosecution scrambling to get evidence fast enough," Milner explained, "We don't want to give them too much time." He leaned back in his seat. "Now tomorrow will be the bail hearing and they are going to push to keep you in here because Jane left the country. We need to convince the judge that it is in your best interest to be out of jail until trial. Unfortunately, Judge Garner has no love for you or Patrick Jane. Now would be the good time to tell me anything that can help push him in the right direction."

Lisbon stared at him. "Like what?"

"Like ailing parents."

"My parents are dead."

Milner rolled his eyes. "Anything, a neighbor you take care of, a personal health issue, a dog waiting at home for you. Give me something."

She didn't say anything for a long while, keeping her thoughts to herself as she rolled the idea around in her head. On one hand it seemed so wrong to tell him…but she knew it would be the best thing too.

"I might have something."

Milner leaned back with interest in his eyes. "I'm all ears."

* * *

Visiting hours concluded and Lisbon endured the indignity of another strip search that left her feeling humiliated and violated all over again, it didn't help that she'd had to endure Milner's company for a few hours either. At the very least she had some reassurance that this would be over quickly enough and she would be out of this mess.

Dinner at the at the prison consisted of some kind of soup that passed as a stew with mystery meat chunks. It smelled like a sweaty mattress and tasted no better, Lisbon could only endure a few bites before putting it aside. Now she saw why some of the inmates saved their breakfast for later since at least the cereal was guaranteed to be edible.

Prisoners had to return to their cell at 9PM with lights out at 11. That meant two hours of either attempting to sleep with the blaring lights over head or trying to find some way to pass the time with everyone else in your cell staring at you. Lisbon chose the latter while one of her cellmates was actually snoring on her bunk, she wasn't quite sure how she accomplished that but Lisbon was certainly impressed.

Lisbon sat on her own bunk just trying to process what would happen tomorrow when she was at her bail hearing and all hell would break loose, she was sure of that.

"So, Newbie, you finally going to talk tonight?"

Lisbon looked down at the woman who was on the bottom bunk, the one with the bleached blonde hair and dark roots. "What do you want me to say?"

The other prisoner smiled. "Well at least that's something." She hopped onto the bunk to sit down next to Lisbon. "I hear you're a cop, is that true?" Lisbon nodded, the prisoner let out a whistle. "Might want to keep that to yourself around here, not many of us like cops."

"Then why are you talking to me?"

"I figure that you're more screwed then I am since everyone here hates you and now the cops must hate you too," she explained, "I have a soft spot for the underdogs." She turned to Lisbon. "My name's Terri, what's yours?"

"Teresa," Lisbon told her, shaking her hand.

"What are you in for, Teresa?"

She sighed. "Conspiracy to commit murder."

"No shit, who did you help kill?"

Lisbon was bothered by the assumption that she was guilty but maybe that wasn't such a bad assumption here. "Red John."

"No fucking way." But Lisbon remained serious and Terri shook her head. "Damn, can't believe they locked you up for that."

"Well I burned a few bridges with my partner in the investigation and they want to make an example after all of the corruption going on."

"You're partner?"

Lisbon shrugged. "His name was Patrick Jane, he's…he's a mentalist, he sees things and could tell when people were lying. He could catch any killer through some… _unusual_ means."

"So he didn't follow the rules."

She smiled and shook her head. "No, not in the least. But he was the only one who could catch Red John…which is why I'm here."

Teri nodded. "Sounds like you have quite a story, not sure how it will play with the jury."

Lisbon shrugged. "I guess we'll find out soon."

* * *

Van Pelt had raided Lisbon's closet for a dress that fit Milner's specifications. She was given that dress to change in to after being taken out of her cell. It wasn't fun being taken to the courthouse in handcuffs, she was led to a waiting room with one long table and several chairs where it was just her and a guard for a long time. Finally the door opened and to her surprise all three of her brothers filed in, followed by her team.

"Hey," she said standing up to try and awkwardly hug them. "I'm so glad to see you."

"So are we," Stan replied.

"Just wish it was better circumstances." James said.

Lisbon nodded, she wished for the same thing. But it helped that they were here, it forced her to be strong. "It's going to be okay," she told them, "we'll win this and everything will be fine. It will be over soon."

"She's right," Milner said from the doorway, interrupting the family moment. "today is the first step of putting all of this behind us."

Lisbon gave him an annoyed look. "Meet my lawyer."

"He's your lawyer?" Tommy asked, looking unsure.

"Yes, apparently my team thought Satan's attorney would be a good representative for me."

Milner actually chuckled at her comment. "Well we can sit here and chat or we can get you out on bail, either way is fine by me. I could use the time to call the underworld about his latest case."

James started coughing to cover his laughter while Tommy shrugged. "Well at least he has a sense of humor."

Lisbon had to agree, Milner seemed aware of her hostility but he didn't care, just like he cared so little that he was open about his more selfish reasons for helping her. That was fine, she didn't really care how pure his motives were as long as he got her out of this mess.

She wasn't a fool. She didn't blame anyone but herself for all of this, even if Jane had been the one to actually do the killing, she'd handed him her gun and her keys with the full knowledge of what he planned to do. However, she had to agree with Jane here, there had to be some credit for stopping a monster.

Eventually Lisbon found herself in another unique situation where she was sitting in another unfamiliar place: the defendant's chair. She waited calmly for the judge to enter, fiddling nervously with the pen and pad of paper in front of her. At least the handcuffs were gone.

Finally the judge came in and they all had to stand up in respect before he called the court into order before urging the prosecution to proceed.

The prosecution starting outlining her case in a simple manner. A few days ago she and Patrick Jane were conspiring together, against the orders of the FBI. While fleeing from their custody they were tracked down where she handed Jane her gun and her keys with the knowledge that he was planning to kill Thomas McAllister, thereby allowing him to escape and commit the crime.

"We want bail denied," D.A. Hillary Finn said, "Patrick Jane has already fled the country and the defendant's romantic history with him makes it likely that she will flee as well."

"Counsel?" the Judge asked and it as now her lawyer's turn to shine.

"The allegations against my client are ridiculous," Milner stated, for once saying exactly what Lisbon thought. "The state has no concrete proof that my client conspired with anyone, or that there was any romantic involvement between my client and Patrick Jane."

"Anything else?"

"This is my client's first offense and prior she has been a model citizen for the state of California in addition to her almost twenty years of experience in law enforcement for this state."

The judge nodded and leafed through his papers. "Are there any other mitigating conditions that release would be necessary?"

"Yes," Milner said and Lisbon braced herself for what was coming. "Release is advisable as my client is pregnant."

There was a moment of silence that followed, so loud it was deafening. She didn't dare turn to see her brothers and team, she knew they were shocked. The prosecution looked stunned too, thrown for a loop for this surprise.

But the judge didn't bat an eye. He just cleared his throat and kept on going. "Given the extreme nature of the crime and the defendant's own personal factors, I'm requesting a bail of $100,000. A trial date will be set for next month."

With that the gavel was slammed down and she was dismissed.

Now a moment of relief washed over her. It was out in the open, she could stop dreading it and start just working on what she needed to do to get out of this mess for her sake…and the baby's. If only it was as simple as marking her savings for the added expenses of a child, this was a bit more than the average mother-to-be had to handle.

She turned to look at the faces of her friends and family, eyes begging for answers but this was no place for a private talk. Thankfully Milner had the foresight that such a moment was necessary. They were all ushered out of the courtroom into the same private room she had met with them earlier.

Now she could breathe freely, even if she was nowhere near free.

The silence that followed with all seven of them in the room was eerie but there was so much to talk about and not much time before the guards would put the cuffs on her once again.

"We should get things ready for your bail," Tommy said, breaking the long silence.

"Absolutely not," Lisbon insisted, surprising all of them once again.

"You don't honestly want to go back to jail!"

"Of course not!"

"Then what are you thinking?" James asked, even the family wild card was confused.

She shook her head. "I'm not going to let you guys go broke so I can be under house arrest. I can take a month in jail, then the trial will happen and this will be over."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"Is it?" Lisbon asked, "Legal fees are only going to get worse, I'm not going to add to it when I can survive just fine behind bars."

Grace was the one who brought up the most important point. "What about the baby?"

Lisbon hesitated then, unable to deny that the baby presented one very good reason for why she should accept the offer to get out on bail despite the financial burden. But she wasn't going to give in. "I can get prenatal care, and again, it's only for a month."

"Jane wouldn't want you to do that," Cho pointed out.

She closed her eyes, the pain from his name hitting her…and the fact that Cho was undeniably right. "He isn't here," she reminded him, "It doesn't matter what he would want."

There was an awkward silence before Grace stammered out. "Is he…" she glanced at the door as if the guards were somehow listening and then lowered her voice. "Is he the father?"

Lisbon glanced at the door herself before nodding her head. Grace and Rigsby exchanged knowing looks while her brothers had a myriad of reactions from stunned gasps to a groan combined with and drawn out "fffuck."

"That was stupid," Cho stated firmly.

"Thank you," Lisbon said sarcastically, "but I think my actions later were worse."

Cho didn't bat an eye. "This is bad, they already think something happened…and it did."

"They won't find out," Lisbon replied, "they can't tie me down and force a paternity test, all they have is speculation and rumors. There isn't a shred of proof otherwise."

Stan shook his head. "This is a bad idea. Just let us get you out and take you home."

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "I'll be fine, go back and take care of your kids."

"We aren't leaving you."

"The trial isn't for another month, you can't stay in Sacramento for that long. Go home."

"This is insane!"

"We'll take care of her," Rigsby said stepping forward. "We'll all come to visit, make sure she's okay. Then you can come back for the trial."

Lisbon nodded eagerly. "You see. I'll be fine."

It was probably one of the dumbest things she'd ever said but it was necessary. She'd taken care of her brothers since she was thirteen years old; she wasn't about to stop now even if she was going to be behind bars.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment between them and Lisbon saw it was her guards ready to escort her back. "I'll be fine," Lisbon repeated. "Now please, go."

"No," Tommy insisted.

"Please," Lisbon said softly but she was faced with her brother's defiant stare. She turned to Cho and whispered to him. "I don't want my brothers to see them cuff me up, please help me."

Cho snapped to attention. "Come on," he insisted, his voice and manner making it clear it was not a request. "She'll be okay."

They still didn't move for a while but it was Stan who bowed down to the former servicemen and started the long walk out of the room. Cho was the last to leave and she gave him a small smile of gratitude. Then she was alone once again.

She sighed as the guards came over and she held up her hands. "Lets get this over with."

* * *

Going back to the county jail was humiliating, having to strip down and get searched was even worse but Lisbon conducted the necessary procedures without complaint. She figured she could survive a few weeks of this kind of treatment if it meant being able to ensure her brothers weren't financially broke because of her in the end.

When she got back to the room she found a change, Terri was now on the top bunk. When she looked at the woman in confusion, Terri explained. "When you got a bun in the oven it means you get the bottom bunk, don't want you falling off and losing kid."

Lisbon blushed and hurried over to her new bunk but Terri wasn't going to let her avoid the questions. "Is it true? Are you really knocked up?"

She considered how to respond since she barely knew the woman but apparently the rumors were already circulating anyways. "Yes, I'm pregnant."

Terri whistled. "Damn, I wish I had thought of that."

Lisbon actually rolled her eyes. "I didn't plan this, it just sort of happened."

"The kid or the sympathy?"

"Both," Lisbon admitted, "if I had it my way I wouldn't be spending my first trimester in county jail." She all but tossed herself onto the bed and looked up at the bars and grey mattress that was above her. "It wasn't supposed to be this way," Lisbon said softly.

She didn't even know Terri heard her. "It never is."

Lisbon sighed heavily, feeling a kinship with this woman mostly because she hadn't had the chance to really talk about what had happened. "I knew, in the last couple weeks I knew I might be pregnant but I just sort of put it aside. There was too much going on."

Terri peeked over the edge of the bunk. "You mean hunting down that sicko?"

Lisbon nodded. "Then when it was finally over, I figured it was time to actually deal with it. I didn't even take a test, just went to my doctor one morning and told him and they confirmed it." Then came the hard truth. "Then that afternoon I got arrested."

"Damn, that sucks."

"It sure does," She agreed.

"So the judge didn't give you bail?"

"He did," Lisbon explained, "But I don't want my brothers mortgaging their homes to get me out. I'll just survive here until the trial."

Terri chuckled. "Just don't get stuck in a dark corner with some of the girls and you'll be okay…you know because you're a cop. Plus now that you're knocked up the guards will have to keep an eye on you."

"Exactly," Lisbon said. "I'll be fine." She put one hand on her stomach, acknowledging the life growing inside of her. "We'll both be fine."

But that didn't stop her from saying a silent prayer that it would be true.

* * *

The ensuing weeks passed by in something of a blur as Lisbon got used to the routine of living at the county jail. After grumblings from some of the other prisoners, it was decided that for her safety she was essentially combined to the shared cell during the day except for an hour when she was let out in the yard with the supervision of a guard. The only interactions she had was with her cellmates who came by in the mornings and evenings, the only one who was remotely interested in speaking with her was Terri, the other named Sonia apparently didn't speak much English.

Her only break in the monotony of her schedule was visiting hours. She received a visit from at least one member of her team every other day or so. Her lawyer came generally on Fridays and those were when she was most irritated. Milner was always quick to crow about strategy, the latest news in the jury selection and so forth. With her team she had a variety of conversations from calm, serious and filled with some stretches of silence (Cho), boisterous and lively and generally sports related (Rigsby) to light hearted gossip with some carefully placed personal questions (Grace).

There was one event that brought some excitement to her mundane life: her first prenatal appointment. But it wasn't so much the idea of going to the doctor that she was looking forward to, it was the chance to get outside of the prison for a few hours, to see the world through something other than a chainlink fence, to smell something then the body odor of forty other women…to eat something other than mystery meat.

She was given a set of clothes and then patted down the morning of her half-day furlough. Then she was led out of the gate to the parking lot where Grace was waiting with a car. Lisbon was lucky she had a lawyer who convinced the judge it was important to her health that she see her own doctor as opposed to the county jail's nurse practitioner, but she knew Milner really just wanted to work the pregnancy angle as a reason for her to be found not guilty.

"Hey," Grace said with a smile and greeted Lisbon with an exuberant hug, something Lisbon found a little awkward but she accepted it. "You ready?"

"Of course," Lisbon said and she climbed into the passenger seat, "Let's go."

Grace was smiling and had peppy pop tunes on the radio but Lisbon vaguely listened to her idle chatter as she stared out the window, watching the jail disappear from her sight. It took Grace calling her name twice before she actually heard her. "Huh?"

"I said are you excited to see the baby?"

"Yeah, sure," Lisbon replied but her voice was very flat.

Of course Grace noticed her friend's lack of enthusiasm. "Why aren't you excited?"

"I am," she insisted but Grace didn't believe her.

"Do you want the baby?"

"Of course," Lisbon said but the expression on the other woman's face was doubtful. She sighed heavily. "I do want the baby, Grace. I really do. I just…it's hard to get excited over something that has the worst timing that is possible."

"I know this sucks," Grace said, "but it's going to be okay, you'll get through the trial and go home."

"It isn't just the jail thing," Lisbon told her, "It's…it's everything. I mean I'm unemployed, the father isn't even in the country and when this is over I get to go home and try to start over without any idea of what to do or how to take care of this kid. The only positive about this pregnancy is that it'll make me more sympathetic to the jury."

"That's not the only positive thing."

"Yeah, you're going to take me out to get some real food after the appointment."

"Yes, but also you are going to be a mother. That is truly exciting not to mention—"

She trailed off and Lisbon hated being left dangling. "Not to mention what?"

"Jane gets a second chance to be a father."

Lisbon looked away sadly. "That would be good, except he isn't here to enjoy it."

"He could come back," Grace reminded her.

"Maybe," Lisbon agreed, "I hope he does."

"He will," Grace replied, "I have faith that he'll come back.

Lisbon sighed heavily. "I just wish it was different, but right now all I feel is tired and scared."

"You'll get through this," Grace assured her, "Because everyone understands helping someone they love."

"What?" Lisbon said, startled by that statement. "You think that I did all of this because I'm in love with Jane?"

"Well…aren't you?"

"Grace, the prosecution is saying that I let Jane get away with everything for years because of my feelings for him. Are you saying you believe that?"

"No," Grace said quickly. "You did what you did because it was the right thing."

"Yes I did," Lisbon agreed, "And I would have done the same thing no matter what."

Grace smiled slyly. "But you are in love with him."

It wasn't a question but rather a statement. Lisbon blushed and looked away making the redhead giggle lightly like a schoolgirl talking to her friend about a crush. Lisbon groaned. "Lets just get this over with so you can treat me to the best salad in Sacramento."

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It was a little weird having Grace at her doctors appointment, she was sure her doctor wondered who her friend was but she didn't ask questions, Lisbon sure as hell wasn't going to explain that Grace was supervising her before taking her back to jail. So she dutifully let herself be weighed, her urine sampled again and answered all of the questions about her morning sickness (awful), meals (she was evasive on that) and her urinary output (embarrassing). Then came the results from the blood work which came back completely normal.

Lisbon had to lay back and lift up her shirt for the ultrasound and sadly Grace seemed more excited then she was. "Sorry that this will be cold," her doctor said as she spread the cold gel over her stomach. She just sighed and waited for this to be over, that was all she was doing these days, waiting. Waiting for the next visiting hour, waiting for the trial, waiting till she could go home, waiting or Jane to come back.

Waiting was the worst prison.

"Oh look, there's your baby."

She turned her head to see what the fuss was about and was startled by what she saw. It was a real tiny little baby with hands and feet and even a little itty-bitty nose. She heard herself gasped but her mind was focused on another sound, the fast thump-thump-thump of her baby's heart. "Oh," she whispered, the beautiful image blurring as tears filled her eyes and then fell down her cheeks. "Oh wow."

Her doctor grinned now. "Pretty amazing right?"

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

She just stared at the image of her child for a longtime while her doctor prattled on about measurements and signs that the baby was in perfect health. All Lisbon cared about was that it was healthy, that it was going to be all right. Nothing else in this world mattered.

* * *

Grace made good on her promise to get Lisbon the best salad in Sacramento and Lisbon relished every bit of real vegetables, cheese, grilled chicken and bread. But the freedom of being out of jail didn't last nearly long enough. Eventually four o'clock came around and Lisbon had to return back to the county jail.

She was given the customary strip search but Lisbon held tight to the copy of her sonogram even when the guards demanded she release it. Eventually they inspected it and decided to avoid the bad headline of 'Pregnant Woman Denied Sonogram' and let her go back to her cell.

Terri was there on top of her bunk, looking over a book while eating pretzels from a bag. "Hey there, copper," Terri said, "enjoy your little vacation?"

Lisbon took a seat on her own bed, cradling the picture in her hand. "I saw my baby."

"Cool," Terri said, "sounds like fun."

"It was amazing," Lisbon continued, "I could hear it's little heart and see it moving." Terri put her book aside so she could listen to her unimpeded. "I just couldn't look away. It was incredible seeing this tiny little baby that we made."

"You and this guy," Terri said. "He gonna take care of the baby if you get convicted?"

Her smile fell at the reminder of her circumstances. "Uh…no, he's not."

"You guys have a falling out? What did he cheat on you?"

"No," Lisbon said quickly, "He just…he's out of the country."

Now it was Terri's turn to smile. "Oh, now I see. He's the guy who killed Red John, the one you are being charged with helping."

Lisbon sighed heavily but knew that Terri was just a friend. "Yeah, when he killed Red John he went on the run. He doesn't even know I'm pregnant."

"Man, that sucks."

"Yeah it does," Lisbon agreed. "But he'll come back. Jane…he has a way of surprising people and I just don't think he could stay away."

Terri nodded. "Wow, sounds like you are really in love with him."

"I am," Lisbon admitted, "I don't even know how it happened. I worked with him for years and then one day he almost gets himself killed and I realized that I couldn't imagine my life without him."

"Romantic."

"It is," she agreed, "and irrational and stupid and probably the worst decision I ever could have made. But I guess you can't help what the heart wants."

"Unfortunately," Terri said. "And my heart wants a damn cheeseburger with a shot of whiskey and a beer."

Lisbon laughed. "God that salad today was the best thing I've ever eaten."

"You get out of jail for four hours and you get a damn salad?" Terri shook her head. "Girl, you disappoint me."

She chuckled again. "What can I say, I miss real food and I'm pregnant. Burgers and fries come second." Then she groaned. "What I really want is a good cup of coffee."

"Now you're talking."

* * *

Monday was the morning where Lisbon's trial was set to begin. Grace had gone out under Milner's instructions to get some matronly dresses that were tight enough to show off her barely there baby bump but not too tight to make her look slutty. Lisbon chose the black one for her first day. She dressed with some trepidation, her stomach tied up in knots, but that might have been from the morning sickness.

She was brought to the courthouse in a police car and had to wait outside for an hour before she was brought into the courtroom. Milner was waiting for her at the defense's table. "Good," he said giving her a quick glance. "You look like a woman, scared and pregnant."

"That's because I am scared and pregnant," Lisbon mused as she took a seat.

"Keep that in mind and we won't have any problems."

She waited patiently but nervously as the minutes ticked by till the start of her trial. The doors in the back opened and she turned to see her brothers and her team coming up quickly, she knew they'd be there early. She gave them as smile and waved, they returned the favor but it was hard to keep any good spirits for long.

The courtroom began filling up, a lot of reporters and people she didn't recognize. There were a few familiar faces, some from the CBI. The most painful for her to see was Minelli who snuck in and took a seat near the back. But she caught his eye and quickly turned away, she felt like she was staring at her father in the face. She couldn't bear to see his disappointment.

Eventually the jury filed in and Lisbon made sure to look at each and every one of them, hoping they would look her in the eye. She wanted them to see her as a person, someone they could know and like. There were nine women and three men, all dressed up in varying clothing that was nicely pressed and clean. She could tell that several were professionals but she guessed that the women wearing slightly out of date dresses were more likely housewives or had jobs outside of the professional world.

She could relate to them, each and every one. She just hoped that would be enough to convince them not to send her to prison.

Milner never looked up, just kept making notes in his file. The prosecution came in and gave her half a glance before keeping busy, they looked stern and business like as if this was just another ordinary day. Lisbon wondered how Leslie Granger felt about having to prosecute someone she'd worked with previously, even if it was just for a robbery case three years prior.

From the expression on Granger's face, it wasn't bothering her one bit.

Then the baliff announced. "All rise for the honorable Judge Hapley."

Lisbon stood up along with everyone else in the courtroom while the judge walked in to call the room to order.

And thus the trial of Teresa Lisbon vs the State of California began.

* * *

A/N: Well what do you think? Lisbon and Jane slept together! (You'll find out how and why later, oh yeah that part WILL be M rated hehehe) and now she's got to keep the baby's father a secret or she'll be in big trouble. But how does she go from a slamdunk case to behind bars? You'll have to wait and find out...


	3. Don't Make Friends

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Hey guys! I'm back, this chapter was hard to write because I'm so anxious to get to the next chapter but I couldn't just skip the trial now could I? You'll see how Lisbon falls from a slam dunk case to behind bars and it's going to be pretty awesome. I'm so excited everyone is loving this fic so much!

* * *

Chapter 3: Don't Make Friends

The opening statements of both sides were simple and to the point. Lisbon winced at Granger's words, painting a picture of an inept agent that followed Jane around like a puppy, corrupt and letting him get away with anything he wanted as long as he looked at her with his pretty eyes. Milner was much more flattering, portraying her as a good woman and a better cop that worked hard every day to protect other, sacrificing everything for the better of society. And now with the law enforcement in California grasping for a scapegoat in the mess that was the Blake Association, she was their sacrificial lamb on the alter.

The only downside was she knew that neither one was the truth.

The prosecution pulled a surprising move for their first witness in the case, none other than Oscar Ardiles, a district attorney for the state. Lisbon had a feeling that was a first.

"Mr. Ardiles, you are a district attorney for the state of California, correct?"

"Yes," Ardiles responded, he was a cool as a cucumber.

"And you worked several cases with Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane."

"That is correct," Ardiles agreed, "We worked on many cases together."

That got Lisbon's mind thinking and she quickly grabbed her notebook and wrote down some notes for her lawyer.

 _Anthony Rome case- Cho proved man was innocent, Ardiles was angry to be proven wrong._

 _Eve Mulberry case- Jane believed Eve was innocent and was later proven correct, Ardiles blamed me for my team proving his flawed investigations_.

Milner took a look at the note but his expression didn't change, Lisbon could tell that he would clean up good at the poker table.

"Now would you be willing to explain what you saw when you worked with them?"

"Absoutely," Ardiles began, "I saw many examples of Teresa Lisbon giving Jane special treatment whether it was going along with his schemes or making excuses for his actions."

"And why do you think she did this?"

"Because she had feelings for him."

Lisbon waited for her lawyer to object but he did neither, she was dying to ask him why he was letting this go but she couldn't talk in the courtroom and she figured Milner would just get mad about her doubting him.

"Can you explain?"

"We were working a case involving a woman being tried for her lover's murder," Ardiles continued. "Jane came forward while the jury was deliberating and started harassing the people involved including introducing fake evidence and undermining the authority of the state's justice department, Teresa Lisbon not only allowed this to take place, she encouraged and took part in it."

"You were also involved when Patrick Jane was arrested for murdering a man."

"Yes I was."

"Can you explain that incident?"

"Objection," Milner said, rising from his seat. "The previous trial of Patrick Jane has no bearing on this matter."

"This question does not ask about the trial," the prosecution clarified, "but the defendant's role in the crime in question."

The judge considered it for a minute. "I'll allow the explanation, but the jury must disregard any discussion of criminal activity not involving the defendant."

Lisbon knew that was a joke, how could the jury unhear what was going to be said?

Ardiles was happy to continue, going into elaborate detail the covert and off the books investigation she and Jane had conducted to catch Red John which included hiding Hightower whom Jane had previously helped escape. The whole charade ended with Jane killing a man who was not Red John with Lisbon then helping Jane get out of jail after his arrest, even though she had just been shot.

"Do you believe her intentions were strictly professional?"

"Absolutely not, she did far too much for him. No woman would risk so much if she wasn't in love with him."

"No further questions."

It was Milner's turn to stand up and question the witness and Lisbon could only pray that he was worth every self-appreciative remark he'd made the past month. "You've worked with the justice department for six years, correct?"

"Yes."

"And how many cases have you worked with my client?"

Ardiles thought about it for a second. "Nine, ten give or take."

"So you do know her pretty well."

"Well enough."

"And Patrick Jane."

"Yes."

"Now, did you ever actually see Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon kiss?"

Ardiles looked a little caught off guard by that question. "Excuse me?"

"I thought the question was straight forward, did you see them kiss?"

"Objection," the prosecution said, "he's harassing the witness."

"I'm merely asking him to answer a question." Milner replied.

The judge didn't even hesitate. "Overruled, answer the question Mr. Ardiles."

He hesitated before grudgingly admitting. "No."

"Did you ever see them hold hands?"

"No."

"Embrace?"

"No."

"Did you ever see them do anything physically romantic in nature?"

Ardiles again hesitated. "No."

"So your assessment that my client had romantic feelings for her consultant was based on what? You're ability to read minds?"

Laughter erupted in the galley and the judge had to call for order but the damage was done already. Milner smirked now; he was getting into a real groove and was clearly enjoying himself. "Now, about that case you mentioned earlier, that was the Eve Mulberry case was it not?"

"Yes it was."

"Now correct me if I'm wrong, Eve Mulberry was tried for killing her lover but my client and Patrick Jane conducted their own investigation that proved the case was not only mishandled but that Ms. Mulberry was in fact innocent."

Ardiles was glowering now but he had to answer. "You are correct."

"And not only did they prove her innocence but they also found the real killer and got a confession."

"Yes they did."

Milner casually leaned against the stand. "That must have been embarrassing."

"Objection."

"Withdrawn," Milner replied but continued on with his line of questioning. "But that was not the first time Teresa Lisbon and her team fixed your mistakes was it? Do you recall the case involving Anthony Rome?"

"Yes," Ardiles admitted. "Rome was arrested for holding up a liquor store."

"But he was later proven innocent," Milner finished, "but it was her team member Agent Cho who proved it this time, correct."

"Yes."

"Now, do you think that means my client is in a romantic relationship with Agent Cho?"

"Dear God I hope not," Cho muttered behind her and Lisbon actually turned to give him an annoyed look. She wanted to tell him he wished he could be so lucky but somehow she doubted that would be appropriate at her trial. Instead she finished watching her lawyer mop the floor with Ardiles.

"So what you have told me is that you haven't actually witnessed any romantic activities between my client and any of her teammates and the only thing my client is guilty of is making your look bad."

"Objection!"

"Sustained," Judge Hapner agreed.

"No further questions," Milner replied smoothly and he went back to his seat, leaving a bruised and beaten Ardiles to rise and leave the courtroom to lick his wounds.

* * *

"I think I'm beginning to like your lawyer," James declared two days later when they were alone in a conference room eating deli sandwiches.

Lisbon rolled her eyes as she took a bite out of her turkey club. "Because he's so charming and humble?"

"Humble he's not but he's got the prosecution scared."

"That's his job," Lisbon reminded him, "That's why he can afford the nice shoes."

"Well it looks like he's worth every penny," James replied munching on a potato chip.

"You'll be out of this soon," Grace agreed, squeezing her hand lightly in support. Lisbon knew she wouldn't have been able to get through this without the support of her friends and family. Not one had abandoned her.

The optimism was warranted after the two very successful days in court. Every witness the prosecution brought forward mirrored Ardiles's testimony. A couple of detectives she and Jane had worked with, the local gossip at the CBI, a former suspect in an old case. All of them had similar testimonies, they were sure she let Jane cross the line because of her feelings for him but none had any real proof beyond their suspicions. Milner was having fun tearing them all apart.

Her brothers kept bringing in the newspapers to show her the articles being written about her case, morale boosters Lisbon liked to call them but she had to admit it was working. The press and public seemed to be swaying towards her side as spectators interviewed questioned if the prosecution even had a real case. Everything seemed to be suggesting that within a few days Lisbon would be home and getting ready to prepare for her impending motherhood in freedom.

She finished her sandwich, grateful that the morning sickness had mostly passed but her cravings certainly weren't being satisfied by the local fare at the jail, nor was her desire to eat healthier for the baby's sake. In addition to the cravings and increased appetite, she had to pee all of the time.

Lisbon stood up to go to the restroom and waited patiently for the guard to notice. "I'm just going to the bathroom."

He rolled his eyes, not liking the increased necessity to visit the ladies room. Her thoughtful friend saved her from embarrassment. "I'll go with you," Grace said, quickly standing up to follow her friend.

Her guard followed them down the hallway to the restroom where he stayed outside the door. Lisbon immediately went to one of the stalls to relieve herself. She sighed and stared at the bland stall door with some graffiti on it. "How did I wind up here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Here, at the courthouse in the middle of my trial for conspiracy to commit murder, peeing in the bathroom for the fifteenth time today because I'm pregnant."

"Well for starters you had sex with… _Jane_ ," Grace whispered the last word causing Lisbon to roll her eyes.

"The guard isn't Superman, he can't hear you." Lisbon sighed and stood up to leave the stall. "But you're right, that is exactly why I'm in here."

"It could be worse."

"How?"

"You could be dead. Look, so you slept with Jane and got pregnant. So he is on the run from the law and you are being tried for him killing Red John but for a brief moment you got the chance to be with the man you were meant to be with. Some people never get that chance but you got it even if it was for a short period of time. Lisbon you are going to be a mother of a child with genes that are part Jane. That kid is going to be amazing and you are going to be a great mother no matter what happens."

Lisbon had started crying halfway through Grace's speech and quickly grabbed some toilet tissue as a makeshift Kleenex. "I want you to know," Lisbon said, sniffling a little bit, "This is from the hormones, not because of what you said which was a little too sappy for my taste."

Grace laughed and walked over to give her friend a hug. "In a few days you'll be out of this mess and we'll go celebrate, then you'll let us and your family spoil this kid rotten until his daddy comes back and takes over for us."

"You think he'll come back?"

"Jane has a way of showing up when you least expect him," Grace replied, "and I think that you guys have a destiny together, nothing will stand in the way of that." Lisbon was smiling now and Grace just continued. "Honestly, I can't wait for him to come back, I hope I'm there when he does because I want to see his face when you tell him about the baby. He's going to be so happy!"

Lisbon grinned and nodded, ready to start commiserating on what it probably would be like when it happened. But a hard banging on the door interrupted the sweet moment. "Hey? Hurry it up in there!"

She sighed and hurried out with Grace to get back to reality. She had to get through this trial first.

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But getting through the trial was starting to get monotonous as the same routine happened again with the next witness, no proof just speculation and more good coming of her methods than bad. It was almost getting boring now and she'd taken to doodling a little on the notepad that they provided her.

Now she had another method to occupy her mind. She imagined her life outside of this trial, when Jane walked through her apartment…no, her house, she would get a little house for the baby.

She would have a small house somewhere…wherever she could get a job, maybe in a little suburb out of San Francisco where her team could visit. She would work for SFPD again now that the CBI was over, but she would lead a little quieter life with just her and her baby.

Then one day while she was enjoying some time with her baby the doorbell would ring and Jane would be there at the door wearing his beautiful grin. He'd make some wisecrack about the length of time since they'd seen each other but would get serious and tell her he missed her, that he loved her and he couldn't stand not being with her anymore. Then she would tell him that there was something he needed to know, she would grab his hand and pull him inside to show him their baby.

He would cry a little but would pick up their child and hold it close, overwhelmed with joy at being a father again. Then he would hug her, the three of them finally together, a real family.

Then it would be like a storybook ending, as close to happily ever after as she could imagine.

"Does the prosecution call their next witness?" The judge asked, even he sounded bored.

"We call Teri Miller to the stand."

Lisbon's head snapped up at the name. Why was her cellmate being called by the prosecution, she hadn't even met Jane! Apparently her lawyer was just as confused as she was. "What did you do?" He hissed.

"I don't know," Lisbon admitted.

Teri was led out in a tunic dress that hid her skinny frame and covered her grey saggy skin as best as it could, there was no hiding her damaged teeth but the tract marks on her arms were disguised by the flowing sleeves. The dress helped a little but there was no hiding the fact that she was a junkie.

She took the stand and settled into the witness chair all the while looking rather uncomfortable in her own skin. The jury appeared dubious as to her reason for being on the stand but the prosecution rose from their seat with dignity.

"Now, Ms. Miller, you are currently cellmates with the defendant are you not?"

"Sure am."

"And you have spoken to her several times?"

"That's right," Terri said, "she wasn't so talkative at first, kept to herself really, especially since she stays in her cell most of the day 'cause she's a cop and all."

"But you did talk with her."

"Oh yeah, a lot."

The prosecution stepped forward with glee. "Now, tell us about your conversation with Teresa Lisbon on November 17th."

Terri leaned back as if preparing for an onslaught. "Well she was out for a half day because she's knocked up and had to go see a doctor. When she came back she was all excited about seeing her baby, I asked her if her baby daddy would be taking care of it if she got convicted and she said no because he was out of the country." Terri met the prosecution's eye. "Then I asked if he was the guy that killed Red John and she said yes."

"She told you specifically that Patrick Jane is the father of her child."

"Yes she did."

"Did she say anything else?"

"Sure did," Terri continued. "She said she was in love with him. Said she worked with him for years and realized she loved him when he almost died or something."

"While she was still working for the CBI?"

"Oh yeah," Terri replied, "Before he killed Red John. I mean I'm all for his choice in guys to whack but she was sleeping with her psychic, how else could he be the father of her baby?"

The prosecution turned around and looked at Milner and Lisbon with a smug pleased look. "No further questions."

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Milner did his best to repair the damage of Terri's testimony, he tore her apart for drug addictions and past offenses but nothing could stop the echo of her words. Patrick Jane was the father of her baby.

The worst of it was that Lisbon couldn't deny it.

After Terri was allowed to step down from the stand and walk away from the absolute shattered pieces of her former cellmate. Afterwards the trial was postponed until the following morning.

Lisbon found herself sitting in the same conference room but now no one was prematurely celebrating now, everyone was subdued while Lisbon still sat there in shock over what had happened. Everyone else was feeling something similar except for Milner who was looking pretty pissed.

"What did you do?" Milner asked her accusingly. She didn't speak, too numb to find words and move her tongue. "What did _you_ do?" He repeated, each word coming out in staccato.

"I…I was happy," Lisbon admitted, "I had just seen my baby and I…I thought she was my friend."

"You're _friend_?" Milner said, "Let me tell you something I tell all of my clients when they go to prison. Don't make friends! That shit about "snitches get stitches" is bullshit. Everyone in there is looking out for themselves and if telling on their cellmate will get them a stick of gum they'll sing for the birds. I thought an ex cop would know better but apparently you lack common sense along with good taste in men."

"Don't talk to my sister that way," James said as a warning.

Cho gave Milner a hard look too. "What he said."

Milner didn't seem that afraid of them but then again he also saw that they would beat him to a bloody pulp if need be and would do so quite easily. He sighed heavily and gave Lisbon a hard look. "I'll do what I can to mitigate the damage, but keep your mouth shut from now on. If we lose this one…well we'll know why now won't we?"

Lisbon still didn't speak, she couldn't defend herself when she knew exactly who to blame for this.

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Lisbon was led back to her cell but this time she was completely subdued, for the first time she actually wondered if this would be her life now. She jumped again as the door slammed shut behind her with a metallic clang. The only other occupant was her Spanish speaking cellmate, Terri was nowhere to be found and her bunk was empty.

She'd been released…for ratting on her.

She stared at the empty bed for a moment as the numb pain slowly churned into something much more volatile: rage.

Lisbon couldn't take her anger out on her ex-cellmate but she could take it out on her bed. She grabbed Terri's blankets and threw them on the floor then started beating the pillows and mattress, the only release she had at the anger broiling inside of her. How could she have been so stupid? How could she actually let herself trust someone? How could she lose her freedom over being honest?

"Hey!" One of the guards had heard the cries of rage and the beating of innocent pillows. "What's wrong with you? Stop it right now!"

Lisbon turned to look at him, tears falling down her face and her hair a mess of fly-aways. The guard eased up now that she had calmed down a bit. "Good, now clean this up. Now!"

He stood there and waited until she started picking up the mess she had made. She didn't even have the freedom to be angry anymore.

 _Get used to this_ , Lisbon thought bitterly, _this may be your life now_.

* * *

The trial was downhill from Terri's testimony. Any remark or jab Milner too at witnesses couldn't stand to the test of the simple fact the prosecution kept bringing up: Jane was the father of her baby. Even her team had to sit up on the stand and stammer through a testimony that ended up just causing more harm than good.

Lisbon tried to hold on to the hope that this would work out, that she would still walk away with her freedom. The bright idea that she could win the jury over with her charm was put to bed by Milner himself who stoically refused to let her testify. She fought him hard on this one but he remained firm.

"Putting you on the stand will only put the nail in your coffin," Milner declared.

"Or I get the chance to explain my side," she told him, "I can make the jury understand that I did the right thing."

"You'll destroy any remaining chance of getting free."

"How?"

Milner gave her steady look. "I'll give you one reason. What will you say when you are sitting on the stand, under a sworn oath to say the truth, and the prosecution asks you one question? Are you in love with Patrick Jane? Now if you were a dishonest person I wouldn't be so concerned, but you…you're a good cop who believes in justice, you couldn't lie up there even if you wanted to." He looked her in the eye. "So tell me, what would your answer up there be?"

Lisbon couldn't speak, she was too embarrassed that he read her so easily and that she missed that point entirely. Her answer would be an admission of guilt and that would mean everything to the jury.

So she remained off the stand while the trial wound down and the closing statements commenced.

"This is not a story about justice for the victims," the prosecution said, "there are no victims in this story. Red John was a monster and many believe that death was too good for him. The world is safer now that he is gone; there is no doubt of that. But this isn't about Red John; this is about the years of misconduct happening at the CBI. We need to take back our justice system starting with proving that the officers who enforce the laws are not above the law.

"Teresa Lisbon worked with Patrick Jane for years. She knew him well, so well that he fathered the child she is carrying. She let him get away with bending and breaking the rules for years, for what? Because he could catch killers? No, she did it because she wanted him to like her, because she had feelings for him and she thought that letting him do what he wanted would get him closer to her. Perhaps she was right.

"Her choices in helping Patrick Jane kill Red John weren't for the victims. She wasn't thinking about the people he killed, the innocent women he slaughtered. She was thinking about herself, about helping the man she loved commit murder. The death of Red John was not justice…it was petty revenge and no officer has the right to take the law into their own hands…not for any reason."

It was a tough act following that closing statement but Milner gave it a damned good try. He extolled her virtues while reminding everyone of the fact that she helped bring down the most ruthless serial killer of that century. It was very passionate and moving and Lisbon would have felt a sense of pride at being reminded of all of her accomplishments but she felt beat down after the colossal failure she had been in all of this.

She wasn't sure what to expect anymore.

Once closing arguments were finished and the jury was sequestered, Lisbon was left to wait. Her family and her team tried to be upbeat and positive but she mostly remained silent, well aware that this could all go badly.

Grace kept up a peppy attitude as if the jury would walk right out and declare her innocent. "I've been making a list," she told her, "of things you'll need when the baby comes. I've started looking at designs for nursery's too. There could be a zoo or a carnival theme, or if it's a girl, an enchanted garden! I saw some beautiful rose bud wall murals that would be beautiful."

"I'm sure they'll look great next to my shanks in prison," Lisbon scoffed.

Grace looked crestfallen at Lisbon's remark. "Don't talk like that, things will be fine."

But Lisbon wasn't moved by Grace's comment. Instead she turned to her three brothers. "You have to take the baby, when it comes."

"T, quit talking nonsense, you are going to be fine," James insisted.

"We don't know that."

"And you don't know that it's going to go badly!"

Cho stood up from his seat and looked Lisbon in the eye. "Don't do this. You know this isn't true."

"This trial couldn't have gone worse," Lisbon reminded him.

"And you're forgetting it isn't that simple." He told her.

"Jane got out of a murder charge," Rigsby agreed, "and that was on video."

"It's not the same thing."

"No, you're pregnant," Cho replied, "And the victim is Red John."

"No one wants to put a pregnant woman in jail," Rigsby said, "especially when she helped get Red John."

"They are right," Grace chimed in, "These are normal people who are more grateful that they can sleep easier at night then anything. You did nothing wrong, everything that you did was to stop Red John. That is all that matters and they will see that."

She stayed still for a moment, absorbing their words. Her mind wanted to rebel but it couldn't stop the hope swelling up inside of her. She wanted their words to be true, wanted to be certain that she would walk out of the courtroom a free woman. It made sense, it was possible.

God it was possible.

"You're right," Lisbon said, letting out a deep breath. "I can get out of this, it's not over, they could understand."

"They _will_ understand," James corrected her.

She nodded and smiled. "They will understand."

She prayed that they were right.

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The jury came back after fourteen hours of deliberation, a respectable wait period that gave Lisbon hope. Come back too soon and the prosecution was happy, the longer it takes the more likely the defense will walk away free. That was the hard and fast rule they had always believed.

She was led into the room with a racing heart that didn't slow down as the room filled up with the necessary players. It seemed to be forever until the judge came in and brought order to the court. "Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have your honor," the foreman said, a young man in his twenties looking fresh faced in a shirt and tie.

He handed the verdict to the bailiff who gave the verdict for the judge. Lisbon's heart pounded in her ears as the judge read her fate, but his face was as impassive as stone. The verdict was handed back to the foreman so he could read it.

Here it is. The end.

"We the jury find the defendant…"

She held her breath and silently prayed.

"Guilty."

The word rang throughout the room like a loud bell, ringing out the bad news. She couldn't hear anything else, not what charges they were discussing, not the murmur and excitement of the lurkers over the verdict. Nothing except that awful word repeating in her ears.

Guilty…guilty…guilty…

She saw the judge bring order to the court, his mouth moving as he looked at her but she didn't hear him. She didn't hear as he set the date for sentencing, didn't hear as he dismissed the case and the shouting began again from the back of the courtroom. She felt sick and dizzy, the world spinning and standing still.

The officers snapped the cuffs on her wrist as they came to lead her away, back to jail where she would remain until she was sent to prison.

Prison.

Lisbon turned and saw her family, tears streaming down their faces as Grace buried her head in Rigsby's shoulder. She stared at them completely numb, eyes vacant. She saw their pain but couldn't comfort it…not when she was the one who needed the comfort most of all.

Her head tilted up and she saw someone else she knew.

Minelli.

He was in the back, his face ashen. She had no idea he had even come, hadn't contact him at all since she'd gone to prison, he hadn't even crossed her mind in all of this chaos.

For some reason his grief cut her most of all. She'd disappointed him, the man she'd always secretly long for to be her father. Did he know how much she'd tried to make him proud? How much she'd missed him when he left? What did he think of her now?

A tear fell down her cheek as she was led away, through the doors and out of sight to be locked up again.

Freedom was no longer hers.

* * *

It was a long week of tears that Lisbon spent waiting for her sentence, she refused visitors and never once left her cell. It was a numb depression that she was in, shock, disbelief, anger…the many stages of grief. But she wasn't mourning a death, just the loss of everything else that mattered in her life.

She finally appeared before the judge, her family behind her after giving statements pleading for a lesser sentence. It didn't matter much to her, time was time and she would be locked up be it for one year of one hundred. She was still a criminal; she would always have a record, always be monitored and never would be a cop again.

"I must admit to admitting that you and Patrick Jane chose a victim of complete disrepute, the world is much safer now that he is no longer in it. However, the facts remain that you have been convicted of conspiring to commit murder and law enforcement officers are not above the law.

"I sentence you to five years in the Dublin Correctional facility, you will be eligible for parole in three years."

It was a good sentence, the lightest one for her crime and she knew her family was relieved.

Three years in prison. She would live there for three years…and give birth there.

She couldn't think about her baby though, not now when the rest of her life was smoldering in ruins at her feet.

So Lisbon let the time pass as she waited for the day where she was loaded up into a van bound for the Women's Correctional Facility of Dublin California. She was wearing the orange jumpsuit with cuffs around her wrist. She didn't speak to the guards who greeted her with bored expressions on their faces; no one was looking forward to the drive.

It was halfway there when she was thinking about how thirsty she was that she first felt something. A tiny movement like butterflies under her skin. It took a moment before she realized what was happening, unable to stop the gasp that escaped her lips.

"Something wrong, inmate?" The dark skinned guard asked.

"No," Lisbon said quickly, "It's just…my baby, it's kicking."

"Congratulations," the guard mumbled and turned back to focus on the road.

Lisbon covered her stomach with her hands, her cuffs clanking together at her wrists as she cradled the little life inside of her. Sadness filled her as she realized just like the cuffs encircling her wrists, her baby was in captivity too. She had dragged an innocent life into this.

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she looked up and saw the sign for the prison ahead.

 _Welcome home_ , she thought as they drove through the gates.

Teresa Lisbon the cop was over…now her time as a prisoner was beginning.

* * *

A/N: Well what did you think? She made a big mistake trusting an inmate but she won't make the same mistake so lightly. The next chapter is where Lisbon gets her first days in prison, meets the people she will be spending the next couple of years with and learns the hardway that prisoners all hate cops, even ex cops hehehe. She'll have to be on her toes.


	4. Lipstick on a Pig

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: So sorry for the long wait, my computer died so I had to get a new one, then I got caught up in casework and schoolwork which SUCKED. But hey I wrote an extra long chapter for you guys so you should be happy. I think everyone is going to enjoy where this story is going and I'm so excited to get the chance to introduce these new characters. Hope you guys enjoy them as much as I do!

* * *

Chapter 4: Lipstick on a Pig

Lisbon was greeted at the Dublin Women's Federal Correctional Facility with the same customary greeting: a strip search. After getting up close and personal with the most bored looking female guard she'd ever met, Lisbon was handed a new pair of prison issue uniform, this one was navy blue. Orange was for jail time, navy blue or khaki signified federal prisoners. She'd graduated up in the world.

After the new change of clothes she was given a pillow, sheets and a blanket and was led through a long hallway where she was given a long speech about commissary, the health clinic and other services, she would be assigned to a job soon, for now she was allowed in the yard on certain times, her bunk and the cafeteria, the job sites were off limits until then.

Then they were through several doors that opened with a key card and suddenly they were there. Her fellow prisoners.

Lisbon had spent some time worrying about life behind the prison walls, especially as a cop coming in. She'd wondered if they would know about her past occupation. One look in their eyes told her that she had her answer.

Everyone stared at her with eyes full of venom as the guard led her through the dormitory. Lisbon ignored them all, pretending she didn't see them or hear them even as a few catcalls, whispers "here piggy, piggy" and "oink oink pig." One lowlife drunk thief had called her the derogatory term when she was in San Francisco, she'd been all to happy to slam him down onto the ground a few times after he tried to run. That wasn't going to help her now, she was outnumbered.

"You're here," the guard said and pointed at an empty bunk, "Coleman can show you what to do with your stuff."

Her roommate was a black woman in her late forties who scowled at her in irritation; she had a good sixty pounds on Lisbon and long nails that looked completely out of place in prison. She looked like she'd rather take her nails to Lisbon's throat rather than help but the guard stood there waiting for the introductions to begin. "You're bed is there, your drawers are there," she pointed to a built in shelving area. "You can use these hooks. Keep your shit cleaned because I ain't failing inspection because of you, pig."

Lisbon nodded her head. "Got it," she said very softly. She put her blankets on the bed and put her meager belongings away: three books, a change of clothes, flip-flops to wear in the shower and the toiletries she'd been given when she'd been brought in.

She started putting her sheets on her mattress, doing what she could to ignore the stains, not relishing sleeping on the old lumpy thing. There was shouting at the other end of the hall and Lisbon looked up to see a couple of other inmates arguing heatedly. The guard watching her quickly hurried over to break it up, that gave her new roommate enough time to push her head up against the concrete wall.

"You listen to me, bitch. I know what you are, we all do, none of us like cops. You keep your mouth shut and your head down you might get out of this alive. Got it?"

"I'm not here for trouble," Lisbon said, she wanted to show her she could hold her own but sensed that was the wrong tactic here.

"Good, I don't want no shit in here." She released Lisbon suddenly and she all but fell against the wall now, breathing heavily through the pounding pain in her head.

The guard came back over, maybe he sensed trouble. "Everything all right here?" He was asking Lisbon, not her roommate.

Lisbon knew all eyes were on her. "Fine," she lied, "no problems at all."

The guard nodded and walked away again, leaving Lisbon without any safety at all. "The name is Mags," Coleman told her, "keep an eye out, piggy. Not everyone around here is as nice as me."

* * *

Lisbon chose to take her new bunkmate at her word and spent the next couple of hours in the relative safety of her bed. She tried to keep busy by reading but the words swam in front of her eyes, _Jane Eyre_ just didn't hold the appeal when she was nervous about being surrounded by women who hated her strictly because of her career choice. It certainly didn't help that she'd recognized a couple of faces of women she'd actually put away.

Her clothing was stiff and itchy but the bagginess of the material hid her small baby bump easily. The baby hadn't kicked again since the van ride and Lisbon tried very hard to avoid thinking about the life inside of her, it filled her with too much guilt. What kind of mother was she if she was having her baby behind bars?

Her brothers had been anxious for her when she'd called them the day before the transfer; she'd had to play the comfortable role of the mother figure assuring them that everything was going to be fine. It was actually nice to be able to lie to them because it kept her on the familiar path she was used to.

Eventually there was an annoying buzzing sound and she saw her neighbors filing out of the hallway. "What's going on?" she asked Mags.

"Chow time," Mags told her, "hurry up or all of the pudding will be gone."

She wasn't sure why the big rush to the cafeteria for pudding was taking place but she didn't question it, she was starving and any food sounded like a good idea. The line was long and there was no denying the looks and whispers that were directed towards her.

Finally she made it to the counter with the assemblage of food, a few inmates were dressed up as lunchladies with hairnets and their prison clothing. The first one was a young Spanish girl who recognized her immediately. "It's the pig," she declared and the other inmates serving lunch darted their eyes towards her, all wearing similar expressions of disgust.

Lisbon didn't shrink away, choosing instead to adopt an aura of indifference, as if she wasn't bothered at all by the situation. She figured it was better to show strength then fear and bewilderment, good thing years of working with Jane had improved her poker face even if her insides were quivering like jelly.

She looked back over to see that they were filling her tray with food, some lump of meat covered in brown gravy, boxed mashed potatoes and some green peas. Lisbon took the tray, feeling oddly like she was back in highschool with bad food and all. She took a carton of milk and looked to find a place to sit, preferably away from everyone else.

The good news was that everyone else seemed to have the same idea and forcibly looked away or gave her a harsh "not sitting here" when she passed. But thankfully there was a spattering of tables on the far left side that weren't currently occupied, Lisbon took a seat there and kept her back to the rest of the room. She took a bite of the potatoes first since they appeared to be the most edible part of the meal. Then she switched to trying to decipher the meat that was on her tray; she poked at it with her fork, nothing that it was hard gray blob covered in gravy. It took her moment before she realized that the gray blob was actually kind of…furry…and was that a tail?

A second later she realized exactly what was on her tray.

Lisbon felt her whole body go cold and she the world seemed to tilt a little but her stomach was churning so much she couldn't wait for it to past. She rushed to the closest trashcan and vomited what little had been in her stomach from breakfast.

Behind her she heard the roar of the laughter and talking, making it all to clear that this wasn't an accident.

The dead mouse in her meal was her welcome package.

When she stopped heaving over the trashcan she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and straightened up. The ruckus in the cafeteria was still going on with most everyone still laughing at her expense. Lisbon tossed the rest of her food in the trash since there was no way she would be able to eat anymore after realizing she'd been served _carne a la mouse_.

She moved to leave to go back to her bunk but was stopped by the guard. "No one leaves the cafeteria."

"I just want to go back to my bunk."

"No one leaves."

"What am I going to do? They aren't going to actually let me eat, you want me to sit here and do nothing?"

"No. One. Leaves." The guard told her, clearly getting angry. "Now sit down before I write you up."

Lisbon couldn't believe that she didn't even have the right to avoid being teased and pranked on. But she didn't have a choice. She sat back down in her own isolation table and tried to pretend she couldn't hear or see anything else around her. She wanted to cry out her frustrations but there was no place she could be alone.

She was in a new world where everyone hated her and this time she didn't have a partner.

* * *

Eventually the guards let people leave as the cafeteria spilled out. Lisbon stayed in her bunk where she was more of less alone. Her biggest problem now was trying to entertain herself, which wasn't easy since she was still far too distracted to really focus on anything. Somehow, she made it through the hours without dying of boredom or fear but a new problem presented itself at dinner time.

This time instead of giving her a dead mouse to eat, the cafeteria workers simply refused to serve her.

It was funny how people just accepted that they wanted to starve her, even worse that the guards on duty saw and did nothing. Lisbon wasn't sure if it was because they simply didn't care or if it was because they didn't like the fact that she was considered a "traitor" to the brotherhood of officers. Either way she was sunk on actually getting a real meal. She had money in commissary so they couldn't starve her that way, but she was only allowed to go to commissary on certain days and being a new arrival meant she hadn't even received a schedule for that yet.

But she had a plan; she wasn't going to let the inmates starve her, not when currently she was having to provide nourishment for another person as well. Still, for now she had to ignore her growling stomach until the next day when she could actually do something about her predicament.

The routine for lights out was very similar to what she'd gotten used to at county, in bunks by nine. Oddly, it was comforting to have some form of structure that she was used to, even if it wasn't an ideal situation by any means. When the lights finally went out she curled up on her bunk, placing one hand on her stomach both as an unconscious means of protecting her child but also to draw comfort from it. She needed the reassurance that she was not alone…even if she wished she were for her child's sake.

Whispers stirred her from the sad pervading thoughts in her mind. She didn't move but listened carefully as she heard some people creeping down the hall towards her bunk. It looked like she was getting a midnight welcome committee as well.

Whatever they had planned, she stopped them in their tracks by sitting up as soon as they came to her bunk. But that might not have been enough to actually prevent them from whatever plan they had in mind, oddly enough, she had her bunkmate to thank for that.

"Nuh uh," Mags said as soon as she heard the commotion as well, she sat up and wagged a finger at them. "I don't care what you do to the pig, but it ain't gonna be here! I ain't cleaning up none o' your shit! Get outta here or I'll tell Lula on ya and she'll talk to Mama too, if not then I'll slock ya myself."

That sent the women scattering and Lisbon found herself oddly in her bunkmate's debt. "Thank you," she whispered to Mags.

Mags merely grunted. "They'll still slock ya if you they want to, Pig and I aint' gonna cry when they do. Just not where I have to clean up."

Well it was comforting to know that at least Mags would keep her safe in her bunk if only so Mags wouldn't have to clean up the blood.

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Somehow Lisbon did manage to fall asleep even if it wasn't particularly restful. She woke up early when her bunkmate roused as well. Mags got up and ignored her entirely but Lisbon saw she was grabbing her shower caddy and she thought that wasn't a bad idea by any means. She didn't have a caddy but she did have a towel, flip flops and the little bottles of soap and shampoo they gave her when they arrived.

Lisbon followed Mags who ignored her still. To Lisbon's surprise, the showers were actually open so she was able to walk in and claim one for herself without having to wait in line. The water wasn't very warm but it was bearable and Lisbon relished the solitude of at least a few moments where no one was glaring at her as if she'd strangled their puppy.

When she stepped out of the shower she was greeted with more angry eyes and the next person in line purposely bumped Lisbon while passing her. Lisbon ignored the childish games and focused on getting dressed in as much privacy as she could find. Well at least she was clean.

She tried once again to get breakfast but was once more denied. She was so hungry that the bland oatmeal they were serving looked like manna from heaven to her. Her opportunity to change her circumstances arrived when the guard with the flabby gut and dark slightly balding head came to her. The name Lewkowski was sewn across his chest. "Congratulations inmate, you get to meet your counselor today."

She nodded in understanding but chose to remain silent, she didn't like the way his dark brown eyes looked her over but there was little she could do about any of that. She was led to a small string of offices near the dormitories; the one Lewkowski took her to had the name J. Gorland on the door. Lisbon cautiously enetered to see an older man, probably in his fifties with grey hair and thick bushy eyebrows, if he'd had a longer chin he might have passed for Jay Leno.

"I'm John Gorland, your counselor for your stay here." He told her, gesturing her to take a seat. "I trust your first night was uneventful."

"Yes," she told him, deciding to keep the midnight visit to herself. Snitches get stitches in prison, especially former cops.

"Good, and you're doing okay?"

"Other than being in prison," Lisbon admitted.

Gorland nodded, looking down at the paperwork on his desk. "I looked over your file, a very interesting case." Sure, that was one way to put it. "Five years isn't long, three is even better. We'll do everything we can to make that happen but of course you're going to have to do your part."

Now he was talking to her like a child. Even better.

"I'm here because a jury decided I was guilty," Lisbon explained, "I don't want to stay any longer and I don't want to make trouble."

He took his glasses off to look at her. "I've been at this prison for over twenty years you know that? Never had someone come through my door with aiding and abetting a murderer, certainly not like this."

"I'm glad to be of service."

"I'm not here to judge, certainly not because of who you helped kill. My wife wouldn't sleep for days every time Red John killed another woman. I'm just here to help you get through this time as seamlessly as possible." Gorland explained, "You can come to me with any problem and I will do anything that I can to help you."

Lisbon thought it all sounded nice but she also knew bullshit when she heard it. Gorland probably wasn't a bad guy but she got the feeling that there was little he could do and it always depended on if he actually felt like doing it.

She looked him in the eye knowing she had to address her own concerns. "I'm pregnant."

"I'm aware of that and we will be doing everything we can to accomidate you," Gorland explained, "I'll have our clinical director schedule an appointment with you in order to answer any of your questions and concerns."

That was something at least. "There's more," Lisbon told him, "They're starving me out."

"Who's they?"

"The food service inmates," Lisbon explained. "I don't care about myself but I can't skip meals when I'm pregnant. I want to be able to go to commissary so I can buy some food when they aren't letting me get anything at the posted times."

"Did you talk to the guards?"

"I'm fairly certainly they see me not get fed everyday."

Gorland looked a little embarrassed at being caught like that. "I'll have a talk to them. Commissary days are Tuesdays and Wednesdays and your group can also go Fridays. As long as your money was processed you should be fine."

"Thank you," Lisbon said.

"Now you'll have an orientation on Wednesday with the other new arrivals, attendance is mandatory. You're work assignment will come within the next week or so, the handbook will tell you when yard hours, gym hours and the track are available. Any questions?"

"When can I receive visitors?"

"Sundays and Saturdays from 8:00am to 2:00pm and holidays unless otherwise posted. Your list of visitors has been approved and you can receive visits this weekend."

"What about the phone?"

"Hours for the phone are posted, you have 300 minutes a month starting now."

Lisbon nodded, feeling better knowing that she had means of reaching people now. "Thank you."

Gorland nodded again. "Keep your head down and you'll do fine, just don't make friends, makes it easier once you get out."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow at that bit of advice. Don't make friends. The same advice her lawyer had told her, too little too late, but she wasn't keen to make the same mistakes. She just wanted to get out as soon as possible.

* * *

Lisbon decided to take the time before the required lunchtime to try and explore something of the prison. She headed outside first to survey the track and yard area, it was all surrounded by a tall chain link fence but it was actually a fairly decent area to get fresh air and exercise. She eyed the track with particular pleasure; it might be nice to return to her good old high school track days.

She had flipped through the handbook and seen the variety of courses offered at the prison too, mostly for the inmates who hadn't received enough education outside but there was a parenting class that might not be a terrible idea. The handbook made it seem like this was practically a junior college when she knew it was undoubtedly less so. But she had to pass the time somehow; she had a whole three years here.

The small gym and recreation area was next to the library, there was a little space for inmates to do yoga or meditate but mostly it was used to sit and chit chat. Most everyone ignored her as she rambled through, she found the commissary but it was closed for the day, the telephones were right next to it. All of the lines were currently being used but Lisbon thought it might not be a bad idea to wait and call her brothers, they were probably worried sick, they deserved to know she'd survived her first night in prison.

She waited behind another inmate who was talking in Spanish so fast she oculdn't understand a word. Ten minutes later Lisbon was still waiting with increasingly less patience.

"You'll never get the phone, you know."

Lisbon turned to see another inmate leaning against the wall, this one a woman at least ten years younger than herself with longish dark blonde hair and hazel eyes. She was actually rather pretty, probably even more so if she got more sun and out of the grey atmosphere of prison.

"I'm sorry?" Lisbon asked, feeling strange that someone was actually talking to her.

"You'll never get the phone, not when C. K. is on it."

"C.K."

"Chatty Kathy," the other inmate told her, "but don't say that to her face, she don't like it."

Lisbon nodded. "Okay, but she has to get off some time, I mean she only gets a limited amount of minutes."

But the inmate shook her head. "C.K. got unlimited minute on a count of her mom got cancer, the guys upstairs don't like it when the papers say prisoners ain't allowed to talk to their dying moms. Not that C.K. ever call her mom, she's always on there talking to her old man."

Lisbon frowned and put in an effort to listen to C.K.'s conversation, even with her limited Spanish vocabulary. It didn't take too long before she finally realized exactly what the other inmate was saying over the line, _very_ graphically. She turned bright red and saw that the other inmate was smiling. "Most of the guards don't know Spanish, otherwise they'd be listening in with a bottle of lotion and a dishrag."

Now Lisbon's face was red as a tomato at the implication which made her laugh. "You'll get used to it around here, most of us ain't as classy as you're used to, Piggy."

"I've heard worse," Lisbon said, bristling at the nickname again.

"I'll bet, Jackie O and Nay Nay been going on about you, especially Nay, might want to watch your back around her."

Lisbon didn't know who Jackie O or Nay Nay were but she'd planned to stear clear of everyone any ways. "Thanks for the warning."

"Don't mention it, Piggy."

She gritted her teeth at the insult but kept her mouth shut as she walked away. She would handle any disgusting words thrown her way as long as she could get out of this whole mess in one piece.

Eventually the call for lunch started again and Lisbon stood in the long line and waited to see what would happen. Would she actually get fed today or was there a chance they'd let her get some food out of commissary? She made it to the front and was given even more hostile looks today, but the girl gave one glance at the guard who was watching intently and she started ladling food on the tray.

So at least now the guards were forced to do their jobs and her baby didn't have to starve, it was something at least. She took her tray of food and found her usual spot, alone and away from everyone else. The food was just as bad as before but she didn't care, it was food and she wasn't about to turn that down.

She was eating the bologna sandwich when she was surprised by someone actually sitting down in front of her, the same inmate she'd spoken to by the phones. "The food is shit here," she told Lisbon, "but don't tell Mama I said that."

Mama?

"My name is Jinx by the way," she told Lisbon.

Lisbon was still confused over what exactly was going on. "Why are you sitting here?"

"You going to tell me this seat is taken?"

"No," Lisbon replied, "but you know who I am."

"Piggy, everyone in this shit hole knows who you are."

"Then why are you sitting here talking to me?" Lisbon asked, "didn't you get the memo? You're supposed to hate me and feed me dead mice."

Jinx didn't even blink. "Why am I supposed to hate you? Cause' you were a cop? The way I see it, you're one of us now."

Maybe Jinx had meant it in good form, maybe even as a compliment but Lisbon sure didn't see it that way. To her it was a reminder that her life, her entire identity, was effectively over. She wasn't a cop anymore, could never be a cop with a criminal record, now she was literally a convicted criminal. She honestly had no idea what she would do once she got out of prison; perhaps it was a good thing she had a full three years to figure it out.

"So you going to the movie tonight? I hear it's the new one with Will Farrell, Coacoa thinks he's hilarious but he's just okay to me, still it's better than nothing."

Lisbon was still not sure about what was going on. "You really shouldn't be talking to me," Lisbon told her, "no one is going to like it."

"You think I care?"

"You should," she replied, "and besides, I'm not here to make friends."

"Nah, you're here because twelve assholes said you should," Jinx replied, a rather apt description if she knew one. "But since you are here, maybe you should make some friends."

"The last friend I made behind bars turned around and made a deal that got me convicted," Lisbon clarified, "I'm not interested in making the same mistakes."

"You think I'm a snitch?"

"I'm not taking any chances."

Jinx studied her carefully for a long while. "I get it, you've been burned. But you might need some help getting through this shit-hole, otherwise you might wind up with a shank in your gut or a slock up against your head."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "And you're offering to be my tour guide?"

"Not if you call me a tour guide."

She almost laughed; under different circumstances she would have welcomed the possibility of a new friend. But she wasn't going to put her guard down so easily, she'd already lost too much as it was. "For your sake, you really just need to leave me be."

Jinx nodded. "You're a tough one, and smart, maybe that will be enough." She left the table after that and Lisbon focused on finishing up her meal in silence. If she had to spend the next three years in here then she would do it as painless as possible, that meant making sure she didn't repeat the same mistake she made with Terri.

Two days down, one thousand and ninety-three more to go.

* * *

Her next night in prison was actually uneventful, at least no one was going to bother her while she shared a bunk with Mags. She made a beeline for the phone as soon as she was able to, she knew her brothers were probably still panicking over her situation and it would do some good if she could assure them that she was handling it okay.

She waited the few minutes it took for the call to go through and her brothers to hear the usual spiel about accepting calls from an inmate. Then she heard Stan's voice on the other line. "Teresa?"

"Yes, it's me, Stan."

"Oh thank God! How are you? Are you okay? You're not hurt or anything are you?"

"No," She told him, "I'm fine…well as fine as I can be."

"I'm serious, no one has hurt your or threatened you?"

"I'm a cop in prison," Lisbon reminded him, "I'm not exactly anyone's new best friend."

"What happened?"

"Nothing really, just a few ambiguous threats, they love to call me Pig. But really its nothing I can't handle, they just don't like having a cop around."

"Are you sure you're going to be all right?"

"I'll be fine, the guards are looking out for me, no one wants to get in trouble here."

It was probably a lie but she wasn't about to tell her brothers that prison was especially dangerous for cops. They were already worried out of their minds as it was; she was still going to protect them even if she was the one behind bars. She sighed an decided to try to change the subject. "How are you? How are Karen and the kids?"

"They are fine," Stan assured her, "just worried about you."

"I'll be fine too."

"Karen's wants to make you a care package."

"I'd kill for some books," Lisbon admitted, "and pictures, anything really."

"We can do that," Stan told her. She heard him get quiet for a long moment and then surprised her by asking. "How's the baby?"

She had to smile a little then. "It's okay, nothing really, kicks sometimes but otherwise I'm okay. They give me prenatal care so it should be healthy." A terrible thought overcame her, she only had about four more months before her baby was born and she had a three year sentence, the math was not in her favor. "What about the baby? Are you still going to take it?"

"Of course! Karen and I will set up a nursery, we'll take care of your kid until you get out."

"I'm serious, Stan. I can't let anything happen to it and it'll be three years—."

"Don't worry about that," Stan told her, "You know we'll take care of the baby, we're not going to let anyone take away our family."

She nodded, brushing the tears away from her face. "Just promise you'll send pictures."

"We'll visit too."

"I don't want you to spend too much—."

"You're not going to go three years without seeing your kid," Stan replied, "We'll figure something out, all three of us."

"Okay," she said, still trying to control her tears. "I know…I know this is hard on all of you."

"We aren't the ones in prison."

"No, we all are."

It was a good point that Stan couldn't refute. "We'll get out of this," he told her, "it'll be over before we know it."

She wasn't sure how Stan had taken over comforting her but she was grateful for it at least. "I love you," she told him, "all of you. And I'm so sorry all of this happened."

"You did what you knew was right, you had to get a killer, its not your fault the governor is an asshole." She laughed then, a sad laugh but one nonetheless.

"Hey piggy!" One of her fellow inmates called out from behind her, "you done talking to your ol' man, you're holdin' up the line."

Lisbon sighed and shook her head. "And it looks like my time is up."

"You sure you're going to be okay?"

"If anything it'll be the food that kills me." That made Stan chuckle a little and she called that a win. "I love you, I'll be okay. Call you again soon, I promise."

"I love you too, Teresa."

She hung up then feeling sad but like a small piece of her heart had slipped back into place. She didn't know how long it would be before her sadness pulled it back but for now she would relish in it.

When she handed over the phone to the next inmate in line she only received a vague bored expression, not a dirty look. She took that as another win.

Maybe things were turning around.

* * *

Lisbon figured out quickly that sneaking into the shower right at the start of the first shift meant she would get warm water and no line for the shower. She took the time to actually enjoy the feel of the warmth, the time to herself. There was never a moment when she didn't feel eyes on her, having always been a private person, this aspect of prison was a complete nightmare.

She was focused on enjoying the water she didn't hear the door to the shower room open, or the sound of other inmates coming in. Not that it would have raised her alarms but having the dingy shower curtain yanked aside sure did.

Lisbon whirled around quickly, almost losing her footing and looked into the eyes of four inmates…and she knew one of them. "Stephanie?"

"Hi there Agent Lisbon," Stephanie replied, there was a dark look in her eyes like she was enjoying this a bit too much. "Didn't think I'd see you again."

She knew that Stephanie wasn't meaning she was happy to see her. "I don't want to cause any trouble," Lisbon said quickly. She felt stupid standing naked in the shower, trying and failing to cover herself while also trying to talk down what was sure to be a very bad fight if she wasn't careful.

"You shoulda thought of that when you put me in here."

"You helped your boyfriend cover up the murder of your landlord," Lisbon reminded her, "you confessed."

"Only because your psychic tricked me!" Stephanie shouted back.

"Jane didn't force you to confess."

Stephanie wasn't here to face cold logic, she wasn't willing to listen to reason either. "Just shut up you stupid cop!" Then she smiled a cold smile. "But you're here with us now aren't you? Guess you aren't so high and mighty anymore."

The door to the bathroom opened, startling all of them. Lisbon turned her head to see that Jinx was walking inside; she froze once she saw the proceedings but didn't say anything.

One of Stephanie's companions turned to her and growled. "Get out of here, Jinx. Got nothing to do with you."

Jinx nodded. "I didn't see anything."

"Keep it that way."

And any hope of being saved was gone, not that Lisbon was entirely surprised. She knew she was on her own in this place. Now she turned to face four women who were intent on causing her harm.

"Now where were we?" Stephanie asked, holding up a shank made from a razor blade melted into a plastic toothbrush handle. It was crude but obviously effective…and Lisbon was naked of weapon and clothing. Not a good situation.

But she had been trained to handle bad situations.

"Stephanie, you don't want to do this."

"No, I _really_ do."

Lisbon tried another tactic. "The guards aren't stupid, they'll look into this, you think they won't go after the people I put in here first?"

"You'll be dead, you won't be able to squeal."

"Just get on with it, Jazz," one of the other inmates demanded.

"I'm getting there, Lobo." Stephanie replied, not taking her eyes off Lisbon. "I just want to enjoy it."

With that, Stephanie moved to swipe at Lisbon who held up her arms to defend herself. The blade cut into her skin, drawing blood and pain but it wasn't a serious wound. Stephanie tried again and this had better results, again cutting Lisbon's arm but this time, she managed to knock the shank out of Stephanie's hands and it skittered across the room.

She didn't have the time to enjoy her small victory and Stephanie went straight for the attack, knocking Lisbon on the head. She fell against the wall of the shower, losing her feet on the slippery tiles so she fell hard onto the floor. She immediately curled up in a ball as Stephanie started kicking, and a couple of her friends joined in. Then she heard a really terrifying announcement.

"I got the knife, Jazz. Do it!"

Lisbon was gasping for air but looked up to see Stephanie with the blade, ready to finally do some serious damage. She couldn't stop it, she was already in the worst position. She could fight, but every outcome said she would lose. Her blood was already staining the white tiles pink as it mixed with the water, soon more would come.

"What the hell is going on here?!"

All four inmates turned in unison to see Herman, one of the female guards glaring at all of them. Stephanie was literally caught with knife in hand but she was too stunned to recognize how much trouble she was in at the moment.

Herman pulled out her baton and pointed it at Stephanie. "Drop the knife, Holfstadder. _Now_!" Stephanie complied, the knife clattering to the floor again while all four inmates held their hands up. "All of you, on the floor, hands on your head." While the inmates followed her orders Herman radioed the other guards about the situation. It didn't take long for Greene and Jennings showed up. Herman and Greene took care of the delinquent inmates while Jennings check on Lisbon who was still curled up on the floor, her blood staining her skin.

"Inmate, you all right?"

Lisbon shook her head and stammered out. "They kicked me…"

"It's okay, we'll walk you to the clinic and they'll check you out."

"No…my baby…you…you have to check my baby."

Jennings froze, obviously she had forgotten that part of Lisbon's profile or maybe she hadn't known. "All right, we'll check on you." She lowered her head to her radio. "Lewkowski, call an ambulance, we need to get Lisbon to the hospital ASAP to check on her baby."

Lisbon immediately felt a sense of relief that they were at least going to make sure her child was all right. Other than that, she was still in shock…and terrified to the point that she could hardly think. She was dimly aware that Jennings had wrapped a towel around her and helped her stand up. Maybe she even put on her shirt, and then helped her into her pants.

Jennings was the one who led her towards the door and that was when Lisbon saw her.

Jinx was standing in the doorway; she looked straight at Lisbon but didn't speak. She didn't have to; Lisbon knew then that it was no accident the guard had walked in at just the right moment.

She couldn't speak but hoped her eyes spoke of gratitude as she was led out of the bathroom and to wait for the coming ambulance.

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Lisbon was taken to the closest hospital and checked in immediately. Jennings stayed in the room the entire time, Lisbon knew it was her job but the guard actually did look concerned. But she was still handcuffed to the bed as if she was going to take the first opportunity to escape. Jane would be able to get out of this situation with a paperclip and a piece of string probably, but even he would wait until the doctor said her child was okay.

One of the nurses kept coming in to run a few tests and she was genuinely surprised that she wasn't fazed by the idea of taking care of an inmate. Perhaps this wasn't the first time they'd taken a prisoner to the hospital, or maybe this woman was just genuinely nice. Either way she did everything she could to make sure she calming down and assured her that everything would be fine. Then she checked her arms and brought someone else in to stitch up the cuts.

Finally the doctor came in, a man maybe about her own age who immediately asked for a sonogram to check on her baby but assured her that without any cramping or bleeding, most likely everything would be fine. But she didn't breathe easier until he was moving the tranducer over the belly and she heard the fast pace of her baby's heartbeat.

"Oh thank God," she gasped out in relief, a tear escaping her eye and sliding down her cheek.

Her doctor nodded. "Everything is looking fine, baby seems to be coming along well and…oh look! You're having a girl."

"What?" Lisbon asked craning her head to look over at the screen. "It's a girl?"

"Yes," he assured her, pointing to the baby shaped blob on the screen. "Right there."

Tears were falling from her eyes again but she was smiling too. "Oh wow, I'm having a girl." She fell back against the bed, thanking God silently. "And she's okay. She's okay.

* * *

The doctor wanted her to stay overnight; mostly to keep an eye on her arms and to make sure the terrible shock didn't affect her unborn child. But the next morning she was picked up in the prison van with one of the other inmates behind the wheel. The ride back was silent but she was grateful for that, she wasn't going to pretend she was happy about going back.

The first thing that happened when she arrived was a meeting with her counselor Gorland. He apologized for what happened and assured her that her safety was very important to everyone at the prison, the offenders had been moved to maximum security and he didn't anticipate anyone attacking her like that again.

She knew it was meaningless bullshit and they were all trying to cover their own asses but at least it was reassuring to know that Stephanie wasn't going to be able to surprise her in the shower again.

Now she was back in general population with even more stares then usual, but she couldn't identify what was behind those eyes, it wasn't anger anymore…it was something else. She spent the morning at her bunk staring at the new picture of her baby girl and wondered what she would be like. Would she have blonde or brown hair? Would her hair be curly or straight?

Then she wondered what Jane would think of having another girl. Sure he'd always loved children, that was obvious…but he'd lost one little girl, could he handle having a second? Lisbon had a feeling he'd be terrified but overjoyed more than anything, he'd probably never let the baby out of his arms for the first six months of her life.

God she hoped he'd be able to see her.

The call for lunch came and she had to follow the line of inmates out of the bunks to the cafeteria. She expected the same routine when she got to the front but things changed.

"Mama, she's here," one of the inmates called out and Lisbon had to wait for 'Mama' to come out. She was a little Hispanic woman in her mid to late fifties wearing a white chefs apron. She looked Lisbon over with her dark brown eyes and nodded before setting a carton of yogurt on the tray.

And that was it, she got her tray of food but this time with a little something extra and Lisbon could not have been more confused. She took at seat at her usual spot and stared at the yogurt for a minute. No one else had gotten any and why had Mama come out to hand it out personally?

She contemplated it some more as she started eating the rest of her meal, then she spotted something else that held her interest.

Jinx was walking by with her own tray; she glanced at Lisbon and slowed her steps but didn't move to stop, as if unsure of the whole thing herself.

"Hey," Lisbon said, calling her back, "The seat is empty…if you want?"

She felt a bit like the kid on the school bus offering a seat but Jinx didn't seam to care. She sat down across from Lisbon as if nothing was amiss. And she cut to the chase before Lisbon could. "You don't need to thank me."

"Yes I do," she insisted. "You saved my life."

"Jazz was annoying," Jinx insisted. "Everyone was glad she's gone to Max."

"So you saved my life to get rid of her, not for me?" Lisbon asked doubtfully.

"You're a cop, what would you have done?"

"Well I'm not a cop anymore," Lisbon reminded her, "you said that yourself."

Jinx just shrugged and Lisbon sighed heavily. She wasn't sure how this conversation was going to go. She settled for asking about something else. "Any idea why the chef gave me this?" She asked holding up the yogurt.

"Mama gave you that?"

"Yes," Lisbon said, "I just have no idea why."

"Are you shitting me?"

"No."

Jinx laughed now and shook her head. "You really don't know anything about this place do you?" She wasn't looking for an answer, just continued on. "When Jazz tried to stab you it got out you've got a bun in the oven. You should have said something earlier, would have saved you a mouse sandwich."

"You're saying this is because I'm pregnant?"

Jinx nodded. "Everyone here hates pigs, but Mama don't care what you are…you gonna have a baby. Kids trump everything else here, it's the law of nature."

Lisbon thought about that for a moment and it made sense. The primal instinct to protect one's young was something everyone could understand. "So Mama gave me this for my baby."

"And told the others to let you be," Jinx explained, "no one is going to bother you now."

It was interesting to understand that her instinct to stick herself and avoid everyone hadn't been the right way, if she'd been a bit more open about her situation, her first couple of days might have been a little easier. She studied the younger woman in front of her, dirty blond hair and some faded track marks on her arms…but also the first person here who didn't care about her former occupation even before learning she was carrying a baby.

 _Don't make friends_.

Her lawyer had said that and so had her counselor and she had been determined to keep that close.

But what about allies?

"I need help," Lisbon declared to Jinx, "I don't know how to navigate around this place…and obviously you do?"

"What happened to sticking by yourself?"

"Well it certainly didn't work out for me in the shower yesterday."

Jinx cracked a smile. "Well then, I think I can help you out."

Lisbon smiled back at her, for the first time since her arrival she felt like just maybe she would be able to survive this.

* * *

A/N: Making friends with inmates didn't help Lisbon before, will history repeat itself with Jinx? Only time will tell, Lisbon still ahs some adjusting to do with prison life as she gets to know some of her fellow prisoners and the guards. Things aren't going to be smooth sailing for Lisbon now...it's a prison after all!


	5. Getting the Hang of It

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: So sorry for the long wait guys but I got caught up in a lot of things. I had school work to finish, then applications for jobs/PhD schools to finish, then the holidays and also a LOT of case work (which was awseome!) but I finally managed to hash this out and I'm happy with it. I wanted to write a chapter to get you guys and Lisbon a bit familiar with how her life will be in prison now that the inmates aren't trying to kill her. I think you guys will like some of these characters she's meeting and I'm intrigued by why you guys think of Jinx.

* * *

Chapter 5: Getting the Hang of It

When Jinx offered to help Lisbon learn her way around the prison Lisbon hadn't quite anticipated a gossip session with other prisoners but that was exactly what she got at breakfast the next morning. She was seated at a table with Jinx and four other prisoners who introduced themselves as Bubbles, Denver, Chico and Barbie, the latter undoubtedly named for her resemblance to the toy doll.

They were all chatting away and eager to dish on whatever morsel of gossip they had on their fellow inmates. "That one over there," Denver said pointing to a black woman across the room. "Her name is D-Lish and she's a little crazy," she emphasized the point by twirling a finger by her ear.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh she don't hurt anyone else, just sometimes she'll start hitting her head against a table or screaming. She goes to psych sometimes but the last time it got bad was because the clinic ran out of her meds." Jinx explained, "but then the guard who was handing 'em out got canned so maybe he was just palming them for himself."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow at that but kept her mouth shut on making any declarations. She chose to reserve her judgment since most prisoners didn't like guards and vice versa. Chico, a Hispanic woman in her early twenties pointed to another Hispanic woman serving food. "You see her, that's Loco, but she not crazy she just very tough and also she not like other girls here who swing lesbian until we get out, she came in that way."

"And why does that matter?"

"It just helps to know where the lines are," Chico explained, "and if you do swing that way she's very understanding."

She gave Chico a confused look. "I'm pregnant."

"So?"

Jinx shook her head. "Ignore her, Piggy, she inhaled too many cleaning chemicals."

"Better than touching worms all day like you do, puta," Chico replied. Lisbon honestly couldn't tell if they were actually arguing or not.

She decided to try and change the subject then. "Speaking of 'lines' why is everyone segregated?"

Bubbles shrugged. "It's just how it is. It's not racist, people stick to their own people, blacks with blacks, whites with whites, Latinas with Latinas. It's basic human instinct or something."

Lisbon pondered that, in a world where political correctness was the letter of the day, it was strange to see that when people were left more or less to themselves they still stuck to the old ways. Perhaps there was something in that about human nature, sticking to know who understood you best. Then again, there wasn't any animosity between the groups from what she could tell, just everyone looking out for their own.

"All right, and Mama, what about her?"

"Mama is the boss around here," Barbie told her.

"Just think of her as the godfather," Jinx explained, "except she's Latina and a woman and carries a big wooden spoon instead of a gun."

"So she runs the place."

"Exactly, stay on her good side and everything will be fine. If you have a problem, you can go to her too and she'll help you out. Just don't get her upset, she can get one of her girls to fix things."

"And she's the one who got everyone to leave me alone," Lisbon inferred.

"Oh yeah," Chico said. "She got her girls to go out and tell everyone that no one was allowed touch you as long as you've got a bun in the oven."

Lisbon wondered if she was expected to do anything about that, like thank Mama for her help. Not that she knew what she looked like but Lisbon figured it couldn't be that hard to figure out who the prison version of the Michael Corleon was.

Still there were other matters she was curious about. "What about all of these nicknames?"

"Everyone gets one sooner or later," Barbie said, "Means you're one of us."

"So what would mine be?"

Jinx grinned at hers. "You already got yours, Piggy."

Lisbon wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Great."

"Did you tell her about the guards?" Chico asked Jinx.

Jinx shook her head. "I was getting to that."

"What about the guards?"

She lowered her head conspiratorially, "If you're going to survive you'll need to know about them. Kilmer is the best, she'll let you slide on small things and even give you a stick of gum if you ask. Johnson and Mackey are okay; if Mackey is tired he'll give you a demerit. Lewkowski is the _worst_ , he'll give you a demerit because he feels like it and when he does a pat down, he'll cop a feel easy."

"That's against the law."

"You really think they care?"

It wasn't a bad point and it was the first warning Lisbon had that things were going to be different for her now. She was always used to living in a world where she controlled her own life and as a figure of authority, her word actually commanded some respect. But that was different here, why should anyone listen to the complaints of a convicted criminal?

Jinx gave her a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine, you're smart, pretty and don't have track marks, in their eyes you're the golden child."

She wasn't sure how true that was but Lisbon was grateful for any of the advice Jinx would give her. Lord knows she needed it.

* * *

After breakfast, she was called to her counselor's office so he could give her a work assignment: the laundry room. She wasn't entirely sure lifting heavy bags of clothes was the best thing for a pregnant woman but she was put on light duty, which meant she was responsible to taking the clothes and bedding out of the bags and sorting them into piles.

Most women seemed pleased with laundry duty; it wasn't as disgusting as janitorial duty or as labor intensive as construction or outdoor maintenance. The biggest problem with the job was that it was in an unventilated room so it could get very warm very quickly.

A skinny black woman who told her to call her Diamond introduced her to her duties. Her job, at the moment, was easy. She was supposed to empty to the bags and put them in the separate piles for clothing and bedding. When that was done, she was going to put clean clothes and bedding back into bags for each inmate. They didn't want her actually lifting the heavy bags or bending over all of the time to put things in the washer and dryers so this would be her duty for the foreseeable future until her baby was born.

Lisbon had a feeling she was going to get very bored very quickly.

Now though it was nice to actually be able to keep her hands busy, even if her mind wasn't. The other ladies in the laundry room chatted amongst themselves, gossiping about the goings on at the prison. Lisbon kept an ear on the conversation more because it couldn't hurt to know more about what was happening.

She was thoroughly engrossed in hearing the latest tidbit Diamond had on the current love triangle between three of the inmates when one of the guards interrupted the moment. She recognized him as Lewkowski, the one Jinx had warned her of. He was tall but flabby with dark brown hair and light grey eyes and he had this smile she could only describe as snake like. It took her a minute to figure out what she was so bothered by Lewkowski and then she realized it: he reminded her of Volker. After that epiphany, she couldn't look at him without feeling like her stomach was twisting in knots.

Lewkowski threw down a mesh bag. "The usual girls."

Lisbon was puzzled until she opened the bag and saw it was full of clothes, specifically _his_ clothes. "You want us to do your laundry?"

"Hop to it," Lewkowki said seriously.

She wasn't entirely well versed on the rules at prison but she knew enough that this was undeniably some sort of violation of ethics. She also figured that no one cared.

Lewkowski studied her as she sorted through his clothing and she did what she could to pretend she wasn't bothered by his gaze. Finally he actually spoke. "You aren't in charge now, remember that. I'm the one calling the shots around here, you'll do well to keep on my good side."

She looked up and met his eyes, letting him know with her gaze that she wasn't cowed. He seemed to like that, the way someone enjoys breaking an animal. She knew she would have trouble with him later.

Lewkowski left then with one more order to get his clothes done by the end of the day. Once he was gone she turned to Diamond. "Does this happen a lot?"

Diamond shrugged. "Lots of guards get their laundry done here, or their car washed. Comes with the job."

"Isn't it some kind of abuse of power?"

"Well they gots the power and they can abuse us so I guess so."

Lisbon shook her head but didn't speak. She knew it was common knowledge of on the job perks for guards and she didn't want to let the actions of a few color her judgment of all of them but she already wasn't a big fan of the people in charge of this prison. She still had at least three years in the place to look forward to and she'd like it to be as painless as possible, if that meant washing Lewkowski's dirty socks then she would do it.

She worked for a while, only stopping to be able to eat a lunch out of a brown paper sack previously packed by the kitchen staff. Until finally they were given the boot by the guards over the intercom. When she made it back to her bunk she was surprised to find Jinx there with a little dirt under her fingernails and the fresh smell of the outdoors on her. But she didn't appreciate it as much as Lisbon did.

"God I hate fucking landscaping detail," Jinx complained, "digging with a goddamn shovel while Miller sits on his fat ass drinking a Coke."

"Try seeing Lewkowski's boxers."

"Damn, I'll take landscaping over that shit."

Lisbon couldn't help but smirk at the comment from her fellow prisoner but didn't doubt her words either. She felt the baby kicking again and she rubbed the spot without a seconds thought, she was turning into one of those pregnant woman that couldn't keep their hands off their own stomachs.

Jinx was busy looking over the photographs she had resting on the metal cabinet that belonged to her. "You're brothers are hot!"

She paused as she considered that information. "I guess so, but Stan is married so you'll have to try elsewhere."

"You think either of them will visit?"

"They will when they can," Lisbon admitted, "they don't live in this state so it isn't easy."

"I'm just wondering what they will think of prison couture, maybe I'll have a shot."

Lisbon inwardly grimaced at the idea of her brothers dating an inmate but tried to put her own feelings aside. She couldn't judge, she was an inmate now herself. Of course it was doubtful any of them would meet Jinx anyways

"Who are these people?"

She looked up to see that Jinx had flipped through the stack of photos and stumbled upon one of her entire team. "That's my team."

"You mean these are the ones who helped you get Red John?"

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah."

Jinx looked them over and Lisbon wasn't sure what she would say, but it wasn't what she expected. "Man they are hot."

She couldn't help it, after such a ridiculous statement she couldn't hold it in. She laughed. "What?"

"Hot, all of them are hot, even the girl is hot. Might want to keep her photo hidden or the some of the girls in here might keep her for their own use." Lisbon grimaced at the comment but Jinx wasn't done. "Actually might want to keep the pictures of the guys hidden too…unless you'd like to lend me one."

Lisbon grabbed the photos away from Jinx. "Lets stop talking about my friends like that."

"Are any of them coming to visit?" Jinx asked, "Because I know all of the girls around here would love to get a look at them."

Lisbon rolled her eyes and ignored that comment even if it was most likely the truth. Not because of anyone really wanting to try anything with her friends but really because after seeing the same faces day in and day out, it was a real treat to see someone new. That was obvious from the way everyone clamored to the window on visitation day, it wasn't just from the chance to glimpse a relative but to see someone else for once.

"Just tell me they are single."

"Not all of them," Lisbon admitted, "Grace is married to Rigsby." Jinx gave her a blank look so she clarified. "The readhead and the tall one."

"Damn she did good…but so did he." Jinx replied and flopped down on Lisbon's bead. "What about the sexy blonde? Any chance he'll be dropping by?"

Lisbon paused, completely caught off guard by that question. She wasn't exactly sure how to respond and it turned out, she didn't have to. Jinx wasn't bad a reading people and she knew more than a few rumors regarding Lisbon's case. "Oh wow, sexy blonde is _him_?"

She sighed and nodded. "Yes, he's Jane."

"Wow. I mean wow! No wonder you threw it all away for him, one smile at me and I'd be dropping my panties too."

"It didn't quite work out like that," Lisbon explained, "We were just friends for many years…and then one night we weren't. And I didn't throw it all away for him, I made the choice to let him get Red John not for just his sake but everyone else's. He needed to be stopped."

"I'm not crying any tears over him," Jinx admitted, "And it's real fucked up that you're here because of that."

She couldn't agree more.

Jinx hopped off the bed rather gracefully. "Now, commissary is open and you're gonna need supplies."

"I do?"

"Of course."

A few minutes later they were waiting in line at the commissary where a bored looking inmate nicknamed Cookie was taking orders and handing over the items requested. When it was Lisbon's turn, Jinx took over. "She'll need headphones, radio, AAA batteries, shower caddy, a microwave bowl, thermos, fan, a mesh bag and what ever flavor Doritos you have."

Lisbon gaped at Jinx for a moment while Cookie put the pile in front of her. "Are the doritos necessary?"

"Definitely, the Latina's use them to make tamales and they'll trade you anything for them in a pinch." Jinx explained, "Now anything else you want?"

Lisbon studied the list and decided to get a few necessities such as better toiletries then the ones provided and some snacks. Ramen was good, so were crackers, peanut butter, tuna and squeeze cheese. She also bought paper, pencils, envelopes and stamps so she could write letters. She was about to call it quits when she saw a blank sketch pad and on a impulse added that as well.

Jinx helped her carry her haul to her bunk where she nodded her head in satisfaction. "Now you've got a good start on supplies, you'll figure it out for now. Snacks are always good for trading things like with Sunshine, she'll give you a manicure or pedicure, and Divine will do your hair for you."

"I thought nail polish was banned?"

"It is but it's easy to get that shit in here," Jinx explained, "all you have to do is have a friend throw it over the fence. The guards don't give a shit if your nails are painted, they've got bigger problems."

Lisbon could see that, more than anything the more time she spent here the more she realized the lines between black and white were blurring into different shades of grey.

When she'd been in high school, she'd taken a few art classes just for fun. She'd found the setting peaceful, something she'd sorely needed in her chaotic life. She could find a nice quiet place and sketch and forget about all of the problems at home. Her art teacher wanted her to practice more and pursue it but that had never interested Lisbon, sketching wasn't a passion it was an escape. So, when she finally did escape all the way to California, she'd stopped sketching.

It seemed she needed to escape again.

* * *

Lisbon first started by sketching something simple, the tree outside in the yard. As cliché as it was at least it gave her a chance to shake some of the rust off and get reacquainted to the pencil in her hand and the correct way to shade.

On Saturday, she was finishing up her sketch in the morning and feeling somewhat pleased when the clamor of the other inmates warned her that visitors were arriving through the front gates. Her own curiosity and need to see someone besides her fellow inmates spurned her to leave her bunk and try to find a spot by one of the windows too.

She saw a motley crew of older women and men whom she presumed to be parents, and many, many children coming to visit their mothers. That image made her sad because she was all too aware that soon enough she would be joining the group of mother's behind bars. There were too many unknowns here that she hated thinking about including what it would be like having to give her baby up for three years.

Lisbon was still mulling over the not-so-distant future when she caught a flash of red hair in her eyes. She pushed against another inmate to get a better look, smiled, and shook her head. There was no mistaking Grace's red hair and Rigsby and Cho were both with her. She'd told them not to come visit but of course they hadn't followed her order.

Thank God.

She hurried to visiting area along with the other inmates who were waiting in line to be admitted. After about an hour her name was finally called and she got patted down by one of the female guards before finally being admitted into the visiting room.

Inmates were permitted to hug and kiss their visitors on arrival and on departure but no more. While Lisbon was never known as the touchy-feely type she hugged all three members of her old team tight, grateful for a moment of contact.

"I told you not to come," she reminded them as they all sat down.

"If you'd meant that you wouldn't have put us on the list," Cho pointed out.

Grace ignored him. "You knew we couldn't stay away."

She nodded. "I'm so glad you didn't listen." There was a moment of all of them smiled a little, as if sitting down to lunch instead of at a visiting room in a prison. "Tell me about what's going on with you guys," Lisbon said, refusing to focus on her life behind bars at the moment.

It was Rigsby who actually piped up first. "Grace and I have officially opened up the security company."

Lisbon had heard their idea for moving on from the CBI but was happy to hear they had finally stepped forward. "That's great!"

"Yeah we actually got our first clients." Rigsby replied, "I mean it isn't much but it's a start."

"No, it's fantastic," Lisbon replied, "Tell me about the case."

Rigsby and Grace explained over the simple security case of checking for possible hacks in a start up company that had hired them. Lisbon listened happily, eager to keep up with her friends and the outside world. She knew life was going on while she was stuck in the same place but she'd be damned if she'd let it go on unnoticed.

"What about you, Cho?" Lisbon asked, "how are you handling things?"

"Fine."

She almost rolled her eyes. "Come on, give me something."

"The Kings won last night."

Now she did roll her eyes. "Fine be that way."

Cho gave her a look. "Why don't you tell us why you got sent to the hospital."

Lisbon froze, honestly she was shocked they even knew about that. "How did you know?" She lowered her head and whispered. "Did a guard tell you?"

"The CBI is gone but we still have friends," Cho reminded her.

She sighed. "Okay, it wasn't that big of a deal."

"Lisbon," Grace reminded her, "you got attacked."

"I know, it was a suspect we put in here," Lisbon explained. "But she's gone now, moved to max."

"And what about the other prisoners in here who want to settle a score?"

"That's not going to be a problem now," she told them, "Mama took care of that."

"Who the hell is Mama?" Cho asked.

Lisbon laughed a little. "Mama is the one who keeps all of the girls in line here, she runs the kitchen."

"Why is she called Mama?" Rigsby asked.

"I have no idea," Lisbon admitted, "I don't understand most of the nicknames they give each other here. But when she found out I was pregnant she told everyone to back off. Apparently they all hate cops but love babies so that's more important." Lisbon couldn't help but smile. "Ironic huh? If I hadn't gotten pregnant I'd probably be dead here…then again if I hadn't gotten pregnant I would be here either so I don't know what to make of that."

"Don't sleep with Jane," Cho offered.

"Maybe he's right," Lisbon admitted, "don't really know what good came of it"

"You know that is not how you feel," Grace insisted

"I agree with, Grace," Rigsby said.

Cho scoffed, "Of course you would."

"Well, she is my wife."

"Wait! You think because we are married you have to agree with me?" Grace asked now turning on her husband

"Uhhh."

"Uhh, what Wayne!"

"Help me out man?" Rigsby turned to Cho.

"No."

"I missed this," Lisbon said, laughing happily. "All we need now is Jane sipping tea in the background."

"Wherever the hell he is that's exactly what he's doing," Cho replied making them all laugh, mostly because it was true. And laughter staved off the bitter sting of missing their friend.

"And probably making an ass of himself," Rigsby offered.

"Having to avoid getting punched by someone," Lisbon agreed.

"And not succeeding," Grace finished, "How many times did he get hit in the face?"

"Too many times to count," Lisbon replied, "but I sure enjoyed adding to the tally."

"And he always deserved it."

They all laughed some more and then the sadness slowly seeped in. Grace was the one who tried to make it better. "He'll come back."

"I know," Lisbon said but she said it with less certainty. It was getting harder to hope when her life was so dramatically different. "I wonder if it will be after…I get out."

"If not you know he'll do anything to help you," Grace reminded her.

"I don't want him going to prison either," Lisbon said, "he'd never be free. Better me than him."

"It'll be okay," Grace replied reaching over to put a hand over hers.

"No touching!" One of the guards shouted across the room and they quickly broke apart like shrapnel flying.

Lisbon nodded even though the moment had been ruined. "Yeah, I'll get out and things will be fine. Jane will come back and…and I guess we'll see what happens from there."

The three of them tried to change the subject to other things, safer topics. They spoke about mutual friends or any other odd bit of news. Anything but prison, the baby or Jane, nothing that would remind them of what they couldn't change at the moment.

But conversation couldn't last forever, not when there was a time limit. When the guards announced visiting hours were over Lisbon had to hug and kiss them all goodbye and return to the drudgery of prison. That meant being strip searched by the guard because obviously if she had a visitor that meant she might be concealing something in one of her orifices.

But seeing her teammates was worth the humiliation.

* * *

It was movie night every Saturday night and this was the first movie Lisbon felt safe enough to come. It was a big production too as almost everyone showed up to movie night mostly because it was a break from the monotony of each day being the same. Apparently this involved sneaking in snacks and even some dressing up on the part of the girls. People chose to wear their comfiest clothing; crocheted slippers and blankets were the most popular and some old man pajamas that reminded Lisbon of Jane's were also common, though apparently discontinued by commissary.

She saw right away that a few seats were reserved and Jinx didn't have to tell her who those seats were saved for. But it seemed like a fair trade since Mama and her girls were helping to make sure everyone had some treats for the film.

"Come on," Jinx said, "Dallas will save us some seats, you need to pay your respects to Mama."

She led Lisbon over to where the table was set up full of goodies including prison cheesecake, nachos, and something wrapped in plastic. The older Mexican woman behind the table eyed Lisbon but with more concern than any real hostility. "Hey Mama," Jinx said, "you make any tamales with the guacamole Doritos?"

"Right here," Mama pointed to one of the plastic wrapped delicacies and Jinx immediately grabbed two.

She handed one to Lisbon. "Trust me, Piggy."

Lisbon took one but met Mama's eyes again. "Hello…Mama," Lisbon offered still finding it a little weird to be addressing an inmate by that name. "I wanted to thank you…for everything really."

Mama nodded. "Are the girls taking care of you?"

"Yes and Jinx," Lisbon glanced at the other inmate, "She's been wonderful."

Jinx smiled a little in gratitude and Lisbon smiled back, but she couldn't call her a friend…yet at least.

"Good," Mama said, "And your nene?" Lisbon frowned not knowing the term but Mama continued. "The bebé."

"Oh," Lisbon said, surmising the nene must have been dialect she hadn't heard for that term. "My baby is fine, actually it's a girl."

Mama's eyes sparkled at that news. "Qué maravilloso! I have four nenas and three nietas. You have any questions, talk to me. I know all about nenes and nenas."

"I believe you," Lisbon said honestly if this woman had four daughters and three granddaugthers…and possibly more sons and grandsons.

"You want anything, like…a craving," Mama said finding the word. "I'll help you out too. Just tell me."

"Okay," Lisbon said, though she wasn't sure how Mama could help with her craving for an spring salad with greek dressing but that would have to waith for another time.

Lisbon took another tamale that Mama handed her and followed Jinx to the seats Dallas was saving them. Only then did she get a chance to take a bite of the tamale and found it surprising delicious. Apparently you could still make something edible in prison if you only got a little bit creative.

"So, you're having a girl," Jinx said making conversation.

"Yeah," Lisbon said, "I found out when they took me to the hospital."

"That's cool," Jinx replied. "What did your friends think of that?"

"Oh they are happy for me, just concerned still. But everything will be okay."

"You mean they think someone is still going to shank you in the shower?"

"Something like that."

Jinx shook her head. "Guess they don't have any reason to trust us."

Lisbon hadn't thought about it that way, and she honestly wasn't sure how to respond. After all was it wrong to not trust the other inmates? It was hard to say. She chose just to remain silent.

One of the other girls turned the lights down signaling that the movie was about to start. But Jinx had one more question to ask. "What will your guy think of the kid?"

Lisbon felt a little tightening in her stomach at that question and finally had to admit. "I don't know."

That was the part that made her feel worse, she had no idea how Jane would react to finding out he would have another daughter…or if he would ever know.

* * *

Saturday night was movie night and Sunday was a day of religion as the chapel hosted every religious sermon that Lisbon had heard of. She'd gone to the Catholic mass and taken some comfort in the familiar message for forgiveness and redemption. But Monday rolled around all too quickly and life returned to the same drudgery as before.

Lisbon spent her day in the laundry room, taking bags of laundry and handing over the replacement clothing. This time they had Goldmans's laundry to do instead of Lewkowsky's, Goldman was nicer and the girls got a kick out of his Looney Toon boxers but it was all the same to Lisbon. She was worried she would lose track of time here sooner than she'd hoped.

When she got off work it was mail call and her name was called once again. That brightened her spirits especially when she was handed a mailbox full of packages. She carried it back to her bunk and sorted through the boxes filled with books, photos, news clippings, anything her friends and family thought she would like. She even had drawings from her niece and nephews, simple things that would make her smile.

Finally she opened one that was from Stan, it was a letter along with another envelop. She looked over James's letter first.

 _Teresa,_

 _A big bald man named Pete and his wife came by and left this for you. They said they met you a couple of times. Stan, Tommy and I argued over if we should send it to you but I took it and sent it anyways. It's for you and you should have it._

 _James_

Lisbon's heart started pounding once she read that Pete and Sam had gone to see her brothers. She grabbed the envelope with shaking hands, it was plain and someone had marked out the return address with a black marker but she hoped she knew who had sent it.

Inside was a letter in Jane's familiar handwriting, just seeing that again was enough to make her cry and she hadn't even read it yet.

 _Lisbon,_

 _I said I would write to you once just to let you know I was okay but just starting this letter is enough to convince me that is a lie. It's harder than I want to admit not seeing you every day. It's funny how the simple things we take for granted slip past us until they are gone, small things like the way your nose crinkles when you smile are what I miss most. That and my couch._

 _It's beautiful here, the sun shines every day and the beach is always just a short walk away. I don't get tired of the ocean or the sunsets and I'm teaching some of the locals the proper way to scramble an egg so I have little to complain about my new life here with the exception of it lacking one very important person._

 _I've had a lot of time to reflect on the last few years of my life and the more recent past as well. I don't regret any of my actions that led to finally putting my wife and daughter to rest but I can't say I don't regret a few things. I regret any of the sleepless nights I gave you, the tears I made you shed and any time I made life more difficult for you…at least the ones that truly caused you pain. Some of the times I made things difficult for your own good, you know which ones I'm talking about._

 _I want you to know that when I told you that you had no idea what you meant to me I was being sincere. I know I picked your pocket and left you on your own but I did mean every word. You have no idea how many times you saved my life over the years, not from some fool with a gun and a grudge but simply by existing. I don't know if I would have made the effort to get up and live every day if I hadn't had the knowledge that I would get to see you. In a lot of ways you made me want to go on living, even more so than my need for revenge._

 _That is the most difficult part of my life now, not having you to give me that purpose, or any other purpose really. I suppose I could say that my new purpose is the hope that one day I'll turn around and there you will be. I'll admit it's a little daydream I have often. I can hear you right now as you are reading this telling me that it is because you have faith that we will see each other again. I don't have faith, I have hope and that will have to suffice. But if you don't mind putting a good word in for us with the man upstairs, just to cover our bases._

 _In that vain I'll refrain from any goodbyes and stick to until next time. I'll be writing you again, I can't help myself._

 _U know hoo_

Tears fell down Lisbon's cheeks as she read the letter once, twice and then a third time. She smile over every word, her heart filling with warmth at is many admissions for missing her. She loved him so much, it meant everything to have him admit how much she meant to him too.

The baby let kicked softly and Lisbon started to cry again as she put a hand over her belly. "Daddy misses us, baby," she whispered, "But we'll see him again. I know it."

* * *

A/N: What did you guys think of Jane's letter? I couldn't let Lisbon go two years without getting any of Jane's letters! But pay attention, its what isn't said that might be more important.

Next chapter: Lisbon gets a surprising visitor that wants her to help him with his book on RJ and he might help her try to get out. And when her due date gets closer Jinx opens up more to Lisbon...and Lisbon opens up a little herself but gets some surprising feedback on her relationship with Jane.


	6. The Two of Us Went up in Smoke

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: This chapter was a bit difficult to write, partly for time but also because it's kind of a filler until I get to the next one hehehe. But it does serve some purpose for you guys to get to know Jinx a bit more while also getting to understand a bit more about these female prisoners. The statistics are actually a sad truth about prison inmates and their visitors on the outside. I always like to point out Lisbon's own self destructive tendencies when it comes to Jane, keep an eye out on a new character too because he does have a role to play down the line

The inspiration for this chapter comes from Cam's song Burning House, a song that just stuck with me. For some reason it always seemed to fit Lisbon in my mind, at least the idea of her deciding to lay down rather than save herself.

* * *

Chapter 6: The Two of Us Went up in Smoke

Lisbon hadn't been wrong to think she could easily lose track of time behind bars, the days tended to meld into one another after a short amount of time. However, she had her own personal tracker to know how much time had passed, the growing baby in her womb. When she'd arrived in prison it had barely been visible but now she was very obviously pregnant.

Another indicator that time had passed was her bunk. Her shelf had overflown with books and many she had given to other inmates after enjoying them herself. She had many photos and drawings on the walls, some she had done herself. Her favorite was the one that was the most relevant. An image of the pretty little field outside of the chain-link fence in the yard, but the field was only visible through the fence and the two hands grasping it, yearning to be free. It was an image that she hadn't been able to keep herself from making, her own feelings drawn on paper.

Not that everything was so bad behind bars. She was beginning to really like some of the people she was with. Mama always made sure she was well fed these days. The older woman had actually been touched when Lisbon had given her a sketch of her as a thank you for everything she had done, since then she was practically in Mama's inner circle which was like being a handmaiden to the queen.

But Jinx was still the one she was closest to. The younger inmate had taken Lisbon under her wing and that kind of bond didn't get broken with time, not in a place like this. They shared their meals together, sat next to each other at movie night and more often then not, would be together in the common room either playing a card game with the other girls or Lisbon would be with her quietly reading a book while Jinx watched whatever was on television and gave a running commentary the entire time.

She told her friends outside of prison about Jinx and was surprised when they ask that she realized she knew very little about Jinx beyond what she'd experienced with her in prison. Lisbon wasn't the type to pry and Jinx wasn't the type to divulge her past easily. Perhaps that was part of the reason why they fit so well together, they both had the same 'don't ask, don't tell' mantra about their personal lives.

Of course the same didn't apply to other people's lives. Jinx was a fountain of information about everyone in the prison. She told Lisbon what put Dallas behind bars (robbery), Barbie (drugs and petty larceny) and even Mama (trafficking firearms and immigrants) but Lisbon still had no idea why Jinx was here. She could guess from the faded track marks on her arms that she'd been involved with drugs but other than that she hadn't a clue. It didn't bother her except she began to wonder how well she knew this woman who was slowly become a very close friend.

The days grew slight cooler, which meant it was actually enjoyable to be outside in the sunshine since the heat wasn't unbearable. Lisbon sat down in the grass, enjoying the sunshine while she sketched. This time she had chosen something more personal after sending pictures of sketches of friends and family, she was making one for herself of Jane.

It was how she loved to remember him, on his couch, tea in hand with that mischievous smile on his face that said he knew something she didn't. Memories was really the best thing that sustained her in prison, she needed to hold on to happier times to help ignite the hope that she would return to something like it again.

Jinx sat down next to her while Lisbon kept her mind focused on the job at hand. "So I guess this means you are just giving up pretending you aren't hooked on the guy," Jinx said when she saw Lisbon's latest creation.

Lisbon shrugged. "I think any pretense of hiding it went out the window at trial."

"Well _you_ never said anything," she reminded her, "Technically you still could lie."

She met Jinx's eyes. "I think that kind of talk is what helped get me into this mess in the first place."

"Actually I think it was you telling the truth to the wrong girl."

"That too," Lisbon agreed, "But I don't have anymore secrets for anyone to use against me anymore."

Jinx raised an eyebrow. "You think I would trade you in for a radio or something?"

"No," Lisbon replied, "But I don't really know what you are capable of."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know what you did. Why are you here exactly?"

Jinx narrowed her eyes at Lisbon. "What do you think put me in here?"

"I honestly don't know," she admitted, "Which is why I have to wonder what you are capable of."

"We aren't all princesses like you, you know? Some of got the raw deal in life."

Lisbon looked at her aghast. "Since when am I a princess? And what the hell do you know about my life?"

"I bet you were the good girl who went to church on Sunday and didn't get fucked until you seventeen in your boyfriend's car. You got to go to college while your folks talked about what a blessing you were. The worst thing that ever happened to you was falling for blondie."

Now Lisbon was angry. "Is that what you think of me? Some rich girl who doesn't know anything about being afraid. You're wrong; I grew up in a shitty apartment hoping my dad was so drunk he passed out before he could beat me up. And yeah I went to college, but because I worked my ass off and I didn't look back." Lisbon looked Jinx over. "Maybe that's the difference between me and you, I didn't let my past bring me down."

"Not all of us got the chance," Jinx scoffed.

Lisbon wondered it that was true or if Jinx just hadn't decided to take it. The other woman was quick to leave in a huff, which was something Lisbon was grateful for; she was too annoyed with Jinx at the moment to think clearly. She stayed outside trying to focus on her drawing but was too distracted to really focus, after all what right did Jinx have to get so angry? She hadn't said anything wrong, just asked a simple question.

She went back inside for lack of anything better to do but was stopped by Gorland who actually called her into his office. Lisbon wasn't sure why her counselor wanted to talk to her out of the blue but she was an inmate, which meant she had to follow orders. Gorland had her sit down at his desk while she couldn't help but ask. "Is something wrong?"

"Not at all," Gorland told her, "I just got an interesting call today. There is a true crime author named…"

"Absolutely not."

He looked chagrin. "You didn't even let me finish."

"With all due respect, I know exactly what they want." Lisbon replied. "They want an inside story on the Red John case so they can sell books scaring people about the evils of serial killers. I didn't work as a cop for over fifteen years to sell books, that was my life."

But Gorland wasn't ready to give up. "I think you should talk to this guy."

"Why?" Lisbon asked, suspicious now that maybe Gorland had been promised something if he got her to speak to the author.

"These kinds of things can raise publicity for your case."

Now she started laughing. "I was the lead investigator for Red John who was the most famous serial killer in the country, who was the head of a dirty cop ring that embroiled half of the country in scandal. I think people in Antarctica have heard of my case, the last thing I need is more publicity."

The guard was not happy but it was a tough argument to refute. "Just think about it."

"Sure," Lisbon said. "Can I go?"

He nodded, very disgruntled because it was clear she wasn't going to change her mind. Lisbon was all too happy to leave.

* * *

 _The commandeered vehicle and cell phone did the trick as she hurried to Jane's home. She had to find him before he did something incredibly stupid, which was the only reason he would leave her on the beach like that. She got there just in time to watch the house erupt in flames._

 _Lisbon didn't think about the fire, she rushed inside the home looking for him. She screamed his name over and over again, every where she turned she just saw the burning fire. She turned into one room and then the next until she finally found him._

 _He was on the floor, fire surrounding him, she couldn't tell if he was dead or just passed out. She had to get him out._

 _She tried to pull him but he wouldn't budge, she kept trying everything in her power to get him out but eventually she realized that she had to save herself. Lisbon looked around at the house burning down around her, she had to leave or they would both die._

 _But instead of finding a place to escape, she lay down next to Jane, pulling him close against her as the flames consumed them both._

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Lisbon hadn't had such a vivid dream in her life before. She'd had nightmares in the past, including one horrifying dream of her entire team killed by the Red John suspects but this one had been so different. She hadn't been afraid in her dream, even as the flames stretched out to destroy both her and Jane. Maybe that's why she was so confused by it all.

"Flames in dreams represent sexual power," Zen told her. Zen was an older inmate who had never left the hippie era it seemed. She was there for a "peaceful protest" that had quickly turned violent, the irony of that was entirely lost on her. "A burning house means passion and companionship."

"I really don't think my dream had anything to do with sex," Lisbon told her. She was siting with Zen and Mama in the common room while Mama crocheted and Zen had gone over her horoscope.

"Listen to me," Zen told her, "I know what I'm talking about. You have some unresolved passions with this man which is why you saw his house on fire."

Well Lisbon wasn't going to deny that much.

"I think it was just a random memory," Lisbon told her, "I mean I did go to Jane's house and pull him out of the fire right before he killed Red John."

"They why you still talking about it?" Mama asked.

That was a good question, if she really could dismiss the dream so quickly, why was she actually telling Mama and Zen about it? "What is wrong with you and Jinx?" Mama asked her, "You no sit with her today."

Lisbon had been hoping to avoid something like that. "We got into a fight."

Mama sighed. "My girls should not fight."

"What happened?" Zen asked with real compassion.

"I pointed out that I didn't really know anything about her and Jinx actually got upset, she accused me of being 'above' everyone here which is ridiculous." Lisbon declared. "I'm not."

Zen and Mama exchanged looks between each other and Lisbon got upset. "I don't act like that do I?"

"No," Zen told her, "but the truth is…you are better than us."

Lisbon shook her head. "I'm not!"

"You are, people here make a big show of excuses and claiming innocence but we everyone knows that the only reason we are here is because of ourselves." Zen explained calmly. "You're here because you're boyfriend killed someone everyone wanted dead anyways."

"I'm here because I let Jane commit murder."

"You saved the tax payers twenty-five years of prison time for a guy who was going to death row if he got caught anyways."

"The only thing I did was give Jane my keys."

"Exactly," she replied, "Everyone knows you shouldn't be here and its kind of embarrassing because we all should be."

"So you're saying that she is more angry at herself?"

Mama and Zen exchanged looks. "Jinx is young," Mama told her, "She make mistakes but she try. She talk to you when no one else would."

"I know that."

"Jinx is a complicated spirit," Zen said. "she just is embarrassed because she's ashamed of her past and it's difficult being friends with someone who shouldn't be here."

"I'm not trying to make her feel that way."

"I know, and she does too. She just needs a little time."

Lisbon sighed. "Yeah, that's one thing we've got abundance of in here."

Mama patted her arm. "Jinx is good girl, young, foolish but a good girl."

That wasn't something Lisbon was entirely certain of, not when she still knew so little about her.

* * *

It was Saturday so without work to keep inmates busy they turned to other methods. Lisbon had had enough reading and sketching; she needed to do _something_ else. She thought about walking around outside but the loud cheers from the rec room caught her attention. She entered the rec room to see a group of inmates around the table with a stack of cookies in the middle, but they were all focused on the television, which was on some daytime show about paternity tests.

When the host of the show announced the DNA results, there was a mixture of cheers and groans as some of the girls collected the stack of cookies in the middle. Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "Is this trashy TV poker?"

D'Lish started laughing. "Something like that, Piggy. You see we have to guess is the dude who she says is the baby daddy is really the baby daddy."

"And if there is more than one," Kiki said, "Then we guess which one is or if neither of them are. And if it is lie detector tests, we guess if they lie or tell the truth."

"Why not just play poker?"

"All the cards are sticky and gross," Diamond told her, "and this is more fun."

"Hey next one is up!" Juicy declared. Lisbon watched the program too with the girl coming on first to give her sob story about being a faithful girlfriend while her man was two timing her left and right and now denying his child. The host declared that she has also taken a lie detector test, which got a chorus of cheers from the inmates who were watching.

They all started betting on if she was going to be innocent or not. Lisbon watched the woman on the television screen carefully before declaring her own assessment. "She's lying, she cheated."

"You need to watch this show, piggy." Juicy told her.

But the host was quick to bring out the lie detector results and the surprise to the guy on the show and the rest of the inmates watching was that she had cheated on him. Multiple times.

There was some laughing and a little grumbling as the losers lost their cookies and to Lisbon's surprise, three cookies were pushed her way. "You earned them, Piggy," Diamond told her.

"Yeah, how did you know she was lying?" Kiki asked.

"I made a job of spotting liars," Lisbon replied, "and Jane taught me a few tricks. She always looked down when she said she never cheated, that was a tell."

"Damn," Kiki said, "I didn't notice that!"

"Shhhhh," Diamond interrupted, "Now we got to know if he's the baby daddy."

Everyone started throwing their cookies on the table; most deciding it would come back saying he wasn't the father. Lisbon thought about it for a long second before putting hers in the pile that said he would be.

They all waited quietly for the answer, the host took the results and announced that the man in question had in fact fathered the child. There were a lot of exclamations from the group as they pushed the pile of cookies to Lisbon. "How the hell did you know that one, Piggy?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I had a 50/50 shot, I figured that they gave the lie detector results first in order to build suspense so they probably knew he was the father already."

Juicy shook her head. "I'm gonna go with whatever you say now, Piggy. You damn good at this."

She laughed and looked forward to the next paternity case on the show, more for the challenge then the cookies. But the intercom came on. "Lisbon, you have a visitor. Lisbon, report to visitation."

"Look who's popular today," Kiki said.

Lisbon shrugged but her smile spoke for itself. She couldn't wait to see who had come, probably someone from her team. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasn't a guard or an inmate. She reported straight to visitation where she was immediately patted down and reminded of the rules. Then she was let into the visitation room where she looked for a familiar face…but only saw strangers.

A man about her age with dark hair and eyes waved her over, she frowned but walked to the table he was sitting at, her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Who are you?" Lisbon asked, taking a seat across from him.

He looked a little nervous. "My name is Erik Lynch, I'm a true crime author from…"

"Oh my god," Lisbon exclaimed. "How the hell did you get in here? I didn't put you on my list."

"I pretended to be your brother," He admitted a little sheepishly.

"So, you committed a crime to meet a criminal?"

"Don't tell me you're above breaking rules," he replied. She glared at him and stood up quickly to leave. "Wait, wait, you want to know why I'm here."

"No, I really don't," Lisbon replied

"Trust me," Erik told her, "you want to listen to what I have to say."

Lisbon thought about it for a minute but figured she had three years in this place and nothing but time. "All right, talk."

Erik looked relieved then. "Look, the story the prosecution said was that you were following Patrick Jane's lead because you were in love with him. That you were just a mindless girl following his orders." Lisbon raised an eyebrow at that statement but didn't speak up yet. "I don't think that's the truth, maybe your lawyer had a good reason keeping you off the stand, maybe not. Either way everyone outside of these walls is telling their version of the story…except you. This is your chance."

"You mean I get to tell the story that you want to hear."

"I didn't say that," Erik replied. "I want to tell _your_ story. I want to find out the real investigation into Red John, not the crap the feds are spinning out there. You guys got dirty to get to that monster but you did it for the best reason, you shouldn't be locked up in here with duct tape over your mouth. You need to be able to explain why you did what you did."

"Why do I need to do that?" Lisbon asked him, "What good will that do me? I'm already in prison."

Erik looked around before ducking his head to say in a low voice. "The truth? No one cares why Red John is dead; they just care that they can sleep better at night. You give people a reminder that you were the one who helped that happen, it will become a rallying cry to get you out of here."

"I've been convicted of accessory to murder."

"Convictions can get overturned, pardons can happen. You get enough public support, you know that the political pressures will buckle." Erik smiled at her. "You are the lead agent of the team that brought down Red John, toss in the fact that you are carrying the child of the man whose wife and daughter were killed…that kind of sob story will only endear people to your cause."

"My lawyer didn't agree."

"He was thinking like a lawyer, of how to make you look innocent. I'm not saying you didn't help kill the man. I'm just going to be reminding people you had a damn good reason to." Erik looked into her eyes. "I can help get you out of here, _before_ your parole hearing."

"And how would I know you are giving my side?" Lisbon asked. "I'm in here, you're out there."

"You're in minimum security, I can send drafts to you. We'll sign contracts. You can okay every word I type."

She leaned back in her chair, her mind turning this offer over again and again. It sounded good. She really didn't even have any risks; the worst that could happen was this guy being a sleaze and taking her story and running with it, she'd just get out when she was already expected to.

But if he did keep his word…then she might get out sooner. She might have more options on release.

Lisbon ran her hand over her round belly where her child lay nestled. She didn't know when her due date was but she knew it wasn't going to be much longer. Soon she'd give birth to her daughter…and she'd have to give her up until she was released. She hated thinking about that separation and would do just about anything to make it that much shorter.

But this wasn't just her story…and she wasn't sure if she wanted it all in the public anyways.

"I need to think about it," Lisbon admitted. "I can't just agree to sign away my life like this."

Erik nodded eagerly. "Hey I understand." He handed her a business card. "This is my cell number. Call me anytime when you make up your mind."

Lisbon took the card with her when she left the visitation room and was given the pleasure of being strip-searched. The guards had to look over the business card as if it might contain a weapon or a secret message, but it was deemed acceptable. She returned to the general population with most of the women buzzing over what their visitors had said or any news they had on family.

She looked down at the business card in her hand, flipping it over and over as if the answer to her decision might magically appear on the back. It wasn't something that she could just agree to, this wasn't just her story that he wanted to tell. But he was also the only person who seemed able to actually give her some help.

Her bunk was empty and Lisbon set the business card on top of a stack of books she was still working her way through. Jane's letter was folded up inside of her sketch book. Loco was chatting with Dallas, giggling over something that had them both almost in hysterics. She looked over the top of the bunk's wall to see Jinx was on the other side of the room at her own bunk, looking like she was cleaning.

After not talking to Jinx the last few days she was actually missing her company. Despite Lisbon being wary of making friends in prison she had found herself softening to the younger woman, partly because of the fact that she'd helped her when few would…and partly because of the wounded puppy syndrome, as her brother's called it. She had a weak spot of people who needed saving…and that is exactly how she fell in love with a broken man.

Lisbon made her way over to Jinx's bunk and went for the tactic that had worked for them so far: denial. "Hey," she said casually. "This guy who's writing a true crime book actually pretended to be my brother so he could talk to me." She forced a laugh. "Can you believe that?"

Jinx didn't replay and Lisbon knew that her original plan wasn't going to work. She couldn't apologize for wondering about Jinx's past, that was a legitimate question. But she could at least maybe make her feel a little more comfortable about opening up. "He told me that he could get me out, that by getting my story out people would want me released sooner." Lisbon leaned up against the half wall, putting a hand on her belly where her baby was kicking. "Everyone says I shouldn't be in here, the author, Mama, my friends. The funny thing is…I don't agree with them."

That caught the other woman's attention; she looked at Lisbon as if she'd suddenly grown a second head. "I'm not saying that I _want_ to be here, but I was charged with helping a man commit murder…and that's exactly what I did. And I don't even regret it if I am completely honest.

"The first time Jane ever told me that he was going to kill Red John, I promised him that if he did, I would arrest him. I meant it then because that was who I was. I was a cop who upheld the law, even if I didn't quite agree with it because I knew it wasn't my place to question it. Then things changed…not his mind…but me. I changed."

Lisbon walked over and sat on Jinx's bed, the younger woman was completely enraptured by her story. "When Jane said he was going to meet up with the remaining Red John suspects at his house, I went with him and I told him I wasn't going to stop him from doing what he wanted. I meant that, partly because I knew Red John would never be taken in alive but partly for my own selfish reasons too. Those reasons didn't change when I handed Jane my gun and my car keys. I willingly helped him escape the FBI with the full knowledge that by doing so I was helping him so he would go kill a man."

"A serial killer," Jinx reminded her, "he could have done it in self defense."

Lisbon nodded. "Maybe at first. But the autopsy was pretty clear, Jane had already shot him…then he strangled him. That's the difference between self defense and actually taking his life."

Jinx nodded but didn't speak; maybe she knew that there was no way to deny that Jane had crossed the line into murder. But no one was mourning Red John's death.

"I don't care," Lisbon admitted. "Red John is dead and Jane is free and really that is all that mattered to me. My lawyer spun a good tale that I helped him so that I could bring justice to the victims…and yeah some of that is true. But not all of it. I wanted Red John dead for me.

"Red John hurt so many people I care about. He killed people I knew, people that meant a lot to me. And he spent six years making Jane's life a nightmare because it was fun for him and Jane…Jane would never be fixed until Red John was dead. He would always be a broken shell of a man, he would never be able to move on with his life until he finally put that ghost to rest."

Jinx looked at Lisbon, her eyes boring into hers. "Move on with you?"

Lisbon blushed and looked down. "Move on with…just move on." Lisbon shook her head, smiling now. "They painted me as this love sick woman following him like a puppy and it's…it's hilarious. It's funny because that is so far from the truth."

"You're not in love with him?"

"That's not it," Lisbon said, "I mean I love him but…God we got into a big fight at my apartment over him almost getting himself killed by Kirkland. Then he got mad at me because I almost got killed by Red John a few weeks before and then we were yelling and we said some personal things and then…" She trailed off blushing again.

"Daaaamn," Jinx said, she was grinning now. "I bet it was _hot!_ Angry sex always is."

She turned a darker shade of umber since this wasn't where she'd intended the conversation to go. "Be that as it may, we just sort of agreed to let it lie until after Red John was gone. Of course I didn't anticipate him fleeing the country and me going to prison."

"But he loves you," she replied, "I mean, he's writing to you."

"Yeah," Lisbon said softly, "I guess."

Jinx sat down on the bed beside her, drawing her knees up to her chest. "At least you did something stupid for a guy who cares." She didn't look at her as she continued. "His name is Lee, I met him when I was fourteen, the typical bad guy but I wasn't exactly Cindy Brady either. Daddy left when I was five, mom had a bunch a guys in and out, my brother and sisters were just as wild as me. Hell, Jake went to jail two years ago too."

She smiled now, a bittersweet smile. "But Lee and I, we were like fire and gasoline, burning hot but out of control. It was pretty damn fun for a while. But then he started dealing and I got hooked. He used to beat the shit out of me when I took too much but I needed it, you know?"

"Yeah," Lisbon said, gently rubbing her arm. "I do know. Jane's smile is like crack cocaine."

Jinx laughed. "What about the rest of him?"

Lisbon giggled a little. "I'm pleading the fifth."

They both laughed for a while, like two women gossiping over their men over lunch…not sitting on an old mattress in prison about how their lives go so screwed up.

Jinx sighed and shook her head, the softness turning back into bitterness. "When we got caught Lee told me I had to keep my mouth shut or he would go away for a long time. So I did…and he sang like a bird." She rolled her eyes as if it were a joke. "He got out six months ago and I ain't heard shit from him, I'm not going anywhere for another couple years."

"That's…that's terrible."

She shrugged. "Look around, lot of us have guys on the outside we ain't gonna hear from."

Lisbon knew that was true, mostly because of the statistics she'd heard while on the job. Female prisoners were notorious for having fewer visitors then their male counterparts. A sad comparison of loyalties.

"Jane's out there too," Lisbon quipped, "Guess that proves I do belong here."

Jinx smiled and shook her head. "No, you don't."

They both knew that there was no convincing the other but that wasn't what they needed. Lisbon had wanted to know if it was possible to trust and Jinx had needed to feel a little less of a failure compared to her friend. That was enough for both of them now.

* * *

The prisoners version of poker was taking place at the same time the next day with Lisbon joining in once more. At first many of the girls would wait to side with Lisbon because of her usually accurate guesses but that was taking the fun out of it. She thought about abstaining until Diamond set the rule that she had to throw her lot in last. Jinx was joining her, bust this time as an observer to laugh at the misfortune of the couples on TV and delight in her friend's uncanny ability to read the people on the screen.

It was a day of lie detector results which Lisbon found a bit more fun since with more results that meant a bit more a challenge, especially if more than one person was tested for a case. She threw in her lot saying the sister would be innocent of cheating but the husband was going to be a liar.

A chorus of cheers rose up at the results when the husband was proved a cheater and the wife started screaming at him. "I gave you everything! How could you do this?!" It showed her breaking down and crying but the other prisoners were a bit busy divvying up their winnings to pay attention. Lisbon watched as it showed the couple back stage with the show's counselor trying to get them to talk their problems and work them out.

Jinx shook her head beside her. "You just know she's going to keep him around."

Lisbon turned to Jinx. "She might not."

"They always do, no one wants to be alone."

That wasn't an untrue statement but somehow it bothered Lisbon. She'd seen numerous examples of women sticking by their men, usually older well-to-do women who would rather stick their heads in the sands then lose their perfect façade of a marriage. She'd always written it off as them wanting to keep their image in tact but after seeing women around her being punished for helping their men and being given no loyalty in return…perhaps it was more about a deep ingrained desire to avoid being alone.

More than anything it seemed a lot of women would put up with more than they should out of their own loyalty. Hadn't she committed the same sin? She'd put up with Jane's antics for so long, making excuses and putting her own job on the line again and again and she'd been given a few apologies but no change in behavior. Sure she had a letter from him but look at where she was now.

Her dream came back to her, laying down beside him so she would go down in flames too instead of doing the smart thing and running. It begged the question, was she just like these other prisoners who were so loyal they destroyed themselves?

The thought wouldn't go away.

After dinner she walked over to the phones on the wall and waited in line until she could have the free receiver. And she dialed one number.

"This is Erik," Erik Lynch the author said, his voice excited. Of course he knew what it was, he had agreed to take on the cost of the phone call after all. "I'm glad you called Agent Lisbon."

She hesitated a moment before finally speaking. "I'll tell you my story but I have conditions. I want an iron clad document that states I get full approval of what is and is not in the book, we'll both sign it and if you violate it then things will not get pretty."

"Whatever you want," Lynch said animatedly. "I'm so grateful you agreed to this."

"Its not about me," Lisbon replied, "I'm having a baby and I'd like to be around as much as possible."

"We'll make that happen."

He started talking about agreements, that he was going to come down as soon as she put him on her list of visitors. He wanted to mail her some questions that she would answer and she agreed but it wasn't about getting her story out. She didn't care about any of that, even if this meant she was probably telling part of a story that wasn't really hers. But Jane wasn't there to disapprove and even if it was, this wasn't really about him.

She'd decided she couldn't lay down in the flames anymore, she needed to try and save herself.

* * *

A/N: WEll what did you think? I know it isn't much but I hope you guys are starting to like Jinx a bit more! But the next chapter is HUGE because the baby is born! Keep tissues handy because you're going to cry when Lisbon has to give the baby up. I know I will!


	7. Alone

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I told you there would be a quick turnaround and I'm happy to say I wasn't lying. This chapter just flowed so easily, but it was also so incredibly hard to write. I was practically crying over the keyboard towards the end but I think and hope I did a good job showing some of the anguish while also showing that there are still good people in Lisbon's life, even in this mess up situation. A lot of her labor in prison is very accurate. Inmates don't get drugs or get to go to the hospital until they are very close to delivering, handcuffs are not allowed but most guards disregard that too. I wanted to show that difficulty and I hope you guys see that I want to show both sides, the good people and the bad people in the prison system.

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 7: Alone

Time wasn't something that was on Lisbon's side. Every day she got closer to her parole date but that was still quite a ways off…and her due date was much closer. Not that she actually knew what her due date was anymore. Medical care in prison was sorely lacking especially in regards to pregnancy and prenatal care. She was given a regimen of prenatal vitamins and that was it, she wasn't checked over for her health or the baby's, she hadn't had a sonogram since her original one months ago when she'd been given her brief furlough before trial. As far as the nurse on duty, if she was able to walk and wasn't in any pain, then she was fine.

She had entered the stage of pregnancy where women started to complain…a lot. She was over twice her size, she felt sick a lot but was starving at the same time, she had to use the restroom every fifteen seconds and everything just seemed to make her uncomfortable. This was the time that women said they couldn't wait for the pregnancy to be over with but Lisbon was not one of those women. She felt the same discomfort but it wasn't enough to make her want her pregnancy to end because unlike other women, she wouldn't just be meeting her child but she would have to say goodbye as well.

Of course, the fact that she wasn't looking forward to her child being born didn't stop the pregnancy from having some inconvenient side effects. She still had to work in the laundry room, which meant she was on her feet for most of the day. Her ankles were badly swollen and her lower back was killing her, all she wanted to do was lie down in her bed and never move.

She slumped down onto her bed and closed her eyes, just grateful to be horizontal. A few minutes later the bed squeaked and she cracked open her eyes to see Jinx at the foot of her bed, smelling like fresh air and looking a lot less ragged than her. "You look like shit."

"Thank you."

"Kiki said the last month of pregnancy is the worst," Jinx said making light conversation, "bet it sucks even worse here."

"I don't care," Lisbon replied, "the only thing I care about is that I'm not standing up." Jinx started laughing at that but Lisbon could only crack a smile. But Jinx wasn't wrong, it wasn't fun being pregnant in prison…in fact it was miserable. It wasn't just the poor health care or the fact that it was hell trying to hold your bladder while waiting in line to use the toilet.

It was the fact that she was alone, at least in the sense that she didn't have the people she really wanted with her…or rather the person. She wanted Jane to be there, she wanted to be out of prison. She wanted to be at home, making a nursery and fighting over baby names with the father of her child. She didn't want to be here surrounded by a 150 other women and smelling like cheap laundry soap.

If Jane were here he'd be rubbing her feet and talking to their baby.

She wanted all of that but none of it was possible…except maybe one thing. "Hey," Lisbon asked Jinx. "How much do you like me?"

"What do you want?" Jinx asked her, knowing immediately that Lisbon was fishing for something.

"Just for you to rub my feet."

Jinx wrinkled her nose. "I like you, Piggy. But not enough to touch your feet."

"What if I get you some chocolate from commissary."

The woman thought about it for a moment before grabbing Lisbon's right foot. "Better be a Milky Way."

Lisbon laughed but sighed once Jinx began massaging her feet. It was definitely worth purchasing a candy bar for.

For several minutes Lisbon just enjoyed being pampered by a friend, it was a rare moment of peace in the middle of her current messed up life. A moment that was quickly interrupted by the annoying ring to signify it was time for count.

"Shit!" Jinx exclaimed, jumping to her feet so she could run to her own bunk before the guards came.

Lisbon was just annoyed that her foot rub had been interrupted. She sat up in bed but couldn't stand the idea of standing up for another hour while the guards came by for count. So she remained on her mattress, figuring that as a pregnant woman they had to understand that it was difficult standing up for so long.

But it was Lewkowsky who came by first, counting up the prisoners in each of their bunks. And he stood up straighter as soon as he saw her, a glint in his eyes. "Lisbon! Prisoners are required to stand at count, get off your ass!"

Lisbon eyed him, surprised at his outburst but more pissed off that he was treating her like that. "I'm nine months pregnant and my feet are swollen, I can't stand up for so long."

"Get on your feet, _now!_ " Lewkowsky barked, "Or would you like to spend a week in Solitary?"

She struggled off of the bed, half rolling off actually. But she couldn't help but comment. "You can't lock a pregnant woman in solitary."

Lewkowsky pulled out his notepad. "You're mouthing off to an officer, that's a demerit, inmate."

She was about to protest but Mags coughed and quickly gave her a "cut throat" motion. Lisbon decided to head her bunkmate's advice and she kept her mouth shut. Once Lewkowsky was finished writing her up for insolence he moved on. When he was out of earshot, Lisbon muttered. "He's on a power trip."

"Welcome to prison, piggy," Mags replied, "but you better stop trying to piss them off…if you know what's good for you."

"Lewkowsky is blatantly misusing his power," Lisbon reminded her, "That's not right."

"No one cares, no one cares about prisoners, as far as they are concerned we deserve it." Mags told her. "And you need to stop it before Lewkowsky notices you, that's the last thing you'll want."

Lisbon frowned. "What does that mean?"

But Mags didn't say anything, instead she just shook her head indicating that this conversation was over. Lisbon was still curious over what she'd really meant, and more than a little concerned by it but she also knew there was no way she could force information out of her bunkmate.

Kilmer was coming by to continue the count, she was cheerful with the inmates and well known as the best of the guards. When she came by Lisbon's bunk she didn't even hesitate. "Do you mind if I sit down, my feet are so swollen and I—."

"Oh no you shouldn't be standing for so long," Kilmer replied, "We can count you sitting on your bed."

Lisbon gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you."

She fell back down onto the mattress, just happy to be off her feet. It was nice to remember that for every guard who took too much pleasure in ordering the inmates around, there was also those who did their job and did it well.

She just wished that they all were like that.

* * *

 _Lisbon was in that abandoned house once more, walking the same hallway again. She had come there to find Brett Partridge because she wanted to end this game with Red John. Jane had already pissed her off more than once these past few days; she was ready for this to be over._

 _She was ready for all of them to be free._

 _Lisbon opened the door to find a dead body on the floor, bloody and cut to pieces. But it wasn't Brett Partridge lying on the floor._

 _It was Jane._

 _She fell to her knees, the shock, the pain of finding the man she loved dead was just far too much. Then she was suddenly seized by something…pain, actual pain. Lisbon was on her back and she saw him, Red John. And he had a knife that he was plunging into her abdomen, twisting, causing the pain. And blood was flowing, she could feel the wet cloth on her skin._

 _But the pain, the pain wasn't going away…_

Lisbon woke up, covered in sweat and immediately grateful that the horrors she'd seen were nothing but a dream. It had been a dream, Jane wasn't dead, she wasn't being killed by Red John. It had been a dream.

But the pain was real, the wetness was real.

She groaned as another contraction wracked through her body, it felt like all of the muscles in her lower back were twisting up. She let out a sharp groan, gripping the sheets on her bed as tight as she could.

"What the hell?" Mags mumbled, sitting up in her bed. "Shut up and go to sleep."

Lisbon squeaked, gritting her teeth. "My…my water broke," Lisbon managed to say through the pain. "I'm in labor."

Mags immediately stopped looking annoyed and rushed over to her. "Okay, it's okay, just keep breathing and it will pass."

She did as she asked, keeping a strong hold on her linens until finally she felt some relief, and the pain slowly subsided. "Oh god," Lisbon said, just relieved it was done, "this is going to suck."

Mags chuckled. "Sure is, sugar."

"Hey!" one of the new guards, his name tag said Billings, came over. "You're not supposed to be up!"

"She's in labor," Mags hissed.

The poor man's eyes widened and he looked completely lost. "Oh shit!"

Lobo had woken up in the bunk next to hers, as soon as Mags made the announcement she jumped from her own bed and ran down the hall. Billings didn't know what he should do, follow Lobo or stay with the inmate who was about to have a baby.

"What do I do?" Billings wondered aloud, he wasn't actually asking the inmates.

But Mags gave him an answer. "Just stay outta the way."

Billings got on the radio to call one of his much more experienced coworkers who said they would inform the medical staff. Meanwhile Lobo came back with Mama in tow. "You're not supposed to be here," Billings reminded her.

Mama just ignored him, she focused on Lisbon. "How long between them?"

Lisbon shook her head. "I don't know, I was asleep and I woke up and…oh god here's another." She grabbed onto someone's hand and squeezed as the pain became intense once more. "Oh god, oh god, oh god, this hurts, it hurts a lot."

"Breathe, carina," Mama told her, "it will pass."

She groaned. "God, getting shot was better than this."

Mama forced her to look up into her eyes. "Slowly, breathe. In and out, do it."

Lisbon followed her instructions, it didn't really help with the pain but it helped to focus on just breathing heavily rather than on how much it hurt. Finally the contraction subsided and she was able to let go of the hand she was holding, it turned out to belong to Mama.

Mama turned to Lobo. "Go get Kiki, Ruiz and Jinx."

Lobo nodded and quickly rushed off as she was told but Billings began to protest again. "This isn't protocol, you are supposed to stay in your confined areas until 5."

Mama gave him a cold stare. "Let us handle this."

That stare was enough to make Billings run off with his tale between his legs. Mama started asking for someone to keep track of the contractions while telling Lisbon to get to her feet.

"What are you doing?" Lisbon asked, she was breathless and slightly groggy now. "You need to get up and walk," Mama told her. "It helps."

"No, I just want to lie down."

"Get up," Mama demanded.

Lisbon didn't want to but she knew crossing Mama was an even worse idea. So she let the women help her to her feet. They started leading her down the hallway, pacing it slowly. When another contraction hit she was told to lean up against a wall and try to squat. It did help relieve some of the pain in her back, making it a bit easier to get through.

She was still breathing heavily through the contraction when Jinx came up, looking sleepy but still smiling. "Couldn't wait for a decent hour could you?"

Lisbon laughed a little. "Jane's kid wouldn't have it any other way."

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After a couple of hours, when the majority of the staff showed up for the morning shift. That was when the medical nurse deigned to come take a look at her. Lisbon was given a once over, told to wait until her contractions were two minutes apart before calling again and then left. Lisbon wondered if it was indifference that made them be so blasé about the idea of her having a baby.

But she realized that she was in excellent hands as the majority of the women in prison were mothers themselves. Mama was the primary one who oversaw her labor but when she had to go to the kitchen she would pass the duty off to one of the other women. After a couple of hours of labor they took her to the bathroom, immediately commandeered a shower and helped her strip down and step into the warm water. It was actually helpful, the water was relaxing and it certainly made her feel better to be clean for a time.

The long warm shower made her drowsy and her contractions were still fairly far apart. She was led back to her bunk where they told her to put some relaxing music on and try to get some sleep. Jinx didn't leave, instead she stayed by Lisbon's bed, helping to massage her back so that she could relax while Lisbon focused on the classical music and not the impending pain.

Their ministrations worked and she was able to catch a couple of hours of sleep. But she woke up as the pain became even more intense. Jinx took the watch that had been passed around by the inmates to time the contractions. "Damn, that went fast. You're seven minutes apart now."

Lisbon just groaned. "It's still not enough." The pain intensified, each contraction getting worse then the last. "Oh God, I want to be in the hospital, I want an epidural…I…I want Jane here."

She shook her head, her breathing getting fast. "It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to be _here_."

"Hey, Piggy," Jinx said, "It's going to be okay."

"No," Lisbon insisted. "It's not! Because when this baby comes I don't get to keep it. And then I'll be here alone and…and I can't do this. I can't have this baby. I can't do this alone."

"You're not…"

"I can't have this baby," Lisbon repeated, her heart was racing and she was feeling lightheaded now. "I can't do this here, not like this. I can't. I can't."

"Teresa," Jinx said firmly. It was being called by her given name for the first time in months that snapped Lisbon back into the present. Jinx met her eyes, holding both of her hands. "Talk to me. Tell me about what it would be like if he was here."

She wasn't sure what Jinx was thinking but Lisbon wanted to do something, anything besides remember that she was in labor and in prison. "I…I would be at home."

"Good, and he's there."

Lisbon nodded. "He's with me, he'd be telling me how to breathe and probably do some ridiculous hypnosis thing to get my mind off it." She smiled a little now. "He would keep telling me stories, and we'd probably still keep fighting over names."

Another contraction began and she bent over with a moan but Jinx wasn't going to let her just keep wallowing in the pain. "What about the nursery?"

"I…I don't know, I don't have…"

"What would it look like?"

Lisbon had to think about it, keeping a strong grip on Jinx's hand. "Uhhh green walls, light green but not pea soup like…like the color of new leaves. There would be white furniture and piles and piles of stuffed animals. There would be a big stuffed giraffe in the corner, but a grey elephant that the baby would have in it's crib, it looks just like Rosie.

"The accent color is brown, so there are brown cutouts of animals on the wall from stencils. Jane painted those himself." She started smiling again. "We fought over the color, we fought over every part of the nursery but Jane won most of the arguments because he was right. And it's beautiful and perfect."

Lisbon relaxed a little as the contraction waned and Jinx nudged her shoulder sweetly. "Sounds like he's really happy for the baby."

"He is," Lisbon said. She was talking as if this was fact but she didn't want to relinquish this fantasy. "When I told him he…he was surprised, and scared but so happy because he wants the chance to be a father again." She grinned. "Throughout the pregnancy he watched me like a hawk, never able to do enough, but scared too. He's afraid of having another child and losing it…and he's afraid he won't be a good enough father.

"But he's wrong. He's going to be an amazing father. There are a lot of things he's a pain about but he was an good father to Charlotte. He won't ever talk about her but I know. I know because of how he is with other kids and how much he loved his daughter." Tears slipped down Lisbon's cheeks. "I want him to be a father again, he deserves that chance."

"And he is," Jinx reminded her.

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah."

"Piggy, it's going to happen. He's going to come back and he's going to be so happy you have this kid."

"You're right," Lisbon said, "he's going to love this baby so much." She wasn't talking in fantasy now…this was real. She knew it. Another contraction started and she hissed. "Oh god this would be so much better with drugs."

"Yes it would," Jinx agreed, "but it won't be long now."

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Jinx wasn't wrong. Another couple of hours passed and Lisbon's contractions were finally two minutes apart. Mama and Jinx helped her out to the van where the guards were waiting. She was in a lot more pain, and it was a lot more constant, but it still shocked her when they put shackles and handcuffs on her.

"She's in labor," Jinx insisted, "She don't need that!"

But the guards ignored her and Lisbon was loaded into the back of the van for the short ride to the hospital. She spent most of the ride bent over in pain while the guard beside her looked more than a little uncomfortable. He obviously had no idea what to do with a pregnant woman.

The inmate driving was Greaser who kept trying to chat reassuringly, anything to keep Lisbon's mind off of the pain. It helped, marginally but it did help.

Lisbon had never been so happy to see a hospital before in her life. The guard helped her out and thankfully, unlocked the shackles around her feet but she was still handcuffed as she was led into the hospital. The nurse on duty was quick to put her in a wheelchair, apparently they had been aware an inmate in labor was coming. They wheeled her over to a private room and was helped into a gown and a bed.

Then the guard handcuffed her to her bed. Lisbon's wrist chaffed at the cuffs each time she went through a contraction, the metal was cutting into her skin. She knew that before this was over she was going to be bleeding.

"All right, dear. How are you doing?" Another nurse came in looking cheerful. "We'll see how far dialated you are and…oh my goodness!"

"What?" Lisbon asked, panicking that something was wrong with her and her baby.

"Take those cuffs off immediately!" The nurse insisted, berating the guard who was still standing there.

"She's an inmate," the guard said dumbly.

"She's a woman in labor, she can't go through that with her hand cuffed to a bed," the nurse replied sternly. "It's the law. Uncuff her now!" The guard rushed over to do as she asked and Lisbon leaned back in the bed now that she could recline fully. "Now you can wait outside," the nurse continued, "She's not going anywhere and you aren't going to invade her privacy. Or do you want to see a baby being born."

"No, ma'am," the guard stammered out and all but fled the room.

The nurse turned to Lisbon with a smile. "My name is Julie and I'll be with you through this."

"Thank you," Lisbon said, "I'm…"

"Oh I know who you are," Julie said, "We all do, it's a real shame you're here. Why I'd have liked to shoot that man myself. Ridiculous that they locked you up for keeping us all safe, but you can't fix stupid. I know that better than anyone."

Lisbon wanted to cry again. "Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me."

Julie nodded. "Now, lets see how dilated you are."

The nurse pronounced her 9 cm dilated after a few moments of looking and went to go get the doctor. Lisbon was left to moan and groan through the pain of childbirth, she tried to follow Mama's advice and breathe and try to relax. But it isn't easy relaxing when a baby is making its way out of your body.

After a few minutes, Julie returned, this time with a doctor. "Hello Ms. Lisbon," the doctor said with a very kind smile. "I'm Dr. Barnett, I'll be the one delivering your baby today." It was his turn to take a peek underneath the sheet. "Everything looks good. I'm going to get changed and by the time I get back you should be ready to push."

"Okay," Lisbon said. There wasn't much else she could do but wait try to get through the pain.

The pain was constant now, one contraction after the other. She was so focused on getting through each one that she hadn't even realized how much time had passed until the doctor and nurses appeared in their medical gowns. She had a nurse on each side, each one holding a hand as the doctor instructed her to push.

It was an agonizing time of pain and rest as she was told to push and then relax after each one. She didn't now how long she was doing this until she felt something change, a burning pain down below and she knew something had happened. "What…what happened?"

"You're baby is crowning," Dr. Barnett told her, "I need you to give me one big push, can you do that?"

She nodded, she was sweaty and her hair was matted, she looked like an absolute wreck. Lisbon pushed as hard as she could, the burning feeling grew until she felt stretched and there was a little relief.

"The head is out, Teresa," he told her. "In a moment I'll need one more push, one more big push and it will be over."

"Okay, okay," Lisbon said, panting, "I can do this. I will do this."

So when the doctor told her to push she gave everything she had to push her baby out of her. There was pain and then relief, suddenly it was gone and there was a long wail filling the room.

"Beautiful," Dr. Barnett said, as he cut the chord and looked over the baby. "Teresa, you have a healthy and beautiful baby girl."

"Oh," Lisbon said as she strained to look at her daughter. Tears were spilling down her cheeks. "Oh wow."

After a moment her baby was wrapped in a soft blanket and gently placed in her mothers arms. She was crying now, tears falling from her eyes and onto her baby's blanket. She played with her little girl's fingers, touched her daughter's tiny nose. Her baby finally stopped whimpering and opened her eyes to look into her mother's. Lisbon knew she would never feel so much love as she did for this tiny little baby in her arms.

"Oh my god," Lisbon whispered. "you are so beautiful, I can't believe it. I've never seen anyone so beautiful."

She leaned over to kiss her baby's forehead, her daughter let out a small sigh but didn't cry, she actually seemed even more content now that she was snuggled up against her mother. Lisbon played with her daughter's tiny hand. "You have your father's fingers," she said to her baby. "You look so much like him already."

Her daughter had her mother's dark hair but Lisbon knew that her baby was going to look a lot like Jane. "But you have my nose," Lisbon said, "Thank god for that."

She heard laughter coming from over her shoulder and she looked over to see Dr. Barnett and the nurses were enjoying the sight of a mother meeting her child. It was a sobering realization that eventually this would end. "How much time do I have?"

Julie's eyes grew somber. "Don't think about that now, honey. Just hold your baby."

Lisbon nodded and turned her eyes back to her daughter. "Do you have a name for her?" Dr. Barnett asked.

She had been thinking of names for months, trying to figure out what Jane would and would not like. She'd made a short list and one stood out from the rest as she looked at the beautiful miracle in her arms. "Evelyn, her name is Evelyn Jane Lisbon."

* * *

Lisbon kept her baby in her arms as long as possible, only relinquishing her child for a the short time the doctors needed to check her over and determine that she was in perfect health. Then they immediately handed her daughter back, encouraging her to keep as much contact with her baby as she could. Lisbon knew it was because she needed as much time to bond with her daughter, it was crucial because she wouldn't have much more time.

She did everything she could to commit her baby to memory. Little Evie had a head of dark hair and soft blue-green eyes. Lisbon knew she was going to have Jane's eyes; there wasn't a doubt in her mind. She had a little pink cap on her head; she had long fingers and toes, with soft pink skin and little rosebud lips. When her daughter was hungry, she would let her breastfeed, not caring at how strange it felt, she wanted to be able to say she'd done this for her daughter.

In all honesty she was scared, the clock seemed to be moving even faster and she wasn't sure how much longer she had with her daughter. She knew that the prison had notified her brothers, James was coming down to take custody of Evelyn and he would bring the baby home to Stan. They said they had everything ready and waiting for her baby…but _she_ wouldn't be there. Lisbon couldn't imagine being away from her daughter for so long. Not now.

She clutched Evie close, kissing her head and blinking away tears. She pleaded with God silently, _just a little longer, please, just a little longer_.

Dr. Bennett came in with a smile. "How is my favorite new mommy?"

"I'm okay," Lisbon said, "But I think she feels better than me at the moment."

"That's probably true," he agreed, "and she's a strong healthy little girl. In a few years she'll be out there taking down the bad guys just like her mom."

Lisbon tried to smile but she couldn't. She was so afraid he had come to tell her that it was time to take Evie away from her.

"Now I want to talk to you," Dr. Bennett said, his voice serious. "We are a little concerned since you know you started bleeding right after delivery."

That was news to Lisbon. "What? I did."

But he continued on as if she hadn't said a word. "It was a little worrisome there but we got it under control."

"Dr. Bennett, I don't."

He quieted her with a serious look. "Listen to me…because of your bleeding we need to keep you here at least another 48 hours, and of course we'll want to keep your baby here too. So you will be here for the next two days, _together_."

That was when she understood.

There hadn't been any bleeding, there wasn't a thing wrong with her or her daughter.

She was being given the gift of more time.

"Thank you, Dr. Bennett," she said sincerely, tears filling her eyes again.

"It's just hospital policy," he told her but his smile said otherwise.

The good doctor left her along with her duahgter and she held her even tighter. "You hear that, Evie? Mommy gets a little more time with you."

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Lisbon spent those two days holding her daughter constantly. She even slept with her, keeping her daughter's bassinet right up against her bed. She spent hours watching her daughter just sleep in her arms. When she was hungry she fed her, when she was awake she talked, sang did anything she could to interact with her.

She got to see her daughter's first smile, a sweet smile that Lisbon felt all the way to her heart. She knew she was going to see that smile every time she closed her eyes, every time she thought of her little girl. She filed that smile into the memory palace Jane talked about constantly, locked it up tight so she would never ever lose it.

Her doctor had given her the gift of more time, but that time was not infinite. Eventually she was down to the final hour.

In that hour she smothered her daughter with kisses and tears, she held her up to her chest and ran her fingertips over her downy head. She prayed, she prayed and begged God for even more time. She hoped that by some miracle Jane would walk through that door and tell her that she was free to go, that they were going to go home and be a family together.

But Jane didn't walk through the door.

Kilmer did and James was right behind her.

For once she wasn't happy to see her brother, she wished he would just go away. It was a terrible thing to think but at the moment he was a reminder of what she was about to lose. Lisbon looked at Kilmer who didn't seem any happier at the moment. "Can I just have a little more time?"

Kilmer shook her head sadly. "We have to transport you back to the prison and your brother has to catch his flight."

Lisbon began to openly cry, she clutched her daughter even closer to her, as if holding her tighter would make them let her keep her. James looked like he was going to be sick, he didn't like the idea of being responsible for his sister's tears.

"Teresa, I'm sorry…" James began.

"No," Lisbon said, trying to get herself together. "It's not your fault." She wiped her cheeks with one hand and met her brother's eyes. "You need to make sure she eats, every few hours. When she starts crying and smacking her lips, it means she's hungry. That's important, if she isn't smacking her lips she's wet or just wants attention."

James nodded. "Okay, I'll keep an eye out for that."

Lisbon gently rocked her daughter, still crying softly to herself. "And I've been singing her to sleep, 80's songs but I doubt that matters. Just tell Stan that singing helps her sleep."

"I will, we'll take good care of her," James told her gently, "You can call us every day and we will visit."

She shook her head. "Don't go bankrupt over me…but send pictures. Lots of pictures."

"We'll send you so many you'll need a bookshelf of photo albums."

She tried to laugh at that but it came out forced. Kilmer shook her head, looking more than a little uncomfortable that she was in this role. "Lisbon…you have to give her up."

Lisbon nodded and looked down at her sleeping daughter, her tears streaming down her cheeks. She shook her head now. "I can't do this, I can't let her go."

James stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

She knew he was just saying what needed to be said, it wouldn't be okay. She wasn't going to magically feel better knowing that her daughter was going to be well cared for by three doting uncles. What mattered is that _she_ would not be there.

"Lisbon," Kilmer said again, "You have to…"

"Okay," Lisbon said, taking a deep breath. "Okay." She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her daughter's head. "I love you. I love you so much and we will be together again." She kissed her one last time. "I love you."

Then she very slowly placed her daughter in her brother's arms. Evelyn let out a soft whimper in her sleep, making Lisbon start to cry again. James took a step back, looking into his sister's eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Teresa."

"It's time for you to leave now," Kilmer said gently, it was clear she felt almost as guilty as James did.

"Can't I just stay for a minute?"

"I'm sorry, but it's against the rules. We have to take her back to the prison now."

James looked back at his sister, his niece still sleeping in his arms. "Call as soon as you can, let us know you are all right and we…we'll tell you everything about her."

Lisbon nodded. "And pictures, lots of pictures."

"Every day," James promised. "I love you, sis."

She was too emotional to speak but she nodded her head, watching as he slowly left the room. Then he was gone…and her daughter with him.

Lisbon buried her face in her hands and sobbed, crying for the emptiness that could not be filled. Kilmer didn't speak but did place a hand on her shoulder, a small bit of comfort when she needed it most.

But she still felt empty.

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The ride back to prison was completely silent. Greaser was kind enough to realize that talking wouldn't help anyone here. Lisbon just kept silent, looking down at her hands as tears still continued to spill down her cheeks.

Kilmer helped her walk back inside; she was still in some pain and needed a little help getting around. She led her into the dormitory where everyone was talking and laughing over whatever conversations they were having. But it slowly became quiet when everyone finally saw Lisbon.

There was complete silence as Lisbon was brought back to her bunk, no one said a word and no one was smiling anymore. Only one person moved and that was Jinx, she broke away from where she'd been sitting and hurried over to Lisbon. "I've got it from here," she told Kilmer and she took over helping Lisbon over to the bed.

Lisbon curled up on her mattress, pulling a blanket over her, her tears wetting her pillow. Jinx very softly rubbed her shoulder and whispered. "You'll see her again. You'll see her again. You are not alone here. You'll see her again."

It was true, she would see her daughter again. But that long stretch of time seemed far too long…and she wasn't sure how she'd survive this alone.

* * *

A/N: Poor poor Lisbon, now she doesn't even have her baby anymore. Its' not going to be easy getting through this but time heals and all she has is time. Next chapter Lisbon finds out that her infamy has some negative consequences for her child and begins to realize what Mags meant about wanting to avoid Lewkowksy...


	8. Down the Rabbit Hole

Dislcaimer: I own nothing

A/N. I'm so so so so so so sorry this took so long. But I have some reasons, first of all I got engaged! So yeah I've been planning my wedding on top of graduating from grad school, on top of my thesis, on top of finding a new place to live so sadly writing kind of fell to the way side. But I never stopped thinking about this story or hoping I would find the time to finish this chapter and I'm so glad I did. Things are quieting down so the next chapter shouldn't take too long (and it's a BIG one)

* * *

Chapter 8: Down the Rabbit Hole

For days after having to give her daughter up Lisbon was in a complete fog. She mostly moped and stayed in bed, crying when she felt like it and being silent otherwise. She called her brothers every day and they were quick to tell her every minute detail of Evie's life so far, it helped soothe the pain but did nothing to erase it. At the end of every phone call she burst into tears again.

The other inmates were helpful by making sure she ate, helping her to keep from getting an infection before her milk went down, and encouraging her to get up and live instead of what she really wanted to do which was to hide in her bed. No one told her to snap out of it or said she was acting unreasonable, mostly people either tried to talk about nothing important or assured her that she would see her daughter again.

Four days after being back in prison she received mail, four envelopes, one from each brother and one from her sister-in-law. Inside of each envelope was exactly five photographs, the maximum allowed for inmates per piece of mail. Lisbon almost burst into tears again; she was so touched that her family had found a way around the system so that she received twenty pictures of her daughter instead of just five.

She looked over each of the pictures for a long time, smiling happily at her beautiful little girl. Then she couldn't help herself, she went to the recreation room and showed them off to Mama and her friends. It was nice being able to brag about her beautiful baby, and for the first time in days she actually felt like smiling again.

Jinx took the time to look over the photographs one by one, smiling too, not that she was one for babies but this was her friend's child. "She's cute, you sure know how to pop them out, Piggy."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Thanks for that."

"Hey!" Cupcake called from across the room, "Are those pictures of your piglet?"

She frowned at the inmate. "Are you guys really calling my daughter that?"

"Of course."

"Well stop," Lisbon said, "and yes, I do have pictures."

Cupcake ran over and started leafing through them. "Damn, Piggy. You and Mr. Blondielocks make good babies."

Lisbon wasn't sure if it was the strange compliment or Jane's new nickname that had her laughing more. "Well, thanks I guess."

"What's he gonna say when he sees her?"

That was a damn good question. Lisbon looked down at the photographs of her beautiful baby girl; she always talked about Jane coming back as if it was a certainty. But it was hard to think about such things when there seemed little she could do about it. "He'll be happy, but I just have to focus on getting out of here so I can see her again."

"Honey, we all do."

Lisbon knew that was the truth, a lot of women in prison had children they were desperate to see again. In this regard she was not alone, she wasn't even the only on in here who had given birth while in prison. There were so many women here who were watching their own babies grow up from photographs, some refused to let their children even come visit because they didn't want their kids to see them like this.

She knew she couldn't go three years without seeing her daughter; she didn't have that kind of strength.

At three, she left the common room and stood in line for the phones. There was a guard watching them, or rather pretending to watch them while reading a newspaper. Calls were supposed to be monitored but Lisbon had realized early on that no one bothered to listen in. Otherwise, they would hear some pretty interesting topics, at least Lewkowski would probably find enough info to keep him warm at night.

She finally got to one of the phones and dialed Stan's number. The automated message played that said he was accepting charges for the call from the prison. "Hey, Teresa!" Stan said into the phone, his voice slightly distracted which made her suspicious that something was up.

"Hey, Stan," Lisbon replied. "How is everything in Chicago?"

"Great, Karen is giving Annie a bath because she decided puddle jumping was a sport."

She laughed at that image of her little niece getting soaked with mud and rainwater. It made her wonder how Evie would be like when she got older. "What about Evie?"

His voice got softer then. "She's perfect. Looks a lot like you as you know." That wasn't really true, Lisbon knew her daughter looked a lot like her father too but Stan wasn't going to talk about that, especially not on the prison line.

"Tell me more," Lisbon begged. She knew her daughter did little more than eat, sleep and cry but she didn't care. She needed every minute detail.

"She's so cute when she sleeps, she makes these funny faces with her mouth open. Just like her mom."

"I do _not_ do that."

"Oh yeah you do, you talk too, and she will make little grunty noises so I imagine she'll talk in her sleep too."

"Stop making fun of me." Lisbon said giggling a little.

"Evie eats like a horse too. I mean she's such a tiny baby but she wants to eat all of the damn time. I don't know where she puts it."

 _Just like her daddy_ , Lisbon thought with a soft smile. "What is she doing right now?"

"Now?" She heard movement which meant Stan was walking over to where her daughter was. "She's in her little bassinet just staring at this little flower that dangles over her face, she follows it with her eyes which is pretty incredible since she's only a week old." Then his voice changed to soft and goofy. "Hey Evie, you know who I'm talking to? I'm talking to mommy! Yeah your mommy is on the phone with me right now. What do you think of that?" He then got serious. "Awww she smiled!"

"She did not," Lisbon replied.

"I swear to God, she just smiled when I talked about you."

"You're so full of it!"

"I'm not lying!"

Lisbon started laughing a little as she imagined her daughter smiling at just the mention of her mother. She knew he might be lying just to make her feel better but she didn't care. Her daughter had smiled at the memory of her mother and Lisbon would hold onto that hope until she saw her again.

"What else is going on?"

"Nothing, really," Stan said, but he sounded distracted again. "I mean things are quiet, real quiet."

She frowned. "What happened?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Stan, you always repeat stuff when you are nervous. What's going on?"

He sighed heavily and she knew she'd broken "Ihim; he always folded like paper when she pressed even a little. "Okay, something did happen. We said we wouldn't tell you but…but you should know."

"Oh God, what is it? What's wrong with Evie?"

"Nothing, nothing like that," Stan assured her. "She's in perfect health. But some reporter or something snuck in while you were at the hospital. I guess when they put her in the nursery to check her over…they took some pictures of her. It's all over the internet."

"What? There are pictures of Evie online?"

"Yeah, some blogger posted them with the title 'Red John Baby Born'."

Lisbon gasped, completely shocked and disgusted. "Oh God that's horrible! It makes her sound like she's Red John's child!"

"Yeah, some people are actually stupid enough to speculate."

"Ugh that's disgusting!"

"Look, it's just the internet."

"The internet is _everywhere,_ Stan!"

"I know," Stan said, "I'm just saying that the main news circles haven't really covered it…well except for some of the local news sites in California." Before she could complain again he quickly cut in. "But they are making it clear that the father is _not_ Red John…that she's…well you know."

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Stan was quiet for a moment, obviously unsure over what to do or say to make her feel better. "Most people are saying really nice things about you. That you shouldn't be in prison, that she's a beautiful baby and how nice it is that he has another daughter after what happened."

"That makes it all better that my privacy was violated," Lisbon snapped.

"What do you want us to do? We haven't released the photos and we can't cover the entire internet."

"I know that," Lisbon replied, "I'm not mad at you I'm mad…I'm mad that other people get to see my daughter and I can't."

"It's going to be okay, Teresa."

She sighed but couldn't come up with a response to that. She didn't really know when it would be _okay_ , or if that time would ever actually come.

"Hey Piggy!" An inmate behind her shouted. "Others want to use the phone."

"I know," Lisbon said behind her, "I still have another minute!"

That shut her up and Lisbon was able to get back to her brother. "Just take care of Evie, it'll blow over."

"Yeah, in a week no one will be talking about you or Evie anymore and then when you get out, it'll be like it never happened."

That was a complete lie but neither one of them was going to admit that. "I'll call you soon," Lisbon told him, "and keep sending pictures."

"Of course. I love you."

"Love you too," she replied before they both said their goodbyes and she relinquished the phone to the impatient prisoner.

But she was still fighting mad. She wanted punch something but that was frowned upon in prison since could incite a riot or send her to solitary. So instead, she went out to the track and started to run, letting the music from her headphones soothe her ears and she pounded out her frustrations on the pavement.

It was the only thing she could do.

* * *

That Friday was an exciting day at the prison as a whole slew of new arrivals were bussed in from different prisons across the state. Many of the inmates swarmed the windows to look at the new arrivals as they filed off the bus. There were a couple of familiar faces to some who were excited at the prospect of reuniting with old friends. Lisbon almost rolled her eyes when she heard someone talking about their friend who had arrived and how "cool" it was. Who _wanted_ their friend to be in prison?

She stood with Jinx and Kiki while the newbies filed in and were assigned their bunks. A few girls from the different social groups handed out toothbrushes, shampoo, little toiletries for the inmates that matched their racial divide.

"Welcome gifts," Lisbon mused, "I didn't know we did that here."

Jinx shrugged. "Guess no one was in a giving mood when you came."

She actually chuckled. "Can't say I'm that surprised."

"Then you won them over with your winning personality."

Now she did laugh out loud. That was as far from the truth as it could get since it was really her baby bump that had given her the chance to get people to actually accept her.

Lisbon looked over the new arrivals but didn't see anyone she recognized, well at least she hadn't put any of them away that she knew of. Other than that it didn't really matter, she knew her place in the pecking order and soon enough they would too.

But at dinner she got her first taste that maybe it wouldn't be that simple. Just because she hadn't known any of the new arrivals didn't mean they wouldn't find out she was a cop…or enjoy the idea of being locked up with one. She got a withering look from some of the new inmates but she just ignored them.

Until she was about to accept her tray and the one in front of her "accidentally" spilled a full cup of a kool-aid all over her tray.

"Ooops, sorry pig. Hope you like soggy bread."

Lisbon was stunned that she was going through these juvenile pranks again. But before she could react Cookie had stepped up and swiped the newbie's tray so that all of the food and silverware clattered to the floor. "Ooops, sorry, bitch. Hope you like licking your food off the floor."

"What the hell? You her best friend or something?"

"She's not a cop no more, princess. She's one of us!"

"Hey!" Vilmer the guard stepped up. "That's enough!"

Both of the fighting inmates separated and the new girl glared at Lisbon menacingly. She looked over a Kiki who was serving the food. "I need a new tray."

"Sorry," Kiki said smugly. "Only one tray per inmate."

She ground her teeth and hissed. "Bitch!" before stomping off in another direction.

Lisbon had been staring at the whole situation in a slight daze, amazed that all of this was happening and she still hadn't said a word. Then she felt a nudge on her arm and saw Dolly offering her a new tray. "Here you go, Piggy."

She wordlessly took her tray and found her seat at the table with Jinx and Zen. Jinx smirked at her. "Look at you, Piggy. Making new friends."

"Yeah, that's me. I'm a regular social butterfly."

"Just let the anger flow out of you," Zen told her, "It builds nothing but trouble inside."

"I'm not really angry," Lisbon replied. "I just thought all of the petty drama about my being a cop was done."

"They new girls just gotta learn their place," Jinx shrugged. "They will soon enough."

"You sure about that."

Jinx nodded. "Yup, Mama will make sure of it."

"Mama?" Lisbon asked. Zen and Jinx exchanged looks before turning their eyes back to their trays. "What is Mama going to do?"

"Let things be the way they are," Zen told her.

Lisbon didn't like that kind of talk, she really didn't at all. And she definitely didn't like what this all implied…even if she wasn't entirely sure what it meant.

* * *

 _Jane was sitting on his couch, book in hand and an empty cup of tea on the sill behind him. Lisbon had been watching him for almost an hour now out of her office window and he had done little more than turn a page every so often. She knew she was spying on him like a stalker or a jealous ex lover but she was neither of those…well she wasn't jealous at least._

 _She couldn't hide in her office forever. She had to do this and now before she lost her nerve._

 _Lisbon made her way to the bullpen. The rest of the team had gone for the day, it was just Jane and her in the darkened building. It was probably just them, cleaning crew and the other workaholics that were burning the midnight oil. In other words just like a typical night before everything went crazy and Red John had been killed._

 _So strange that everything was almost exactly the same after such a momentous event._

 _"Hey Jane." Lisbon said._

 _He didn't even look up from his book. "So you finally decided to stop spying on me from your office?"_

 _She blushed at being caught. "I just think we need to talk."_

 _Jane put his book down and met her eyes. "I'm all right Lisbon."_

 _"I'm glad to hear that," Lisbon replied, "But I don't think it is that simple."_

 _"Red John is dead," Jane reminded her. "My family is at peace. It's over."_

 _She nodded. "I know that but…but I'm still not sure why you are still here."_

 _"Where else would I go? What else would I do?"_

 _That was a damn good question. She wasn't sure herself what else he could do because there were so many things he could do. But she was glad he was here, glad he hadn't disappeared on her. Especially now._

 _"I'm happy you stayed." Lisbon told him with a smile._

 _He smiled back at her, that same smile that made her heart melt. "I'm happy you're happy."_

 _She nodded but she couldn't shake her nerves. "But that isn't the only reason we need to talk." He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "We…we need to talk about what happened between us."_

 _Now that had piqued Jane's interest. But his response was surprising. "We don't have to…if you don't want to."_

 _"I didn't say…do you not want to?"_

 _"That isn't what I said."_

 _She was frustrated with that answer and he knew it. "Jane, this isn't about what we want…it's what we_ have _to do."_

 _"We have to?" Jane questioned. "We don't have to do anything."_

 _"Yes we do," Lisbon replied. She swallowed, mustering up the courage to say the words that she'd been practicing for a long time. "I'm pregnant."_

 _Jane froze. His eyes wide with shock and his lips parted a big in a silent gasp. But he didn't say a word. The silence stretched between them until she couldn't take it anymore. "I…I've known for a little while now but with everything going on with Red John and the case…I didn't know how to tell you or if I should tell you because that would be distracting and it might affect everything. So I didn't say anything but now he's dead and you're not so you should know." Jane still hadn't moved so she ended her ramble. "I'm just going to shut up now and let you talk."_

 _She waited very impatiently for Jane to react; when he finally did he surprised her. He started laughing._

 _Lisbon stared at him as if he was insane while he still chuckled. "Are you seriously laughing at me?"_

 _He shook his head. "No."_

 _"Then why the hell are you laughing?"_

 _It took a moment for him to get himself under control but he finally did, still grinning. "It's just of all the things that could have happened after Red John's death…this was the last that I expected."_

 _"And you think it's funny?"_

 _"A little," Jane admitted. "Mostly because it's nothing I thought would happen but everything that I want."_

 _It took her a second to fully grasp what he said…then her heart skipped a beat. "So…you're happy about this?"_

 _Jane stood up from the couch and stepped towards her, cupping her face in her hands. "I'm thrilled."_

 _Then he kissed her, soft and sweetly but with so much meaning. She kissed him back, there was no way to help it, his kiss was addicting. Her whole body screamed for him but one corner of her mind was still functioning._

 _Lisbon pulled back. "No, Jane. If this is just about the baby then I don't want—."_

 _"Shhh," Jane said, putting a finger to her lips. "I love you," he whispered, "and that has nothing to do with you carrying my child…except it makes it so much better."_

 _She was fairly certain she had forgotten to breathe as Jane leaned down to kiss her again…_

Lisbon woke up from her dream when her alarm went off. All she wanted was five more minutes in the sweet heaven her subconscious had conjured up. But she had to open her eyes and face the reality she was in. She wasn't at the CBI, she wasn't celebrating with Jane, she was stuck in a prison listening to the snores of 150 other women.

With a groan she got up, grabbing her shower caddy. After all that was the reason for getting up at 5am, to get to the showers while there was warm water. The prison was still mostly dark with only the few early risers getting up. She turned into the empty bathroom…or what she thought would be the empty bathroom.

Inside she was shocked to find the blonde new girl who'd harassed her in the cafeteria surrounded by three latinas she recognized from the kitchen detail and Kiki. "You mess with Piggy again, Mama will issue more than a warning to you, bitch!" Missy said, holding up a lethal looking shank. "She's one of us and don't you forget it."

She gaped at them, her eyes wide. Kiki was the one who saw her first and she hurried over and grabbed her arm. "Come on, Piggy. It's over now, you didn't see anything."

Lisbon knew what that meant. But she didn't like any of it. Not one bit.

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"I hear ya, Piggy," Jinx said later that day, "I just don't get why you are so pissed."

"They were threatening her in the shower!"

"So?"

"So?! That's illegal."

"Maybe out there," Jinx reminded her, "in here it's just a regular Tuesday."

"I know that," Lisbon admitted, "but I don't like the idea of anyone threatening people because of me. And I really don't like that I'm not allowed to stop someone from hurting someone else." She gave Jinx a side eye. "Especially since it used to be my job to do that."

"Yeah well you are on the other side of the razor wire fence," Jinx replied. "Take one out of Yoda's book. 'Unlearn what you have learn'."

"You did not just quote _Star Wars_."

Jinx just laughed. "You just gotta remember, you're not a cop anymore."

That was something that was very hard for Lisbon to stomach. For the past 20 years of her life she'd defined herself in her work, she was an officer of the law. She had trained and had it ingrained her brain that she was a cop. Now not only was that no longer true but she was supposed to be "one of them". An inmate. A criminal.

Try as she might…that wasn't something she wanted to accept.

"I'm not a cop," Lisbon admitted, "But that doesn't mean I'm someone who is willing to break the law…again." She tacked on, she couldn't deny she had been before."

"There isn't much of a law in here either."

Well that was true.

They were passing the workout room with Lewkowski heading in their direction. Lisbon and Jinx did what almost every prisoner did, looked down at their feet to avoid his eyes. But this time the tried and true method did not work.

"Inmates," Lewkowksi said harshly, "random pat downs. Stand still with your arms out."

 _You've got to be kidding me_ , Lisbon thought but had now choice to follow orders. Jinx met her eyes and looked just as annoyed and pissed off as she was. Lewkowski went for her first and he patted down her shoulders and arms and then went for her chest. To her shock he squeezed her breasts, lingering for a while before moving down her stomach. He cupped her buttocks too and finished by patting down her legs. He did similar treatment to Jinx before declaring. "All clear, move on."

Lisbon gaped at him as he marched away and crossed her arms over her chest, as if that would protect her from further mistreatment. "Did he grope you too?"

"Of course. Why else for the _random_ pat down?"

She felt a surge of rage build up inside of her. Outside of these walls she could have reported the violation, could have defended herself, here she couldn't even prove he hadn't been doing his job. Lisbon stepped into the gym and immediately started beating up the sand bag. "I fucking hate it here!" She shouted, hitting the bag with hard smacks.

"I know." Jinx replied, "we all do, Piggy."

"And we can't do a thing about it can we? We have to threaten people to keep the peace, let guards use us for ego and power trips and never get to see our babies."

"I know, Piggy. This place is fucking Wonderland. Everything is upside down."

Lisbon stopped abusing the bag at that comment and thought about how her friend had just described prison. "Yeah, what I wouldn't give for a little white rabbit to show up and lead us out of here."

Jinx shrugged. "It won't last forever, just remember that Piggy."

That was true and Lisbon knew she should at least be grateful for that much. When she did get out of here she had a bit more than some of the women who finally left these walls. She had a family that would help her and while her chances of going back to law enforcement were very low, she had a chance at other opportunities. It wouldn't be easy but it wasn't as bleak as others who had no family and no prospects who had to live off of soup kitchens.

"I know," Lisbon replied, "but it doesn't make being here any easier."

Lisbon sat in her bunk with a pencil in hand and her notebook, she was writing letters to her friends and family. She'd already finished several and they were all neatly stacked on the shelf to her right. But this letter wasn't going to go in an envelope, this was a letter she was writing partly out of loneliness and partly to keep herself sane.

* * *

 _Dear Jane,_

 _I had to give our baby to my brothers, that was without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Having her inside of me, kicking and turning and causing all manner of discomfort, it was something that made me feel a little less alone. Now I have this emptiness that can't be filled until I hold her in my arms again. I know you understand what it is like to lose a child but I couldn't truly understand until now how much you must have longed even to see her for just one more moment. The only comfort I have is that one day I will never be separated from her again._

 _I dreamed the other day about another life. One where you never had to run away, where the CBI wasn't dismantled and I was able to tell you about our daughter. It was hard waking up to the harsh reality around me but at least life in prison is getting easier._

 _You'd have told me that these inmates are people too who made mistakes, not all bad and not all good but all people nonetheless. You're right about that but I'm worried about the lines being blurred for me. All of my life I was a cop, a cop who put away bad guys, in my old world these friends I'm making were the bad guys. Then again, so would I. Would you think I'm like them? I find it hard to just sit by and watch as they threaten people with violence, or just off handedly dismiss laws that I was trained to uphold. But then these are the same women I can sit and laugh with over trashy television and bad food._

 _I'm and inmate too. The question is, am I one of them? I'm terrified of who I'll be when this is over. I know I won't be a cop anymore but I don't know how to be anyone else. More than anything I wish you could give me some magical Jane answer that would help me understand everything. That's a lie, more than anything I wish you were here, I was out of prison and we were both living at some house on the beach with Evie._

 _You would be an amazing father, that I don't doubt. Although sometimes I worry over what you would think about having another daughter. Would you view her as a replacement? Then I tell myself that those thoughts are ridiculous but all I have here is time to think and overthink and worry and drive myself insane._

 _I get to watch my daughter's first years of her life through photographs. Speaking of, did you know they leaked photos to the press? Suddenly she's The Red John Baby. How disgusting is that? She's_ our _baby, not some side show for people to gawk at. But I don't have any control in here, I don't even have a say on our daughter's privacy. I want people to know the truth, and if not, then to just leave us alone. I think I can find a way to make part of that come true._

An announcement came over the loudspeaker. "Lisbon, report to visitation."

She sighed, put away the letter that would never be mailed and picked up the photograph of her daughter she had chosen before hurrying over to the visitation room. She knew that Erik was coming that day to discuss the book some more. He'd been sending letters full of questions and she'd answered them as best as she could. But he still wanted to interview her on tape a few times.

Lisbon gritted her teeth through the strip search, having to relinquish the photograph to the guard to prove that it was actually a photograph and not anything that could be used as a weapon. She was instructed that she had to place it on the table immediately upon entry and it had to remain in sight at all times, as if it could actually be used as a weapon. The idea of killing anyone with a paper cut was amusing to say the least.

Erik greeted her with a smile and a handshake. "You look great," he told her as they both sat back down.

"You mean without the baby bump?" She replied and wished she hadn't, it just filled her with more sadness.

He noticed. "How are you holding up?"

"Not great," she admitted, "It's hard knowing that your baby is somewhere else and I'm stuck in here."

"But we are going to change that," Erik reminded her, "this book is about telling your story, letting people realize that everything you did was for a good cause."

Lisbon sighed, not truly letting herself hope for the outcome he was promising but she also knew she wouldn't get it if she didn't try. "Okay, ask your questions."

He had several, many specifics about the investigation and how her team had carried it out. Specifically on Jane's techniques and plans. She knew it was going to raise a few eyebrows that Jane had basically lived in the attic of the CBI and turned it into his own Red John board of insanity. But she wanted to stress how he did what he had to do in order to get the monster who killed his family. It went beyond any rational ideas but Red John wasn't a rational person either.

But when it came to other aspects of the investigation, specifically ones involving Lorelei Martin, Lisbon had a hard time talking about them. And Erik caught on quick.

"I have to interrupt because I can tell we are getting into some personal matters," he said after he quickly and gratefully stopped the recording. "I think we have to talk about the elephant in the room."

"That Jane slept with someone to get to Red John."

"No, I was talking about your relationship with him," Erik explained, "and how you felt about him."

"And here I thought that was public knowledge."

"To a point," he agreed, "but all they really know is that he fathered your child. The prosecution enjoyed painting the picture of a lovelorn agent agreeing to her lovers every whim but obviously that was not the case."

"Yes, I wasn't lovelorn and I definitely didn't agree to his every whim."

Erik chuckled and nodded his head. "Exactly, but you can't deny that you had real feelings for him, maybe you were in love with him."

Lisbon was quiet for a moment. "I was…I am."

He nodded. "And obviously some of the things Jane had to do hurt you very much."

All she could do was nod her head, it was a little embarrassing that she was so transparent.

"What I'm trying to say is…or I guess, ask if you would be willing to answer questions about your relationship with him? Would you give the whole truth about what happened between you and Jane?"

Lisbon let out a breath. "That's a lot to ask."

He agreed. "But that's the big question. Did you do what you did only because you were in love with him? It's going to be hard to ignore that part of the investigation when everyone knows about your child." Erik gestured to the photograph on the table. "She's a beautiful girl, by the way."

"Thank you," she replied softly. Lisbon looked down at her daughter's picture, aching again with the knowledge that she was so far away. But it also reminded her of what she had come here to do. That gave her the resolve to press on. "Put the tape recorder back on," she told him. Erik wordlessly complied and she continued as if there wasn't an interruption "It's funny that you bring up this photo. I wanted to give it to you."

"Really?"

"Yes," Lisbon told him, "I wanted you to put it in the book."

"Are you serious?" Erik asked, obviously shocked. "I mean I'm excited you want to publish a picture of your daughter but I must say I'm very surprised."

"I know, I'm a private person and more than anything I want to keep my daughter out of this mess," Lisbon explained, "but the fact is that she's already been pushed into it. I know someone posted a picture of her online and it's all over the Internet. The Red John Baby."

"I wasn't aware you knew about that."

"Well I do, and that's why I want you to publish this picture. It's my way of getting back control, I'm giving the public the picture they want but it's on my terms." She told him firmly. "And I want to put aside the title of 'the Red John Baby' for good."

"And how will you do that?"

Lisbon sighed. "By being completely honest about how she was created." She met Erik's eyes. "I only slept with Jane once. He came over to my apartment to talk about the death of Kirkland, we wound up arguing about him almost getting killed earlier that day and then when Red John almost killed me not long before that. A lot of things were said that had been left unsaid for too long I guess. We decided afterwards that it was best to let things lie until after Red John was dead, we didn't want to be distracted." Lisbon shook her head with a wry smile. "Stupid idea really. In the end we never actually talked about how we felt, what it meant, and I had made the really bad choice not to let him know I was pregnant."

But the truth is that I was in love with him for a very long time, longer than I even realized. But when he bent and broke the rules I got angry, I punished him, I did whatever I could to try to keep him in line. Maybe he knew how I felt, maybe he didn't. In the end I still don't know either. But I helped him to get to Red John for many reasons, because his wife and daughter were viciously murdered, because Red John had killed Boscoe and other CBI agents, because of the many people who were destroyed by the Blake Association…but mostly because I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that Red John would never let himself be taken alive. He was either going to kill or be killed, and I would rather have a monster dead then anymore good people. And Jane is a good person."

Lisbon met Erik's eyes. "So ask your questions, I'll answer all of them."

Erik looked at her for a long moment then nodded his head. "Then let's begin."

So she did. She told him everything from the moment Jane walked into the CBI like a sad broken puppy, to him killing his only lead to Red John to save her life. To Lorelei, to 'love you' and 'little bit in love' that was never addressed. To waking up in the hospital room with him beside her looking like he'd seen death, passionate night that they pretended hadn't happened, to the phone call she couldn't answer but listened to dozens of times. She let everything be recorded and Erik silently listened on.

When the story reached it's end he reached over and turned the recorder off and looked her in the eye. "When this book gets published there is going to be march on the capitol to get you out of here. I guarantee it."

"You don't know that."

"I write books for a living. If it's one thing I know it's that everyone loves a love story, no matter how sad it ends. Almost as much as everyone loves a hero. You have both. You'll get out, I'd stake my life on it."

"No need to go that far," Lisbon said with a smile. Then she sighed once more. "I just hope you are right."

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys liked this little chapter, a bit of a filler with hint of what is to come. The next chapter is when things get interesting as Lisbon celebrates her birthday behind bars with a visit from her daughter (yay!) but Lewkowski takes notice of her and things take a dark DARK turn hehehehe I can't wait for you to see what I do next


	9. No One Will Believe You

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Hey! I told you I wasn't dead yet! I got this chapter out in decent time hehehe and it's a dark one but I think everyone will enjoy it. Don't hate me for lulling you into a false sense of security but the idea of Lisbon's birthday in prison sort of came to me and I had to run with it. Hope you guys enjoy what I cook up.

* * *

Chapter 9: No One Will Believe You

The days in prison began to blend together from the repetition of it all. Lisbon woke up early, showered, stood in line at breakfast then reported for work in the laundry for several hours, had a bag lunch, more laundry then had a couple hours of free time before dinner, more free time then lights out at 9:30. The weekends offered some brief respite from the monotony with the possibility of visitation but even that started to fade a bit. It wasn't anyone's fault. Rigsby and Van Pelt got busy with their new business and the added surprise of a new baby. That news had made Lisbon sad, not for them but for her for missing out and then jealous that they would get to share their child together and she was watching hers grow from a distance.

It was easy to get depressed in her situation. Lisbon did what she could to stave it off without resorting the one pill they passed out like candy in prison. Instead she turned to spending hours on the track running, her headphones blaring with music from a local station. It helped to keep herself from thinking too much and spending time out doors was invigorating. The exercise did her body good too, she lost her baby weight fast and then some. She was more toned than ever and in the best shape she'd been in years. Some of the other women purred over her but she ignored any of those comments, she certainly wasn't interested in a lover.

Though it didn't mean she wasn't aching to be touched. Not even intimately, she just wanted contact again. When she traded two candy bars for Juju to do her hair, she almost started crying when she first felt her hands on her scalp. It was just nice for a moment to be a little pampered, to feel a little more human again.

Jinx did what she could to try and perk her friend up and Lisbon was so grateful for her, she could find ways to make her laugh when she sorely needed it by digging up trashy articles from outdated magazines or dishing up local gossip from around the prison.

But Lisbon was falling into a trap known as the birthday blues. It wasn't an uncommon feeling but this year was worse than normal. This year she knew she wasn't going to get Jane guessing her presents or surprising her with a pony. This year she was going to get another day in prison, nothing worth celebrating over.

The day before her birthday was a Friday. She was greeted at mail call with a whole box full of mail and some packages. Mags raised an eyebrow at that. "By now, most girls get forgotten."

"My birthday is tomorrow," Lisbon admitted.

"And that makes a difference?"

She didn't know how to respond to that and instead offered a peace offering. "If there are any good books I'll let you know."

Mags seemed to like that idea and turned back to her reading the very outdated magazine while Lisbon started going through her mail. She got the normal letters from her brothers, complete with many photographs of Evie. The letter from James contained a second envelope as well, that sent her heart racing but she put it aside to savor for later. She had to get through the birthday cards from the her friends including a sketch book and charcoal pencils from Grace. That made her smile, she'd mentioned in passing her newest hobby and of course, Grace would remember that.

When all of the cards had been read, the photos and gifts set aside, Lisbon finally turned to the last unopened letter. She knew who sent it which is why she looked around to make sure no guard was watching before settling in to read.

 _Dear Lisbon,_

 _Happy Birthday. Or at least I hope this is your birthday, international mail is a little hard to peg so it's either early, late or right on time. I'm obviously hoping for the latter. I wish I could be there to give you another extravagant present you won't know what to do with. I still always think about that pony, it was hell trying to wrestle that thing into your office by the way. But it was worth it when you opened that door and I got to see that look on your face. At first you just stood there stunned, then that giddy look of a little girl took over followed by the sudden realization that you had a miniature horse in your office and you had no idea what to do with it. I know you go visit that pony on that farm sometimes, I knew you wouldn't be able to just walk away from something so adorable. That's why you never could get away from me either._

 _Making your eyes light up, that was my favorite thing to do. That is the most expressive part about you and how I could always tell what you were thinking. Like whenever I did something that annoyed you and you're eyes would flash but then would soften as you tried to hide a smile. That's how I knew how much you secretly enjoyed my little pranks, it kept things lively for you. Some days I would spend all day on my couch secretly planning something that would make your eyes smile like that, it was too much fun pushing your buttons and it's always cute when you bit your lip to keep from smiling. But your eyes always gave it away._

 _I hope you are happy and that you'll find someone who makes your eyes smile again._

There were several lines that were blacked out followed by a simple. U Know Hoo at the end.

Lisbon sat there and studied the lines carefully to try and figure out what was originally there. She could only decipher a little bit.

 _I…..ly….don't…..oneelse….truth….ous….thought…..see….again….I….feel…..you_

She was undeniably frustrated that Jane had crossed out some of his letter, it was even more frustrated that he actually wrote that he hoped she'd find someone else. That wasn't what she wanted to hear!

For the first time ever she was tempted to just rip up his letter but the rational part of her mind kicked in. He was away, a fugitive from the law with no idea if he would ever see her again. It was his nature to want her to be happy. She went back to his first letter when he kept writing about how much he missed her.

When he came back things would be different, she reminded herself. They had to be.

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Lisbon went through the routine of getting ready for bed still unsure over the last letter from Jane but determined to put it out of her mind or she wouldn't be able to sleep. She'd long gotten accustomed to the sound of several hundred women trying to sleep at the same time, she was out fairly quickly once she refused to think about Jane anymore.

After the routine of prison she didn't expect surprises anymore, but when she woke up the next morning she was shocked to find that her cube had been decorated. Toilet paper streamers, construction paper chains, cut outs of hot guys from magazine and candy bars were every where. "What the hell?" Lisbon said, sitting up, blinking rapidly as if it would magically go away.

Mags laughed for once. "It's tradition in here, Piggy."

"You told everyone it was my birthday?"

"Not me," she said, standing up to head to the showers, but not before swiping a Snickers bar.

Lisbon looked around at all of the decorations in her cube, then at the gigantic card at the foot of her bed. It had been signed by tons of the women, some she barely knew but it was still very sweet.

"Happy birthday, Piggy," Jinx said, peeking into her bunk.

"You jerk," Lisbon said playfully, "how did you even know?"

"Please, D-Lish files for Compton sometimes, she knows everyone's B-day here."

Lisbon shook her head. "I should have known keeping a secret would have been pointless."

"Duh," Jinx replied. "Now come on, you've got a party to go to."

"There's a party too?"

"Mama has been busy."

Jinx wasn't kidding. The common room was filled with everyone she knew and then some. The tables had the prison delicacies that could be made from supplies swiped from the kitchen and bought at commissary but were still better than anything that were forced to serve at the cafeteria.

There were also presents, mostly more candy bars or snacks from commissary but there was also a crocheted blanket from Zen and Mama gave her a crocheted pair of slippers that had been made with flip flops from commissary. The slippers were surprisingly warm and comfortable and Lisbon looked forward to wearing them around her bunk and movie night.

She was still chatting with some of the partygoers when her name was called to visitation. Lisbon smiled and shook her head, obviously her old team was still thinking of her.

Lisbon made her way down to visitation and endured the search before being let into the room. But it wasn't her old team waiting for her, instead she was shocked to find her brothers James and Stan and Stan's wife Karen. But what was much more important was little Evie in Karen's arms.

She started crying as soon as she saw her daughter but nothing could have stopped her from reaching her, not broken class or land mines. "Oh my God!" Lisbon exclaimed as she was enveloped in the arms of her family. "I can't believe this!"

"Well it is your birthday," James reminded her with a wry grin but she could see he was a little teary eyed as well, Stan was too.

Karen handed Evie over to her mother and Lisbon started crying even harder once her baby was in her arms. "She's so big, she's gotten so big," she gasped before losing control of her emotions once more.

It took her a few minutes before she could gather herself again. "Hi, Evie," she said to her daughter. "I'm you're mommy, I've thought about you every single day. I just can't believe you're here." Then she looked up at her family. "I can't believe you all are here."

"We couldn't let you go through your birthday without seeing Evie," Stan explained.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"Because you'd have told us not to," James reminded her with a sly grin. He wasn't wrong.

"And you shouldn't have," Lisbon said but hugged her daughter close. "But I'm glad you did."

"We did run into your team outside," Karen told her, "but they said they'd come back tomorrow."

Lisbon felt like crying all over again. She kissed Evie's head. "How did I get so lucky?"

"You're saying that when you're in prison," James reminded her. Stan immediately stamped on his foot and the youngest Lisbon sibling yelped in pain.

She gave him a slightly annoyed look. "I'm lucky to have all of you," she clarified, "in here you learn to appreciate the little things." Lisbon leaned back into her seat and smiled back down at her daughter, giving her another quick hug. "Tell me everything."

"About what?"

"Evie, you guys, dumb celebrity gossip. I'm not picky."

Her brothers and sister-in-law obliged her. She was given a full report on every tiny thing Evie had done, every milestone or cute moment she had missed. Then it was all about her nieces and nephews, her brother's jobs, Karen's book club, and anything else deemed newsworthy taking place in the world outside of prison.

After a couple of hours, Evie started fussing and Karen looked over at her husband. "She's hungry, I told you we needed to bring a bottle in."

"They wouldn't let us bring the diaper bag inside anyways," Stan reminded her. He stood up to go out and get the bottle but Lewkowksi was one of the guards on duty that day. He stopped Stand immediately. "Where are you going?"

"My sister's kid needs a bottle," Stan explained, "I'm just going to go get one then come back."

"Uh ah," he told him, "you leave you can't come back, especially not with something."

"It's a bottle of formula, you can check it if you want."

"Either you leave now or you stay," Lewkowski told him. "If your sister wanted her kid fed she shouldn't gone to prison."

Stan looked like he was ready to punch Lewkowski which Lisbon honestly would have liked to see but she stepped up and put a hand on her brother. "Sit down, Stan. It's not worth it."

Her brother wisely chose to follow his advice and took a seat while Lisbon went back to trying to sooth her daughter. "Are they all assholes like that?"

"No," Lisbon told him, "he's the worst, most are more apathetic then anything and there are a couple that are very good people." She kissed her fussy daughter gently. "It's going to be okay sweetheart, I promise."

The four of them did what they could to try and quiet the crying baby but there was little they could do to ease her hunger. Thankfully not half an hour later, Lewkowski went on break and he was replaced by Kilmer. Lisbon waited a minute before approaching Kilmer with her fussy daughter in her arms.

"Hey cutie," Kilmer said to the baby, "what's the matter?"

"She's hungry," Lisbon explained. "My brother said he has a bottle of formula in the diaper bag he checked in, is it alright if he gets it?"

"Yeah, I'll radio it in and Jenkins can pick it up, just the bottle though and it has to remain in sight obviously."

"Of course," Lisbon said, "thank you."

"Can't let a baby go hungry," Kilmer replied with a smile.

A few minutes later Jenkins handed the bottle to Kilmer who gave it to Stan. Lisbon was the one who fed her daughter who immediately started gulping down the formula. James shook his head at the situation. "I do not know how you live like this."

"It's not really living," Lisbon explained, "more like enduring."

Visiting hours were over at 2pm and at 1:55 they got a five-minute warning. By now Evie had fallen asleep in her mother's arms, her lips parted a little bit as she breathed softly. "God I love seeing her," Lisbon admitted, "But giving her up is the worst feeling in the world."

"It's not forever," Karen reminded her.

"I know," Lisbon said, "But that isn't much comfort when I'm still in here." She sighed heavily and brushed a tear away from eye. She gave her sleeping child one more kiss before gently handing her over to Karen. "Just take good care of my daughter."

"You know I will," Karen said with a smile.

Lisbon nodded and couldn't help the pang of jealousy over the woman who was being the mother to _her_ child. But she pushed it aside as she hugged her brother's goodbye. It was hard watching them go, especially her baby girl but she was certainly smiling again. She'd been ready to feel sorry for herself on her birthday and instead she was feeling something close to happiness.

Kilmer was the one who did the strip search on Lisbon, since she'd been the last to leave the visitation room she was the last to go through the embarrassing procedure. But Kilmer was kind enough to let her get dressed alone afterwards. She was putting on her panties when she got a strange feeling that she was being watched.

She glanced around the room but obviously no one was there. She continued dressing but the feeling didn't go away. Lisbon looked around again and this time noticed that someone was looking through the small window on the door.

Lewkowski was opening ogling her, more importantly he probably had been the whole time. When she met his eye he didn't so much as blink, as if he dared her to do something about it. Disgusted she finished putting her clothes back on and made a hasty exit towards the dormitories.

Jinx was waiting by her bunk. "Hey Piggy, I heard you got to see your piglet today." Lisbon nodded but she was too disturbed by what had happened while she was getting dressed to really be very enthusiastic and her friend noticed. "What's wrong?"

"Lewkowski was watching me get dressed after the strip search."

"But that's all right?"

"Yes, what else would he have done?"

Jinx looked serious. "The best thing to do is avoid him. He's a perv, but he I don't think he'd try nothing on you. You're too high profile, I think."

"What are you talking about?" Lisbon asked. "Are you saying he's done stuff to other prisoners?"

Jinx didn't answer her question. "Look, he's got a lot of pull with the warden otherwise he wouldn't be stupid enough to do something like spy on us, not that they would believe us if we snitched."

"So we are supposed to just put up with a peeping tom?"

"It could be worse, Piggy. _A lot_ worse."

* * *

That night was movie night which meant there had to be prep work for the snacks for the film. Lisbon had volunteered to help Mama and some of her other girls help, mostly to keep herself busy but also because she was getting into a pretty good rapport with Mama and Loco who was teaching her Spanish.

Lisbon was squishing the Laughing Cow cheese with the lemon juice and trying to make it as smooth as possible. "What's cheesecake in Spanish?"

"El pay de queso," Mama told her. "Put the vanilla pudding in now, querida."

"Pudin de vainilla," Lisbon said making Mama smile.

"Bueno."

Loco smirked at Lisbon. "Hey, Piggy, you need to learn some real important words, not vanilla pudding."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow as she continued mixing the cheesecake batter. "And what would those be?"

"Like, darle una mamada."

"Darle una mamada," Lisbon repeated which brought a fit of laughter from the other Spanish girls. "Okay what did you make me say."

"Ah, las tontas!" Mama exclaimed and glowered at the other girls before turning back to her, "Don't listen to them, they make you say very bad things."

Now Lisbon looked back at Loco. "Okay, seriously, what did you make me say?"

Araña, named for the spider tattoo on her wrist replied, still giggling. "You said, 'I'll give you a blowjob'."

Lisbon gasped and immediately turned bright red, which had the other girls erupting into fits of laughter again. "I can't believe you made me say that!"

"But it's important, Piggy," Loco told her. "After all, when you get out, you'll need it when you find your hot blonde again."

"Oooh yeah," Araña agreed, "when I get out, Ramon and I won't be getting out of bed for at least two weeks."

Lisbon shook her head, still embarrassed. "That is the least of my concerns. I just want my daughter back."

"Yes, you girls learn something from her," Mama said, "her head not full of sex all day like you. Her nena more important than un pito."

"Thanks," Lisbon said to Mama genuinely. Then she asked. "What's a pito?"

That started all of the girls laughing again and Mama started angrily swearing at them in spanish once more. It took a while for them to get ahold of themselves and get back to preparing the snacks for the movie night. She finished making the cheesecake so and let it chill in the kitchen fridge.

Mama was finishing dicing the onions for the chilaquilas so Lisbon helped with the always necessary crushing of chips for tamales and chilaquilas. "You see your nena today?"

Lisbon nodded, smiling now. "Yes, she was beautiful. You know she looks a bit like me? I mean I shouldn't be surprised since she's my daughter but it's still so strange to see parts of me on a little bitty baby." Her voice softened now as she continued. "And she has his eyes, and if it's possible they are even more beautiful on her."

"That is good. Nena should look like her beautiful mama, her papa must be proud."

"Her papa doesn't know," Lisbon admitted, "I'm not sure if he ever will." She shook her head. "Honestly, the Spanish lessons would be better for him probably, he's off on some island where they can't extradite him. I have no way to reach him and let him know about Evie."

Mama turned and studied her, her expression very serious. "You Catholic, yes?" Lisbon nodded. "La madre de dios protect your nena, you pray every week for her. You have faith."

"Of course I do," Lisbon replied

"You pray, have faith you see your amante again. You will get your answer, maybe not today or but one day you will see him again."

"I do pray," Lisbon admitted. "I prayed every night for years that he would heal, that he would survive."

"And did he?"

She as quiet for a moment before nodded. "Yes, he did."

Mama smiled now. "Then pray for you, and you know it can happen."

The pep talk actually did make Lisbon feel quite a bit better. She went back to helping with a small smile on her face.

The movie that night was the musical _From Justin to Kelly_ which Lisbon had heard was truly terrible but she hadn't expected anything exactly Oscar worthy with the prison budget. Most of the films came from donations or out of the clearance bin at Wal-Mart. Not to mention any sexual scenes or extreme violence were cut, making it easier to just use fluffy nothing films. Disney movies were shown a lot, thankfully most of those were pretty good.

Jinx was saving her a seat near the front, Lisbon was wearing her new slippers that day too. "Here," Lisbon said, handing her a chilaquila.

"Thanks, Piggy. Have fun with the Latinas?"

"They taught me the Spanish word for blowjob."

Jinx started laughing then. "Hey, that's an important thing to know."

"So I've heard."

Her friend smiled at her. "So, you have a good birthday?"

Lisbon smiled back at her. "You know, I thought it was going to be terrible but I really enjoyed myself. I didn't think I'd ever actually be happy in prison but…but sometimes I think I actually am."

"Yeah, it sucks," Jinx agreed, "Prison really sucks but sometimes it can suck a little less."

Lisbon nodded. "Especially when you've got friends."

"What happened to you not needing friends?" Jinx asked, her eyes a little mischeivious.

"Shut up and take the compliment, ass hole."

"Now you really are starting to sound like one of us," Jinx said with a laugh. Lisbon shook her head amused but didn't respond. The lights were turned off and the movie began to play.

* * *

Two weeks later she was back to the drudgery of prison life. Lisbon had never hated laundry but that was before she had to do 200 other women's laundry, plus all of the guards who chose to take advantage and get inmates to do their own personal laundry for free. Lifting the heavy bags of clothes was at least a pretty good workout.

She dumped another pile of clothes into the industrial size washer and poured some of the powder detergent in. But they were running on empty and she would have hell to pay if she didn't finish, she didn't need to give Lewkowski another excuse to give her a demerit.

The detergent was in the supply closet and Lisbon made her way over there but was stopped short by a rather unusual sound. It wasn't too unusual to hear women gasping and groaning in impending orgasm as several of the inmates chose to be lesbians-till-release or were that way to begin with. But a man making those same noises was a different story.

Lisbon peeked through the crack in the slightly ajar closet door to see Lewkowski grunting and groaning as he was being _serviced_ by Twinkie. The younger inmate was giving him a blowjob but Lisbon honestly had no idea why. She stepped away from the door in horror, partly because of how illegal this whole thing was but also because she wasn't going to be able to get the image of Lewkowski's hairy ass out of her mind for the rest of her life.

Lewkowski let out a guttural moan and Lisbon knew immediately that he was finished. She waited a few moments before sneaking a peek again; thankfully this time the guard's pants were back up. She got to see just in time as Lewkowski handed Twinkie a box full of her namesake and then he headed for the door. Lisbon scurried away, trying to look like she hadn't seen the activities going on in the supply closet. Lewkowski noticed her as soon as she walked out.

"Don't you have a job to do?"

"Just getting more detergent," Lisbon explained, "Do you still want me to iron your dress shirts?"

"Of course," Lewkowski said, "just don't burn them." Then he stalked away while Lisbon stared after him in disgust.

"Will do," she muttered and slipped into the now horrifying supply closet to retrieve the needed detergent and try to forget what just happened there.

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But it was downright impossible to forget something as horrifying as that. Lisbon related the tale to Jinx who started laughing. "Just how bad was it? I mean you said it was hairy but was it flabby too?"

"I really don't want to talk about Lewkowski's ass," Lisbon insisted, "This is serious. A guard sleeping with an inmate is illegal, it's considered rape."

"Yeah, that's what the law says," Jinx agreed, "but no one cares."

"What?"

"Who cares if a guard fucks an inmate, even if she says no? She's an inmate." Jinx reminded her, "If the guard says it didn't happen then it didn't happen, no one believes a woman who's in prison."

Lisbon shook her head. "I don't believe that."

"That's because you haven't been in here long enough, Piggy," Jinx told her, "that and you still have that goody-two-shoes cop brain that is convinced the guys with the guns and the pretty blue uniforms actually give a damn. Maybe that's true in some places but it sure as hell isn't true here."

"So Lewkowski just gets to be serviced by inmates?"

"He's made a real business of it," Jinx told her, "for a blow he'll give you your favorite junk food, for a screw it's a carton of cigarettes."

"That is so messed up."

Jinx laughed again. "It's prison, Piggy. It's fucking Wonderland!"

Lisbon still found it hard to believe though that people would be so callous at the idea of women being raped by prison guards. It just didn't fit with how things were outside of those prison walls, how many times were they counseled to trust the women who came forward or no one would?

She was tempted to burn Lewkowski's clothes in retribution but he would know it was her, she was the only one on the laundry detail that was allowed to use the iron since she was deemed the only one trustworthy enough to not use it as a weapon. Instead she did the job as neatly as she was told while condemning the man as she worked on his clothes.

The guard came to pick up his finished laundry at the normal time. "All here?"

"You think I would steal a pair of your Tweety Bird boxers?" Lisbon asked.

"Don't be smart with me," Lewkowski threatened. Then to her surprise he stepped forward, a big smile on his face. "I know you saw me in the closet." Now she took a step back, honestly afraid of what he might do. But he didn't seem angry. "Did it excite you?"

Oh God the man actually thought she would be turned on by that shit!

"I just wanted the detergent," Lisbon said dumbly.

But Lewkowski was still leering at her. "I could make a deal for you, like I do the other girls."

That statement raised her ire. "I don't want anything."

"Not even a carton of cigarettes?"

"I don't smoke," Lisbon replied, "and even if I did I wouldn't be desperate enough to stoop so low for one."

Lewkowski went from smug to angry in a few seconds. "Don't speak to me like that!" He threatened angrily. "You'll want to be nice to me. Think about what you want and then you give me what I want."

It was more of a threat then a suggestion but Lisbon didn't back down. He finally walked away and she breathed a sigh of relief. He made her skin crawl but she could handle a dirtbag like him, she was a cop. There were still laws that would protect her.

* * *

The next day, Lisbon was going through her letters, smiling at the new one from Stan that included a new picture of Evelyn. This one was of her smiling at the camera wearing a little pink, green and brown onesie. The back had Stan's even handwriting on it.

 _You won't believe how long it took me to get this picture. She's cute but she's sneaky ~ S_

Sneaky, just like her daddy. That made Lisbon smile wider, Jane would love to know how much his daughter was like him. She still hoped that one day he would be able to come back…or maybe she would find a way to see him. He needed to know about their daughter, it would make him so happy. It would make both of them happy.

Lisbon took her small ball of ticky tack-$3.50 at commissary, $0.75 outside- and fixed it up on the wall with the collage of other photos of her daughter. So many perfect pictures of her perfect child, only another two years before she got out. Her daughter would be three years old.

It sucked, it really did.

"Pictures on walls aren't allowed, Inmate," Lewkowksi barked. She hadn't even known he was doing his rounds in the dormitories that day.

She straightened up and looked at him. "Everyone has things on their walls, and they are just pictures of my daughter."

"I could give you a demerit for insolence."

"All I've done is tell you the truth," Lisbon replied.

Lewkowksi stepped forward, his eyes dark with greed and lust. "I could look the other way."

She knew exactly what he meant."I don't want anything from you," Lisbon told him, "so you won't get anything from me. That's it."

"Do you know what I can do to you?" Lewkowski asked but he didn't wait for an answer instead he barked. "Inmate! You are out of line, you will come with me and report to the Warden immediately!"

Lisbon wasn't sure what was happening but Lewkowski pulled out his baton and forced her to march down the cellblock. Eyes followed her with many people shocked she was being reprimanded by a guard, she was the only one the guards trusted to keep her nose clean and avoid trouble.

But once they were down the hallway Lewkowski stopped putting on a front and instead grabbed her arm roughly and threw her into the supply closet, the same one she'd seen him in before. "What are you doing?" she asked, too stunned and scared to sound angry or intimidating.

"I told you to ask me what you wanted," Lewkowksi said, "You didn't take me up on my offer. Now, I'm just going to take what _I_ want."

"Are you crazy? No!"

"No?" Lewkowksi repeated, "and what are you going to do?"

He made a move to grab her but she slapped his hands away, he tried again, this time succeeding in pulling her closer but she pushed back against him. She was ready to punch him when he raised one finger. "One mark, one bruise on my pretty skin, and you'll be in maximum security."

"What?"

He laughed now. "Assaulting a guard? You'll be locked away for ten years, at least. No visits from your cute little daughter and you won't see her till she's all grown up and hates her pretty little mommy for being gone her whole life. All because she wasn't nice to me."

"You're lying," Lisbon said but she wasn't sure if she believed that anymore.

"No?" Lewkowksi said, "Who are they going to believe? A fine upstanding citizen or a criminal who cleans fucking toilets? You're not a cop anymore, princess. No one cares about you anymore."

She stood there in shock as she saw the truth and conviction in his eyes. If she hit him she would be charged with assaulting an officer, automatic transfer to maximum security and ten to fifteen years added to her sentence… _after_ she finished the rest of her time.

Lewkowski saw when she realized how screwed she was. He grinned and licked his lips. "Now, take off your shirt. Let me see the goods." She shook her head numbly but he stepped forward, eyes dark and menacing. " _Off_. Now!"

Tears spilled down her cheeks but she complied, pulling the prison issue shirt over her head. Lewkowski was practically dancing with glee. "Now the bra, come on." She reached behind her to unclasp the simple white bra and let it fall to the floor, hating herself for every second that passed.

His eyes brightened with lusty greed, he reached with both hands to her breasts, cupping them and squeezing them with harsh and hard pressure, she knew she would find bruises there later. "Oh these are nice, not saggy like some of the melons on your neighbors."

She wanted to scream, to push him away and hit him again and again until he was bloody and bruised. But if she did that, she'd lose what little she had left. Keeping her dignity wasn't worth losing her daughter.

"All right, now the rest," Lewkowski said once he was done playing with her breasts.

Her hands were shaking as she lowered her pants and the white issue panties. The bastard looked her over like she was a prize cow, taking in every inch of her with his lecherous gaze. He reached for her and she froze but was even more startled when he forced her to turn around and bent her over a plastic tub.

He ran his hands over her buttocks, his touch making her feel sick to her stomach but she refused to let him hear her cry, it was worse that he'd seen her tears already. "Yes, oh you have no idea. You're tight and firm, so much better than the drug addicts and fatties here. Oh this is going to be good." He cackled gleefully.

Lewkowksi kicked her legs apart and he fumbled for his belt, his pants dropping. She held her breath waiting for the worst.

But then, sweet liberty.

Lewkowski's radio crackled. "Hey John, we've got a situation on the yard. We need assistance immediately."

"Fuck!" Lewkowski shouted loudly. "Mother fucking shit head!" He angrily pulled his pants back up, muttering curses on the other guard, the guard's mother and every deity under the sun.

Lisbon sat back up and crossed her arms over her chest, not turning around. She barely allowed herself the chance to breathe until she heard the door shut as Lewkowski stormed out. She stood there, her arms covering her naked breasts as the tears flew steadily, then she bent down at the waist and sobbed.

She knew she'd experience a lot of bad things, but never this.

After crying for a few minutes she reached back down to pull her pants and panties back up. Then she found her bra and shirt and finally walked out of the closet, fully clothed but feeling dirty and cold.

She walked back to the cellblock like a zombie, stumbling in complete disbelief. Jinx was waiting for her with Mama right behind her. "Hey, you okay? What happened?"

Lisbon didn't answer her, just made her way back to her bunk and lay on her bed, turning her back to her friends that were so concerned for her. She heard Mama say, "Leave her alone, chica, she'll come to us when she needs us." Then they both reluctantly walked away.

Now she stared at her wall, the photographs of her daughter staring back. She would have done it, she would have let that bastard rape her as many times as he'd wanted so she could see her baby again. It was the truth…but it was nothing she was proud of.

She pulled the blanket over her head as she began to cry once more. She couldn't look at her beautiful daughter.

She was too ashamed.

* * *

A/N: You can thank my sister, SteeleSimz and Mayzee for keeping me from having Lewkowski actually succeed. I was thinking about changing it but eventually agreed to stick to my original idea as otherwise I'd probably be a little too mean to Lisbon here. I'm not evil LOL

Jane's letter will come back later, what he wrote and crossed out is pretty important. Maybe some of you will figure it out hehehe

The next chapter has Lisbon working with her other inmates to get Lewkowski out of the prison, it's a tricky situation since no one wants to believe a prisoner. That means a little trickery will be involved. Luckily Lisbon has learned alot from Jane about being creative.

Only a couple more chapters before Jane comes back!


	10. Once a Cop

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I deserve a medal for this quick turnaround hehehe. But I have to admit, it's because I'm just as anxious as you to get to Jane's return. But first, Lewkowski needs to get what's coming to him and it's going to sweet!

On another note: Children's day is a real event that occurs in most federal and state prison, since over 60% of the female inmates have children and/or grandchildren, this was a program started in 2013 to help female offenders stay connected to their familes. I couldn't NOT use it in this story, mostly because I think everyone wants Evie to meet the women who have been helping Lisbon through her ordeals.

Thank you to ALL of my reviewers who have been so faithful and kind. I promise, it's going to be worth it!

* * *

Chapter 10: Once a Cop

Lisbon didn't leave her bunk for the rest of the night, not even for dinner. She didn't respond to Jinx, Mags or Mama, just stayed in her bed silently crying. She was humiliated and ashamed. She knew rape, or attempted rape wasn't her fault but that wasn't what was bothering her. She was ashamed because she would have let him do it. She would have let a man rape her and do whatever he wanted to her body and she wouldn't have put up any protest.

She never thought she would do something like that.

The next morning she woke up with the same resolve she'd had earlier, she wasn't going to stand by and let something like that happen to her again. She went straight to her counselor, Gorland's office to report Lewkowski. He listened to her story without saying a word until she was finished.

Gorland cleared his throat and met her eyes. "This is a very serious accusation."

"I know," Lisbon told him, "I wouldn't have come here otherwise."

"But you have to understand that you are putting us in a tight situation," Gorland explained, "No one saw Lewkowski attack you."

"He pulled me out of the dorms in front of everyone."

"He reported that he took you aside to discipline you after you talked to him disrespectfully," Gorland told her.

"No, he took me into a closet and tried to _rape_ me."

"But without any actual proof then it is just your word against his."

"Are you saying you don't believe me?"

"I'm saying that we can't rush to judgment," Gorland told her, "You were a cop, you understand. We need proof."

"Proof? I saw him getting a blowjob from Twinkie!"

"Twinkie?"

Lisbon paused as she realized that she didn't actually know Twinkie's real name. "It's her nickname."

"I see," Gorland replied, "and so Lewkowski was with 'Twinkie'?"

"Yes," Lisbon continued. "I saw them together and afterwards he gave her…he gave her… twinkies." It was in that moment that she realized how ridiculous she sounded. It was no surprise that Gorland was giving her a look of doubt.

"Twinkies?"

"I think that's how she got her nickname," Lisbon offered.

Gorland sighed, taking off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "Ms. Lisbon, I know you are upset but without proof this just sounds a bit like you are angry over a demerit…"

"You cannot be serious!"

He continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "Now if you are concerned for your safety then we can make arrangements in solitary housing for you."

"What?" Lisbon asked incredulously, "You'd lock me up?"

"For your own safety, if you are concerned about being attacked."

"You have a guard raping inmates and you are going to lock me up _for my safety_?"

Gorland narrowed his eyes at her. "I've told you, without proof I cannot condemn a man. The law states he is innocent until proven guilty, you have not offered me anything that would change that fact."

Lisbon stared at Gorland, fuming. She wanted to scream at him until he finally listened. But she remembered what Jinx said.

 _If the guard says it didn't happen, it didn't happen. No one believes a woman in prison._

Even Lewkowski had told her as much. She was the criminal, he was the guard. Why would anyone believe her word over his?

"Are you concerned for your safety? We don't want you to be afraid."

"No," Lisbon said quickly. "I don't want to go to solitary."

Gorland looked satisfied. "All right, and if you have any concerns you can always come to me.

 _But you won't do anything about it_ , Lisbon thought as she rose to her feet and left his office.

She was seeing red as she marched back to her bunk. Jinx spotted her in the hallway and hurried to catch up. "Hey, Piggy, what happened?"

"Can you believe this? I get attacked by a guard and they don't believe me! They want to lock me up! He's the fucking animal but I'm the one who would be punished!"

"Calm down," Jinx said quickly.

"Calm down? How can I be calm when there is a fucking rapist here!"

Jinx grabbed her arm and hurried her outside into the yard. "You can't say things like that with guards around, you're going to make it worse."

"How can I make it worse?" Lisbon asked. "They already said that they thought I was lying."

"Well they could lock you up in Solitary," Jinx reminded her.

Lisbon huffed but took her advice and bit her tongue for the moment as she tried to calm herself down. "Do you know what that bastard did?" Lisbon said, tears pricking her eyes. "He dragged me into a closet and made me take off all of my clothes and then he…he put his hands on me." She wrapped her arms around herself as if that would protect her. "Thank God he got called out to the yard or he would have done a hell of a lot worse."

"Yeah, I know," Jinx told her. "Believe me."

She met her friend's eye. "You mean he…?"

Jinx looked down at the ground, kicking at the stubby grass. "I mean when I first came in here I was all messed up and shit. Puking and shaking isn't very hot you know? But later…" She stopped and looked away from Lisbon. "He got bored pretty quick though, guess I wasn't enough his type."

"Jesus Christ," Lisbon gasped out. "He's a monster."

"We all know that, Piggy," Jinx told her, "But what can we do about it? We don't have any proof and if we tell someone they are just going to put us in Solitary." She looked at Lisbon mournfully. "It might not be so bad…maybe a new inmate will come along and he'll be more interested in her."

Lisbon shook her head. "No, I'm not going to let this bastard rape me or anyone else. I might be a criminal now but I _refuse_ to give up my god given right to not be attacked by a disgusting pig."

"I hear ya," Jinx said, "but what are you going to do about it?"

She was quiet for a moment and then smiled. "They won't get him without proof right? Well let's give them some proof."

* * *

Lisbon didn't have Jane's ability to come up with a perfect plan on the spot. She needed time to think it through. She spent most of the day trying to figure out the best way to get proof. The easiest method would be to get some physical evidence but that would mean pulling a Lewinsky and getting Lewkowski to "contribute his DNA" to hers or someone else's uniform. She was most certainly _not_ willing to have someone willingly get raped in order to put him away.

It was beef and noodle night for dinner, not the meal everyone looked forward to (that would be just about anything with chicken) but Lisbon never usually turned down a hot meal even if it wasn't the greatest. Jinx was wise to avoid talking about Lewkowksi or Lisbon's plan to get him fired, which was good because she currently only had about half a plan.

Lisbon went to put her tray and dishes in the bin to be collected by the inmates on kitchen duty. Unfortunately for her, Lewkowski was the one on duty to watch the cafeteria, and he had already started walking over to her.

He leaned in close to whisper and her skin began to crawl. "Did you have a good night? I did."

Lisbon didn't say anything, didn't even look at him. But she felt her dinner rising back up from her stomach. "I'm still willing to get you something you want," Lewkowski reminded her.

"I don't want anything," she said, trying to sound firm.

"It's going to happen either way, I'm just willing to let you get something out of it," Lewkowski said, "Besides a dick in your pussy."

She finally did turn her head a fraction, just enough for him to see the loathing in her eyes. "I'll never get _anything_ from _you_." She hissed.

"We'll see about that."

He was still smirking as he walked away.

Lisbon took in several deep breaths to try and get her feelings under control, but she was losing a battle with her stomach. She made a beeline for the doors with Jinx calling after her. "Piggy? You okay?"

She stopped right outside the yard and threw up her dinner. She was still retching when she heard Jinx come up. "Eww," she said, "guess you're not okay."

Lisbon wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "No I'm not." She spit a few times, trying to get the taste out. "I can't stand here and let that son of a bitch rape me or anyone else here. I won't let him take that much."

"I hear ya," Jinx said, "but what are you going to do."

She sighed heavily. "I don't know. I just…" she paused and thought again. "What would Jane do? What would he do?" she wondered aloud.

Jane would say something cryptic or sarcastic. But then he wouldn't go into this half-assed either. He got the bad guys by observation and planning. She didn't have his ability to notice things or get incredible insights into people…but she knew how to gather intel.

"I need Mama," Lisbon declared, "I need her girls."

"Okay," Jinx said.

"You think she'll help?"

"She hates Lewkowski as much as anyone," Jinx told her, "But she ain't gonna offer up one of her girls to suck his dick either."

"I don't need that," Lisbon replied, "I just want to get information."

"Oh yeah, she'll help you."

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Jinx wasn't kidding. The next morning the two of them sat with Mama and three of her girls outside at the picnic table, a deck of cards was spread out but that was just smokescreen. No one was talking poker or any other card game.

"Aii," Mama exclaimed once Lisbon told her what happened. "My poor nena, I pray he no come near you."

"So you knew what he did?"

She nodded. "I know. I tell him to stay away from my girls but he not listen. He say there is nothing I can do about it." Mama shook her head then spat on the ground. "Disgusting pig."

"Yes he is," Lisbon agreed. "And he has to be stopped."

"And how do you plan to do that?" Loco asked her, clearly skeptical of Lisbon's declarations.

"The counselors don't care what we say, we're just criminals and that means they won't believe anything we say about him." Lisbon reminded them, "So we're going to need proof, we need to have him get caught in the act."

"By a guard?"

She shook her head. "They'd be too loyal to each other, even Kilmer might be convinced that if its 'consenual' then she shouldn't but in. No, we need someone higher up. We need to get Michaels."

Frank Michaels was the Deputy Warden who could be seen walking the halls occasionally. His main job was to basically be in charge of all of the guards and ensure all of the supplies for the prison came in at a timely manner. Mama knew him well since he would frequently stop by the kitchen for a snack.

"He comes by almost everyday at 11 for his peanutbutter and pickle sandwhich," Chica told her.

Lisbon wrinkled her nose. "That is gross."

"Better than the shit we have to eat."

Well she couldn't deny that. "Okay, so we know when he'll start walking the halls. What we need to do is figure out when Lewkowski is being… _serviced_ and where. I know he likes to use the laundry room storage closet with Twinkie."

"He goes to the broom closet to get his dick sucked by Coco sometimes."

"He's going to go for the places that are accessible but private," Lisbon explained, "but more importantly we need to know who he is with and when. Keep your ears to the ground, we don't have much time. Ask questions but not too many, make it casual…like maybe you are interested in getting something yourself."

"Like I would ever suck his dick," Chica said.

"I'm not asking or expecting you to do anything like that," Lisbon replied, "But talk to Coco…make her think you might be interested. Then she'll probably let you know when she does it with him."

"That makes sense," Loco said.

"We can do this," Mama replied, "I'll get all my girls involved."

"Great," Lisbon said, "This is going to be last time he uses this prison as his own private bordello."

* * *

The next couple of days were about two things for Lisbon, gathering information and avoiding Lewkowski. The latter wasn't easy but doable, she didn't allow herself any opportunity to be alone with him. Anytime he approached her she found a way to slip away. The one time she almost got caught she was lucky enough to have Michaels suddenly walk by and that stopped the bastard from going any further.

Mama wasn't kidding about Michaels, every day he was strolling the halls in the direction of the kitchen intent on his bizarre sandwich. This was an unexpected delight; it would make her job easier.

It was a bit more difficult gathering the intel, a lot of the girls who frequented Lewkowski for favors weren't exactly close to her. She relied more on watching people like Twinkie to see when they so happened to suddenly disappear at the same time as Lewkowski.

Mama's girls were a lot more helpful in getting information. From their attempts to feign interest in getting "favors" from the guard, they were able to glean a lot more from Lewkowski's favorites.

Twinkie usually visited him every Friday at 3 in the laundry room. That would be difficult arranging Michaels to catch Lewkowski. The ideal location was the storage closet in the hallway off of the cafeteria. The problem was that it wasn't an ideal location for one of Lewkowski's rendezvous. He preferred the broom closet close to the loading garage.

It was Jinx who had the idea of loading up boxes of cleaning supplies in the closet to close off that access to him. Lisbon had to bribe three of the janitorial girls with six candy bars a piece to do the work since they would look the least suspicious. It was worth it.

Now he had no choice but to switch locations and the easiest spot to rendezvous with Coco and Bixby was the closet off the cafeteria.

Coco worked in yard detail and they broke early for lunch so she was the most likely target of operation. He preferred meeting her at 11:30 right before the lunch crowd started. All they had to do was delay Michaels in the kitchen a bit before steering him towards the closet after his peanut butter and pickle fix.

That Wednesday was show time.

Lisbon kept an eye out on the closet while Mama and her girls in the kitchen had a marathon of complaints for Michaels to listen to that day. He got irritated quickly but it was hard to duck out when several angry Latinas were surrounding him.

At 11:34 they finally released him from the kitchen and he headed back towards his office shaking his head.

That's when Lisbon pounced.

"Officer Michaels," Lisbon said, stopping him in his tracks. "I've been finding some strange things in the storage closets."

"Like storage?" He asked sarcastically.

"Like white powder," Lisbon told him, "I used to work the beat in San Fransisco, I know what cocaine looks like. I think someone is smuggling it into the prison."

"That is a very serious accusation."

"I know," Lisbon said, "but once a cop always a cop, I don't like the idea of someone OD'ing in a broom closet here."

Michaels let out a frustrated groan. "Okay, show me."

And so she led him right to the closet. "I saw some in there yesterday," Lisbon told him.

But at that point he was more interested in the groans of pleasure coming from inside. "What the fu…" he said quietly, dropping off before he finished the last word. He opened the door quickly and got a surprise.

There was Lewkowski with his pants around his ankles and Coco on her knees.

Suddenly Michaels was swearing up a storm and bellowing for other guards to come and get the "Miserable sack of shit outta here."

Lewkowski was perp walked out of the closet and down the hall. But not before he caught Lisbon's eye and she gave him a cold stare in return. Oh he knew who set it up and for once, she was happy to take the credit.

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Jinx was sitting in the common room later that day when Lisbon showed up and put a paper plate in front of her. "What the hell is this?" Jinx asked her, gaping at the concoction Lisbon had created.

"Case closed pizza," Lisbon explained, "Prison style." It was actually Doritos carefully arranged in a circular patter, covered with melted string cheese and little pieces of cocktail wieners, the best she could do from commissary. "Whenever my team caught the bad guys we celebrated with pizza."

"So I'm a member of your team now?"

"Well you helped me put together the plan," Lisbon reminded her.

Jinx picked up a chip covered in cheese but didn't eat it. Instead she just sort of looked at it for a long time, a sad expression on her face. Lisbon knew something was wrong. "What's the matter?"

Her friend met her eyes. "It's just…Lewkowski has been her six years, probably been bribing girls for pussy for that long…no one did anything. No one said anything, hell we didn't even really warn each other. Not even me." She looked away again. "But you…you didn't do that. You didn't even hesitate, you went straight to Gorland and when that didn't work, you came up with some crazy plan to get him caught."

She looked at Lisbon again. "And you didn't do it for you, did you? You did it for us, for all the girls in here and all the others that will come. This wasn't about keeping him from fucking you…you saw something wrong and you stopped it."

"Jinx…we couldn't let him rape other women."

"No," Jinx said, " _you_ couldn't let him. I did, Twinkie did. The every other bitch in here he forced into a closet did. Not you." She met her eyes, tears sparkling her hazel irises. "You're too good for the likes of us."

"That's not true."

"Of course it is. You didn't deal crack or rob a gas station. You helped your guy kill a fucking serial killer. And then you come here and get a rapist arrested." Jinx shook her head. "You don't belong here."

"I still broke the law," Lisbon reminded her. "And I'm not perfect. I wanted Red John dead for myself…for Jane and for myself. I wanted him dead because he hurt people I cared about…and I wanted him dead because I hoped that maybe Jane would heal and then…then I don't know we'd finally get out happy ending."

"You still might."

Lisbon shrugged. "I hope so. But the point is that I didn't do it just for others, I did it for me to. I didn't want to be raped by Lewkowski either."

"It wasn't just for you though," Jinx said.

"I was a cop," Lisbon told her, "its hard letting that part of me go."

Jinx was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Then don't."

They didn't say anything for a while and Jinx finally ate the chip she'd been fiddling with in her hand. She made a face. "This is disgusting."

Lisbon nodded. "It sure is….but it's better than a peanut butter and pickle sandwich."

And they both laughed for a long time.

* * *

Five months came and went and life settled back into routine at Dublin Correctional, this time without the disgusting intentions of a certain guard who was now residing in prison himself. The days passed one after the other. Thanksgiving came, then Christmas. Holidays that the inmates tried to make a bit more cheerful as much as they could when separated from family and from the outside world.

Lisbon stuck to her own routine, work, the track, and keeping her sanity through books, drawings and letters. Some she sent to her family and friends…others that remained unsent to the man she still held a torch for. Life went on outside of prison too. Grace and Rigsby were expecting their own baby within the month and Cho was busy working towards getting acceptance into the FBI. Her visitors were few and far between, she wasn't forgotten, but life went on.

Any break in the monotony was a blessing, especially one in particular.

Children's Day was a relatively new event that the Bureau of Prisons started in 2013 as a way to encourage better relations between inmates and their families and thereby perhaps lower the rate of repeat offenders. It was the day all of the mothers and grandmothers in the prison were looking forward to, counting the days down with gusto, and Lisbon was no exception. In the days before she was happy to help out with planning and preparing the cookout menu, mostly hot dogs and hamburgers, but it was _real_ meat with real vegetables and side dishes like macaroni and cheese and a big vat of baked beans, things the inmates rarely if ever saw.

She was helping Jinx blow up balloons with the helium, under strict supervision from the guards on duty who had the daunting task of keeping track of about twenty-five to thirty women who were busy making banners, crepe flowers and streamers. Giving inmates scissors wasn't something they particularly relished, but they were the kiddy safety kind that couldn't cut butter so it wasn't anything Lisbon was too concerned of.

"Hey, your piglet coming tomorrow?" Jinx asked, making small talk.

"I told you not to call her that," Lisbon reminded her with only moderate annoyance, Jinx was probably the only person that Lisbon would let get away with calling her daughter that.

"All right, all right," Jinx replied, "So then, Piggy, is your baby coming tomorrow?"

"That's the plan," Lisbon said, "when I called a couple days ago Stan said James was bringing her down because he has to work and Tommy is off in Montana after a bail jumper."

"Hey, if it's a woman maybe she'll come here."

Lisbon rolled her eyes at that comment and shook her head with a little smirk. "You're so full of shit, Jinx."

She laughed and her grin stayed put, then she nudged Lisbon with her shoulder. "Look at you, Piggy, I don't think I've seen you so cheerful."

"Well it's the first time I've had a reason to be since I've been in here." Her own smiled stayed for a little bit before fading slowly as another thought crept into her mind. "You know they say a baby remembers it's mother's voice from in the womb, even months after they are born." She turned to look at Jinx, "You think that's true?"

Jinx smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah, I do."

It helped to soothe a little bit of her pain, even if it probably was a lie since Jinx had never been a mom and knew nothing about babies. "It'll be the first time since she was born that I've held her for a full day."

"Yeah and this time you won't have spent 18 fucking hours in pain," Jinx replied, "You couldn't have held out for 6 more hours could you?"

Lisbon laughed. "Hey, I didn't ask for you guys to bet on when she would be born."

"It's tradition. When Frenchie had her baby I was _this_ close to winning that bag of donuts."

"Ooooh a whole bag of donuts," Lisbon replied sarcastically.

"What would you do for a bag of real donuts?"

She thought about it for a moment before saying, "Just about anything."

"Hey!" Lansing barked from his post. "Enough chit chat, you're supposed to be working!"

"Kiss my ass you little fucker," Jinx muttered under her breath.

Lisbon silently agreed though with slightly less colorful language. But they didn't want to get a demerit so they silently got back to blowing up the balloons. She wasn't about to piss off a guard and risk missing out on Children's Day. She was going to crawl over broken glass to get to her daughter.

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Immediately after breakfast the inmates started lining up in a frenzy waiting for the guards to start letting the children in. Lisbon couldn't hear over the chatter of the women so she had no idea if the kids were even on the other side or not. After at least two hours Jennings finally opened the gate and called out the first name. Ramirez, or as she was known by, Greaser, rushed forward just in time to great two boys and a girl, all beneath the age of ten.

They started trickling in after that with joyous reunions as children from obviously only a few months old to what looked like college kids came rushing in to see their imprisoned mothers. She waited her turn, all but bouncing up and down with anticipation until finally Jennings called out, "Lisbon!"

She muscled her way through the cluster of bodies as Kilmer stepped forward with her little daughter in her arms. Lisbon had been watching her baby grow through pictures and the two visits she'd received in the seven months since her birth. But she wasn't really prepared to see her daughter with a full head of hair and sitting up, looking around with real understanding and wonder. Kilmer was the only guard that actually seemed to give a damn about the prisoners and she grinned as she handed Evelyn over. "Hey there, cutie, time to see your mommy."

Lisbon gratefully took Evie into her arms, tears actually spilling down her cheeks as she kissed her daughter's head, smelling her hair and counting her little fingers, toes and everything in between. Evie just babbled, her sea-green eyes focused on her mother's face. She raised her chubby fingers to touch her mother's cheek, smearing the tracts from her tears. "Hi," Lisbon said, her voice almost breathless with emotion. "Hi, Evie, oh I've missed you every day."

Evie looked up into her mother's eyes and smiled and showed off two little baby teeth. Lisbon gasped at that smile and clutched her close to her chest. "You do remember my voice."

She pulled away from the crowd who were still waiting for their kids and carried her daughter down the hall through the dining area to the dormitories. She saw other mothers taking their kids out to the yard where the real party was being held, but a few stragglers were still fussing over their kids inside.

Lisbon walked over to block C where the bunk she shared with Mags was. "See, Evie, this is where Mommy is staying for now." She sat down on the thin, lumpy mattress that she had learned to make the blankets into crisp military corners. "This is where Mommy sleeps and you see, I put the pictures of you right on the wall above the bed so you are the last thing I see every night."

Evie seemed far more interested in her mother's lips then the bunk where she was sleeping. Lisbon looked around at her half of the space; she saw the line of books her brothers and friends had sent and the pictures up on the wall. Another tear slipped down her cheek, it was so wrong that her little girl was seeing where her mother spent her days in prison.

"Come on," Lisbon said, "No more tears, it's time to have some fun."

She took her daughter out to the yard where other kids were shrieking with laughter and joy as they ran around and enjoyed the beautiful spring day. There was a face painting booth on one side, some of the kids were playing with makeshift kites their mothers had painstakingly made over the past week, there was a basketball court already being used by some of the older boys and Luna was setting up a Velcro version of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.

Lisbon grabbed a blanket from the stack on a table and carefully spread it out under the shade of one of the trees before sitting down with her daughter. Evie was so happy to crawl around on the blanket, shrieking with delight when her mother grabbed her to drag her back before she crawled too far away.

"Here," Lisbon looked up to see Jinx dangling a couple of stuffed toys in her face. "Keep the little piglet occupied before she crawls off to the sack races over there."

"Thanks," She said with a grin, pulling Evie back into her arms. "Evie, I want you meet Jinx."

"Hey there," Jinx said, shaking Evie's little hand with two fingers. "She's pretty sticky."

"She's perfect," Lisbon corrected, burying her nose in her soft hair.

Jinx rolled her eyes. "Now you're just getting sappy on me, Piggy." But the younger woman softened as Evie's big eyes met her brown ones. "Well, she is kinda cute. At least you and Mr. Bright Smiles and Tight Ass made a good-looking kid."

"How do you know Jane has a tight ass?"

"Come on, Jacki O has gone on and on about the blonde haired menace she wishes she could fuck ten times before killing him."

"Hey, my baby is here," Lisbon reminded her, smacking her shoulder. "Watch your language."

"She won't remember this shit, good thing too because she'll never remember that her mama was doing time in this hell hole."

Lisbon sobered at the reminder, gentle as it was, that they were in a prison. "Yeah, I know, I'm counting on it."

Jinx looked upset now. "Hey, Piggy, I didn't mean to make you sad. I wanted you to be happy, to remember that your kid will always remember you in her life, not here, not like this."

"I know, I just…I wish it wasn't something I had to worry about."

"Yeah, and I bet you wish you'd never gone down on Mr. Tight Ass too," Jinx gave her a sly smile, "Or maybe that's what you think about late at night, when everyone else is asleep and it's easy to just reach down and…"

"Hey," Lisbon snapped, "None of that around Evie, you want to talk sex go find Loco, she's always happy to go on about that."

"And go down on a bitch."

She rolled her eyes and kissed Evie's fingers. "Why are we friends in here?"

"Because I took pity on the former pig that was sitting all alone in the lunchroom," Jinx replied, "and you think my spunk is charming."

"I think you are mistaking charming for annoying."

Jinx let out a loud laugh before spotting Henderson looking around, his face turning red from the heat or anger. "Shit, I gotta go, I'm supposed to be passing out the hotdogs."

"Make sure to save me one, with extra mustard."

"Why would I do that to the bitch who said I was annoying?"

Lisbon laughed as she watched her friend go. Then she turned Evie around so she could look into her daughter's eyes as she made funny faces and talked to her, anything so she could see that beautiful smile again.

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Evie was happy to amuse herself with the toys that Jinx had brought, tossing them around on the blanket or shaking them as they dangled from her fingertips. Lisbon was content to watch, feeling truly happy for the first time in over a year. When her daughter began to get sleepy, she picked her up and cuddled her against her chest. It didn't take long for her eyes to close and she began breathing heavily, blissfully asleep in her mother's arms.

Lisbon lay back on the blanket, her daughter lying on her chest. Soon Lisbon was dozing off too, enjoying the warm sunshine and the sweet pleasure of having her daughter to herself. She didn't know how long she was asleep but Evie woke her up as she began to fuss. It was easily discernible that Evie needed her diaper changed.

She carried Evie over to the table where diapers, formula and other baby necessities were located; she wasn't the only mother of an infant there. "Hello, Piggy," Tig said as she came up, "You coming for white, yellow or brown?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes at the euphemism. "Just need a fresh diaper is all."

She lay Evie down on the table and worked to undo the tabs to expose the soiled diaper, she couldn't help but make a face at the smell. She grabbed a baby wipe to clean her up but was quickly chastised by Tig. "Oh no, honey, you doing it all wrong."

"You can do it wrong?"

"Unless you want her to get shit up in her hoo ha," Tig replied, "Wipe front to back."

She felt more than a little embarrassed to be taught how to change a diaper correctly from another inmate. "I haven't been around babies in a while."

"That was obvious."

Lisbon blushed now, even more humiliated. She finally pulled the fresh diaper on and closed the tabs as Evie babbled happily now that she was clean. She picked Evie up and carried her away, still feeling upset that her lack of maternal skills was so blatant.

Mama was over by the buffet line with a passel of young kids around her when Lisbon stepped in behind her. "Ah, so that's the little one that had you screaming so loudly," Mama teased.

"You know that labor pains aren't fun," Lisbon replied.

"Course I know, I had six of them, but chicas like me know how to handle a little pain with grace."

"Well it looks like you have more than six here."

"They grown up now," Mama explained, "these are my grandchildren, except this one," She pointed to the oldest boy who was looking bored more than anything. "My bebé."

Mama wasn't more than fifty, so Lisbon couldn't imagine how grown her children were, but she was still the one who ran this place with her oven mitts. Lisbon piled a plate with a hotdog and some beans as well as a heaping pile of mac and cheese. Stan had mentioned that Evie had been eating solids and the macaroni seemed like a good soft food to give her.

She found their spot under the tree and set Evie down in front of her. Her daughter seemed a little unsure but accepted the macaroni on the little plastic spoon. Once she had it in her mouth though she lit up and started fussing for more. Lisbon laughed and happily fed her more one bite at a time.

The hot dog was heaven, real meat was something she longed for, and real food was one of the many things she fantasized about when she got out. Along with a real home, getting to watch television and not sleep in the same room with forty other women, and most of all spend every single minute with her child. But food was also damn important.

Lisbon looked up to see the sun much higher in the sky and she felt that same sadness filling her. _Please God,_ she prayed, _I know haven't spoken much lately but I'm begging you, please just let time stop, for once just let it stop for me._

But that was an impossible task and eventually she heard the bullhorn sound. "All inmates, return to the facility. All inmates return to the facility."

Lisbon reluctantly picked her daughter up and carried her out of the yard and back to the building. The children and their mothers lined up to be greeted by their caregivers on the other side. Eventually it was her turn to step up to the gate and she smiled at James who was waiting for her. But she didn't want to relinquish her daughter to the guard.

"All right, Lisbon, time to let her go."

It was with much reluctance that she gave Evelyn over to the guard who walked her over to her brother. "I'm going to call you tomorrow, to see if you got back all right."

"Okay, Reese," James said with a smile as he accepted Evie back.

"Next!" The guard said, implicating that both of them needed to leave.

"Send more pictures," Lisbon called out as they both walked away, "Please."

"I will," James promised, looking rather sad himself now. They both had to leave each other though, as much as they wished otherwise.

Lisbon was openly crying as she made her way back over to her bunk so she could curl up in her bed to weep for the things that would not change, not for a long time at least.

* * *

A/N: I made you cry again didn't I? Sorry not sorry but I sure had fun with this chapter.

But the next one has Lisbon getting Erik Lynch's final draft of the book on the REd John case and Jinx reads it and has some interesting opinons on the relationship between Jane and Lisbon.

And finally, finally, FINALLY **JANE IS GOING TO RETURN!**

You bet your bottom dollar I'm going to be finishing the next chapter ASAP!


	11. Just Another Fool

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Well here we are, the long awaited moment has finally come. I'm so glad people have enjoyed this part of the story until now, I really wanted to show how life in prison would be like for Lisbon, I wanted to create memorable characters that would impart their own wisdom and quirks onto things. I also wanted to show how much Lisbon has changed over these past two years. You'll see some of that in this chapter and others to come. But Jane's return it definitely going to shake things up a bit. How does he react to Lisbon in prison? What has happened that makes Lisbon so unhappy to see him? What will Jane say to her about everything that happened before he went away? And of course, how will he react to finding out he has a daughter out there?

Don't just sit there, get to reading hehehe

* * *

Chapter 11: Just Another Fool

Months passed in a blur of repetition. Things were happening outside of the walls of Dublin prison but the prison itself seemed to be in a king of _Groundhogs Day_ time warp where each day was the same. It wasn't the case obviously, but the days, weeks and months did blend together. Evie's first birthday had come and gone, now her second birthday was just around the corner. Time and funds meant Lisbon hadn't seen her daughter in person for almost six months; she was watching all of the milestones through still pictures and over the phone. It was easy but in some ways she felt better when her brothers and daughter were not with her, it meant she could almost pretend she wasn't losing so much time.

She didn't receive visitors anymore. Not that she was forgotten, she still received mail regularly from Grace and Rigsby, a bit more sporadically from Cho and several times a week from her brothers. But their lives were continuing. Cho was working with the FBI, Grace and Rigsby were new parents to their own little girl and focused entirely on their company.

For the first time she understood the encompassing, fear inmates had when they finally were freed. She honestly didn't know what kind of world she was going to walk into. Nor did she know what she would be able to do with her freedom. Obviously she would finally be a true mother to Evelyn but other then that she had very few prospects, not many people wanted to hire a felon, especially not any law enforcement agency. Rigsby and Grace told her they would happily offer her a job, Tommy also suggested she become a bounty hunter like him. She wasn't sure how much she liked either option but she wasn't sure if she would even have much choice.

When she got out she would not only have to find a job, but a home, a life that involved her making real decisions again. She could do it, but it wasn't going to be easy adjusting to freedom again.

But this brought up another question over when would she finally leave this prison for good? She had a set date where she was up for parole and her counselor assured here there was no reason she wouldn't be granted. However, Eric was also insisting that the publicity from the book could get her out sooner. It was hard for Lisbon to actually believe that, but she had committed to doing everything she could to get out and be with Evie again.

At mailcall she received a big thick package from Erik and wasn't surprised to find the final bound manuscript of the book with a note from him.

 _This was sent to the printers this morning but I wanted you to have a copy. When this hit the shelves it's going to be huge._

 _~E_

She'd read almost every word of the book several times since he'd been good to his word and made sure she'd gotten copies of every chapter. Still, Lisbon took the time to read through the book again. She was pleased to find he'd done a good job of balancing out what happened over the years as well as presented her point of view, for once she was finally getting a voice on everything that had happened. Maybe then everyone would understand why she'd done it.

The final few chapters were the most touching as he went into detail on her trial and meeting her. It was important to her that he'd actually quoted her word for word in some parts, so there wouldn't be any confusion on her intents. But he went a step further and interviewed the families of victims of Red John and the Blake Association to ask about what they thought of her conviction.

 _Not a single family member regretted the actions Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon took that day, in fact, many expressed admiration and the belief that they only did what was necessary. Not one believed Agent Lisbon deserved to be charged and convicted of a crime that brought down a serial killer and a corrupt law enforcement ring._

 _The scales of justice are blind but neither should they be deaf and dumb. Justice does not mean convicting people of taking action that no one else could to save lives. And their actions most certainly saved countless lives, we cannot know how many people were saved the day Red John died and the Blake Association was exposed. But we do know of one person who sacrificed their freedom to do so._

It was almost worth crying over.

Lisbon knew she was probably biased since she'd helped write the thing after all. So she gave the manuscript to Jinx to read, figuring her friend would at the very least speak her mind.

It took Jinx a couple of days to finish the book but Lisbon wasn't wrong about her friends lack of filter.

"Honestly," Jinx said, "think its fucked up."

Lisbon was surprised by that comment. "You think the book is that bad?"

"I wasn't talking about the book," Jinx told her, "I meant you and Blondie."

"Jane?"

"Yeah," Jinx explained. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

"You know about his family and how that hurt him."

"And that's an excuse for treating you and everyone else like shit?" Jinx asked. "I mean Lee maybe have fucked other bitches but he when he said he loved me he didn't take it back."

"Jane didn't—."

"Oh please, the man remembers what he ate for breakfast ten years ago," Jinx scoffed, "you really think he just happened to forget dropping the L-bomb?"

Lisbon didn't say anything for a while. The truth was she'd long suspected that herself, she just never admitted it. "There's more to it then that."

"I just think he's either a complete jack ass or a coward," Jinx said, "Maybe both. He strings you along, then pushes you away, brings you back…I mean when I was reading about that Lorelei bitch I just wanted to kick him in the balls…a lot."

She was very quiet, feeling embarrassed now that her relationship was being critiqued like this…and she really didn't have much of a defense. "But when it mattered he was there for me."

Jinx nodded her head. "Yeah, I just don't know if its because he loves ya or if he just didn't want to lose you."

"We slept together," Lisbon reminded her.

"He slept with that other bitch too."

"It's not the same thing," she pointed out, "he was using her to get to Red John. He didn't have the same reason with me."

Jinx was quiet for a bit before nodding. "You're right…he still treated you like shit though."

A small smile cracked her lips. "I can't really argue with that point…but I did punch him once and found ways to push him back."

"Well that's something," Jinx replied. "The guy did a good job with your case though. I mean he really showed how the bigwigs screwed you over just to make themselves feel better."

"That's one way to put it," Lisbon admitted. She sighed heavily. "You think anything will come of it?"

Jinx shrugged. "I don't see why those idiots said you were guilty in the first place so I'm really not a good judge."

"Neither am I," Lisbon admitted. "On a logical basis I see why I'm here, I broke the law, I should be punished…but on the other…" she gritted her teeth before finally admitting. "I'm fucking pissed! I didn't rob a bank or commit fraud, I gave a man my gun and my car so he could take out a serial killer and save lives. And because of that…I missed my daughter's birthday."

"They just slap a stamp on it and call it justice," Jinx agreed. That made Lisbon laugh, a bit of lighthearted truth that she needed. But Jinx got serious after a moment. "You'll get out though."

"You don't know that."

Jinx shrugged. "If there is a God, you'll get out. Someway."

Lisbon pondered her friend's words, she couldn't deny she hoped Jinx was right. She wanted out of there more than anything. But hope wasn't something she could hold on to these days.

She'd been burned before.

* * *

Three days later, Lisbon and Jinx were at her bunk and the former was trying to convince the latter to give a certain book a try. "I thought it was a weird choice too but my sister-in-law swore by it, and it's actually pretty interesting."

"A guy kills his wife and somehow he's the good guy?" Jinx said doubtfully, "A pretty messed up book."

"He didn't kill his wife," Lisbon explains, "He's trying to find out what happened to her and all of the evidence seems to point to him, then there's a big twist."

"What?"

"I'm not going to tell you, it would ruin the whole thing!"

"Then why tell me?" Jinx asked.

"So that you would be interested enough to read it."

Jinx shrugged. "I think I'll wait to see the movie, I hear you get to see Ben Affleck's dick which is more than enough to get me interested."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Good luck getting the warden to screen it on Saturday night."

"I could tell him it's an educational look at human nature…and anatomy."

They were laughing over the ridiculous idea of the warden falling for that load of bullshit when Nichols came up. "Lisbon," He barked and she expected to be reprimanded. "Come with me."

"For what?" Jinx asked but Lisbon knew better than to question what a guard wanted.

She dutifully got to her feet and was genuinely surprised when they cuffed her, now she was really confused. The only reason she would be cuffed was if she was leaving the prison, and there was no reason for that. Nichols led her down the cellblock to the gate where sure enough, she was led outside.

Cho was waiting for her right outside and to say she was surprised to see him was an understatement. "Cho?!" She asked happily, "What are you doing here?"

"Following my orders," Cho told her, but there was a real smile on his lips.

"Whose orders? You haven't written me in months, I have no idea what you are doing in your life anymore."

"Training at Quantico keeps you busy."

"You're an FBI agent now?" Lisbon asked, she shouldn't be all that surprised but it was intriguing that Cho had gone to work for the federal government when the others on their team had switched to the private sector…or prison.

Cho nodded. "Abbott wants you in Austin, today."

"So are we flying con-air or commercial?" She asked, only half teasing. She'd heard nightmarish stories about some of the inmates flying on the prison transport plane but she had a feeling Cho would be a lot more compassionate then marshals.

Cho sat with her on the bus ride to the airport where she was put into leg shackles, she saw the way apology in his eyes and the pity but mercifully neither said a word. Cho had been there when she'd first been convicted and had defended her from the beginning, but he was a federal officer and she was an inmate, neither one wanted to break the rules and cause more harm then was already done.

The commercial flight was a little humiliating as many passengers stared at her, thankfully the FBI had purchased a seat at the front and she was given the window seat with Cho beside her and the empty aisle seat. She could feel the eyes watching her but didn't have to suffer seeing them.

Almost immediately Cho pulled out a book and began to read while Lisbon puttered in her seat, bored and anxious. "What does Abbott want with me? Nothing has changed, I still don't know where Jane is and I think two years in prison would have convinced him of that."

"He doesn't need you for that," Cho replied, not looking up from his book.

"Are you going to act the part of the jackass guard and keep me in the dark?" Lisbon asked, "or are you still my friend?"

Cho gave her a look but did close the book so he could meet her eyes. "Abbott found Jane, he wants him to join the FBI so he offered him a deal. Jane is on his way to Austin as we speak."

Lisbon gaped at him; she wasn't even breathing at this point which might be why she was so light headed. Jane was back. He was coming back! "And…and he isn't being arrested."

"Not if he takes the deal to work with the FBI."

"Then…then why am I going?"

"Jane had his own terms," Cho explained, "One of them was that you be there when he arrived."

He wanted her there. He still wanted to see her even after two years. She couldn't help but smile then, she even felt tears springing to her eyes at that knowledge. "Oh…oh so _Jane_ wants me there," she repeated dumbly. Then another thought came to mind. "Does he know? Did Abbott tell him about me and…and Evie?"

Cho shook his head. "Not that I know of."

Lisbon nodded, filing that information away. "Okay. I have to tell him. About Evie, I mean I'm sure it'll be obvious that I've been in prison but he doesn't know about Evie and I think it should be me who tells him." Cho didn't say anything but she saw a bit of embarrassment in his eyes…and sadness. "What is it? What aren't you telling me?"

"I shouldn't say anything."

"If it is about Jane then I should know," Lisbon insisted, "I was his friend for ten years and he's the father of my child."

Cho still looked uncomfortable but she knew she was breaking him down. "Jane is fine," he assured her, "Its just… _how_ they got him to come back."

"What do you mean?" She wasn't going to let up and he knew it, which was how she was going to force the truth out of him. She had spent most of her time with Jane on the dark side of the truth; she wasn't going to keep that record up.

"They had another agent go undercover on the island…it was a honey trap."

"A honey trap," Lisbon repeated, mulling those words over and over in her mind. She knew what they meant, she knew what that kind of investigation entailed. It just seemed unfathomable that it would be used against Jane.

"Yeah, Agent Fischer went undercover as a tourist, she befriended him."

"I know what a honey trap means, Cho," Lisbon snapped, "It usually involves more than just talking about the sites." She didn't mean to be so short with Cho and immediately she softened. "I need to know."

"Lisbon…"

"I've been in prison for two years because of what happened between Jane and me," Lisbon reminded him, "I deserve the full truth."

Cho nodded and she could tell this was actually painful for him to do. "They went out…on a date," She pursed her lips but didn't interrupt him as he admitted. "I know she spent the night at his apartment."

That hurt, like a punch. "They slept together?"

"I don't know. That wasn't a part of her orders."

Lisbon knew that the federal government wasn't going to order an agent to sleep with a mark…but it wasn't going to stop them either if it gave them an edge. She felt sick but there was something else, a hesitance in Cho's gaze. "What else? What aren't you telling me?"

She couldn't imagine what could be worse.

"He told her that he wouldn't go backwards, that meant moving on from everything from before." Cho admitted. "And before the date…he took his ring off."

Nothing could have caused her more pain, not a bullet to her shoulder or that cut with a razor blade. She had been on the floor bleeding before many times but never had she been cut into so many little pieces.

She had loved Jane for years, had waited for him, worked with him, dried his tears and held his hand so many times. She had fallen into bed with him, sacrificed her career and then her freedom for him…she'd borne him another child.

And yet he'd done more to move on for a complete stranger than he ever had for her.

Lisbon bent her head over her knees as she tried to breathe, there was a ringing in her ears that blocked out all other noise, she could feel the bile in her stomach churning. It wasn't until she felt the wetness on her hands that she realized she was crying, but she wasn't making a sound.

"Here," Cho said, gently tapping her shoulder, "drink this."

He pressed a bottle of water into her hands, it was hard to fumble with in her cuffs but she managed to bring it to her lips and take a few sips. The water did nothing more but force her to focus on something else other than the nightmare crashing down around her.

She took some deep breaths and managed to calm down enough to be able to focus her thoughts again. "I'm okay," she told Cho.

"No you're not."

He was right and there was no denying that. "I just can't believe this. After everything that happened I kept thinking that maybe…maybe it would work out somehow…that it would all be worth it. God I'm such an idiot."

"You're both idiots."

She looked up at him, a little surprised that he was so blunt. Then she laughed a little, a bit of gallows humor but it kept her from crying. "You're right."

Cho nodded, as close to affection as he could get. "You'll be okay."

She wasn't quite as sure but she turned to look out the window, the clouds were peaceful, white fluffy pieces of cotton candy. But she was wishing for grey, dreary, rain to fit the turbulent pain filling her. She'd lost so much these past two years, now she was learning how unappreciated and worthless it really was.

But why?

He had spent ten years toying with her emotions, pushing her in directions she didn't want to go, feeling loss and pain as he pushed her aside only to draw her back in and repeat the painful cycle all over again. And then when he finally got what he wanted…he cast her aside and she reaped the consequences of his sins.

No she wasn't seeing grey…she was seeing bright angry red.

* * *

Lisbon waited in the conference room; with every minute she just grew firmer in her resentment. For two years she'd been waiting for him, waiting for her life to get back, waiting for him to finally be ready for the life she had wanted. And here she was learning that none it mattered, none of the sacrifices and heartache had meant anything to him…or at least not enough.

She heard the door open but didn't move; again she waited until he spoke. "Hey."

Only then did she stand up and turn around to give him a good view of what her wardrobe consisted of. His face as he took in the sight of her was priceless, absolute shock and horror. "Why do you look so surprised, Jane?" She asked him, choosing a mocking tone, "You've seen prison clothes before."

But he still didn't speak, just took it all in some more. She took that same opportunity to look him over herself. "Nice beard, it goes good with your tan," she commented, "I haven't had any time to go to the beach lately myself."

"Lisbon," Jane said, his voice still soft with shock, "How…how did this happen?"

"Oh you know, the typical complication with the Jane scheme, things happen and I pay the price," Lisbon retorted sarcastically.

He was still too stunned to be hurt by her words and before anything more could be said, Abbott came in with a pile of papers. "Well, lets get started," he said as if it was all about business.

"Uh hold on," Jane said interrupting, "what the hell happened?"

Abbott looked at both of them. "I assume you are talking about Ms. Lisbon."

"Yeah, why is she a prisoner?"

The agent leaned back in his chair and gave Jane a calm look. "Two years ago, Ms. Lisbon here was charged and convicted with conspiracy to commit the murder of Thomas McAllister, she has been serving her sentence in the Women's Correctional Facility in Dublin since."

"That is ridiculous," Jane said, "Lisbon didn't conspire with anyone to commit murder."

"I watched her with my own eyes hand you her gun and her car keys so you could evade the authorities with the intention of killing Thomas McAllister."

It was funny how quickly Jane became angry. "So, this was all your plan."

Abbott actually seemed amused by Jane's accusations. "I had nothing to do with her being charged. In fact, I gave her many opportunities to have my help in having the charges dropped."

"And yet you still let it happen?"

"It is not the authority of the FBI to interfere with state investigations, even if we feel they are unwarranted." Abbott said sternly, "The state of California believed she broke the law and she was convicted of it. That was out of my hands."

"She needs to be released, _now_."

"That is not for me to authorize," Abbott continued. "Ms. Lisbon is here because you wished her to be, _I_ am here to explain the conditions of your work with the FBI." He held up one stack of papers. Jane, these are the charges pending against you, homicide, obstruction of justice, aggravated assault, grand theft auto, etc. You're looking at twenty to life, but all of that can go away if you agree to serve as a consultant for the FBI for at least five years. You will be under my supervision, on federal parole, which may be revoked at any time at my discretion. You screw up, run away, do anything I don't like and you'll be in the jailhouse."

Abbott slid the paperwork across the table to Jane along with a pen. "Sign here and we have a deal."

"We have already agreed to some terms," Jane told him, that was news to Lisbon. "First, no parole, I'm a free man. Second, Lisbon is released with a clean record and has to work with me."

"Oh goody, prison or Jane, can't decide what is worse," Lisbon said sourly.

"Am I really that hard to work for?" Jane turned with a surprised tone in his voice.

"I don't know," Lisbon said holding up her cuffed wrists for him to see, "Why don't you ask me that again?"

"That's enough," Abbott said, "I'm telling you that _this_ is the deal the FBI is willing to give you and that is the a napkin. Now you can take this deal or you can be taken into custody. It's your call."

Jane gave Abbott a good old-fashioned stare down before turning down his offer. Then another agent came in which Jane was _really_ surprised to see. "Kim?!"

 _Oh so that was the bitch that they sent to seduce Jane._ Lisbon thought, not even considering how crass prison had made her vocabulary. Jane's favorite FBI agent gave mock surprise and sadness over Jane's lack of cooperation as he was being led away.

Then it was just the three of them with Lisbon staring at them all alone. "Nice show," she remarked, "Thanks for the invitation although I can't help but wonder why I was given one in the first place."

"Jane wanted you here," Abbott reminded her.

"Jane wanted a lot of things," Lisbon said looking over the napkin still in front of her, "Including an unlimited supply of tea." She rolled her eyes at that one, "can't say that one surprises me." She met Abbott's eyes again, "You never intended to give him any of his conditions, so why this one? Especially when it involves pulling an inmate across the country for a five second chat?"

Abbott smiled, obviously impressed by her astuteness. "You always were a good agent."

"Yes I was," Lisbon agreed, "now why don't you stop insulting my intelligence and answer my question."

He leaned forward, still amused. "I was hopeful that your presence would remind Jane what he has to lose by turning down this deal."

"He doesn't have anything to lose."

"Of course he does."

"Like what?" Lisbon asked, "he doesn't care about where he goes or what he does, he can adapt anywhere. Prison is a game for him and he can play it until he gets bored with it. He knows you want him and you won't risk throwing him in with the guys at max, besides, he has more to gain by forcing you to bend to his will."

"He has a family," Abbott reminded her, "One he will want to see sooner than later."

Lisbon looked away and shook her head. "You mean my daughter? He doesn't know about her."

Now it was Abbott's turn to be surprised. "You didn't tell him?" She didn't speak, just stared him down just like Jane did. "I'm surprised, prison has changed a lot of things about you."

"Yeah it has," Lisbon agreed.

"Including how you feel about him." Again she didn't say anything but Abbott just continued, "he seems to still care about you, he sent you letters."

"Letters aren't enough," Lisbon explained, "I've learned actions mean more, symbolic gestures, not spending the night with other women," she glanced at Fischer who wasn't looking at her at all. "Letters are just words, and Jane is very good at making bullshit sound good."

Abbott closed the file. "Perhaps, or maybe your anger is clouding your judgment."

She shook her head and gave up convincing him otherwise. "When am I going back to Dublin?"

"We'll arrange transportation," Abbott explained, "Until then you'll stay in solitary."

"Sounds great," Lisbon said dryly and waited for the guards to come to take her away. It was something she was getting rather used to.

* * *

Solitary was a line of cells that were four star hotel rooms compared to what she was used to in Dublin. She wasn't sure why they thought sticking Jane in one of these would get him to agree to their demands, the man had lived in a pallet on the attic, this was Jamaica compared to that.

She sat on the bed for a long time staring at the four walls and the toilet that was all to herself, it was going to be nice to be able to use the bathroom _alone_. But after an hour of looking at the walls she needed something else to do.

"Hey!" she called out, banging on the door for a moment before the guard lifted the metal flap. She smiled at him sweetly, "Do you guys have a library or anything here?"

"Not much," the guard admitted. "Why?"

"I know I'm not going to be here long but if I have to stare at the walls for much longer than I'm going to go crazy, saying 'redrum' over and over again and all of that nonsense." That got a chuckle out of the guard. "So I'm begging you if you can get me a book, _any_ book, then I will be extremely grateful."

The guard smiled at her. "I'll see what I can find."

"Thank you!" She said excitedly, "and if I could ask, if you see anything by Jane Austen, then grab that right away."

He chuckled again and lowered the flap to do his good deed while she smiled over the fact that not all guards were dicks like Lewkowski was.

Lisbon was still smiling as she took a seat on her bed again, grateful that there was still some kindness in the world when recently she'd seen so little of it. "You know there are other works out there besides Jane Austen."

"Jesus!" Lisbon exclaimed, startled by a voice that came out of nowhere. "Who the hell was that?"

"Jesus apparently."

Lisbon groaned and started searching the room. "Where the hell are you coming from Jane?"

"Your mind, I've managed to communicate with you telepathically. Now you'll never get me out of your head."

"Bite me," Lisbon responded, letting him know exactly what she thought of him getting inside her head.

Jane laughed which sounded very echoic in the room. "Look on the right wall, there's a vent."

She did a quick search and found the vent right by the bed, hidden a little by the mattress. She pulled the bed away with a squeak to lie down and look inside, on the other side of the small tunnel was Jane's face. "Hello!" Jane said cheerfully.

"This is another one of your tricks isn't it? You somehow convinced the guard to get the room right next to mine."

"I assure you I had no idea where you were until I heard you asking for Jane Austen. Granted, I'm not unhappy with the situation."

"Then you're the only one."

"Lisbon, I'm hurt," Jane said in the tone that made her unsure if he was lying or not.

"Is that even possible?" Lisbon asked sarcastically. The silence that followed showed her words were very wrong indeed. She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, that was out of line."

"You have every right to be angry," Jane said gently. "But I want you to know, I _need_ you to know that I'm so very sorry for what happened to you. I would never have let that happen if I'd known."

"You're sorry," Lisbon repeated, "well that makes the past two years so much better."

"It's the truth."

"You know what, Jane? I'm so goddamned _tired_ of you apologizing. You have so much to be sorry for but you don't change, you just keep finding new ways to hurt me. An apology means nothing until you find a way to stop needing to make one."

"You know holding a grudge is not good for your health."

"Yeah? Neither is a punch in the nose."

"How do you plan to do that exactly?" Jane asked, he sounded rather amused by the idea of her attempting such a feat.

But Lisbon just found it frustrating. "So help me God if I see you outside this cell."

"You won't hurt me." He said confidently.

"Like hell I won't."

"Nah, I think deep down you are glad I am back. Just admit it and you will feel better."

"Go to hell, Jane!"

"Where is that exactly now?" It was déjà vu all over again.

"The place I am going to send you if you don't shut up!"

"Come on, the guard is not coming back with your book any time soon," Jane pointed out. "So why not make most of the time we have left together and talk."

She searched for a reason, even the most pathetic one. "Because I don't like you."

"Now we both know that is not true."

"You are an arrogant prick."

He chuckled. "Language now. Prison sure has had a bad influence on your vocabulary."

Lisbon thought about a retort for a long moment before saying. "You're a mentalist so tell me what I am thinking now?"

Jane pretended to do just that. "Well, that is just rude and I never thought I would see the day you said that."

"I didn't say anything."

"In your mind you did."

"You can't read minds."

"I can read yours perfectly, even now."

"And?" Lisbon asked, her tone mocking his so called power.

His voice was softer now. "You're torn between two emotions, gratitude that I am back and fierce anger that you suffered while I seemingly didn't."

" _Seemingly_?" Lisbon repeated, "I'm sure you were suffering so much lying on the beach while pretty island girls begged to bring you a some fruity drink with an umbrella."

"Where exactly did you think I was? Margaritaville?" She didn't respond to that and Jane didn't wait for her to anyways. "There is more than one way to suffer, Lisbon. I suffered by missing you."

But she did know this wasn't an accident. Abbott was still trying to get her to talk sense into Jane…or at the very least tell him about his daughter. The idea of telling him about Evie hadn't even crossed her mind in the conference room. Now…now she didn't know what she would do. It galled her that Jane had been so devil may care while she was in prison. It killed her that he'd spent the night with another woman. It was destroying her that he still hadn't even mentioned what had happened between them.

Maybe if he did…

"How?" Lisbon asked.

"Excuse me?"

"How did you miss me?" She explained. "What exactly did you wish would happen if you saw me again? What exactly did you miss?"

Jane didn't speak for a moment before saying very carefully. "I missed my friend, I missed talking to you, you have a presence that makes my life brighter."

Rather than be flattered by his statement as she might have been once before, she pointed out the flaw in it. "Is that it?"

He was obviously surprised by that. "You think I should have said more?"

"Maybe," Lisbon replied, "maybe you should have missed me as more than a friend, especially after what happened between us."

"After what happened?"

Lisbon gaped at the vent for a long while, too stunned by his response to even think. It just kept repeating through her mind, just like another time.

" _Did you mean what you said?"_

" _What did I say? I was a little hyped up."_

Only this was worse, there was no excuse, no matter how poor, that could be believed. No one forgot having sex, not unless they were drunk…and he'd been stone sober that night.

"You know what?" Lisbon growled out and then slapped the vent in frustration. "Fuck you! You're such an asshole! You can be honest with complete strangers but lie and hurt the only people in this world who care about you. And what do I get? Two damn years in prison and a goddamn excuse. Fuck you, Jane. I'm done."

She stood up quickly and shoved the bed against the vent even as he tapped on the vent. "Lisbon? Lisbon, let me explain."

But she wasn't giving him the chance. She grabbed the pillow and moved to the chair on the far side of the room. She covered her ears with the pillow so she couldn't hear him anymore then let herself feel the hurt all over again. He wanted to pretend that their night together never happened. Either he regretted it or…or it hadn't meant a thing to him. She didn't know it was possible to feel such pain.

She wasn't about to let him know that they were bound together by their daughter…not now.

Lisbon cried into her knees, she wasn't sure if he could hear her or not but she didn't care.

She doubted he did.

* * *

Lisbon only spent one night in solitary before she was taken away back to Dublin. Jane was sorry to see her go, not the least of which is because she never did give him a chance to actually talk about what had happened to her…and between them. She had stayed far away from the vent, covering her ears when he spoke or ignoring him completely. He understood that, he was the asshole that got her sent to prison after all.

Of course he was going to fix all of that.

As for the FBI's offer, well they could shove it until they gave him what he wanted. It was laughable that they thought locking him up in isolation would change his mind. This cell was luxurious compared to some of the dives he'd lived in before; he could play this game as long as he wanted. He didn't have anything to lose.

Three days after Lisbon's departure Jane received a visit from Agent Abbott. "Is it visiting hours?"

Abbott didn't look too amused by his quip, not that Jane cared. "I just wanted to see if you'd changed your mind now that you've had some time to think things over."

"I have on one thing," Jane admitted, "I think I'd like to specify the kind of tea I demand, I'm not a fan of black teas."

The FBI agent really didn't like that reply. "You really should take this deal, Jane. It's in your best interest."

"I'm not going to be the FBI's leashed pet," Jane replied. "I want my freedom and I want it on my own terms."

Abbott sighed. "I had hoped you would be more receptive to the deal when you realized what was at stake."

"I do know," Jane said, "And its in my best interest to get what I want. My freedom and Lisbon's." He smirked. "Or did you think sticking us in side by side cells would have her convince me to make the deal? That's ludicrous really, it's better for her in the long run too."

Abbott stared at him for a minute, puzzled a bit. Then he shook his head and laughed a little. "You really did piss her off, I didn't think she had it in her to be so resentful. I was wrong."

Now it was Jane's turn to be confused. "She has a right to be angry."

"Oh she most certainly does," Abbott agreed. "She didn't deserve to be put in prison for your crimes, but that seems to be a pattern when it comes to you two. She's the one who suffers the most while you get away with too much…usually you try to mitigate the damage but you weren't around this time."

"I plan on changing that."

Abbott met Jane's eyes. "She's getting out in less than a year, most of her sentence is over. I'd say it's a little late to be trying to fix things for her; the best thing for your circumstances would be to get out as soon as possible. You've already missed a lot."

"And leave Lisbon in prison?" Jane asked, "No."

"You really have no idea? Did you even ask her how she got convicted?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, Jane had stopped liking this game when it became clear that Abbott held a better hand then he had originally assumed.

But Abbott seemed to be enjoying this a bit. "You must have realized the evidence against her was fairly weak, no one cares that a serial killer was murdered, especially when she wasn't the one who actually did it. It would have had to be proven she had a personal reason for helping you," Abbott explained, "a personal relationship with you."

Now Jane smirked. "You keep trying to put a romantic spin on our relationship. It makes a sweet story but you don't really have much to go on."

"That's not true," Abbott replied.

Jane narrowed his eyes and frowned. "You're trying to trick me."

"No, I know for a fact you had some kind of personal relationship with her," Abbott explained. "I had my own suspicions before, especially when her lawyer announced she was pregnant during her trial."

Jane felt his stomach twist at that revelation, it must have shown on his face because Abbott looked pleased then. "It became a certainty when another inmate testified that she'd confessed that the child was yours. I'm afraid for her sake it was much easier for the prosecution to make their case after that."

He didn't speak; there was no reason to. He wasn't going to deny it when there was no reason to anymore. Besides, he was too stunned to even think of any sort of reply.

"She had a daughter a few months after she was convicted," Abbott replied, "her brother has custody until Lisbon's release. I'm still surprised she never told you herself since I was under the impression she was actively hoping for your return so you could be a family…something must have changed her mind."

Abbott met Jane's eyes again. "I could arrange for you to be in Chicago tomorrow, you could see your daughter and would never have to spend another day apart from her. But you would have to accept the deal first."

Oh he had no idea how tempting that was.

Jane knew Abbott was playing him and he was doing a damn good job. After Charlotte's death he would be never want to lose the chance at being in his daughter's life, not when he never dreamed he would be a father again.

But Abbott had only solidified his own convictions now.

"I'm not going to be a prisoner for the FBI," Jane replied, "and I'm not going to let Lisbon be one either."

"And what about your daughter?"

Jane shrugged. "She's safe with her family, why would I be concerned?"

Abbott frowned, clearly disappointed it didn't work. "I'll let you think about it for a while long, see how much time with your daughter you want to miss."

He did leave Jane alone again, silence filling the void of where he'd been. Jane had kept up a façade of casual indifference even if it was far from the truth. He was feeling a lot of things at the moment.

Jane put his head in his hand and let himself feel. Tears welled in his eyes and spilled into his hands. He wasn't sure if they were from joy or from pain. He was feeling a mixture of both.

He would fix this. He had to.

* * *

A/N: I know what you are thinking. Jane is a complete idiot...and you are absolutely right. I follow the idea that Jane is a coward when it comes to his feelings for Lisbon, he'd rather things remain the same in a place he's comfortable then risk his heart and actually be honest to her about how he feels. I think season 6 of the show really showed that, how he wasn't able to actually tell her the truth until she was literally on the plane to leave. And it wasn't like she didn't give him plenty of opportunities to speak up before.

But obviously JAne is not happy one bit that Lisbon is in prison and he is going to do absolutely everything he can to get her released. And yeah, he definitely has a couple of apologies to make...but that's all for another chapter.

The next chapter has Lisbon back in Dublin and seething with anger which is not a good thing to be in prison. She'll get some much needed advice from some old friends outside and inside prison gates. She has to decide if there is a way that Jane does succeed...does she actually want to be anywhere near him again?


	12. Disappointments and Regrets

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N Hey all, so glad most of you guys seemed to enjoy where this fic is going. Although I can't help but laugh over the people who insisted I was portraying Jane as in the wrong and Lisbon doing no wrong. The fact that she conveniently kept the truth from Jane about their daughter is certainly not the "right thing" and Lisbon knows it. You'll see in this chapter how she wrestles with that fact but does her guilt actually change her mind? She wants a bit of revenge and this is the only card she has to play.

* * *

Part 2: Lock Up Your Heart and Throw Away the Key

Chapter 12: Disappointments and Regrets

It had been a week since Lisbon had returned from Austin and she was back to the old routine of laundry duty during the day. But this wasn't same inmate as before. Lisbon was roiling with anger in her veins. She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened in Austin, particularly talking to Jane through that vent.

Right after she'd returned she'd poured through all of the letters Jane had sent her over the past two years, searching for something that might explain her fears and maybe soothe them. But she'd gotten the opposite; instead of finding comfort and reassurance she looked at them without the blinders of hope.

Jane never said anything of love.

He spoke of missing her, of wanting to see her but every word he wrote could be interpreted as just someone missing their good friend and coworker. She had read into the letters how she'd wanted to…but really he could just as easily have meant nothing more than the words he'd written. There might not have been any hidden message, no clue between the lines. She had been holding a torch for someone who probably felt nothing more than friendship for her.

She'd been a complete idiot.

Anger was simmering inside of her. Anger at Jane for going on with his life, for not caring for and treating her the way she wanted, for pretending that nothing had every happened between them…and worst of all for not caring that it had. But she was furious at herself for trusting her heart to someone who had never given her a straight answer in his life. And all that her love had gotten her was prison time and some very bad memories.

Lisbon was busy loading more clothes into the industrial size washing machine, treating none of them gently by any means. But when she tried to turn the machine on it made an annoying buzzing sound but remained still. "Come on!" she growled and tried pushing the button rapidly but of course that didn't work. In her frustration she started cursing at the machine, then beating it with her fists.

"Hey!" Williams, one of the guards on duty came rushing over. "Stop that! It's federal property."

She snapped.

"This is a prison!" She shouted back, "the floor is federal property! The ceiling is federal property! My goddamn underwear is federal property!"

"Keep this up and you're going to solitary," Williams shot back.

Lisbon was past the point of caring and was ready to give the guard a piece of her mind but Kiki stepped in. "She's very sorry," Kiki said quickly, "She's just not feeling very well." Babs was already pulling Lisbon aside with a firm hand on her arm. "It's that time of the month, you know?"

Williams looked uncomfortable with any mention of feminine troubles. "I'm still giving her a demerit for insolence, just get your friend to calm down."

"Don't worry, Midol is only ten dollars at commissary, she'll be fine."

The guard wrinkled his nose again before leaving the women alone. Only then did Babs stop the vice grip on her arm. "Good god, Piggy, you trying to get yourself thrown in the nut house?"

"I'm fine," Lisbon hissed, turning her attention back to the job.

"You just beat up a washing machine."

"Look I don't have to talk about anything," Lisbon shouted back. "I'm already stuck here in this hell hole, why make it worse?"

Babs shut her mouth and glared at Lisbon, clearly pissed off that she'd rejected their offers of kindness but she was beyond caring. She didn't need anymore friends, apparently she was very bad with them.

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Lisbon was working off more of her aggression and anger in the part of the prison that served as a gym for the inmates. There was a punching bag that had been ripped and sewn together badly several times. It felt good to hit it, even with bare knuckles. She didn't mind the pain or the blood, in fact pain felt amazing compared to the agony she was currently in.

She lost herself in the physical pain. She didn't even hear Jinx come in until her friend spoke. "You don't have to hit so hard, it ain't gonna punch back." Lisbon paused only briefly before getting back to letting some anger out. "Hey," Jinx said again, a bit more forcefully to get her attention. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," Lisbon finally spoke, spitting the word out as if it were poison.

Jinx didn't buy it of course. "Something's wrong. Ever since you came back to whatever fieldtrip the fed took you on you been acting like someone shot your dog. Babs said you even yelled at a guard."

"Who fucking cares?"

Her friend was looking a little annoyed "Look, I don't know what got your panties in a twist but _this_ isn't you. So stop acting like a child! What the hell happened to piss you off so damn much?"

Lisbon didn't say anything but she finally stopped punching the bag, her knuckles were bleeding but it didn't matter. The anger was still simmering an the physical release had only staved off the pressure, she was reaching her boiling point and she couldn't hold it back much any longer.

"He fucked an FBI agent," Lisbon growled, finally letting it out.

Jinx just looked confused. "Who fucked who?"

"Jane!"

That did it. Jinx's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in surprise. But now that she was confessing it was all coming out of her. "He's back. The son of a bitch finally came back when the FBI came on their hands and knees and begged him. And you know what? He said no! They asked and he said no, he didn't want to go back, didn't think it was _moving forward_." Lisbon snapped. "Guess I'm too much of a remind of the past or something."

"So when did he have time to stick it with a lady fed?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "They sent one undercover to convince him."

Jinx looked a little calmer. "Okay…that doesn't mean anything happened…"

"She spent the night at his place. After he took his wedding ring off."

"Okay…if I see him I'll cut his balls off for ya." That comment actually made Lisbon feel a little bit better. "Look I get it, you're pissed. You should be. But why did they take you to him?"

"Because he's being Jane, his typical stubborn, pain in the ass, self." Lisbon explained. "they want him to accept their deal but he's not buying it, he wants his own deal. They hoped I would talk some sense into him, guess they forgot about the fact that he never listened to me in the first place."

"What did he say when he saw you again?"

Lisbon felt a tiny morsel of her anger dissolve when she remembered the stunned and horrified look on his face when he realized she was in prison. No matter what he'd done, he certainly felt bad over that much. "He was shocked I was in prison," Lisbon admitted, "Got real pissed at Abbott over it."

"Well at least that's something."

"Not enough," Lisbon replied.

"I get it," Jinx said, "you deserve to be mad but….but it wasn't like you two were exclusive, I mean he was on an island and you were here. He didn't know he would see you again."

Lisbon shook her head. "I know that. I know that I don't have any right to be mad at him for being with Fischer or anyone else for that matter. And I think I could even live with it except…except the bastard pretended like nothing happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when I brought up the fact that we had sex together two years ago he pretended like he had no idea what I was talking about!"

Now Jinx really looked surprised. "Shiiiiit." She said, drawing out the word in a gasp.

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah. Guess he wanted to put me in my place. God I'm such an _idiot!_ I spent two damn years in prison hanging onto every word he wrote, dreaming of this fantasy of us together and he didn't give a shit over what happened between us. It meant no more to him then when he screwed Red John's mistress. Maybe even less since he actually acknowledged what he did there." Jinx was shaking her head as if she couldn't believe what Lisbon was saying.

She continued her rant. "I mean he acting like nothing had happened. Like two years hadn't gone by, like its okay that I'm in prison because he plans to get me out. As if that is just going to magically make things better." She turned back to her friend. "What do you think of that?"

Jinx gaped at her for a long moment. "I don't know what to say. Lee fucked other girls before but at least he was nice enough to act like he cared about me more." Lisbon huffed at that comment, agreeing with the sentiment at least. "If he wanted to pretend nothing happened, how'd he explain the kid?"

"He didn't," Lisbon replied, "he didn't know and I didn't tell him."

"You think that's smart?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I was just so angry that I…I don't know. I guess I wanted to punish him."

"Makes sense," Jinx agreed, "maybe she's better off without him."

Lisbon couldn't agree with Jinx there. In fact, Jinx's reminder of Evelyn actually made her feel a little guilty. There were a lot of things about Jane that needed fixing but she always knew he was a good father. He'd loved Charlotte so deeply that the pain of losing her was still fresh even years later. But that had never stopped him from treating any child he came across with the same softness as a parent.

She knew he'd love Evie more than anything in the world.

But that didn't mean she was willing to tell him either. "I just can't think about telling him about Evie, not when he wants to treat me like an asshole."

Jinx nodded her head, accepting her friend explanation with ease. In fact, she seemed to be under the opinion that he deserved it and didn't find any problem with keeping a man from his child.

She wondered if prison had hardened her so much that she would do such a thing. But the anger burned so fierce it was hard to see past it.

* * *

The very next Saturday Lisbon was surprised to hear her name called down for Visitation. When she stepped in she was happy to see Rigsby and Grace waiting for her. She smiled and hugged them both, happy to see both of them again after so long.

"I can't believe you guys came."

"We should have been by sooner," Grace replied but Lisbon cut her off.

"No, you guys have a new baby and a new company, you shouldn't feel obligated to come see me."

"We're your friends…"

"And that never changed," Lisbon told her quickly with a smile. "But I am glad you came to see me."

Rigsby looked a little sheepish then. "Well we have to admit that Cho told us that we should probably come."

Lisbon leaned back in her seat as she took in what that meant. "He told you."

Grace nodded. "He said Jane is in Austin and that you were upset, he didn't say why though. Just thought we might need to come to make sure you were okay."

"How much exactly did he tell you?"

"That Jane is being held by the FBI, that they want him to work for them but he won't sign the deal until he gets what he wants."

"Can't say either of us is surprised he's not cooperating," Rigsby said with a chuckle but his smile faded when he saw that Lisbon was far from amused. "Is that why you are upset? Are you worried about him?"

"Jane is fine," Lisbon replied. "They stuck me in the detention suite next to his and it was like the Ritz compared to where I'm at now. He's probably drinking tea, reading books and napping."

Grace cracked a smile. "You're right about that." But Lisbon still looked upset and Grace was perceptive enough to notice. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Cho didn't tell you what happened on the island? What happened when Jane came back?"

"No."

Lisbon sighed, knowing she wasn't going to get out of this one. Besides, maybe they could give her a bit of perspective beyond Jinx's comments about what she'd like to do to Jane with a baseball bat. "The feds sent an agent undercover. Apparently they spent the night together."

Grace sucked in a sharp breath and exchanged looks with Rigsby, the latter looked more disappointed in his friend then anything. "But he came back."

"Yeah," Lisbon said, "but he wanted to pretend like nothing had ever happened between us."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he literally tried to pretend like he couldn't remember sleeping with me."

Rigsby and Grace exchanged looks again. "Well…that's….I don't know what to say about that," Rigsby admitted.

"How about how he's acting like an asshole," Grace offered. Her husband shrugged as if he still wasn't sure what to think about what what's going on. Grace turned her attention back to her friend. "Are you okay?"

"No," Lisbon admitted. "I'm so angry at him for what happened. I don't even know how I feel, one minute I'm furious that he pretended nothing happened, then I'm angry because he wants to act like if he gets me out of prison, then that will suddenly fix everything." She clenched her fist briefly. "It doesn't, I'm never going to get these past two years of my life back."

"But he's trying to get you out," Rigsby clarified. She nodded her head and Rigsby let out a little sigh. "Well I guess that's the least he could do."

"I can't believe he's not taking the deal if only to see Evie."

Now it was Lisbon's turn to confess again. "I didn't tell him about her."

Grace looked disappointed but Rigsby actually seemed upset. "You didn't tell him that he has another kid?"

"Well if he wants to pretend we didn't sleep together, why not pretend we don't have a child?"

Rigsby shook his head. "That isn't right and you know it."

Lisbon didn't say anything for a long moment. "I don't know why I didn't tell him. I always planned too, but then when I found out I….I was just so angry."

"You've been a part from your daughter for two years," he reminded her, "that kills you. Why would you do the same to him."

"This isn't the same thing," Lisbon insisted. "He doesn't know. He has never known about her. He can miss something he doesn't know about."

"That doesn't make it better."

"Wayne," Grace said, putting a hand on her husband's arm. "This is her child, her decision."

He obviously didn't like that though. She knew this affected him a bit more because he didn't get to see his son as much as he wanted. "What do you think is going to happen?" Wayne asked, "he's going to find out."

"Maybe."

"He's right," Grace said, "Jane is going to find out. Everyone knows he's Evie's father, its public record."

"You think Jane is going to look up my trial transcripts."

"I'm pretty sure finding out why you went to prison is something he'll look into," Rigsby replied.

Lisbon sighed heavily and shook her head. "I don't know what to do. I know he's Evie's father but the thought of sharing her with him…I just don't know how I can even be in the same room with him right now."

That was something neither Grace nor Rigsby could deny. "Maybe he'll find a way to make it better," Grace offered hopefully.

"I don't even know if that is possible," Lisbon replied glumly.

And there was no way anyone could disagree with that.

* * *

 _Three Months Later_

She'd cleared her bunk of anything that would remind her of Jane, the photographs she'd put up and the letters she'd always kept on hand. She hadn't been able to throw any of it away though, instead she'd stuffed everything inside of a small box and put it away so she wouldn't see them everyday.

At least her mood had improved, at least around everyone else. She wasn't snapping at her friends or fellow inmates and the guards were once again treated with respect. But her emotions were still roiling within her, even after three months she still hadn't been able to get a handle on what to do.

Evie had turned two the previous week, she'd gotten tons of pictures of the party. Lisbon was depressed she'd missed yet another birthday but there wasn't much she could do beyond cry a little and imagine all of the birthdays where she would be there to see her daughter blow out the candles on her cake.

"Lisbon," one of the guards said, pulling her away from her thoughts. "You need to report to your counselor."

She raised an eyebrow but didn't ask. Instead she put away the photograph before following the guard to Gorland's office. When she walked in she immediately noticed that her counselor looked a little uncomfortable. It only took a moment to see why.

FBI Agent Fischer was waiting there, looking calm and professional. Lisbon felt her ire rise up immediately. Was she here to brag about Jane? The logical part of her knew that wasn't true, Fischer seemed to be as professional as Lisbon used to be. But side of her that was raging with jealous wanted to mess up her perfect hair too.

"Thank you," Fischer said to Gorland and the guard. "But I need to speak to the inmate alone."

"That isn't really appropriate," Gorland pointed out, still a little nervous.

"I'm afraid it's necessary," Fischer stated firmly.

The two men looked at the agent a little uncertain but followed her wishes, leaving both women alone.

"Are you hear to scare the guards or is there a real reason?" Lisbon asked.

Fischer quirked an eyebrow at her sarcasm. "I'm afraid there is more important things than my ability to boss men around."

Normally that would have made Lisbon smile. "Is Jane out of detention?"

"Not yet," Fischer admitted.

"Didn't think so," Lisbon replied. "Why else would you be here? It must be driving you guys crazy that he isn't bending to your will."

"We want to help him."

She let out a little chuckle. "No you want to use him."

"Is that so bad?" Fischer asked.

"Jane isn't federal agent material."

"Was he state agent material?"

Lisbon shook her head. "Not at all. But he actually wanted to be there. He wanted Red John and in the exchange he helped put away other criminals. It was a decent trade."

"And he also stopped the ten year reign of a mass murderer and exposed a corrupt law enforcement ring that spread halfway across the country."

"And it didn't go by the books now did it?"

Fischer waved that off. "We know how Jane works." Lisbon let out a little laugh which Fischer ignored. "And we know the risks, but we can't ignore the upside. He closed every case he worked at the CBI."

"He also had help," Lisbon reminded her firmly.

"That's why I'm here," Fischer told her. "help me, Lisbon. There are national security threats at play and Jane won't work with us unless we meet his demands."

"No shit," Lisbon muttered and shook her head. "The man has an ego the size of Neptune. He's not going to back down unless you give him a win. Give him one of his demands."

"One of his demands is you."

"Give him something else," She insisted, again sparking a bit of surprise from the federal agent.

"We are running out of time," Fischer told her, "we need you to come to Austin and help convince Jane to take the deal."

"I'm a federal prisoner," Lisbon reminded her, "don't pretend that I even have a choice."

"Very well," Fischer replied. "We leave within the hour."

"Looking forward to it," Lisbon muttered.

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Jane was enjoying tea and a book in his detention suite when the door opened and Cho walked in. "Hello Cho," Jane greeted him. "It's nice to see you, have the feds agreed to my demands or are you here to convince me to take the deal."

"Neither," Cho explained, "I'm here to take you to Abbott so you can help with a case."

He smiled. "Just like that? I'm supposed to offer my services without any payout. I don't think so."

"Lisbon's here."

Now that did perk Jane's interest. "They brought her all the way from California for me?"

Cho nodded. "Abbott thought you'd be more willing to cooperate if she were here. That and he's hoping she'll convince you to take the deal."

"And what about you?" Jane asked.

"It doesn't matter what I think."

"But I'm asking," Jane replied. "You know if I get what I want then Lisbon gets out of prison."

Cho didn't speak but he did meet Jane's eyes. "It would have been better if she hadn't been put there in the first place."

He couldn't argue against that. "I can't help that, but I can try to fix it."

"Going to take a lot more than that," Cho muttered. "but come on. They aren't going to send Lisbon back until you help them."

Jane smiled and followed Cho out of the detention suite. His friend took them to the FBI office just down the way. The digs were fancy, a lot more updated and modern than the CBI. But lacking a couch. That was going to have to be changed.

Cho took him to the briefing where Abbott had already started. Lisbon stood out like sore thumb, wearing a navy prison issue outfit while surrounded by dark suited agents. "Hello, Lisbon," Jane said taking a seat beside her. "I hope you're flight wasn't uncomfortable."

She didn't speak or look at him for that matter. But Jane did notice she was wearing handcuffs and that didn't sit well with him at all. "Those aren't necessary," Jane piped up, pointing to the cuffs on Lisbon's wrist. "Take them off."

"She's a convicted criminal," one of the suited agents spoke up, "its policy."

"First, she's not a criminal. Second, she's in a room surrounded by agents and weighs 120 soaking wet, you really think she poses any threat?"

Abbott looked annoyed but nodded to Cho, who was more than happy to uncuff Lisbon's wrists. Once the cuffs were off she rubbed at her wrists in relief and smiled at Cho as a thank you.

She still wouldn't look at Jane.

Abbott pressed on, explaining how a federal employee was missing with signs of struggle in his home. The feds had immediately jumped to kidnapping which almost made him laugh. He could tell how wrong they were strictly from the photos. But he wasn't going to tell them that, he had a plan to finally put this little stalemate to an end so he was going to play the game bit longer so he could finally get what he wanted.

He couldn't help but tease Fischer, it was too much fun ruffling her feathers. But he did notice that Lisbon immediately tensed when he did so, she was now not only ignoring him but clenching her jaw so tight she was practically grinding her teeth.

This was not good.

Abbott was clearly pleased when Jane pointed out the victim's wife's gypsy background, probably proud because it showed exactly why he wanted Jane on the team on the first place. He wrapped the meeting up so they could go to New York and deal with this case from there.

"Hold on," Jane said, stopping them. "I'd like to talk to Lisbon alone."

"That's not going to be appropriate," Abbott replied. "She's a convicted criminal—."

"She's not a criminal," Jane repeated.

Abbott ignored him. "And you are technically still in FBI custody for murder, if I leaving you alone would potentially give you both a chance to conspire to escape."

Jane couldn't help but grin. "Like a modern Bonny and Clyde, wouldn't that be fun." He heard Lisbon let out a derivative snort at that comment. "Then leave us with Cho, I just want to talk to her for a moment."

Abbott met Cho's eyes and finally nodded his head. "Five minutes."

"And what if I don't want to talk to him?" Lisbon asked but Abbott was already gone. "Of course, ignore the prisoner. What else is new?" she muttered. She looked away from Jane immediately, keeping her focus on Cho. "It's good to see you again, Cho," she told him sweetly. "How are the feds treating you these days?"

"Good," Cho told her.

Now Jane was the one getting annoyed. "Lisbon, we only have a few minutes, can you give up the pretense and look at me?"

She turned her head with obvious effort, her green eyes meeting his with obvious disdain. "What do you have to talk about, Jane?"

"Well, a lot actually. But first I just want to make sure you're okay."

"If I'm okay? I was dragged out of Dublin in handcuffs and shackles, put on a plane for four hours and now I'm going to have to get on _another_ flight to New York, all because of your sorry ass." Lisbon replied. "No I'm not okay. I'm tired, starving and I have to pee. Do you have any idea how hard it is to use the bathroom in leg shackles?"

"No," Jane admitted, "But since you are being so blunt why don't you tell me?"

She glared at him again. "Just what exactly do you think is going to happen here?"

"We'll both get out of this mess and work together again," Jane replied, "but we have more serious matters we have to discuss."

"We don't have anything to discuss," Lisbon insisted. "there isn't anything left for us to talk about. I'm here because the FBI thinks for some reason I can keep you in line." Jane couldn't help but smile at that. "Yeah, I told them that was a pipe dream too. So I'm stuck with you until they say so. Flying across the country in handcuffs isn't fun for me so do me a favor, wrap this up so I can go back to Dublin."

"You like prison so much?"

"Bite me."

Normally that would have had him laughing but he was still trying to get her to talk. They had too much to work through, not the least of which was him wondering why she still hadn't even attempted to tell him about their daughter. He could tell she didn't know that he knew yet, it galled him that she was being so stubborn as to sit on that secret. Unfortunately, since she was currently an inmate in the federal corrections system, he didn't have the luxury but being allowed to be angry with her.

"Lisbon, this is serious. I want to talk to you about us."

That sparked something in her. "There is no us. _Remember_?"

So she was still very angry over his faux lapse in memory from three months ago. Very well, he deserved that. He was going to press on but Fischer came in to interrupt them. "We have to leave for the airport now," she insisted.

"Right," Cho said, nodding his head. He helped Lisbon to her feet but Fischer pointed out his mistake. "She needs to be cuffed again."

Cho didn't look any happier over that idea than Jane did but he pulled out the cuffs and snapped them back on Lisbon's wrists, looking at her apologetically afterwards. "Don't be," Lisbon told Cho with a little smile, "You're just following the rules."

He nodded and gently led her out of the room, gesturing for Jane to follow. Jane shook his head at the absurdity of the situation. He was the wanted felon for murder and a fugitive and yet here he was walking free of any restraints while Lisbon who was the furthest from a criminal a person could get was being put back in leg shackles.

It didn't make sense but he knew better than to look for reason in the federal government.

* * *

Lisbon hated going through the airport wearing shackles and cuffs. Not only did it make it inherently obvious that she was a convicted criminal but it wasn't comfortable or easy shuffling along. It was so embarrassing, especially when she had to ask Fischer to let her go use the restroom. Using the bathroom in handcuffs wasn't easy, anymore than knowing that federal agent was outside of the stall along with several other women who stared at her as if she was a serial killer.

Now she was sitting at the terminal waiting for the flight, staring at her cuffed hands because if she looked up all she would see were the stares of everyone in the terminal wondering who she was and what awful crime she'd committed. It was so humiliating and she knew if she saw another look of fear in someone's eyes she'd probably start crying.

Jane must have noticed because he said gently. "Ignore them, they don't matter."

She ignored him too though, she wasn't willing to sit there an play this game so he could prove he was smarter than the FBI too. Cho was nice enough to give her a sandwich so she wasn't going hungry, she almost quipped about airport food being on par with prison cuisine but the joke was more sad then funny she realized.

The Feds were allowed to board first because they had a prisoner: her.

She was put at the front of the plane with Cho beside her and the empty aisle seat, once more she had to sit by the window more so that she didn't have anywhere to escape of course. Jane was sitting on another row next to Fischer, something Lisbon chose to ignore as well. Who knows, maybe the two of them could catch up on their fun times from the island.

The other passengers began to board and the woman who was assigned the aisle seat across from their row immediately noticed that there was a prisoner on board. She went straight to a flight attendant and demanded that the "criminal" be removed from the flight. Lisbon had to listen as the flight attendant explained that she was being escorted by the FBI and there was nothing they could do about a prisoner being transported on the flight. The woman cursed up a storm before demanding that she be moved to another seat. That meant the poor flight attendant had to ask passengers if they would be willing to change seats.

An old man actually accepted the offer with a smile. "I went through Vietnam, that skinny little thing doesn't frighten me." Lisbon wasn't sure if he was being kind or insulting, she was too embarrassed to look and see which it was.

"You didn't want to sit near that woman anyways." Cho offered her kindly.

But the comment really didn't do much to make her feel all that better. Finally the plane took off down the runway and Lisbon was that much closer to getting off the plane and away from people's prying eyes.

A few moments after the seatbelt sign went off Jane plopped down in the empty seat beside Cho. "What do you want?" Cho asked for her, she was back to ignoring Jane for the moment.

"I wanted to finish my conversation with Lisbon earlier."

Lisbon actually groaned. "What more could we possibly talk about?" she asked.

"You know that question is ridiculous," Jane told her.

"No, Jane. What's ridiculous is that I'm stuck on a plane to New York with you because the FBI seems to think I can get you to play nice with them."

"I didn't tell them to bring you here," Jane told her, "But I'm not going to say I'm displeased to see you again." She turned her head back to the window. "I wanted to try and fix this between us, I know you have every right to be upset."

"Oh you are damn right about that."

"But," Jane continued, "I'm going to do everything I can to fix this. Starting with getting you out of prison."

"And make me work with you," Lisbon finished.

"Well…yeah."

"You see, _that's_ the problem." Lisbon insisted. "What if I don't want to work with you again? What if after spending two goddamn years in prison I realized that I was nothing more than some toy you could amuse yourself with while you got what you really wanted? And when you finally did get revenge, you dropped me so fast and left me holding the bag while you escaped Scot free. Do you have any idea what two years in prison is like? To you it's a game, you sit around play cards and play mind games with the other criminals. I didn't have that luxury. I got dirty. I got harassed. I got called names and I lost two fucking years of my life all because of _you_.

Tears were brimming in her eyes now. "And what do you do when you waltz back into my life again. You pretend like nothing has changed. Like I'm still that same toy you can just pick up and play right where you left off. I'm not something for you to play with anymore, and I'm _definitely_ not the same woman you left two years ago. So if you want someone to play with, I hear Agent Fischer is a willing playmate. I'm done."

Jane was gaping at her, obviously affected by her little speech. She didn't know where the words had come from, they just welled up inside of her and there hadn't been a way to stop them. Now her emotions were raw, she felt the lump in her throat forming and her tears brimming in her eyes.

"Lisbon…" Jane began but she cut him off.

"For once in your life, just leave me alone." Lisbon spoke.

"But…"

"Go!"

Cho stood up and tugged at Jane's arm. "Go back to her seat, Jane."

Jane was reluctant to do so but finally nodded his head. "I'm going to fix this."

She wanted to tell him that that was impossible but if she spoke now she'd start crying in front of him. As it was she was able to stave it off until he was finally in his own seat, the she did start quietly sobbing into her hands.

Poor Cho wasn't entirely sure what to do. He did put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her before going to the lavatory to get her some tissues. It took a few moments to compose herself, she sniffled a little and got her emotions partially under control.

"Quite a speech," Cho said.

"You think I was wrong."

"Nope."

She smiled at him, grateful for that little moment of brevity. Then the woman sitting behind them leaned over. "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but…but did he say your name was Lisbon?"

"Yes," she replied, very confused.

"Are you Agent Teresa Lisbon of the CBI?"

"How did you…?" The woman held up a copy of Erik's book. "Oh wow…I didn't know that it was out already."

"Last week," she explained, "My daughter-in-law told me to read it. I couldn't put it down last night, I was up till three this morning so I could finish it."

Lisbon smiled now. "Erik is a good writer."

"Are you helping the feds now? Are they going to let you out?"

"I…I'm just here as a consult," Lisbon offered by way of an explanation.

"But the petition…"

"What?" Lisbon asked, confused once more.

The woman smiled. "I'm sorry, I forgot that you might not know. Mr. Lynch has been on TV a lot lately talking about you and the book. They mentioned in one of the interviews about the website someone made. People are trying to petition the California governor to have your conviction overturned, or at least a pardon."

"What?" she said again, more stunned now.

She nodded eagerly. "It's true! My daughter-in-law was quite passionate about it. She went to college in California and was so afraid of Red John when she was there. I read the book partly to see why she was so upset about it….and I can't believe that you were put in prison for it."

"Thank you," Lisbon said sweetly. "I appreciate that."

"Do you think you'll be released?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I don't know. I hope so. But I'm up for parole in eight months anyways so maybe I'll be out then."

"You shouldn't be in there in the first place. This country needs more law enforcement like you, willing to put everything at risk and think outside the box in order to save lives."

"Thank you," Lisbon said again. "You have no idea how much that means to me and my old team."

The woman smiled once more. "Would you do me a favor?" She passed the book to Lisbon. "Could you sign it? My daughter-in-law won't believe I got to meet you."

Lisbon nodded and accepted the pen, signing her name on the title page before handing both to book and the pen back to the woman.

She left them alone, perhaps sensing that it was best to let Lisbon reflect on what she had just learned. Meanwhile Cho was pulling out his phone and paying the fee so he could use the wifi on board the plane. She peeked at his phone as he pulled up the website the other passenger had mentioned.

Lisbon was stunned to see thousands of signature on the petition to have her case reexamined. There were clips of Erik on the news, articles written by journalists about her case. It was almost overwhelming.

Cho clicked over to the petition and tapped out his name on the screen's keyboard. "You're adding your name?" Lisbon said dumbly.

He shrugged. "Maybe it will work."

She smiled again while he went back to showing her the comments from strangers about how much they wanted her released. It was touching and sweet and a little bit of goodness she sorely had needed.

* * *

New York was a disaster.

Jane had pulled his normal showmanship at the scene which didn't surprise Lisbon. But then he'd managed to escape which had surprised all of them. Now she was at the FBI office in New York as Fischer chewed out one of the agents who had missed Jane's escape.

It bothered her that Fischer was putting the blame on the other agent and she could tell Cho was annoyed too. But unlike her, he had the authority to actually comment on it which prodded Fischer to admit she had screwed up as well.

Well at least that was something. Though first Erika, then Lorelai and now Fischer, Lisbon was beginning to question Jane's choice in women.

Then again what did that say about her?

Lisbon raised her hand awkwardly since she was still cuffed. "Excuse me…but why am I here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't really have any business here, Jane's gone."

"We'll find him," Fischer said calmly before attempting to get back to the case.

But Lisbon almost laughed. "You are only going to find Jane if he wants to be found. If he did then he wouldn't have left in the first place…so good luck with that."

Fischer gave her a look before dismissing everyone else and escorting Lisbon to another office. Lisbon wasn't entirely sure why the woman wanted to talk privately with her but she didn't really have much of a choice since she was still in handcuffs.

"Tell me something," Fischer began, "Did you help Jane escape?"

Lisbon gaped at her for a moment before stating the obvious. "I was in handcuffs the entire time, still am. How could I have possibly helped him?"

"You are his friend," Fischer pointed out.

"That's up for debate," Lisbon reminded her. "And I'm a prisoner. If he'd told me he was planning to escape don't you think I would have gone with him?"

"You have more to lose then he does."

"True," Lisbon agreed. "But Jane never told me his plans when we worked together, that certainly hasn't changed now."

Fischer sighed heavily and took a seat. "I need your help. I was so certain I had him figured out."

"That was your first mistake." Lisbon told her, "But welcome to my life, I worked years with him and still don't know the first thing about him."

"How did you make it work?"

That question drew Lisbon up short. "You know, I've thought about that a lot over the past two years…and I honestly don't have a clue."

Fischer seemed to think that statement over before getting curious about something else. "But you two were involved…"

"No," Lisbon stated.

"You have a child together," Fischer reminded her, "there's no point in pretending. You don't have to be ashamed if that's how you…. _controlled_ him."

Lisbon stared at the woman as the implications of her statement worked their way through her mind. Then she started laughing. "Is that what you think? That I kept Jane in line by fucking him?" She started laughing even harder now. "Like what? If he was a good boy and solved the case then I'd screw him on his couch. Or hey, if he behaved himself then maybe I'd give him a blow job? Do me a favor, run that idea by him and let me know what he says."

"That's enough," Fischer said, now clearly embarrassed that she'd brought it up.

Lisbon was still giggling a little, mostly because the idea was so ridiculous. "Then to answer your question. No, I didn't sleep with Jane to get him in line. We only slept together once if you must know, and never again." Fischer seemed interested in that and Lisbon tried to push down her bitterness. If the agent wanted to pursue Jane then she was free to, Lisbon was done with him.

"You're angry at him."

Lisbon was tempted to say something sarcastic in response to that statement of the obvious. "Yes," Lisbon agreed. "I spent two years in prison and lost my daughter because of what happened between us. Then when he came back I found out how little any of my sacrifices meant to him."

"He did send you letters."

"Words don't make any of it better," Lisbon replied. "Not if he pushed himself to move on more for a stranger then he ever did for me."

She could tell that Fischer was beginning to realize Lisbon knew about the island. Now the woman looked even more uncomfortable then before. Still she was pushing to know more about the man that was at the root of both of their problems. "Is your anger all about jealousy then? Because you believe he was with other women on the island."

Now it was Lisbon's turn to burn with embarrassment. She hated the implication that the only reason she was so angry was because she was jealous. "No. When Jane came back he wanted to act like nothing had changed, that nothing had ever happened between us. It made me realize how much he sees people as disposable, that even after years of working together and…and even after what happened between us, he is still either too cowardly or uninterested in actually acting like a real person with me. He seems to think that if he gets me out of prison then that will magically erase two years of damage…goes to show just how little he knows or cares about me or anyone."

Fischer took those words in with some serious thought. "Well, I guess we'll find out eventually." Lisbon just raised an eyebrow but didn't reply. "Well we'll have to keep you with us for at least the next day, if Jane doesn't show up soon then we'll arrange transportation for you back to Dublin."

"Sounds good." Lisbon replied with a little eye roll. Well at the very least her little adventure with Jane and the FBI was interesting.

* * *

The FBI found Jane right where he was waiting for them and happily allowed himself to be arrested by the authorities. But Abbott was still angry as hell even if Jane was a willing prisoner again, Fischer was mostly unruffled but he knew she wasn't happy about their latest asset's behavior either.

"Jane's back in," she told him as she entered his temporary office. "We're going to cuff him in the conference room."

Abbott shook his head a little before nodding. "All right." But then a thought occurred to him, something that they could do that could give them a bit more information that maybe could be used to help convince Jane to take the deal. "Where did you put Lisbon?"

"She's in the holding room," Fischer said, "There's only one and she's the actual prisoner, at least technically."

"Put them together," Abbott replied, "Better yet, handcuff them together."

Fischer tried to pretend like she didn't just stare at him as if he'd grown another head but failed. "I'm sorry sir, but that is not policy."

"Jane doesn't follow policy," Abbott reminded her, "and we need to learn more about him, about how to control him. The only way to do that is through Teresa Lisbon. Forcing them to be chained together will get them talking, that's what I want."

"You mean because of their previous relationship."

"I mean because she is the one he trusts and she has something that he will give him a reason to take our deal sooner rather than later."

"She said he needs a win," Fischer replied.

"We'll see about that."

* * *

Lisbon had been in handcuffs enough times by now that she barely noticed them anymore. She just sat in the empty interrogation room doing what she normally did when she whiled away hours in her cell: daydreaming. But this time she didn't have any pictures of her daughter to look at. She relied on memory of the handful of times she'd had a chance to hold her, from those 24 hours in the hospital, to the three visits and best of all, Children's Day where she'd been all hers for a whole day. She planned what would happen when she got out and finally got to be a real mother for the first time, even though she honestly had no idea how she would be able to have a real life since being a cop was all she'd known and this conviction had nixed any future opportunities in law enforcement for good.

Unless of course Jane got his way.

He had made it clear to the FBI that he wanted her out of prison and working with him, which had several benefits but one very important negative she wasn't sure she could get past. She didn't know how she felt about Jane as her feelings for him had changed so much in the past two years, especially in the last three months when uncertainty had morphed into full blown resentment once she compared how her life had been like to his actions on that island. Maybe it was unfair to be angry at his easygoing life when he'd been unaware of her imprisonment, but that didn't excuse what may have happened with Agent Fischer and what he'd done with his wedding ring.

So she'd made her choice, once she'd finished the last year of her sentence then she was going to go to Chicago and avoid having Jane in her life again. Apparently, he'd enjoyed life without her so why change anything there?

The door opening interrupted her thoughts as Fischer and Cho led Jane into the room. She couldn't quite believe what was happening and at first she just assumed that this was a mistake, until they actually handcuffed Jane's wrist to hers. "Hey," Lisbon asked, "What is going on?"

"Lack of room to accommodate prisoners," Fischer said, "You'll have to share a room for the moment."

"And what will prevent me from hurting him?"

"That is what the handcuffs are for."

Jane let out a little bark of laughter; he seemed entirely at ease with the situation, which only served to stir up her ire even more. "Cho," she practically begged her friend, "don't leave me alone in here."

Cho met her eyes, which were just as impassive as ever. "Orders, Lisbon, you understand."

She did understand which is why she held her tongue to keep from openly pleading as they left the room. Now she was alone in the room with Patrick Jane, even worse he was handcuffed to her so she couldn't move away from him at all. Lisbon openly glared at the metal contraption encircling her wrist and chaining her to him and then turned her head away from him, pretending to be entirely fascinated with the blank wall to her right.

Jane hummed a bit to emphasize his boredom before giving up. "You know why they are doing this right?" She didn't speak, didn't even move her head a quarter of an inch. "So now you're giving me the silent treatment? That's actually quite brilliant, not giving them anything they want."

Lisbon was startled by that. "They don't want me to talk?"

She saw his smirk out of the corner of her eye. "They _want_ you to talk, particularly to me."

"They said they didn't have enough room."

"In an FBI building? Pfft, they have plenty, no I bet this was good old Agent Abbott's idea in the vain hope that listening in on our conversation will somehow provide them an ace in the hole to get me to cooperate."

"And that won't work?"

"Certainly not," Jane replied, "The only life worth living is one on my terms, the detention suite or even prison isn't worth giving up that freedom."

She glared at him. "Prison doesn't mean living on your own terms, trust me, I know that _very_ well."

That succeeded in earning a pained expression from him. "I am sorry," Jane told her, "I'm sorry you've had to endure this." She looked away from him again, as if dismissing him entirely. "But it still is a life, better than being under the governments thumb."

"It isn't a _life_ ," Lisbon hissed, "It's a nightmare. I may not be under the thumb of the government but I'm under their control, they tell me when I eat, sleep, what my job is, even when and where I pee. And they took everything; my sole possessions are a pair of shoes, three shirts, two pairs of pants, underwear and a toothbrush. Because I gave you my gun and car keys, because I let you do what you wanted I lost everything…and I won't get it back for another year. Then I can get my life back, what I can salvage from it at least."

"You have an end date," Jane reminded her, "I would get a government review."

"How is that different from my life?" Lisbon asked, "The only difference is you get out with a clean record, which is a lot more I'm going to get."

"You'll have that too," Jane told her, "My first term is your release and that we work together."

"Exactly, did you even think that maybe I don't want that?"

He gave her a bemused look. "You _don't_ want to get out of prison?"

"Of course I want to get out of prison, you ass!" She exclaimed, "But maybe I don't want to work with you! Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'd like to start over with a different life, without making the same mistakes?"

"Mistakes?"

"Listening to you, going along with your schemes, letting my emotions get the best of me, that is what got me landed in prison," Lisbon exclaimed, "because you never think about the consequences of your actions."

"Yes I do," Jane replied, obviously offended with her accusations.

"Oh no you don't," she continued, "how many times was my job on the line because of the crap you pulled, especially when you went out of your way to get Red John. The difference is this time you succeeded and I got put in prison for it."

He looked equally ashamed, hurt and annoyed by her words. "I'm sorry you went through all of that, but whenever something happened I always would do anything to get you out of it. The only reason this occurred was because I had no idea what had happened to you, otherwise I would have gone to prison myself to keep you from facing it."

"But you weren't here," Lisbon reminded him, "You ran off to some island dancing with girls on the beach, I didn't spend two years enjoying margaritas and the ocean."

"You're angry because I was ignorant?"

"No, I'm angry that you just waltz into my life and act as if nothing has changed. Two years have passed Jane, you have _no_ idea what I've been through, you don't know what I lost, what I had to give up."

Jane was silent for a few moments before speaking up again, his voice soft with apology. "I know, I know this has been terrible for you and you must understand that I would do anything to undo the wrongs that happened to you." She looked stiffly away but he pressed on. "You can tell me, tell me what happened and I will do anything I can to make amends."

She rolled her eyes and still refused to speak, as if he could actually fix what was broken. But Jane actually continued, his voice taking on a different note, one filled with someone pressing, someone who was holding a powerful card in his hand. "Really? You won't talk to me, not even to tell me what happened? As if nothing occurred that I might need to know?"

"What could possibly have happened that would be important to you?" Lisbon asked.

"Oh I can think of a few things," Jane replied.

"Nothing like that," Lisbon snapped.

"Really?" Jane pressed further, "Nothing at all? Nothing that might concern me?"

She pressed her lips into a fine line. "No, you weren't here, nothing could have happened that involved you."

"I don't think that's true," Jane told her. "I think something happened that you should tell me right now."

She stiffened at his tone, which was much edgier with actual anger. She had to turn his head and met his eyes, which were dark. It was true…he was mad at her. And she knew why. "You know," Lisbon said incredulously, because she had no idea how he found out."

"Know what?" Jane asked mockingly, "You said there wasn't anything to know!"

"Fine, be an ass, see if I care."

Jane glared at her. "All right then, yes I know. I know that we have a daughter together, and now I know you had no intention of telling me."

"How can we have a daughter?" Lisbon asked mockingly, "According to you we didn't have sex."

"When did I say that?"

"In goddamn solitary when you said, ' _what happened'_?"

Jane didn't speak for a while and when she took a peek at his face she saw he looked chastened. He knew she'd caught him now. "Okay, you're right. I was being deliberately obtuse to avoid that discussion and you were right to be angry. But that still does not give you the right to not tell me about our child."

"Who told you anyways?"

"Why does it matter, it should have been you who supplied that information."

"Because I had so many opportunities when I was in prison and had no idea where you were?"

"Oh you had opportunities," Jane told her angrily, "You could have told me when we met up again three months ago!"

"You were taken to solitary five minutes after we said hello!"

"Not when they put us in the side by side rooms, or when they brought you here," he pointed out, "Or how about right now when I just gave you every opportunity."

She knew he was right about that, she'd had plenty of chances to tell him about Evelyn but she hadn't, and worse she hadn't planned to. Lisbon had her reasons for keeping that information to herself, not that Jane would agree with any of them but she was past the point of caring what he thought.

"It doesn't matter," Lisbon told him firmly, "There is nothing you or I can do about it."

"You know that isn't true."

"I'm going to go back to prison, you're going to go to whatever hole the FBI throws you in and in a year when I get out, I'm taking my daughter and starting a new life as far away as I can get from my old one."

"I assume that means far away from me."

Lisbon didn't speak for a bit, she didn't affirm or refute his claim, mostly because she wasn't entirely what her future would be. "I want to get away from you because when I'm with you, I make bad decisions and I have a history of it. That's what got me put away, because they proved I had feelings for you, they proved you were Evelyn's father and it proved that every single time I let you get away with lying, cheating, stealing and murder, it was because I let my emotions compromise my integrity. All I did with you was make mistakes, again and again…and I don't want to do that anymore."

"We made Evelyn," Jane said gently.

It was hard to disagree with him there; she wouldn't call her daughter a mistake under any circumstances. "If you're dying from lung cancer but on your bucket list you see the Grand Canyon, that doesn't change the fact that smoking cigarettes was a mistake," Lisbon replied. She believed that, one good thing, no matter how wonderful, didn't make her decisions with Jane right.

He sighed heavily and she knew he was upset with her words, she wasn't sure if he thought he could fix this or not. Jane ran his free hand through his hair. "So what happens if the FBI gives me what I want and you early release in the stipulation that you work with me?"

It was a damn good question but she knew the answer right away. "I'll do anything to get out prison and have my daughter back, be it working with you or shooting you, I don't care."

"Well that doesn't give me any incentive to give in to the FBI now does it?" Jane said, a smile starting to curl up his lips again.

"What happens between you and the FBI doesn't have anything to do with me, I doubt anything but you pissing off Abbott is going to happen so it doesn't really matter does it. Hope died two years ago when that cell door slammed shut." She turned her head to glare at the glass in front of her. "So, you hear that?" She called out to the FBI that she knew were listening and watching, "Nothing has changed since you put him in here, so uncuff us and take me back to Dublin!"

With that she kept her mouth shut for the next several hours, no matter how much prodding Jane did. She didn't so much as look at him even with Fischer and Cho returned to take him out of there, only when he was gone did she let out a heavy breath and went back to waiting.

Time wasn't something she was running short on.

* * *

Lisbon spent the rest of the case in protective custody with the FBI while Jane ran back and forth to Brooklyn and solved the case. A murder and a kidnapping were certainly an interesting end to the day but it wasn't entirely new to Jane. Actually it had been kind of fun to get back into the groove of catching killers. He'd certainly impressed Abbott and the rest of the feds.

But they still didn't want to accept his own demands so he'd played his ace. Abbott hadn't been expecting him to admit he had a list of names for the Blake Association that Abbott hadn't known about. And while that was a lie, the FBI sure didn't know that.

So they put him back in transportation back to the detention suite while they mulled their options. He knew they were going to come around, they had too much to lose otherwise.

To his surprise though he wasn't alone in the FBI transportation van. Lisbon was there too and not looking too happy. "Ah, are we going to be neighbors once more?" Jane quipped trying to lighten the mood.

She shook her head. "We're dropping you off, I'm headed to the airport for a nice long flight back to California."

"Hmmm," Jane said, "hopefully without the ignorant woman from the last flight."

Lisbon didn't reply but he could see the blush on her cheeks, she was still embarrassed by what had happened on the plane. It hadn't been her fault of course and it certainly wasn't fair that everyone treated her like a criminal when she wasn't one.

Jane sighed and shuffled his feet a little, deciding to just get out with it. "When the FBI offers you a place on the team, what are you going to do?"

She turned to meet his eyes. "You mean _if_ they offer me a job."

"No," Jane repeated, " _when._ "

Lisbon didn't push it but instead she shrugged. "I'll do whatever I have to do to get out of prison. If you get what you want then I'll have a clean record and a job working for the federal government. Even if I had a choice, I'd be stupid to turn it down."

He liked that answer. It meant he hadn't been wrong to press with getting her assigned to the team since she just admitted she'd have taken the job anyways. But that wasn't what was really bothering him. "And what about Evelyn?"

Lisbon met his eyes once before looking away again. "I'm getting my daughter back."

"Good," Jane said. "But that wasn't what I meant."

She looked at him seriously. "Do you even want her?"

That question floored him, first he was stunned then he was angry. "What kind of question is that? Do you think I'm so heartless as to not want my own child?"

"Well you didn't do much over these past three months."

"That is not fair and you know it," Jane bit out. "I'm doing everything I can to get you out of prison. The only reason I didn't accept the offer from the feds and go get my daughter immediately was knowing that you wouldn't get out otherwise, but don't think for a second that I haven't thought about her because I have. Every single day."

Lisbon looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I never doubted you would be a good father to her."

"Then why would you even say that?"

"I don't know," Lisbon admitted. "I can't seem to let this go. I'm angry and pissed and I just…I want to hurt you the same way you hurt me."

Jane met her eyes and they stared at one another for a very long time. He could see the sadness, the pain, the anger; she was wearing all of that like battle scars. He could also see that she had changed quite a bit from the CBI agent he once knew. He didn't know what had happened to her in prison but it had done quite a number on her.

She had changed.

She was a bit more brazen with a sharper tongue and a bit more likely to curse then she used to be. That wasn't entirely surprising, prisoners weren't known for their manners and dropping curses in their sentences was bound to rub off a bit. But her pension for sarcasm was definitely a little different; she was more apt to simply speak her mind instead of taking the professional high road like before. He wasn't sure if it was because two years in prison meant she cared a lot less about being "professional" or if she simply didn't care anymore because she truly had nothing to lose.

But it was the darkness that scared him more.

He could see it, the edges of a hole in side of her caused by something. Something bad had happened to her, maybe more than one thing. And she had built up her walls around her to protect herself, so much so that he wasn't even sure if he could scale them.

She blamed him for it. That was fine, he blamed himself too.

The truck stopped outside of the detention area and the both heard the feds get out so they could come around to take him into custody. But Jane held her gaze for a moment. "We're going to fix this," Jane told her firmly.

"You can try," Lisbon offered, "but you said it yourself once. Some things can't be fixed."

The doors shut behind him and he couldn't see her anymore but his words haunted him.

What if she was right?

* * *

A/N: So Jane and Lisbon worked a case again and now they are at least both on equal footing in regards to knowing how Lisbon is angry at Jane and that he is aware of their daughter. But obviously their issues are far from resolved and its going to take a bit of time for Jane to be able to help Lisbon heal from Prison as well as begin to trust him again. They have quite a road ahead but if you know me you know it will be worth it in the end.

Next chapter: Jane wins! Lisbon is FINALLY released from prison but her reunion with Evelyn is not at all like she thought it would be. Lisbon has to come to terms with being a complete stranger to her daughter while she and Jane have to figure out how they can both be parents to their daughter even with all of these issues between them. The answer is going to surprise everyone hehehe.


	13. Not Fantasy, Reality

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Wow thanks for all of the fabulous reviews for the last chapter. IT seemed like everyone really enjoyed the frank conversations between JAne and Lisbon, particularly at the end. I loved those scenes too, Lisbon needed to let some of the venom out and Jane needed to get her to see that not telling him about Evie didn't make anyone happy either. As for this chapter, it's pretty long but I think everyone will enjoy it. I'm honestly sad that I'm saying goodby to the prison, I had a lot of fun with those characters but this is not the last we will see of Jinx. In fact, that's going to be a BIG storyline coming down the pike. But first, Jane and Lisbon have to see their daughter...

* * *

Chapter 13: Not Fantasy, Reality

Jinx and Lisbon were out in the yard, enjoying the warm sunshine on their skin. It was one of the few pleasures they could all enjoy, along with a healthy discussion about literature. "You like reading," Jinx pointed out, "why don't you want to read this book?"

"Other than the fact that it just isn't my type?"

"How can it not be your type? Every woman loves sex!"

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "That isn't sex, I'm not sure what it is but its not even good literature. The characters are complete jokes."

"For real?"

"The whole series is based on a naïve girl who falls in love with a borderline sociopath that sees her as an object that he can control and abuse all for his own pleasure." Lisbon pointed out.

Jinx frowned, thinking about what her friend said. "Well when you put it that way, it is pretty fucked up."

Lisbon laughed a little, leaning back so the sunlight filled her face. The fun moment was interrupted by one of the guards walking up. "Lisbon!" He called out to her,  
"Pack your stuff."

"Why?" Lisbon asked, confused.

"You're being released."

"What?"

The guard gave her an annoyed look. "You want to stand here and ask why or you want to pack up your bunk and get the hell out of here?"

He didn't stick around for her answer. Lisbon turned to Jinx, too stunned to move at first. But Jinx was the one who put the two and two together. "Well, it looks like Mr. Tight Ass won." She gave Lisbon a grin. "Why are you still standing here?"

That was a good question.

She raced back across the yard with Jinx hot on her heels as she hurried into the building towards her bunk. There were plenty of stares, which weren't surprising, as she seemed completely deranged. But she didn't care.

Jinx was busy spreading the word about her release while Lisbon took down the pictures of Evie so she could keep them. Other inmates started coming by and Lisbon was all too happy to let them pick out what books they wanted, her extra blanket or any snacks she had left over from commissary.

She made sure her favorite books were given to Jinx, no one else was going to be able to take her Jane Austen's or Bronte sisters for someone to steal the papers for making cigarettes. Mama was busy telling her what to do once she got out, including halfway houses and soup kitchens, which weren't quite appropriate, but Lisbon didn't stop her.

"Now you go out there and see your niña and don't you ever come back here," Mama told her, "I mean it. If I ever see you in here again, I'll be very disappointed in you chica."

Lisbon smiled and nodded. "I know, Mama. I promise, I'll never do something to get myself thrown in prison again."

She turned around to see Jinx looking a little conflicted. "And here I thought I would get out before you did, Piggy." It was true, Jinx's release date was supposed to be three months before hers.

"Yeah," Lisbon said, "But you know how the feds work."

"Not really," Jinx said, "But I guess you'll find out."

"I guess I will," she agreed. Then she stepped forward and hugged her friend, probably the only person she would truly miss from this horrible place. "I'll write you as soon as I can," Lisbon promised her, "And put my cell number on your call list when I get it."

Jinx nodded. "Of course, and when I get out…can I come see you and your piglet?"

"Of course, we'll get some real food and drinks for once."

They laughed and hugged one more time before she stepped away and headed over to the gate where the guards were waiting for her. A change of clothes was handed to her and she donned them with real glee, it was so wonderful to put on jeans and a real shirt that didn't fit her like a sack and didn't itch her skin.

She was given a packet of documents and was searched one last time, which made no sense since she didn't think anyone would want to sneak something _out_ of prison. To her surprise there was a car waiting right outside the gate, a black car that screamed "Federal Government" all over it.

The driver nodded for her to get into the back and she did, a little reluctantly since it was difficult taking a ride when she had no idea where she was going or who was driving. But when she stepped into the vehicle she saw she wasn't alone. "Agent Abbott, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

He didn't smile back at her, just signaled for the driver to get on his way. Then he handed her a pack of papers. "These are the conditions of your release. You will be working for my team in Austin, you will be working with Jane and you will do your part to keep his antics at the FBI under control."

"And you think I'm the best person for that last part?"

"You are the only one he will listen to, by his own admission," Abbott explained, "It seems our hands are tied on that front."

She shrugged unable to disagree on that point; if Jane wanted something then he tended to get it. Abbott gave her another small pile of papers. "These are the official reports of your release. In the next few days the California Appellate Court will announce that your conviction has been overturned, then the State Prosecutor will announce that there will be no attempts to seek another trial. In the eyes of the United States Government you will no longer be a criminal and never will have been. Congratulations."

"I'm surprised you went to so much trouble," Lisbon commented. Though she was really surprised that the FBI had that much pull to not only overturn a conviction but also make it like it never should have happened in the first place.

"It was one of Jane's conditions," Abbott explained, "Apparently, he doesn't like the idea of his girlfriend being a criminal."

"I'm not his girlfriend," Lisbon remarked, "and trust me, he doesn't have a problem with criminals." Lorelei and Erika were proof of that.

"You're still keeping up that ruse?"

"It isn't a ruse," Lisbon told him. "I was never his girlfriend. I had sex with him, _once,_ and that was a big mistake. He sure as hell isn't interested in me that way."

"Really?" Abbott asked, "That is interesting."

"How is that interesting?"

"Considering the only reason he returned was because of you."

"He returned because he was bored. He likes working with me, God knows why

But he made it clear that romance isn't in his plans so you can rest easy on that front."

"How can you be sure?"

"I've known him for a long time. I know he's manipulative and a liar...but mostly a coward. He doesn't know what he wants, and even if he does, he's too afraid to change anything to take it."

"People change, Lisbon. However you feel about him, you two need to have a discussion before I allow you two in the field. I don't like problems on my team and I expect that you two can work out whatever problems you have."

"I can be professional," Lisbon assured him, "as for our personal lives…" She shook her head. "I guess I'll have to have a talk with Jane."

"I imagine so." The car pulled to a stop and Lisbon could see it was the airport.

"Inside that envelope is your boarding pass, ID and a credit card that you can use to pay for any expenses within reason," Abbott explained. "In a few days we will talk again about plans for your move to Austin and the more detailed minutia of the job."

She pulled out the boarding pass slightly confused. "This says Chicago?"

Now Abbott did smile. "Indeed it does."

Lisbon grinned then and all but hopped out of the car. "Thank you," she told him genuinely.

"I'll see you soon," Abbott agreed before he headed his own way while Lisbon went hers.

It was easy to get through security when the FBI flags you as one of their own, it also helped that she literally had no bags to check. Once through she made a beeline to the Starbucks and bought her first real cup of coffee in two years and it was as heavenly as she thought it would be. She paired that with a cheeseburger and French fries where she ate every sinful bite. She must have looked like someone who'd been starving for three weeks but she didn't care, she was out of prison and could eat whatever she wanted.

Lisbon bought a few trashy magazines from the duty store and spent the wait at the terminal and then the following flight catching up on all of the salacious celebrity gossip she'd missed over the past two years. She watched out the window as the plane touched down in Chicago, joyful that no one stared at her this time because she wasn't handcuffed.

She caught a cab outside of the airport and gave him Stan's address, now all but bouncing out of the seat as she grew within minutes of seeing her daughter. She paid the cab driver with a generous tip, mostly because she was in that kind of mood. Then Lisbon was where she wanted to be, she took a deep breath and let it out before walking up to Stan's house and ringing the doorbell.

It only took a moment for Stan to come to the door but the look of astonishment on his face when he answered was something Lisbon would hold on to. "Teresa?" Stan asked, as if he couldn't believe the truth standing in front him.

She was crying too as she nodded but she couldn't form any words. Stan stepped forward to wrap her up in a tight hug as they both cried tears of joy at their reunion. They stayed like that for a moment, not wanting to leave and unable to say anything. Eventually Karen came to see what was happening at the front door and was met with a surprise of her own.

"Teresa?" Karen asked, looking stunned but breaking into a grin as she rushed over to join in on the merriment. Lisbon hugged her sister-in-law back, just happy to be able to be with her family once more.

"What happened?" Stan asked when he was finally able to speak.

Lisbon just shook her head. "What do you think? Jane won, he can even bring the federal government to their knees it seems."

"Whoa," Stan said quickly, now looking concerned. "What does this mean for you? Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine," Lisbon replied, "And it means I'm no longer in prison and that's what's important right now."

They all went inside where she was quickly greeted by her nephews and niece who clung to her with excitement of seeing her again, she hadn't wanted them to see her while in prison and their parents had agreed with that idea. "I'll call James and Tommy," Stan said, "they'll want to see you right away."

"You should have called us," Karen said, admonishing her lightly, "not catch us by surprise."

"There was hardly any time," Lisbon admitted, "I found out when the guards told me to pack my bags, then the FBI gave me a plane ticket here." She looked around, noting the on person missing that she desperately wanted to see. "Where's Evie?"

"She's upstairs asleep," Karen admitted, "But I could wake her."

"No," Lisbon insisted, "You're never supposed to wake a sleeping baby right?" Karen smiled a little at the phrase but Lisbon looked up towards the stairs. "I just want to see her."

"Of course," Karen replied, "you don't need to ask permission to see your daughter."

That statement surprised Lisbon mostly because she hadn't realized she was still acting that way. For her daughter's entire life it was about getting permission, coordinating schedules and making sure the guards still liked her enough to not deny her anything. Only five pictures per piece of mail, no videos, visitations only when her brothers could afford the trip.

Now…now no one could keep her from her child.

Lisbon climbed the steps up to the second floor; she remembered that the nursery was two doors on the right. She opened the door and finally got to see her daughter's room. It was bright and cheerful with cream-colored walls and toys filling the shelves, some she recognized as hand-me-downs from her brothers' kids. Up against the wall was the white crib and between the slats she could see her daughter sleeping peacefully.

She stepped over to the crib and looked down to see Evelyn. Her baby was breathing deeply, her long lashes brushing against her cheeks as she slept, one white arm wrapped around a fuzzy brown dog. She had long dark brown hair, just like her mother, something Lisbon loved knowing that her child resembled her so much. Even being apart for so long it couldn't be denied they belonged to each other.

Lisbon leaned over and very gently kissed her daughter's head; Evie stirred a little but didn't wake up. She reluctantly backed away, her footsteps slow and soft, and headed back downstairs to let her daughter sleep in peace. But she counted the seconds until she could hold her in her arms.

She'd waited over two years for this, she could wait an hour.

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Her remaining two brothers literally dropped everything to come over as soon as they got the call. The joyous reunion only continued with more tears shed but smiles always remained. Lisbon was happy to accept another cup of coffee, savoring the sip of the beverage now that it wasn't weak instant mix. After the initial expressions of joy and relief at her release, the real questions of why and how this happened began.

She explained everything, they already knew about Jane's return and his demand that she work with him again. Now she stated the obvious. "Jane won his standoff with the FBI."

"What does this mean?"

"It means that I'm going to be working with Jane again," Lisbon explained. Immediately her three brothers began talking animatedly at once. None were particularly pleased with that turn of events because of several things but it came down to just two: Jane hurt her and they considered it his fault she was sent to prison. She understood their concerns but quickly called out to stop the chaos.

"Look, I know you don't like it but it's for the best."

"How?" James asked, obviously annoyed.

"Because otherwise it would mean staying in prison," Lisbon shot back, shutting all of them up. "This is a good thing. Because of this the FBI is going to wipe my slate clean, I'll get an appeal so I won't have a criminal record, I'll have a good job at the FBI doing what I love and most of all, I can provide a good life for me and Evie. This is better than I could have hoped for."

"But you'll be with _him_ ," Stan pointed out.

"I'll be _working_ with him," Lisbon clarified, "nothing more."

"Do you really think he's not going to have anything to say about that when he finds out about Evie?"

"He knows," Lisbon replied, shocking all three of them once again. "Someone told him, probably Abbott, but it doesn't change anything."

"How can you say that?"

Lisbon sighed. "Because I know how I feel about him, I'm not going to screw up my freedom all over again, especially when it's perfectly clear how much Jane cares about other people's feelings."

That said it all. She'd only given them the bare minimum about what had made Lisbon so angry at Jane but they knew enough. They had to admit that when it was all considered, Lisbon was getting away with a pretty good deal and if it meant she had to work with someone they weren't particularly happy with…well that was a price they were all willing to pay for her freedom.

Karen was the one who broke the tension, turning the conversation to talks of celebrating her release. It didn't take long for a restaurant to be chosen and Stan went to call for reservations while Karen talked shopping with Lisbon who desperately needed more than the clothes she'd walked out of the prison with. That was how a trip to a local spa and hair salon came up and at the insistence of her brothers to 'go relax' and Karen's prodding, Lisbon agreed it might be a good idea though she suspected her sister-in-law also wanted the excuse to get some pampering herself.

But the conversation was interrupted by the baby monitor coming to life with little coos from Evelyn. Lisbon's heart raced while everyone else smiled knowingly. Karen nodded towards her, "Go on, what are you waiting for?"

She didn't need to be told twice, she hurried out of the room and up the stairs where she had left her sleeping daughter. But now, Evie was wide-awake and standing up in her pen. She was chattering to herself when Lisbon walked in but stopped as soon as she saw the new occupant to the room. Evie followed Lisbon with her eyes, a wide focused gaze.

"Hello there," Lisbon said sweetly, "you're awake!" Evie didn't move, just blinked her eyes once while staring at her. "It's mommy. Don't you remember me? I'm your mommy."

Evie still didn't look sure but Lisbon took the first step, mostly because Evie wasn't able to get out of the crib. She reached in to hold her child for the first time in over eight months; it was a beautiful moment where everything she ever wanted was taking place.

Except it wasn't

Her daughter started fussing immediately, fussing that turned into crying and downright bawling. Lisbon did what she could to try and calm her down but Evie just kept on screaming. "It's okay," Lisbon said softly, "It's alright, everything is fine. Mommy is here."

She shifted Evie in her arms and thought maybe she had soiled her diaper so she carried her over to the changing table. But now Evie's cries turned into howls for something else.

"Ah-ti! Ah-ti! Ah-ti!"

Lisbon didn't know what that was as she struggled to change Evie's diaper, it was a bit like trying to undress a busy rabbit as Evie continued to try and roll over and scream.

"Is everything okay?" Karen asked from the doorway.

Evie hiccupped and her eyes lit up once she saw Karen. "Ah-ti! Ah-ti! Want Ah-ti!" She reached with her tiny hands for the person across the room.

Her Aunti Karen.

Lisbon stepped back, stunned by the realization that her daughter wanted her aunt instead of her mother. Meanwhile Evie kept calling out for Karen and struggling to get off the changing table to see her.

She turned and met Karen's eyes; she looked a little embarrassed at the obvious problem taking place. "Teresa…"

"No," Lisbon said quickly, "It's…it's alright. She wants her aunt," Lisbon stepped away. "And there isn't anything wrong with that." Lisbon looked down at the carpet. "I'll be right back."

She stepped around Karen and into the hall where she quickly hurried into the half bath nearby. She heard Evie's cries stop and she knew that Karen had gone to comfort her. Once Lisbon was alone she let herself feel it all. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she grabbed the hand towel to keep her own cries muffled.

Her own daughter wanted nothing to do with her, preferred her aunt over her. For over two years she'd imagined a life where she would finally get to be with her child…but she'd never imagined this.

It was like she'd traded prison for hell.

* * *

Lisbon reappeared downstairs after putting cold water on her face to hide the fact that she had been crying. Evie was sitting on Karen's lap as happy as could be until Lisbon came downstairs, she gave Lisbon a wary eye as if she were afraid that she would take her away from her favorite spot. It made Lisbon feel like crying all over again but she swallowed her feelings and tried to appear cheerful.

They all went out to dinner at a nice restaurant so they could celebrate her freedom. Lots of "Get out of jail free card" jokes were made by James who received bruised sides from his brothers elbowing him. But Lisbon was honestly just happy to be back home with her brothers, but she really enjoyed the cocktails and wine. The alcohol helped her feel a little better, especially since her tolerance for it had fallen rapidly after two years abstinence. It only took two glasses before she was feeling a lot happier.

She spent the night at Stan's home with her oldest nephew booted to the couch. It was strange sleeping underneath an Iron Man bedspread in a twin bed but it was significantly more comfortable then the mattress she had in prison.

When she woke up the next morning she had a slight headache from the wine but a couple of Tylenol did the trick. She was up before the sun, before anyone else actually. After two years of waking up at 5AM to get a hot shower it was difficult adjusting to the idea that she could actually go back to sleep. She wound up dozing on the couch with a cup of coffee before everyone else in the house finally started getting up.

When Evie started making noises through the monitor Lisbon pretended she needed to use the restroom instead so that Karen could go take care of her. She was afraid that if she tried to get Evie ready she would start crying again.

Karen set Evie down in the living room, the two-year old was wearing little pink footed pajamas and had a toy dog clutched in one hand. As soon as her feet were on the floor she made a beeline for some oversized blocks that she could enjoy tossing around.

Lisbon watched her daughter play for a few minutes, she was afraid to approach her after what had happened yesterday. But then she felt a gentle shove and she turned to give Stan a glare. "What was that for?"

"Stop standing here and go play with your kid." Stan told her.

It was the prodding she needed to actually put one foot in front of the other and be able kneel down and try to bond with her daughter. Evie barely paid her any mind, she was too busy trying to fit a purple block together with a pink one. "Hey sweetie," Lisbon said carefully. "I'm your…what are you doing there?" Lisbon lost the nerve to tell her daughter who she was.

Evie glanced up when she spoke and Lisbon got a good long look at her beautiful eyes. Her daughter focused on her blocks again, Lisbon looked at the scattered blocks around them before grabbing a few and assembling a quick tower of her own. Evie stopped what she was doing to look at the tower her mother was assembling. Lisbon kept adding blocks until the construction became wobbly and eventually fell over on to the floor. Once the tower fell Evie started giggling uncontrollably.

"Again!" she shouted and started gathering blocks to hand to her mother.

"Sure," Lisbon said, feeling a lot happier now that she'd made her daughter smile. It was a start at least.

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Lisbon couldn't sit around and play with her daughter for too long. She and Karen had a busy day planned of shopping, spa and lunch. She'd never been one for girly things but she was actually looking forward to a day of pampering. Karen insisted it was a "detox" from prison, which Lisbon could agree with, but she also was happy to give Karen the opportunity to be pampered herself. She was the mother of four young children and had taken care of her daughter two years as well. It was the least she could do.

First was the necessary clothes. The two of them had fun picking out professional and personal wear while Karen envied her sister-in-laws figure, she didn't have the heart to tell Karen that her toned figure came from hours on the track drowning out her sorrows with exercise and music.

They had lunch after burdening themselves with tons of shopping bags before stuffing all of them in the car and heading to the spa Karen had been to a few times. She insisted Lisbon get a haircut which she readily agreed to, two years in prison had meant her hair had grown very long and very unruly. It also felt nice to be pampered; she hadn't been treated with any true modicum of respect in too long.

Lisbon and Karen arrived home with the back of Karen's SUV stuffed with Lisbon's luggage and new wardrobe and they both returned feeling more relaxed and smelling like peaches. Stan let out a whistle when they came stumbling through the door loaded with bags. "Do I still have a savings account?" Stan teased.

Karen gave him a mock glare. "I have one bag, the rest was on the FBI."

"Good for you," Stan told her, "way to stick it to the feds that caused this mess."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "This was necessary, I can't go to Austin wearing the same jeans they gave me at prison."

Stan just shook his head and laughed. They left the bags in the dining room and headed for the living room where Evie was kept penned in with a baby gate. Lisbon was happy to see her daughter again, especially after that morning when she'd had the opportunity to hold her without her getting scared or upset.

"Hello, sweetheart," Lisbon said, stepping over the gate and picking her daughter up in her arms.

Evie didn't cry but she did turn her head away from her mother and focused her eyes on her Aunt Karen. She didn't call out but did reach over with both of her arms for her aunt to take her from her mother. When she didn't immediately get handed over she did begin to fuss.

"Evie, that's your mommy," Karen said sweetly, "aren't you happy to see your mommy?"

"No!" Evie decalred, "Ah-ti! Ah-ti!"

Lisbon nodded. "Okay, here's your aunty."

"Oh, Teresa."

"No," Lisbon insisted and placed Evie in her arms. "I need to put my things away anyways."

She hurried away, grabbing as many of the bags as she could and her new suitcase and went upstairs under the false pretense of putting away her new clothing. What she really did was sit on the her nephew's bed to cry a little, still feeling like she was being rejected by her own child. How could this happen? How could she have a child that wanted nothing to do with her?

Lisbon went to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. Her new haircut had let her hair fall in soft waves around her shoulders and her skin looked clear and free from the dingy grayness that prison had cast over everything, she was wearing one of her new sundresses that showed off how toned her whole body had gotten after working out everyday and running laps around the track.

But after two years of seeing her reflection in a mirror that was cracked and scummy, she found she didn't recognize herself like this anymore.

She scrounged through the drawers until she found a hair tie and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, disguising the new haircut. Then she took off her dress and looked through her bags until she found a pair of jean shorts and a navy blue t-shirt. It might not have been the navy top and stretchy unflattering pants that she was used to but at least it was closer to it then the dress.

Lisbon shook her head. How messed up was she that now she was feeling weird being _out_ of prison. Maybe the whole idea of some people only feeling at home behind bars wasn't so strange after all.

"Teresa? Teresa?" Karen asked, knocking on the bathroom door frantically. "Teresa?"

"Yes?" Lisbon asked as she opened the door.

Karen didn't seem to notice the new outfit; she looked more frazzled by something else. "You need to get out here, there's a problem."

"What?" Lisbon said, wondering what could be going on that she needed to help with.

"Just come."

Lisbon hurried up the stairs after her sister-in-law, suddenly worried that maybe this had something to do with Evie. It turned out she was wrong.

The first thing she saw was Stan blustering and angry with his face beat red and the veins bulging in his neck. The second thing she saw was what was making Stan so angry.

The one and only Patrick Jane.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lisbon asked him.

Jane just smiled a little. "Nice to know prison hasn't completely changed you."

"She wouldn't have been in there if it wasn't for you, asshole!" Stan shouted at him.

"Stan," Karen said calmly, "please."

"I never wanted her there." Jane said earnestly.

Lisbon wasn't in the mood to play Jane's games or to listen to his inadequate apologies. "No, you just ran off like you always do and left me to defend myself."

"Obviously that went well."

"You think?" Lisbon replied sarcastically. "I always wanted to spend time in prison. I guess I can cross that off my bucket list."

"Lisbon-"

"Get the hell out." She pointed towards the door, tempted to stomp her foot like a child.

"No."

Stan stepped forward to defend his older sister. "Do as she says or I will force you out."

But Jane sized up Stan calmly. "No offense, but I am more scared of her than you."

Lisbon rolled her eyes even if it was probably the truth. "Then get the hell out, Jane."

"Not until we talk," Jane told her, meeting her eyes with all seriousness. "We need to talk."

"Talk? You are two years too late for talking, Jane."

"Teresa, we need to have a discussion between us and only us."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "No."

"You heard her," Stan said, mimicking his sister's body language. "Now get out."

Jane studied Stan for a long while. "You know you act macho and stuff but I bet your wife wear the pants in the relationship and it drives you insane that you have no balls."

Of course Stan punched Jane after that.

Jane stumbled back from the punch but took it about as well as all of the other times he'd pissed anyone off enough to warrant a bloody nose. Lisbon instinctually went to check Jane over while glaring at her brother. "What the hell Stan?"

"The bastard deserved it!"

Lisbon rolled her eyes like she was dealing with a child again. "Get him some ice."

Karen actually shoved her husband in the direction of the kitchen, obviously not pleased that her husband had resorted to schoolyard measures at dealing with another man.

Jane just gave Lisbon a little smile. "His punch hurts less than yours does."

"You better shut up Jane or so help me god I will make it hurt a lot more." Lisbon said in all seriousness.

"I believe you," Jane said seriously but his tone was a little light. "Especially since it looks like you worked out a lot in prison."

She looked down at her body at Jane's comment and when she looked back up he was smirking at her. In response she smacked his shoulder and he let out an exaggerated groan as if she'd seriously hurt him.

Karen and Stan came back with a ziplock bag of ice that Karen handed to Jane; she could tell by Stan's expression that some whispered yelling had occurred in the kitchen between husband and wife. Jane was at least wise to hold his tongue since he undoubtedly saw that Karen was making sure her husband behaved now.

Lisbon gave Jane a shove towards the door. "Come on."

"For what?"

"You said you wanted to talk so badly," Lisbon replied, "we'll talk outside."

He didn't argue with her now as she led him out onto the small front porch. She turned around to look at him. "All right, so talk."

"Are you honestly trying to suggest we don't need to?" Jane asked, he still had the ice pack but his nose wasn't bleeding so it really wasn't going to help much.

"Of course we need to," Lisbon agreed.

"Great, I'm here, let's talk."

"I meant we need to talk but I didn't want to do it _here_ ," Lisbon insisted. "I'm at my brother's home, I'm finally getting a chance to see my daughter and you come here to just…be you."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "So now I'm the problem."

"You are _always_ the problem." Lisbon insisted, "None of this would have happened if it weren't for you."

"I'm well aware of that," Jane replied, "and it was never my intention that you would pay a price."

"It never is," Lisbon scoffed.

"But I did everything I could to fix it," Jane reminded her, "You are free, you have a life."

"I was going to be free in eight months."

"You have a job, and not one serving hamburgers."

Lisbon really didn't like that point, even if he was right. "Thank you for reminding me that the only reason the FBI hired me was because of _you_."

"You're a good agent, they are lucky to have you and you are secretly glad that you'll be able to get back to what you love most," Jane said, "try again."

Oh she wanted to hit him, she wanted to hit him really, really hard.

"What are you expecting me to do, fall down and kiss your feet? Thank you, Jane, thank you so much for pissing off enough people to get me out of prison and force them to hire me. It means so much to me that I almost forgot the hell I've been through the last two damn years!"

Jane seemed surprised by her faux gratitude and her little acting stint. "Prison really did change you didn't it?"

"Fuck you," Lisbon said which only proved his point actually. "Is that all you came to do? If so, take your ass back to Texas."

"I didn't come here to fight with you," Jane replied, "I came because we have to talk about things, such as our family."

"We aren't a family."

"We have a child together."

Lisbon shook her head. "This isn't about Evie."

"Of course this is about her. _Everything_ is about her," Jane insisted, she was surprised to see he was really passionate about this. His eyes dark and his face stone cold serious. "Why do you think I've been doing this? Why else do you think I'm here? I'm doing this for my child…and you didn't even want to tell me about her!"

She wasn't surprised he was still upset about that; he had every right to be. "I didn't want to tell you about her because I was angry," she admitted, "I am angry. I lost two years with my daughter and went through hell because of you. I have a right to be angry."

"Yes you do," Jane agreed, "but I have a right to be a father."

"I had a right to be a mother," Lisbon reminded him, "that was taken away from me…because of you."

Jane looked pained by that bit of truth. "That wasn't my choice. It was your decision to try and hide our daughter from me though."

"Why do you keep bringing that up?"

"Because you need to see I'm going through the same pain you are," Jane explained, "I've missed two years of her life too. All I'm asking for is the same thing you want."

"You were living it up on an island while I was in prison," Lisbon reminded him, "Somehow I think playing on the beach doesn't quite compare."

"Trust me, it wasn't all fun and games."

"Bull shit," Lisbon declared, clearly not believing life on an island paradise compared to two years in prison.

"You honestly think it was all margaritas and sun?"

"More like tea and sun but yes," she said firmly

Jane crossed his arms. "And all the while I was having 'tea and sun' you were stuck in some dreary prison cell thinking up ways to destroy me."

Lisbon glared at him, "Not everything is about you Jane."

"No," Jane agreed, "but you owe it to our daughter to have her father in her life despite how much you hate me."

"And you want to be in her life?" Lisbon asked aloud, "even after coming back and trying to pretend it meant nothing?"

Jane sighed. "Lisbon…"

"No, Jane I don't want to hear any excuses. We had sex, we made a child together and I spent two years trying to figure out how you would feel and the first thing you do when you come back is act like it meant nothing to you!" Lisbon exclaimed, "We made a baby. That meant something, it meant something to me." A tear fell down her cheek and she angrily swiped it away. "So I have a right be furious at you for that…and for so much else."

Jane was quiet for a long time, she knew he was probably feeling some guilt but she felt that it was what he deserved. But Jane had his own cards to play. "Teresa, I already had to bury one child, I do not want to lose the chance on being a father again. No matter what I've done or what happened between us, you know damn well I shouldn't be kept from my daughter. You know what it is like losing two years with your child, can you honestly tell me that I deserve to lose more?"

Now it was Lisbon's turn to be silent and guilty. She thought about how it felt for the past two years, missing her child and aching to be able to hold her in her arms. "You don't know what it is like having to give your child up knowing you won't be able to be a mother for another three years."

"No," Jane agreed, "thank God I don't. But I know what it is like spending three months wondering what your child looks like."

She took a deep breath and let it out. "Yeah…that sucks."

Jane nodded. "So…can I see her?"

Lisbon thought about it for a long time before admitting. "Now isn't a great time, Jane."

Jane really didn't like that answer. "No, you cannot do this. You can't just keep me from her!"

"I'm not saying forever, I just…it's not a good time."

"For what reason? What reason do you have for keeping us apart?"

"Because she hates me!" Lisbon shouted back, "My daughter doesn't want anything to do with me and I…I don't know what to do!"

She sat down on the steps, putting her head in her hands she began to cry quietly to herself. Jane didn't say anything for a moment before he took a seat beside her. "She does not hate you."

"Every time I try to hold her she cries."

"She does not hate you," Jane repeated. He reached over and forced her to look at him. "Look at me, she does not hate you…she just doesn't know you." He maintained eye contact with her. "I know that doesn't make you feel better but it's the truth. It's not hate it's…it's fear because right now we are both strangers."

She shook her head. "It isn't fair. WE are her parents, we're not supposed to be strangers!"

"No, it isn't," Jane agreed, "But it happened, we can't change the past two years. We both have to work at this so she can get to know us. But in time she'll love us just the way she should and eventually…she won't even remember ever being apart."

That did actually help to make her feel better, at least somewhat. "It still sucks."

"Yes it does," Jane admitted.

"I missed her birthdays," Lisbon said softly, "her first words, her first steps. I missed so much."

"I missed more," he reminded her, "I missed her first breaths."

She looked up into his eyes, her own shining from unshed tears. "We're never going to get those moments back."

"No," Jane said sadly, "we won't. But we'll make new moments, and we won't miss anything else."

"She smiled that first day, when I got her for just a short amount of time," Lisbon told him. "I held on to that smile for two years." Lisbon sighed, shook her head and then…let out a laugh. "You know it's funny. When this all happened I had no idea how I'd do this alone…now I don't know how I'll do it with you."

She met his eyes and Jane wondered what she was going to do, if she would actually tell him to leave once more. But Lisbon stood up and dusted herself off, trying to wipe away the remaining evidence of her tears. "Come on, we missed enough time, might as well start as soon as possible."

He smiled as he rose to his feet and followed her into the house. Her brother and sister-in-law were standing in the foyer as if they hadn't been trying to spy on them. "What are you doing?" Stan asked.

"I could ask you that," Lisbon pointed out, Karen at least looked a little ashamed at being caught. But Lisbon proved why she had always been the head figure in the family. "I'm letting Jane see Evie."

"What?" Stan asked, stunned and very angry.

"Teresa," Karen said gently, "Is that a good idea?"

"Jane is a pain in the ass and a jerk," Lisbon admitted, "But he was always a good father. We're going to be working together in Texas, he needs to get to know Evie as much as I do." Before Stan could protest, Lisbon cut him off. "This is about my daughter, not the past or whatever else has happened. I need to focus on the best possible future for my child."

Stan looked stunned but Karen nodded. "Okay, we'll take you to the living room."

"Might be best if it was alone," Jane offered. "Evelyn knows you two the most, she sees you as the primary caregivers and if you were in there it would distract her."

"But if she starts crying…" Karen began.

"She's going to be upset," Jane pointed out, "she's alone with two strangers, but eventually she will see we are not going to hurt her. Putting things aright isn't ever fun…but its something we have to do."

Lisbon was surprised at how easily Jane was pointing things out, and how well he was able to explain what needed to be done. Karen nodded and all but dragged Stan upstairs, leaving Lisbon and Jane alone.

She led him over to the living room where Evie was blocked in by the baby gates. She was on the floor playing with an iPad, that was her favorite toy and a mark of how far things had come so quickly. Her child knew how to handle a tablet better than her.

Evie didn't even look up at the two new occupants in the room, she was far too focused on whatever game she was playing. Lisbon glanced over to see how Jane was handling seeing their daughter for the first time. It was everything she had imagined.

Jane stared at their little girl as if she was an angel on earth. She could tell there was a mixture of awe, fear and love in his eyes. And tears, those were real tears shining in his eyes, ready to start streaming down his face.

Lisbon put a hand on his arm and he turned to meet her eyes. "I know," Lisbon told him, "She's beautiful."

"Breathtaking," Jane said. He wiped his eyes as if he was just scratching an itch but she knew better. His voice was shaky. "She…she looks a little like Charlotte. I…I wasn't prepared for that."

She got concerned then. "Jane, if you aren't ready…"

"No," Jane cut her off. "I'm more than ready just…terrified too."

"Okay," Lisbon replied gently.

Jane took a deep breath, as if he was just as nervous as he was. But his fears didn't stop him from walking over and sitting on the floor next to Evie. "Hey there," he said softly. "What are you playing?"

Evie looked up at him now, her eyes got big and she obviously was very nervous. But Jane remained calm and turned her attention back to her game. "Is that Elmo? What's he doing there?" It worked, she went back to whatever game she was playing with. Jane offered a few suggestions but Evie wasn't put off by him at the moment.

Lisbon stared at them for a moment, unable to deny how much it meant to her to finally see Jane with their child. She'd imagined that moment for two years and while she was still angry with him, it was still a very beautiful sight.

She took a seat on the other side of Evie, following Jane's suit. "You're so good with her."

Jane looked up and smiled at her, "Well I doubt much of anything is going to tear her away from this game."

It was the truth, she was enraptured by it as she traced numbers and watched the videos that popped up afterwards. Jane was clearly impressed by her ability to pick out numbers, even some of the higher ones. "She knows her numbers really well."

"Stan says she knows the alphabet too," Lisbon told him, "he says she's really smart. He likes to take credit for that."

That made Jane grin. "Well we can at least say we contributed a little bit right? Genes have to count for something."

Lisbon nodded but it didn't actually make her feel better. "God we haven't done anything. She speaks so well but we didn't teach her anything."

"She's only two," Jane reminded her, "I'm fairly certain there are few things she still has to learn." He met Lisbon's eyes. "Don't try to focus on what you missed, it's only going to make things worse. Just remember we'll have the rest of her life, that's more important."

Lisbon sighed. "This is going to be hard. Getting her to see us as her parents…and somehow being parents _together_."

"Am I really that bad?" Jane asked.

She gave him a look. "As a father…or a person?"

"Both?"

"As a father, I know you'll be amazing…as a person all I want to do is punch you."

"Fair enough." Jane said, "but I'll win you over again."

She gave him a raised brow. "No likely." But he grinned in response making it clear he was certain of his ability to make her forgive him. But Lisbon knew the truth, his normal tricks were definitely not going to work this time

If he wanted her to forgive him he would have to think outside the box.

* * *

It hadn't been a fun evening at the Lisbon household as Lisbon had to explain to her brothers repeatedly that just because she was letting Jane see their child didn't mean they were getting back together…or rather together in the first place. At the heart of the matter they all admitted that Jane had a right to be a father to Evie, it was the idea of him being so close to Lisbon that drove them all bananas.

None of them were particularly thrilled when she told them that Jane planned on returning the next day. But this was about Jane and her bonding with Evie and they needed as much time as they could get. So her brothers gritted their teeth and accepted the inevitable while Lisbon did much the same.

That was how she found herself sitting outside in the grass with Jane watching their daughter play with her older cousins. "She still isn't used to us," Lisbon admitted.

"It will take more than a couple of days," Jane reminded her, "you know that."

"I do," Lisbon replied, "But we don't have much more time before we have to go back to Austin."

"Which brings up another thing," Jane said, "we need to talk about how we are going to do this?"

"I know, I just haven't the faintest idea," Lisbon told him. "I know what _I_ want to do when I get to Austin."

"And that is…?"

"Buy a house," Lisbon told him. "You'd be surprised how two years in prison without touching your bank account saves you, I can put a down payment on a decent home especially since the housing market is hell of a lot cheaper in Austin then in California."

"A home is a good idea," Jane agreed, "but we need to figure out how we can be parents _together_."

"Well…you could come over on the weekends," Lisbon suggested, "maybe every other weekend you could take her for the night."

But Jane surprised her by shaking her head. "No."

"What do you mean no?" Lisbon asked, "That's a fair offer."

"It would be perhaps if we were in a different situation," Jane explained, "but right now I'm a virtual stranger to Evie."

"So am I!"

"Yes but the offer you are suggesting means you get to see her every day, you'd be able to bond with Evie much faster. It would make it extremely difficult for me to have the same connection if I'm only seeing her on the weekends."

Lisbon groaned. "Okay, what if you came over in the evening once or twice during the week."

"I'm still not sure that's enough."

"Jesus Christ!" She muttered, "I'm not just going to hand my kid over to you 24/7!"

Jane rolled his eyes. "Yes that's exactly what I want, for you to give me our child forever."

"Well what do you want?" Lisbon asked him, getting more than a little annoyed herself.

"The same thing you do," Jane told her, "I want to have as much time as I can with Evie."

"That's very sweet but doesn't help our problem much," Lisbon muttered.

Annie, Tommy's daughter and Lisbon's oldest and most sarcastic niece had been listening the whole time. "Sounds like my parents when they were getting the divorce," Annie pointed out, "are you going to bribe your kid with presents so she'll pick you to live with too?"

Lisbon gave Annie an annoyed look. "First of all, we aren't getting a divorce."

"I know, you have to be married first."

Now her aunt glared at her. "This isn't funny or cute."

"I was merely stating facts."

Lisbon looked over to see Jane actually failing to reign in his laughter. "Don't encourage her."

"I'm trying not to," Jane admitted, "But it's not easy." He was still grinning when he met Annie's eyes. "But since you are _stating_ _facts_ , what exactly do you see in our predicament?"

"You think the teenager can help us?" Lisbon asked.

"Just humor me."

Annie actually pretended to be pondering the situation as if she was working on a calculus problem. "Well you both want to see Evie as much as possible. You both _need_ to see her as much as possible. And not just taking her to the zoo and stuff, but things like reading her a story and tucking her into bed right?"

"Actually…yes," Lisbon admitted, surprised by her nieces insight.

"So the answer is obvious," Annie said. "you find a way to clone her."

"That obvious huh?"

Annie laughed. "Yep, that or you guys move in together."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Big help there, Annie, thanks."

"Actually…that's not a bad idea," Jane said, surprising both niece and aunt.

"What?" Lisbon asked. "You can't be serious!"

"It would solve a lot of our problems."

"No it wouldn't, it would create a lot more because I can barely stand to talk to you. If I have to live with you I might actually kill you."

Jane just shrugged. "You don't have the instinct for murder, I'll take my chances."

She stared at him, mouth agape. "You can't be seriously considering this! We can't live together, we can barely work together!"

Jane held up a hand to stop her protest. "Before you work yourself up, I'm not saying it has to be a permanent situation."

"It's not going to be _any_ situation, we aren't going to do it!"

"Just hear me out," Jane told her. "We both need to spend as much time as possible with Evelyn. We both need to give her the care and attention of full time parents to help ensure she bonds with us the way a child should. We could sit here and argue for hours and come to no clear agreement over custody arrangements that will only ensure one of us is unhappy. Or we could spend a few months living together, raising her together and bonding with her together and then when Evelyn is comfortable with both of us as her parents, we can come to a arrangement that is more suitable for our situation."

"You mean joint custody."

"If you need it spelled out, yes."

Lisbon rubbed her temples with her fingers, closing her eyes as if staving off a headache. "What about work?"

"What about it?"

"If we show up in Austin with a baby and announce we are moving in together you know exactly what they are going to think?"

"Does it really matter?" Jane asked, "they'll think what they want, half of them probably already do."

"I want to present myself as a professional," Lisbon pointed out, "Not as some bimbo who got a job with the FBI because I fucked the help."

"I'm not the help," Jane replied, "and you certainly didn't get a job with the FBI because of _that_ either. But I must say, you're new penchant for swearing is amusing."

Lisbon glared at him. "Fu…oh bite me."

He chuckled. "Well, what do you think? We could be roommates for a few months?"

Lisbon groaned and shook her head. "Oh God I can't think of any other way out of this."

"It won't be that bad I promise," Jane told her with a wink.

"I'm not so sure," Lisbon admitted. She focused on their daughter who was still laughing in the sunshine with her cousins. She'd do anything for her baby, even if that meant risking her sanity and her heart by letting Jane move in.

What was she getting herself into?

* * *

Lisbon had a hard time sleeping that night, in fact she found a little difficult to sleep most nights now. It was too quiet; she wasn't used to be able to hear noises outside or the sound of the AC kicking in. She decided that she would have to get some kind of sound machine when she moved down to Austin, until then she would try some hot tea.

But when she made her way downstairs she was shocked to find her sister-in-law up as well, drinking a glass of wine.

"What are you doing up?" Karen asked when she saw Teresa.

"I couldn't sleep, I was going to make myself some tea."

"I had the same problem," Karen admitted, "but I thought wine would help. Still thinking about tea?"

"Not if you're offering wine," Lisbon replied walking over to the counter and pouring herself a glass of the ruby beverage. She took a seat next to her sister-in-law on the couch. "I'm having a hard time sleeping, partly because of how quiet it is but also because I'm questioning my decision to actually live with Jane for a while."

"Stan isn't happy about it."

" _I'm_ not happy about it," Lisbon told her, "but God help me, it makes sense in that twisted Jane logical way."

"You both need the time to be parents to Evie," Karen agreed, "and you can't do that unless you both are with her all day every day."

She nodded taking a long sip of her wine. "You get it. Now if only you could get my brother to see it."

"I'll do my best," Karen replied.

They sat in silence for a moment, sipping wine and thinking. Lisbon took that moment to finally say something that needed to be said. "I need to thank you."

"For what?"

"For taking care of my daughter when I couldn't."

"Oh Teresa you don't need to..."

"I do," Lisbon stopped her. "I do because you didn't have to take care of my child, not when you had four of your own. But you did it and you gave her a wonderful home and it made it a little easier knowing that my baby was safe and loved even if I couldn't be there."

Karen looked down at her wine glass, refusing to meet her eyes. Teresa worried she'd said the wrong thing. "Karen? What is it? What's wrong?"

She started brushing tears from her eyes before finally looking up at Teresa. "I'm sorry I just… you really shouldn't be thanking me."

"Karen…you know I'll always be grateful."

"But I'm not that good of a person," Karen told her. "Because…the truth is I've been dreading the day you got out of prison."

Lisbon was shocked by that confession. "What?"

"I mean…I'm not saying I didn't want you to get out because I did I just…I've been dreading it too because I knew that it would mean you would take Evie away…away from me."

Karen put her wine glass aside and buried her face in her hands. "I just…I love that little girl as if she were my own and I know she isn't mine. I kept telling myself that but…but it's so hard to know that I'm not going to see her every day, that I'm not going to be the one who sees her in the morning when she wakes up and kisses her goodnight anymore. I know that isn't fair because she's not _mine_ , she's _yours._ It should have been you all along but I…I love her and its just going to be so hard when you take her back."

Teresa was quiet for a long time as she sorted out her emotions after Karen's confession. There was a bit of anger there, how could there not? Just as she was jealous that this woman had raised her child she was angry that she now loved her too. But mostly she felt sadness and pity because she actually did know what Karen was going through. She knew exactly what it was like to give up a baby without knowing when she would see her again.

"Karen," Teresa said gently, "It's okay."

"No, it's not."

"You're right, it's not," she admitted, "But I'm okay with it because I understand. And I'm grateful." Karen looked up at her stunned by that answer so Lisbon continued. "I'm so glad that you love my baby, that you have loved her the way she deserves to be loved. You had to be her mother when I couldn't and I…I can't be angry with you for loving her the way a mother should."

Karen sniffled a little and wiped her eyes. "I never let her call me her mother, I always made sure she knew that I was her aunt."

"I know," Lisbon said. "And thank you for that." She paused for the moment. "And I'm sorry for your sake that I have to take her away."

"But you do," Karen finished, "Because she is your daughter, you are her mother and this is always how it was supposed to be."

"Yeah," Lisbon agreed, "it is."

"So you don't hate me?"

"No," Lisbon said, "I'm jealous, if I were in high school I'd probably steal your gym shoes or something."

Karen laughed a little at that image. "Cut holes in my bra."

"Put your hand in warm water while you are sleeping."

"Stuff my locker with wadded up paper."

"Exactly," Lisbon said with a smirk. "And hey, it's okay to hate me a little to."

"I do," Karen agreed but it wasn't with any real heat. They were just two women who loved the same child and were jealous of each other, one for the past and the other for the future.

Karen took a long sip of wine and turned back to Teresa. "How are you going to make this work with _him_."

"I don't know," Teresa admitted. "I honestly have no idea how I will get through this without shooting him."

"You made it through ten years before," Karen pointed out, "And you were in love with him for at least a few of those years."

"That was different," Lisbon told her, "nothing had ever happened between us. But now…I can't get over the fact that he tried to deny it, either because he was scared or indifferent, either way it isn't good."

"No," Karen agreed, "but you've forgiven him for a lot in the past. You think this will be any different?"

"I do," Lisbon replied. "Before whenever something happened he always found a way to make it right. He's too late this time. I went to prison, I lost two years of my child's life, he came back and wanted to act like nothing had changed, the only reason he actually did admit it was because of Evie. If not…if not then we'd just be back to the old dynamic we were before and I can't settle for that, not anymore."

"So what are you going to do?"

Lisbon sighed. "I'm going to find a box, put the pieces of my heart inside of it, lock it up and walk away."

Karen raised an eyebrow. "So…you're putting your feeligns for him in prison."

"That's one way to put it," Lisbon agreed, "either way I'm not going to let myself have those feeling for him. I'm done with him like that." She saw Karen looking skeptical. "You doubt me?"

"You were in love with him for a long time, you went to prison for him, you have a child with him and now you are going to be living with him," Karen pointed out. "I don't know if you really are over him or if you're just pissed off."

"Well I am pissed," Lisbon agreed.

"Which means you still care."

"That is irrelevant, the point is that I lost too much to ever make the same mistake," Teresa told her, "if Jane ever wants to try something with me again, he's going to have to do something more than flash his pretty smile. I need something else."

"Like what?"

"Honesty," Lisbon told her, "but Jane's never been good with the truth."

That was something not one, not even Jane could deny. Karen wondered if he could make the effort if he truly wanted to be with Teresa. But Lisbon was certain that it would be impossible. Karen was right after all.

She'd gotten out of prison, but she'd left her heart behind.

* * *

A/N: Well I hope you don't hate me for making things a little bit harder for Jane and Lisbon. But realistically speaking, a two year old is not going to suddenly recognize who her real parents are. It makes more sense that Evie has to adjust to the idea of these strangers suddenly being a HUGE part of her life, and all the more interesting as both Jane and Lisbon have to get their child to see them as her parents. Of course the idea of Jane and Lisbon living together is going to be fun. Don't think for a second that it's going to be as simple as being "roommates" there's still A LOT of attraction (and love) between them. Just wait until someone is caught coming out of the shower hehehe.


	14. A New Life

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Sorry for the wait, RL has been crazy because I'm getting married in two weeks! So last minute wedding plans are driving me nuts. Throw in the fact that this chapter was giving me major writers block. I'm still not particularly happy with it but I figured I should publish something so here it is. I hope you guys like it

* * *

Chapter 14: A New Life

Jane and Lisbon had to return to Austin by Monday, Lisbon figured it would be better if they at least had a day to get settled at the hotel and get a jump start at looking for a home. But leaving was harder than Lisbon had anticipated after Karen's confession, she knew it wouldn't be easy for Evelyn but now it was going to be just as difficult for Stan and Karen.

Evie was completely unaware of what was going on as she was driven to the airport, she just knew she was going on a car ride. She chattered away to her Aunt Karen about every little thing she saw out the window. Karen was trying to put on a happy face but she kept surreptitiously brushing away tears. Lisbon sat in the back with Evie and tried to swallow the guilt of taking her child away from the two people who had adored her for the past two years.

When they arrived at the airport she saw Jane was waiting nearby but he respected the need for privacy as they all said their goodbyes. Karen was hugging Evie close who was quiet, the toddler seemed to finally be aware that something was going on. "Call us when you get to Austin," Stan told her, "keep us updated on everything."

"You know I will," Lisbon replied. She may have avoided too many family visits when she worked at the CBI but she'd always called regularly. But she knew she'd be seeing her brothers more often now, she couldn't imagine keeping Evie away from them for too long.

She hugged Stan goodbye and when she turned she saw Karen was still crying and clutching Evie. "Oh God," Karen said softly, burying her face in Evie's dark brown curls. "I can't do this. I can't."

Stan seemed to be swallowing back a lump in his throat but at least he wasn't crying. "Karen," he said softly.

"I know," she told him, "It's just so hard." She kissed Evie again and then pushed her into Stan's arms, unable to actually hand Evelyn over to her mother herself. Then Karen rushed a few feet away so she could cry in peace and not have to see Lisbon walk away with the little girl.

Stan watched his distressed wife for a few moments before saying his own goodbyes to Evie, he was choked up a bit too but he had to be stronger because of how hard this was for his wife. He finally handed his niece over to her mother so he could go comfort Karen. It only took a few moments for Evie to start crying as well.

"No, no no!" she screeched as she saw her aunt and uncle walk away. "nooooooo!"

The wails were very loud and drew attention while Lisbon tried to calm her crying child down. However Evie was not going to stop crying until she got to see her aunt and uncle again, these strangers/parents were not going to do.

Going through security was a nightmare; everyone stared at them as if they were kidnapping Evie. The TSA officer even asked them if there was something wrong, but Jane made a joke about terrible-twos, which put them at ease but didn't stop the baby from screaming.

By the time they made it to their gate, all three of them were miserable. "Oh God," Lisbon said as they took a seat. "Are we doing the right thing? She loves them, they love her and we are both felons."

Jane rolled his eyes. "First, I was never convicted and your conviction was overturned so we aren't felons. And we are her parents, this is not just the right thing but correcting a wrong."

"Then why does it _feel_ wrong?"

"Because its never fun making a child cry," Jane replied. His reasoning was sound but it didn't make her feel much better. Jane obviously noticed. "Here, give her to me.

She handed over their screaming daughter who stopped fussing for exactly two seconds as she realized she was exchanging hands. But she started up again once she saw that Jane was not her beloved aunt.

Jane did what he could to soothe her. "It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered to her, "you're safe with people who love you."

That was the truth but it wasn't apparent to Evie who still continued to fuss. Each minute that passed with Evie crying only heightened Lisbon's distress and Jane noticed. "Get some coffee," he told her.

"What?"

"Just take a minute," Jane explained, "we'll be fine here."

Lisbon hesitated for a moment but realized he was right, she needed a second to gather herself so she didn't start crying in the terminal along with Evie. Lisbon grabbed her purse and walked down towards the closest restroom. It wasn't exactly private but it did give her a chance to splash some water on her face and mentally psyche herself up.

This was going to be hard, there was no sugar coating it. Their daughter was a stranger to them and vice versa, now they were uprooting her from the only life she'd ever known and taking her down to Austin to live with them. It would take time but she would start to trust them, then she would love them. After that, the memories of life without them would fade and she would never remember being away from them.

She would never remember that her mother hadn't been in her life.

Never remember that she'd been born while her mother was in prison.

That gave Lisbon another thought. What would they tell her? There was no way to get around the fact that she had gone to prison, there were news reports, a trial transcript, a book and dozens of other public records making it very clear that she'd been convicted of being an accessory to murder, that she'd been pregnant and given birth behind bars. Would her daughter hate her for that?

For a moment she really believed that was possible but then another voice told her she was overthinking this. When Evie found out what happened to her mother she would also find out _why_ it had happened, namely stopping a psychopathic serial killer. She couldn't blame her mother for that…but what about Jane? Would Evie put the blame on him for her mother going to prison?

She surprised herself but not really liking that idea either. Sure for the past few months she'd been all to happy to pin the blame on him for the last two miserable years of her life but she certainly didn't want their daughter to hate him. Nor did she want Evie to believe he was entirely at fault, she'd known what she was doing when she'd given him her keys and her gun. The truth is that she could put the fault at _both_ of their feet for what had happened.

She and Jane would have to talk about this, and a million other things. She wasn't ever going to get him out of her life; they would always be bound to each other through their child. Two years ago that was the kind of bind she'd longed for and now…now she wasn't sure how she felt.

Time was the only thing that could help. In time, she would move on and maybe make peace with Jane. In time, Evie would come to love her. In time, she would be able to heal from the scars of the past two years. It was funny. In prison, all she had was time, now it seemed she didn't have enough.

Lisbon left the restroom and headed for the nearest coffee shop so she could get herself a cup of coffee. At the last second she added a tea to the order for Jane. Let him read into that what he wanted to.

On her way back she passed one of the many convenience stores in the airport, this one sported a back wall of books for sale designated as bestsellers by the _New York Times_. Sitting on display was Erik's book about the Red John case. It made Lisbon smile that his book was selling enough to be considered a good fit for the airport case. She set the coffee and tea down to pick up a copy; she flipped through the pages, stopping to look at the photographs inserted in the middle. There at the end of the photos was the picture of Evie she'd given him way back when in the Dublin Visitation room.

He'd promised he'd help her get out; at least he'd kept his word. Abbott had told her that the cover story was that the publicity from the book had pushed the state for an appeal and an overturn of her conviction. It was deemed a better story than the truth, which is that the FBI had been blackmailed by one rogue pain in the ass.

Still, Lisbon liked to think that maybe the book would have brought the pressure needed to get her out of prison, Jane just got there first.

"Have you read that book?" The bored looking attendant behind the counter asked her.

Lisbon glanced up, surprised to be addressed. For a second she thought maybe this girl knew who she was like the woman on the plane before. But Lisbon realized quickly she had no idea who she was talking to. "Uh, yeah."

"It's good isn't it? Sometimes truth is better than fiction."

"You have no idea," Lisbon agreed.

"Hope that the agent gets out of prison, sucks what happened there."

"I have a feeling that she'll turn out alright," Lisbon told her, unable to hide her smile.

She put the book back and bid goodbye to the attendant, wondering with amusement what would happen if she ever realized whom she'd been talking to.

When Lisbon returned to the terminal she was surprised to find her daughter no longer crying. In fact, she was asleep in Jane's arms. "You put her to sleep?"

"Hardly," Jane replied, "She cried herself out."

Lisbon mused that it was probably for the best, she handed Jane his tea and he thanked her graciously. She sighed after taking another sip of coffee. "You think this will all work out?"

"Why are you asking questions you already know the answer to?"

"I don't know," Lisbon admitted. "I don't know if Evie is ever going to see me as her real mother. I don't know how we are going to make this work. And I really don't know what we are going to say to her when she gets older."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Say to her about what?"

"Us," Lisbon replied, "Red John…prison."

Jane was quiet for a long time and she could tell by the look on his face that even he was a little unsettled at the realization that Evie would have to know the truth about her parents. There was no getting around that. "We'll tell her the truth."

"The truth is that mommy and daddy broke the law, took down a sociopath, then daddy ran away and mommy went to prison."

"There's a bit more to it than that but that is the gist."

Lisbon shook her head. "You don't understand. What are we going to do when some kid at school shows Evie pictures of me in handcuffs? Or when she finds out that she was born while I was in prison?"

"What are you really concerned about?" Jane asked her, "Are you worried she'll think less of you?" Lisbon didn't say anything, which answered his question. "No one with half a brain thinks you belonged in prison, our daughter is going to know the complete truth and understand what happened. She's not going to hate you for what happened, she'll probably think more of you because you were strong enough to endure it."

Lisbon met Jane's eyes, stunned by his words. "Really?"

"Of course," Jane told her, "she'll probably want to be just like you, or at least I hope so."

"Better than being like her father," Lisbon mused which made him smile.

"I won't argue with you on that point.

She smiled back but it faded as she remembered another point. "She's still going to see and hear things…things that won't be good."

"I know," Jane agreed, "In this world, nothing stays secret for long. But since we will tell her the truth, she'll get through it just like we have."

Lisbon felt a lot better about the future, at least in regards to their daughter understanding everything that had happened. The more recent future: getting Evelyn to love them and somehow surviving living with Jane, those doubts were still very much present.

* * *

Evie stayed asleep through most of the flight. An hour outside of Austin and she finally started to stir, it took a few minutes for her to get her bearings but she quickly became frightened again by the new place she was in. She whimpered softly and looked around but without seeing her Aunt or Uncle, the only comfort she could take was from her mother and father.

Since she was currently in her mother's arms, she took the opportunity to delve a little further into her lap and suck plaintively on the ear of her little stuffed rabbit. Jane and Lisbon both did what they could to speak soothingly to her but she wasn't going to come out of her shell until she was good and ready. All they could do was be grateful that the crying had stopped for the moment.

The plane touched down in Austin and Jane and Lisbon scrambled for their baggage along with Evelyn's. Now she was wide-eyed watching all of the new things taking place in front of her. Jane couldn't help but smile at the way she oohed and ahhed over little things like the baggage carousel and the giant decorated guitars that were everywhere.

They had to take two cabs to the hotel, Lisbon hadn't been happy to find out that they were staying at the same hotel but Jane wasn't happy having to take a separate cab so he considered a fair trade. She was going to be even more upset she found out their rooms were conjoined suites.

His prediction was accurate; she was very unhappy with their rooming arrangements and accused him of setting it up like that on purpose. It was actually Abbott who suggested the arrangement when he learned they were bringing Evelyn back with them. That truth kept Lisbon from changing rooms but she still wasn't happy.

Jane left her alone for a bit because he knew she would need a little time to calm down after that revelation. He waited exactly two hours before knocking on the door adjoining their rooms. He heard her sigh from behind the door before she opened it to speak to him. "Got any other surprises for me?"

"Just making sure you and Evie are all right." He peeked over her shoulder to see Evelyn was on the bed, mesmerized by some children's television show. He saw the box for the travel pen was against the wall and the pen itself was in pieces on the floor. "Having problems?"

"No," Lisbon told him, "Just didn't realize an engineering degree was required to set this up."

"Yes, a doctorate if you are going for a convertible crib," Jane replied with a wry grin. He plopped down on the floor beside her. "I'll help you out."

She couldn't very well turn down a helping hand, and after another hour and several swear words, they finally got the thing together and deemed suitably safe for their daughter to sleep in. "Well that was fun," Jane said as he sat down on the bed next to Evie. The toddler glanced at him before turning back to her program; her parents were still not high on her list of priorities. He tousled her hair and turned his attention back to Lisbon. "Now, I don't know about you but I'm starving, the airline food definitely wasn't enough for me."

"You want to go out to dinner together?" She flushed a little, obviously putting his offer in a more romantic territory than intended. Well since their daughter was currently in the room, perhaps it wasn't an insane idea.

"I'm offering," Jane told her, "There's a Mexican restaurant just down the road."

Lisbon snorted. "Didn't you get enough of that at the island?"

"I hardly doubt what they are peddling down the street will be similar to the island cuisine," Jane pointed out, "but it certainly will be better than the child-size bag of pretzel pieces from the plane."

He had her there. He also could tell her mind was conjuring up idea of a margarita they were sure to offer there, there was no doubt she thought she needed a drink. "Fine, but you're buying." Lisbon said before picking Evelyn up in her arms. The toddler started to protest and it was certainly sad to watch her shrink away from her mother. "It's okay, Evie," Lisbon said, trying to sound cheerful, "We're just going to get ready to go to dinner."

Evie whimpered and flat out said "No!" several times while Lisbon tried to wrestle her shoes on. Eventually Lisbon won that battle and Evie sulked the entire time to the restaurant. She only became happy then when she was given three crayons and a kid's menu to color on.

"Bravo on not being discouraged," Jane told her once their daughter had settled down.

"Its only been one day," Lisbon replied, "It'll take more time."

"Yes it will," Jane agreed.

He was in a playful mood so when their waitress came to take their orders he decided to try to impress Lisbon with all of the Spanish he'd learned from the island. Unfortunately the waitress had a hard time understanding him and simply seemed confused so he switched back to English.

Lisbon stared at him in amusement. "Your Spanish is terrible," she announced once he'd finished muddling up his order.

He quirked an eyebrow. "I spent two years on that island, I dare you to do better."

She smirked and turned back to the waitress. Then to his surprise she started rattling off her own order in Spanish. Apparently, the first part was at his expense because the waitress looked at him and then smiled in amusement while Lisbon bit her lip to keep from laughing. But their waitress left with their orders and apparently understood Lisbon a lot better than him.

Jane wasn't one who normally got the best of but even he knew when he'd been one up'ed. "I'm very impressed."

Lisbon shrugged and took a sip of her water. "I was in a prison for two years with a population that was 65% Hispanic, I used to help Mama in the kitchen and she and her girls taught me enough Spanish to get by…especially if I ever go to a Mexican whorehouse."

Now that _really_ got his attention. "I'm assuming that means you can swear like a sailor in two languages now."

"I don't swear like a sailor," Lisbon told him.

"No," Jane agreed, "but you certainly picked up a few more interesting habits." The waitress came back with the margarita for Lisbon and a beer for him; she immediately grabbed her drink and started gulping it down. Clearly, this conversation was making her uncomfortable.

Too bad.

"Now I'm curious," Jane said, "what else did you learn in prison?"

"How to do laundry for 300 women," Lisbon told him.

"An admirable skill, what else?"

"Despite what they want you to believe, prison isn't like College, you don't learn a whole lot."

"I'm sure," he agreed, his eyes narrowed in concentration. She was so very nervous, that meant there was a lot she hiding. "But I'm curious to know what you did."

Lisbon took another drink. "I read, I wrote letters, I did laundry, I ran around the track. That's all."

"I find that hard to believe."

Now she leaned forward to look him in the eye. "It's over, Jane. Those past two years of my life are done. I don't want to talk about them anymore."

She leaned back in her seat and took another long pull of her drink, but Jane didn't take his eyes off her once. "Something bad happened to you didn't it? Maybe more than one thing."

"It was prison, Jane. Not a party," Lisbon said which was answer enough.

From the scars she openly carried in her eyes, Jane was concerned that she went through some truly traumatic things…and he was honestly afraid to find out what they were.

"I'm sorry," Jane told her softly.

"I know," she told him curtly. "You might have been behind bars yourself a couple of times but it isn't like spending two years there."

"I'm aware of that," he replied. "And I'm not sure if I could have endured it with the same strength as you."

"What do you mean?" Lisbon scoffed, "If you'd gone to prison you'd be running the place."

That made him smile. "I think you give me too much credit. While I could have outwitted my fellow inmates, I wouldn't have been a strong in spirit as you. You have let what happened make you a more capable person. I would have simply forced it all to suit my needs. You adapted and endured."

Lisbon looked surprised by that statement. He thought she would be touched but there was also a bit of anger too. "I don't know how to take that," she admitted, "you're right, I _endured_ it but I don't like that idea."

"That you had to endure it or what you went through?"

She bristled then. "You're just trying to get me to tell you all the dirty details about prison aren't you?"

"I want to know what happened," he admitted.

"So you can do what? Slap an apology on it and make it all better?"

"So I can try to help you."

Lisbon laughed a little, but it had no mirth. "Help me? You killed the man you spent years trying to hunt down for revenge, and two years later you're still just as big a mess as when I first met you. How can you help me when you can't help yourself?"

The woman he knew before would have needed a bit more prodding to be that honest, but this was a different Lisbon from two years ago. "You're right, but we are parents now, perhaps we should help each other."

"We're parents because we made the stupid decision to have sex one night," Lisbon replied, "don't pretend like it meant anything to you, the only reason we are even here right now is because of Evelyn. Otherwise you'd probably be locked up in another hotel room watching _Animal Planet_ until you fell asleep. Then it would be just like it was before. You pulling your stunts at work, me cleaning up the messes, you're too much of a coward to do anything else."

He was stunned by her words, he wasn't used to a Lisbon who wasn't afraid to be so blunt. "Well I see prison taught you to cut straight to the bone."

"No, you taught me that."

Jane sat up straighter. "I taught you how to be harshly honest?"

"Hardly, you don't have an honest bone in your body," Lisbon replied. "You just taught me how to cut someone, deep."

"How exactly did I do that?"

"You really need me to spell it out for you?" Lisbon asked him.

"Quite honestly, yes."

Lisbon sat up and glared at him. "I went to prison under the misguided belief that I actually meant something to you. I spent two goddamn years imagining a ridiculous future. Then I'm brought to Austin and I find out I meant as much to you as Lorelei. Maybe even less, after all she gave you Red John. All I did was give you a good fuck and a kid you didn't want."

For the first time in this conversation, Jane was the one getting angry. "That isn't fair and you _know_ it. I'm here. I want Evelyn, don't you dare suggest my daughter means nothing to me. You know damn well she's _everything_."

"You're saying you wanted another child?"

"I'm saying that not in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would get another opportunity," Jane told her harshly, "but I would never pass this up. You can doubt me for a lot of things, wanting to be a father again is most certainly not one of them."

Lisbon didn't say anything and soon they didn't have to when their food arrived. Neither one of them was particularly hungry after the argument but eating was a better idea then talking at the moment. Evelyn was thankfully blissfully unaware of the tension between her parents, she was just happy to get melted cheese all over her face.

They still weren't talking after they paid for their meal and left. When they got back to their rooms Lisbon stopped him at the door. "I'm sorry," she told him, "I'm sorry for saying what I did about you and Evelyn."

"Thank you," Jane replied. He knew she hadn't truly meant it, but this newfound anger towards him made her apt to speak things that she shouldn't. He just wished he understood more about where it all came from.

She was going to close the door when he stopped her. "Lisbon, you shouldn't compare yourself to Lorelei," Jane told her.

She paused and looked him in the eye. "Then who should I compare myself to? Ever since I've known you the only women who have attracted you were basically criminals, before you left the only one you slept with was just to get to Red John."

"That is different."

"Really?" Lisbon asked him. She crossed her arms and met his gaze. "Then tell me, honestly tell me. Why did you sleep with me?"

The air seemed to leave his body when she asked that question. Immediately his mind churned up different ways to avoid answering, to avoid that honest truth that terrified him to his core.

But it appeared he didn't have to.

She looked sad, disappointed and angry then at his silence. "That's what I thought," she replied before shutting the door on him.

Now he was left feeling like he'd lost this battle…badly.

* * *

Lisbon was still adjusting to waking up at a reasonable hour. This time she woke up at 5:45, a whole half an hour better than what she was used to. Evie was still fast asleep in her little travel crib, so Lisbon put the TV on low volume and grabbed some of the hotel stationary.

 _Dear Jinx,_

 _I'm officially in Austin, I report to Agent Abbott on Monday to become an official agent of the FBI. I never imagined I would wind up working for the feds once I got out of prison but I can't complain too much. I now have a job, a home and a clean record, it certainly is more then I ever thought I would get._

 _Things with Jane are different. That's such a pathetic way to say it. Honestly, I'm still angry with him but we have to take care of our daughter together so I'll suffer through his presence. I know what you are thinking and no I'm not going to fall for his lies again, I need a lot more than just his pretty smile and bullshit. But he'll never be honest with me, I'm not even sure if he really knows how to be honest._

 _It's not as easy as I thought it would be with Evie, she sees my sister-in-law as her mother and not me. I'm just a stranger to her; sometimes I'm worried she'll always resent me. But I have to remind myself she's only two years old and won't remember any of this. But after spending two years dreaming about being a real mother I'm finding reality isn't as easy as I hoped. I'm terrified I'm going to mess up._

 _I feel silly complaining about things now that I'm out. Put me on your call list when you get this letter so that we can talk again, I'd love to know how everyone else is doing. I'm betting the paternity test wagers are a lot more interesting now that I left._

 _Stay strong my friend….and I miss you._

Lisbon debated on how to finish the letter before smiling to herself and signing "Piggy" with a smirk. She hoped Jinx would call her soon after she got the letter; she missed talking to her friend who literally told it as she saw it. She could use some unbiased advice.

Lisbon set the letter aside and went to the crappy coffee maker that the hotel provided and started up some coffee. She wasn't going to complain ever again about hotel coffee, it was hot and strong and miles better than what she'd been forced to drink over the past two years.

She took her coffee over to sit on the bed so she could keep an eye on the TV while she looked through houses for sale on her new laptop courtesy of the FBI. She didn't have long to browse before she heard the door open, she glanced up to see Jane peeking from the doorway. "Did I wake you?" Lisbon asked.

"No, the smell of coffee did," Jane told her with a wry smile. "I see you have become an early riser."

Lisbon scoffed. "I bet you slept till noon every day on the island."

"Hardly," Jane replied, "but your penchant for waking up before 5 certainly is new."

He was fishing and she knew it. She rolled her eyes at him, shrugging it off. "Having a hard time breaking the habit."

"I'm guessing fewer lines and hot water started this habit."

Lisbon blushed; embarrassed he'd figured her out. Since she wasn't willing to actually talk about her time in prison with him, she changed the subject. "Look, I've got a realtor coming at eight."

"Good," Jane said, "Are you telling me because you want to include me or are you asking me to leave?"

"Well it is going to be _my_ house," she pointed out.

"True," Jane agreed, "but I will be living there."

"Temporarily," She reminded him.

He laughed, she wasn't sure if he was just enjoying pissing her off or was genuinely affronted that she was not including him. "Lisbon, what if I went along merely as a friend who could help in your decision, since you obviously are trying to make it clear that I'm not to be involved."

She looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling a little ashamed. It was stupid; he was getting his own Airstream. If he wanted a house he should have put it on the damn list.

"This is my home," Lisbon reminded him, "My choice."

He shook his head. "Are you simply trying to prove that you can build a life without me? As a capable adult, I'm certain you can." She glared at him, which only made him smile. "I just want to help you, as a friend."

"Friends don't let friends go to prison."

"Friends don't have babies with friends either." Jane told her with a wicked grin.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Guess that means we were never friends."

"Sure we were, before the baby-making and the prison term."

"Fine, then what are we now?"

"One strange, strained but hopefully, strong, family."

Lisbon wasn't sure how she felt about the word 'family' being applied to them, but his reasoning was rather sound. Evelyn linked them together irrevocably, and while she was furious with Jane, she couldn't deny that they had to work together at least for the next 16 years. Once Evie was out of the house, maybe then she could cut some more ties with Jane.

"Fine, come, you can take care of Evie but the final decision is mine."

"Fair enough," Jane told her. She nodded her head and turned back to the coffee maker for a refill. She thought he might go back to his room to get ready, but she should have known he wouldn't leave without noticing her letter. "Who is Lea Jenkins?"

She froze, turned around to see Jane was holding up the letter that was clearly addressed to the Women's Correctional Facility in Dublin. "Is she a friend?" Jane asked, he was curious…but she could also tell he wasn't entirely approving either.

"Yes," Lisbon told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "A close friend? Must be if you want to write to her."

"I don't expect you to understand."

"I might…if you told me."

"I don't want to talk to you about prison." She stated firmly, she walked over and snatched the letter out of his hand.

"Family talks about that sort of thing."

"Not this family," she finished. That was it, that book was shut and he wasn't about to make her open it again.

He studied her for a long while before finally heading back to his room, obviously deciding that it would do no good to press any further. She wasn't going to budge here.

Lisbon breathed a sigh of relief when he was gone. She was afraid if he kept pressing that one day she might actually tell him…and she didn't want to open up those dark memories. Never again.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lisbon regretted bringing Jane along almost immediately. When the realtor, Carla Williams arrived she'd immediately assumed that Jane was her husband. Lisbon had been very quick to make it clear that they assuredly were not together, assuming that would fix everything. Instead Carla went from treating Jane as a professionally to shamelessly flirting with him.

To Jane's credit, he didn't encourage it but Lisbon was still seething when they were shown three different houses in her price range. Carla was more focused on showing off her own "assets" then showing off the houses. Lisbon was ready to throw the towel in by the fourth house, but Jane decided to take Evie out to the fenced in backyard and insisted that Carla and Lisbon continue looking over the home. The wink he gave her made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing, something she was grateful for. Especially now that Carla was forced to actually do her job.

Lisbon wandered through the house, barely listening to the realtor's comments about floor space and crown molding. She enjoyed the layout with an open kitchen and a spacious living room. The master bedroom had a decent size closet but the bathroom with a footed tub was what really caught her eye.

They were taking at look at one of the other two bedrooms when Carla got a phone call and excused herself, leaving Lisbon to look over the bedroom herself. She liked the large window that let the sun in and the nice hardwood floors. It was a nice little bedroom, close to the master, it was the perfect room for a nursery.

Lisbon ran her fingertips across the windowsill idly. She wondered if Evie would like this kind of room, could she grow up here? It was a lovely thought but she couldn't ignore the knot in her stomach, they were still so far away from her dreams.

She turned around when she heard someone opening the door and was a little surprised to see Jane holding onto Evie's hand. "Since Carla is busy I thought it was safe to take a look around," he told her, his eyes sparkling a bit with mischief.

She almost smiled back because he obviously was talking about Carla's relentless pursuit of him and he clearly wasn't interested. But she held herself back. "How did Evie like the backyard?"

"Oh I think she had fun, especially if there is a swing set."

Evie was sucking on one finger, eyeing both adults with quiet contemplation. She was still more comfortable on her own then with her parents but at the very least, she was no longer running from them screaming.

Jane looked around the room. "This would make a nice nursery," he mused, obviously reading the thoughts she'd been having.

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah I guess."

That piqued his interest. "What has you so unsure?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "I just…" she wasn't sure if she really wanted to tell him what had her so concerned. But she looked over at him and the look in his eyes changed her mind. "I just always had this picture, for the past two years I've imagined what my home would be like, what her nursery would be like. And now I'm facing the fact that reality is _very_ different."

"You're disappointed?"

She shrugged. "I'm sad. And I feel pretty foolish, I shouldn't have built things up in my head the way I did…but I needed something to look forward to or I would have gone insane."

"You shouldn't be angry that you built up expectations, not when you obviously needed it to help cope," Jane pointed out, "And you can still have what you wanted, it may not look the way you imagined but it still going to be real…and beautiful."

She stared at him for a moment, for the first time since seeing him again; she wasn't annoyed by his presence or what he'd said. She still had no idea how they would manage to live together, even for a short period of time, and she was a long way from forgiving him. But she could at least admit she was happy he was back.

When Carla came back Lisbon told her she was ready to put an offer on the house.

She was ready for her life to begin.

* * *

A/N: Well Lisbon and Jane have a long way to go. Next chapter they move in and living together starts to work Lisbon up...and she has an interesting idea of how to fix that, one that will surprise Jane a lot. but he wants to find out more about what happened to Lisbon after he left, and he won't be denied!


End file.
